Most of us would probably prefer doctors who are clear, concise and sensitive with whatever they have to say to us. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. As ever with the line between comedy and tragedy, it always depends on if you are the one in the doctor's office or hearing it second hand.

Someone asked “What is the most out of pocket thing your doctor has said to you?” and netizens shared their stories. From unhinged, unsolicited advice to truly crackpot theories, get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to share your own stories and experiences in the comments section below.

#1

I was having abdominal pain, so my primary care physician scheduled me for an x-ray. The doctor showed me the film, while looking me dead in the eye and said, “You’re literally full of s**t”.

Image credits: MooseKnuckle20695

#2

Had a doctor quit casting my arm and say “let me go YouTube it” before leaving the room.

Image credits: PenaltyNext8736

#3

Not me but my mother in law. Doctor called her on the phone at 5:00pm on a Friday to tell her she had terminal cancer, that it would kill her in 3 months, and that any doctor that told her otherwise was lying. He then hung up. When she tried to call back, he didn’t answer. She died 18 years later of a heart attack.

Image credits: 1tacoshort

#4

Appendix burst, doc sent me to hospital asap.

Once there a doctor said to my parents “oh it’s just a young kid who is faking it, take him home, give him some Panadol, water and send him to bed he will be fine”

Later that night I can’t walk getting rushed back into hospital with surgery prepped asap.

Image credits: _Arwys_

#5

Had pneumonia, went to the doctor. First thing he said after my chest x-ray; “Huh, well I haven’t seen that before.”

Say anything else, doc.

Image credits: Wafflehouseofpain

#6

When I was 14 I had a yeast infection. An old man doctor told me to stop putting things like hair brushes inside me.

Image credits: cafeconpanna

#7

Went to get diagnosed with depression so I could start seeing a psychiatrist. He told me to ‘just get a girlfriend’. Yeah sure. I’ll just pick one up from the store on the way home.

Image credits: Mexican_sandwich

#8

Wife was diagnosed with MS and obviously distraught, doctor told her it’s not that bad, he has patients with brain cancer. We found a new doctor.

Image credits: jeff409

#9

I had a Dr tell me the tumor on my spine couldn’t possibly be causing pain because we have no nerves in or near our spine.

I pointed out it’s the main place, left and reported her.

#10

I had a persistent cough (non-smoker) that wouldn’t go away for over 6 weeks. Doctor asked why I wanted to get rid of it.

Image credits: SithDraven

#11

Went to a hematologist to get clearance for a hysterectomy as I had heavy and painful 9 day long periods every 14 days or so and was constantly inflamed and anemic. My husband was with me, and I was 26 at the time, and never wanted kids, plus would have a high chance of giving them a s**t pile of genetic diseases, some kinds risky ones included (hence the hematology visit) . Doctor asked him if it was ok, and my husband responded “it’s her body and I don’t have a say in it, but it’s her decision whatever she chooses and I support that”.
He must have been expecting my husband to say no, as he then said in front of us both “you’re too young to know what you want, and even though your husband is ok with it, what if he dies and your next husband wants kids?” He declined my request on that basis. Reported to the hospital and the board, found another doctor.

#12

“you have so many stretch marks you could drive to Texas from here with it” – my OB ? thanks, dude.

Image credits: thelynxisreading

#13

At my first gynecology appointment, I was 15 years old. My mom had scheduled the appointment for me after finding out I was having sex. The doctor examing me was the one who delivered me.

In the middle of the exam, with my feet in stirrups and legs spread in front of him, this doctor told me how proud he was when he walked his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day knowing that her white dress actually meant something.

The disgust didn’t register until about 10 years later. But god damn.

Image credits: PsychedelicGoat42

#14

I went to the dermatologist for my acne. She walked in and said “Alright let’s fix your face!”.

Image credits: minispring422

#15

I was having REALLY bad period pain. It was crippling & the flow was HEAVY. I was changing a super pad every hour or two or it would leak.

Three separate doctors told me “it’s normal to have bleeding & pain each month” as if I was some moron who didn’t understand female reproduction…I was so ready to slap someone.

Turns out I had tumours in my uterus which only got found because I got pissed & said to dr number three “ok, but before I leave I would like you to write in my notes that you are refusing my request to send me for diagnostic tests to determine the cause of my pain”. He begrudgingly wrote me a referral for ultrasounds & within 8 weeks I was having surgery to have the rumours removed. Thankfully benign, but having them removed made the pain go away & the bleeding was back to normal.

F**k doctors.

#16

I asked my new doctor what I thought was a simple follow up question about his diagnosis.  

He instantly flipped and started ranting: “I’M THE DOCTOR HERE! I WENT TO MED SCHOOL! YOU SPENT A FEW MINUTES ON GOOGLE AND *YOU’RE* GOING TO QUESTION *ME*????”

Needless to say, I went home and Googled up a new doctor.

#17

Talking to our family doc when I was a kid and told him I wanted to be a veterinarian. He said he envied the vet profession for having the option of euthanasia.

Image credits: OHman43026

#18

I (hemophiliac) need to wear a medic alert everywhere just incase I’m in an accident, injured, unconscious, etc. & won’t stop bleeding; allowing advice on what proper clotting factor I need to be treated with. I always wore a dog tag around my neck, but as I grew throughout high school & college it would pull on the little chest hair I was working so hard to grow, extremely annoying me constantly. I switched to a nice bracelet immediately. After making the placement switch and seeing my hematologist for the first time, he made a comment on the risks of not wearing a medic alert (as he saw I didn’t have my necklace on) & I reassured him I *upgraded* to a bracelet instead. His very blunt response to me was that I can lose my arm, therefore losing my medic alert info & still be living… BUT if I lose my head, there’s no need for a medic alert to begin with because I will for sure be dead….. Touché doc.. Touché….

#19

*Me waking up after emergency surgery because my appendix ruptured*

Doctor: “Pick 3 of your favorite foods you’d love to eat right now.”

Me: “Pizza, steak, wings.”

Doctor: “Those sounds amazing. Too bad you won’t be able to eat any of that stuff for at least a week.”.

Image credits: MoistCloyster_

#20

During a physical I said “s**t” and he immediately perked up, “wait, I don’t have to watch my language with you?” to which I said no…he visibly relaxed and loudly proclaimed, “THANK F****N GOD” and started discussing my health frankly, but with enough swears to make a sailor blush. My favorite GP ever, made sure I saw him yearly til he left the practice.

Image credits: Muggi

#21

My husband went to a doctor about chronic back and neck pain in his 20s. The doctor felt his back, looked in his mouth, and told him he had myotonic muscular dystrophy. He told my husband there was no real treatment and that he would be wheelchair bound within a few years, then he referred him to a specialist. We were newlyweds with active hobbies. My husband was a mechanic who made a living off physical labor. We were devastated. A few weeks later he saw the specialist who promptly informed him that the previous doctor was blatantly wrong. They did genetic testing to confirm he didn’t have it. Turns out he had mild scoliosis and arthritis. F**k that first doctor though.

#22

My new VA primary care doctor refuses to hit refill on my SSRI RX that I’ve been on for 5 years because he says mental illness isn’t real.

So now I have to start seeing a Mental Health Prescriber again.

Even they were like weird you just need a refill?

Image credits: Single-Awareness9273

#23

“If you keep trying to diagnose every little thing in your body, your insurance will catch on and stop paying for tests.”

I had TOS. I knew I had TOS. I very politely asked for the referral anyway. I was diagnosed with TOS. I had surgery for TOS. It restored my entire life back to me.

When I went back for a regular checkup about a year later, that doc (my pcp) acted like it never happened. Just said it was great that I was active again and my scar healed well.

The ego in the medical system is what harms patients.

Image credits: wimwood

#24

After the doctor performed the surgery to fix my heel bone. Ended up meaning 6 screws and a plate. On a follow up visit, asked when it will stop hurting and the doctor said “When you die.” The most straight to the point answer ever given.

#25

We get along really well… I had gained 10 pounds from my previous appointment 8 months before and he poked me in the stomach and called me “dough boy”.

I lost 18lbs 6 months later and said to him “who’s the dough boy now?”.

#26

“Yeah, this surgery has a 5% chance to cause incontinence in men, but I’m not sure what the impact is in female patients.”

Sir, I am a female patient. If you *don’t know* what is going to happen to critical organs during a surgery, you are not touching me.

#27

My specialist called me a “fine specimen “ at my annual checkup one year … totally caught me off guard.

Image credits: anon

#28

My old doctor during an appointment: “You should pray to God about your medical issues, he knows how to heal you better than I”

…wut.?

#29

I told my doc that my butthole gets irritated sometimes. He said I can schedule an appointment to get it looked at if I want, but please schedule it in person. He said a patient once scheduled a video appointment with him and showed him their butthole with their iPad camera.

#30

The doctor ran into my room yelling “OH MY GOD!… then said, ” We have to get you to the hospital!”… “the last person I saw here with this had to have a lot of flesh removed.” She then proceeded to show me photos of the patient with flesh removed. It was absolutely horrific.

I had a spider bite on my elbow. It started off as a very sore spot that felt like I hit my elbow on something. Three hours later, my entire arm was red, swollen and hot. When I bent my arm, a steady stream of clear liquid poured out of my elbow. There was no question about how bad this was.

The doctor was adamant that I go to the hospital and spend a week with an intravenous drip of antibiotics. She thought that even with antibiotics I might lose part of my arm. It was obviously a very bad situation but I live in the US and didn’t have insurance. I had gone to the hospital first but I was turned away. It’s not legal for them to do this but I was young and inexperienced so I left after the lady at the desk berated me, yelling that “you can’t expect to just walk in here with no money…” I then went to a walk-in-clinic which is where this doctor was.

The doctor may not have been good at hiding her fear and panic but she absolutely saved my arm and quite possibly my life. For the following week I went to see her twice a day and she gave me a series of shots and pills. She had a closet full of salesmen’s samples that she gave me so all the d***s were free of charge. Even though I went there 14 times, I was only charged for the first day’s visit, which was only $100. This doctor saved me tens of thousands of dollars.

I think of that doctor often and hope that life has treated her as well as she treated me.

#31

Not directly to me, but I went in to ask for a referral for a breast reduction, and I brought my then boyfriend (now husband). The doctor fully turned away from me and asked if my boyfriend of like 6 months was okay with me getting a reduction. He said “I don’t give a f**k, it’s not my body, why would you ask me?”

The doctor then said no, because I might regret it. Most people prefer the look of large breasts, according to this doctor, therefore I should just suffer. Might be true for “big” boobs, but not for the kind of big that I’m dealing with.

#32

My new-to-me doctor asked if I could be pregnant. I laughingly replied that that's nothing to worry about because I'm a card carrying lesbian.

A week later, I read my online medical chart. It clearly notes: "Patient is a card carrying lesbian."

Too funny.

#33

Me: Hey doc, I’m having some [peeing] problems.

Doc: Yes well that can happen after you’ve had kids.

Me: Okay but I haven’t had kids.

Doc: Oh. Well. You’re a woman, it happens.

Never have figured it out.

#34

Not a doctor, but a phlebotomist. I’m rather vascular, especially in my arms.

Lady saw that my median cubital is already super defined without the tourniquet and hit me with:

“WOW. I know some intravenous users that would be *so jealous* of you.”

Bruh.

Image credits: Express-Feedback

#35

I had an IUD put in, my doctor told me it was good for 5 years. 3 years in I get pregnant, and found out from a doctor doing my ultrasound that my IUD was only good for 3 years and I got pregnant cause it expired. When I confronted my doctor about it she said “that’s weird, I googled it.”.

Image credits: kittze

#36

My period was late, so I went to a doctor to confirm if I was pregnant or not. I had had a bunch of tests that looked like they could be positive and something felt off.

So I go in, I pee in a cup, and I was in the exam room for all of one minute. The doctor comes in, looks at me and says, “You here for the preg test?” I said yes.

He says, “Yea, it’s negative” and then turns to leave.

I say, “Wait, I have questions! What would cause me to be 2 weeks late then?” He says, “I dunno, are you stressed? Could be your age!”

I said, “SIR! I am 28!”

He then says, “Yea, I dunno. Did you want to get pregnant?” I told him it wouldn’t have been a planned pregnancy if I had been. He says, “Hm…guess you got lucky then!”

My non-pregnancy turned 7 in March and he’s my most favorite human! And turns out that doc got his medical license taken away for SAing his patients!

#37

Me to my oral surgeon a month ago: “I’ve really neglected my oral health because of my longtime fear of dentists.”

Him: “Well, I guess you fcked up, didn’t you?”

I just laughed because he wasn’t wrong and I can appreciate the bluntness.

#38

I started seeing a new family doctor a few weeks ago. I had a rough bout of pneumonia. The doctor started asking questions since I was a new patient. He asked what kind of birth control I’m on. I told him I’m not on any since my husband and I may want another baby. He goes… you should be on birth control, no one has babies on purpose. And I’m like… ??? Both of my children were planned… and he was like, oh you have 2? So no time for intimacy.. you could just read a book and let your husband go at it for 10 minutes.

I’m all WTF??? I’m here because I have pneumonia! Why is this even a topic right now??! I will never go back.

#39

My ex-obgyn booped my butthole, even made a boop noise and then laughed. My husband was in the room and after she left he asked if that was normal, no sir that was not f*****g normal.

#40

ME (when Doctor told me my appendix is going to likely rupture before he can operate on me): “when your appendix ruptures, dont you die?”.

DOCTOR: ohhhh, that is a very good possibility.

Geez, thanks doc…. Guess I’ll see you again in 12 hours.

#41

I was 19 and went to planned parenthood to do a biopsy of my cervix because my Pap smear came back abnormal. The doc performing the biopsy was an old man. As I’m crying from the pain of the biopsy (which they said it shouldn’t hurt it’s just uncomfortable- LIES! it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced) he says “well I hope it was worth having unprotected sex and you learned your lesson.” Which made me cry even harder. He had the nerve to ask the medical assistant in the room if I was crying like he couldn’t hear it. I saw her face and she just nodded and you can tell she felt awful. Afterwards as I’m walking out he said “it’s ok if you’re on top of it, you won’t die or anything.” I never went back there. Apparently he still works there. This was 7 years ago. I’m still traumatized.

#42

Had to get a surgery that required me to be put under general anesthesia. Before the procedure, the anesthesiologist came into my waiting room to speak with me and this is what he said.

Doctor: “Hey Headytexel! I’m [doctor] your anesthesiologist for the procedure today. I’m here to chat with you, give you a rundown of what I’m gonna be doing and help make you feel comfortable with the procedure and help calm any concerns you may have about going under.”

Me: “Hi [doctor], I guess I’m curious about what medicine you’re going to be using?”

Doctor: “Oh yeah! So what I’m gonna be using on you today is the d**g that killed Michael Jackson!” (This was not long after it happened.)

Me: *getting nervous* “Uh…okay? So I guess something that helps calm me down when it comes to giving me d***s is understanding how it works, like what the d**g is doing in your body and what mechanisms it activates and all that. Could you help me understand that?”

Doctor: “OH! So that’s the funny part! We actually have *no idea* how it works! Isn’t that crazy?! But anyway, I gotta go prepare, see ya later!” *leaves*

I wasn’t nervous about the procedure at all before, but I sure as s**t was after chatting with that dude lol.

#43

Had an undiagnosed autoimmune disease. I had gone from 200 -> 130 pounds and had a plethora of issues including bleeding out of my a*s.

After a full battery of tests, his actual words were ‘This is the new you! I wish I could give what you have to some of the fat girls that come in here and can’t even fit in the chair.”

Went to a different PCP and the dude had it narrowed down to two things in like 30 seconds just by looking at me. One test later and one of the two options was confirmed.

#44

I’ve told this story on Reddit before.

Nurse is in room with me doing the pre visit questionnaire thing. Young guy. Asked about birth control. I had an iud (which was written on the paper he was going over)

Him: I see you have an IUD. Is it…. Uhhh… installed?

Me: *in what I thought was a joking tone* no, it sits in my night stand and I lick it every night.

Him: really?

Me: no! Of course it’s installed!

He said he didn’t know how those worked. They never did one (because no one needed one) on his clinicals and since he’s not an NP he didn’t need to learn to do one. I thought it was hilarious.

Edit: lol. Clarifying. He knew where they go (which is why he asked). He didn’t know if it was something you picked up at the pharmacy and held onto until you needed it (like a nuvaring). So I told him that no, if you have an appointment to get one “installed” they just have them there, and you leave with it already in place hahaha. I was apparently so matter of fact sounding that he thought it was plausible that I had it hahahahahaha.

#45

In my 20s, I had a raging case of endometriosis. I had already had four surgeries to clean it out, losing an ovary in one of them. I had lived with stabbing pain for five years already. Despite my wishes, a doctor refused to do a hysterectomy on me because my “future husband might want to have kids.” He thought it was okay to give the control of my body over to someone I had not even met.

#46

Had surgery that needed a g-tube. I went home after a month and it was still in. When I was hungry the stitch would rub the skin as my stomach growled. Had to go to the ER a couple days later (false alarm heart attack) and the attending came down to see me. Asked him to take out the g-tube and he surprisingly agreed.

His name was Moe.

Asked Moe if it was gonna hurt he said nah, then proceeded to cut the stitch and said “giddy up” just like f*****g Kramer and pulled it out like he was starting a lawnmower.

He put a gauze on the hole and told me to hold it, he’d be right back. Thinking that he went to get a suture kit was plain silly and wrong. F*****g guy comes in with a SMURF bandaid and slaps it on the hole. He must have seen the horror in my face and he said “doesn’t need stitches, but don’t eat any Mac and cheese for a while” then walked out the door.

#47

I am a guy and have a female Indian doctor. She is just tired of sht, and Im all out of fcks. We bs every time I go in.

Me: *back from Thailand*

Her: *cool, go downstairs to the lab.I’ve already ordered std test when i saw your name. Get the fck out of my face*

Lolz thanks.

#48

Not doctor but dental assistant. It was a somewhat windy day so I decided to wear a hoodie with a sports bra under it. When I went to my dentist appointment, I didn’t know that the dentist assistant was going to check for my blood pressure. So I was kind of like ?️??️, because i had no shirt under. So I tried to roll my sleeves up but it was hard so I had no choice but to take my arm out from underneath my hoodie. I tried to not show my sports bra or cleavage (i have big boobs) but i didn’t hide it well enough because he asked me if I thought sports bras were more comfortable than regular bras and he also said he liked the color of it. I was kind of weirded out by it but I tried not to let it get uncomfortable also because I had been knowing him for a while since I would go to the dentist often, so that was the first time he had said anything like that. Anyway, I told him “I like sports bras better” but I nervously replied so that he got the hint. He didn’t. He asked if I liked shopping for bras at VS and then I looked at him with discomfort and he said “sorry.” And continued with what he was doing. Then after he said that it was hard for him to not look and I covered myself even more until he finished taking my BP. I don’t exactly remember when he said this but he asked if he could touch them at one point. This happened months ago so I don’t exactly remember every detail but I never went back.

#49

If I lost weight, the extra spinal fluid surrounding my brain and optic nerves would decrease. Meanwhile I was going blind and had migraines everyday. Turns out I had a narrowing vein in my brain which decreased the flow of spinal fluid throughout my body. Had to get a coil stent in my transverse sigmoid sinus in my brain.

This was in 2015, I was 22. 5’4 180 pounds. After the surgery, I dropped 60 pounds without dieting or exercising.

#50

Kind of out of context here but, I was seeing a psychiatrist as one does as an angry troubled teen and she told me after our 2nd session “living isn’t for everyone.”
I was going through a pretty depressive episode and I was so dumbfounded by the way she handled me, that I never went back.
Maybe was reverse psychology but I feel like she took a gamble with this one. There’s a 50/50 chance I would have proven her wrong, or right.

#51

Psychiatrist appointment, i was dealing with DV. The psychiatrist wanted to know about my mother’s cancer who died 20 years ago. No questions about the bruises or threatening messages or emails. Just wanted to know about my mother’s cancer. That psychiatrist is now restricted from practicing.

#52

My honest to god board certified Pshchiatrist “You can’t have PTSD. You dont’ have reacuring bad dreams.”

Mother f****r! He knew I was blackout drunk for two years with the INTENT of not dreaming while asleep.

Edit: and he fired me as a patient when I called him on it.

#53

My mom fell and hit her face on the pavement. Went to the ER and they ordered a CT scan. Dr came back and said “how long have to had cancer?” My mom never had cancer. He was so sure she had cancer and it had metastasized to her brain. Made an appointment with an oncologist. She didn’t have cancer. But it was a s****y week between appointments and results. Dr got “reassigned”, but hopefully he was fired.

#54

I came off a motorcycle I had a short term TBI lots of road rash, but my foot was messed up and causing me problems.

They took an x-ray, told me it was fine.

I asked 5 or 6 more times over the day if they could recheck those x-rays because my foot was really sore, just to be told the same thing.

Just before I was being sent home I asked again. They eventually bought over the x-ray to show me and I said “see how those bones aren’t connected to the other, that’s a problem” and someone else sorted out my foot.

#55

I had a dental hygienist tell me I had “cute molars”.

#56

I asked him if I needed antibiotics and he said “Do you think you need antibiotics?”.

#57

My Ortho Surgeon used to work for am NFL team . Told me after my rotator cuff surgery, “look man! I put your Marine tattoo lines back perfectly.” Awesome guy lol.

#58

I pulled my neck muscle once and the doctor said my tattoo is cool. A month later I pulled another neck muscle, went back, and the same doctor be like, oh you’re the one with that tattoo.

#59

“Bro you know I love you, so if you say the fireball doesn’t work, I trust you”

– My doctor after we’re all three handles of bourbon deep around the D&D table.

#60

When I had my gallbladder out the surgeon told me (and noted in the operative report) that I had an “Abnormally deep bellybutton”.

#61

I have a bulging disc in my neck which of course causes pain, The doctor says, “Don’t look down”. That’s it, that’s all she said. A person can’t go more than 5 minutes without looking down, try it.

#62

I went to the ER complaining about feeling like s**t. She said it was all dehydration gave me an IV and said I was done. Now I had been seriously dehydrated 2 or 3 timea a week for a while. I knew what it felt like. This ain’t it chief. I said “I still feel pretty bad is it something else?”

Her reply: you’re a guy you don’t know how to take care of yourself.

Umm. It was a burst appendix. I had a burst appendix and the doc didn’t want to listen and sent me home. Yea incredibly lucky I’m here typing – it took 3 f*****g weeks for a proper diagnosis.

#63

My psychiatrist spends about 85% of our sessions talking about herself, and in the first session we had after my mom died – and she literally had my mom as a patient, too! – we barely talked about it. i dont really mind bc i just need med management but its so crazy lmao.

#64

I was asking for Chantix to help quit smoking and the doctor did not want to give it to me, I believe this is probably because he had to do extra paperwork. He told me I could smoke five packs a day for 20 years and not have to worry about lung cancer. I was furious.

#65

Broke my ankle the day after my 11th birthday. My step dad made walk on it for a week thinking it was sprained. Actually I fractured my growth plate in my foot. The doctor told my mom that my foot and leg weren’t going to grow anymore due to the break. Like I’d have an 11 year old sized foot and leg for the rest of my life and there wasn’t anything we could do. Step dad’s doctor who did his shoulder surgery happened to walk by as we were getting the news. Sent us to a children’s hospital and I ended up getting two screws put in. Everything grew just fine afterwards. Talk about anxiety inducing.

#66

I don’t remember the number but had a Dr ask “How many drinks do you have in a week? And if you say more than this number I have to report you” I said exactly that number and he said “good, but try for less” .

#67

In his thick south African accent “I’m here to cut your throat”. At least I thought it was funny because my sense of humour is pretty cooked and I was having a mole removed from my neck.

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