Toddler years are no walk in the park for parents: few can do it themselves without any help from friends, grandparents, babysitters, nannies, or other members of “the village.” Dealing with a 2-year-old is hard as it is, but when you have to simultaneously babysit a 3-year-old for your in-laws, you might just break.
This mom decided it was enough and confronted her in-laws, saying she could no longer do it. But instead of support and understanding, she was met with guilt-tripping and shaming. So, after the interaction, the young mom started wondering whether she was the one who was acting unreasonable and decided to check in with the Internet.
A woman told her in-laws she was quitting babysitting for them as it was messing with her mental health
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But instead of supporting her, they tried to guilt her into not quitting
Image credits: Sinitta Leunen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Many mothers feel overwhelmed when they have to juggle childcare and work
In our society, children are often the priority. We worry about their safety and emotional well-being over that of their parents. Yet, the mental health of mothers usually gets overlooked. The World Health Organization reports that around 20% of mothers experience postpartum depression.
Being a new mom can be especially daunting. According to a 2018 Irish survey, 73% of new moms feel overwhelmed, 62% say they are lonely, and 60% feel anxious. That’s why it’s a bit surprising that the mother in this story is the one providing childcare and not receiving help herself – more than 20% of mothers spend more than four hours a day with their children.
Most mothers receive help from their partners (90%), parents (71%), and siblings (48%). But working as a babysitter for someone else while taking care of your own son who is just under two years old sounds exhausting.
Of course, there are lots of young mothers who work. In the U.S., about 63% of women who have children under the age of six were in the labor force in 2024. But that doesn’t mean they are all right. According to a 2014 Care survey, one in four working moms admitted to crying at least once a week.
The survey also showed that moms spend an average of 80 hours a week on chores, childcare, and housework, while 35% also said they feel like they’re always falling behind. When stress becomes chronic like this, mothers are at risk of burnout.
Dallas-based licensed psychologist Katie Sardone, Ph.D., likens a mother’s energy reservoir to a bank account. “You hit your limit and you keep going, and once you overdraft, there are fees and fines, and you’re going into debt. It takes so long for people to see that they are in the red.”
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Saying ‘no’ can be a form of self-care, especially for burned out mothers
Parental burnout for mothers is often called Depleted Mother Syndrome. It’s not just feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and tiredness, but is also accompanied by feelings of worry and guilt. It might be just what the mother in this story is experiencing.
“Mom guilt” is a very real thing. As functional medicine specialist Melissa Young, MD, explains to the Cleveland Clinic, it’s what moms feel when they don’t live up to people’s expectations of what it means to be a parent.
“There are so many subtle — and not-so-subtle — triggers in our society that pressure us into thinking we should be able to ‘do it all,’” Young says. “But there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you think you should be doing. The math doesn’t compute.”
So, how can moms take better care of themselves without being cast out as selfish, branded as bad mothers, or jeopardizing family relationships? Learning to say “no” is a big part of protecting your mental health as a mother and even the well-being of your kids.
Mental health experts note that saying ‘No’ is actually an exercise in self-care. “Boundaries tell others how far they can go, which protects us,” clinical psychologist Aura De Los Santos told Parents. “When we say ‘no,’ it helps us avoid situations in which we may later feel uncomfortable or have a bad attitude. It does not make us look bad to others.”
In the long run, it also sets a good example for children. Seeing how their parents can firmly say “no” reinforces the notion that setting boundaries is okay at any age.
Her husband was present during the confrontation, but let his wife do all the talking
Image credits: sttickk
Commenters sided with the mom and urged her to prioritize her own family instead of the in-laws
“That’s it, I’m done babysitting,” the mom wrote in an update
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Image credits: sttickk
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