Did you grow up dreaming about having your very own fairytale wedding? Or has the idea of saying “I do” always seemed unappealing to you? Marriage certainly isn’t for everyone, especially considering the fact that nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce in the United States.

But if you’re curious about why your son or your beau has no desire to get down on one knee or tie the knot, we’ve got a piece you might be interested in down below. Men on Reddit have been discussing all of the reasons they’ve never wanted to get married, so we’ve gathered some of their most thoughtful replies.

Keep reading to also find a conversation with marriage therapist Dr. Lee Baucom, and be sure to upvote the replies that make particularly valid points.

#1

I love my significant other, but marriage itself has literally no perks in my eyes.
What does it give me that the current relationship status does not?

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#2

I think growing up around miserable married people made me reconsider the idea of marriage for myself. It’s not something I want or need.

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#3

Most of the girls I know seem to view marriage as an opportunity for social media photos rather than a real commitment.

Combine that with the family court’s hostility towards men and it’s just a recipe for disaster.

Plus, I’ve heard “forever” from too many women to believe it anymore.

Image credits: YoWassupFresh

To learn more about why tying the knot might not be for everyone, we reached out to marriage therapist and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom. According to Dr. Baucom, sometimes marriage is not right for an individual, but it also might just not be the right time or the right partner for them.

“Here are some pretty good reasons for not marrying right now: You are only doing it because it seems to be the ‘next step’ in a relationship.  Not for love, or because you are ready to commit. But because it seems like the time,” the expert shared. 

Another reason may be because “you are hoping that your future spouse is going to make you happy. Not their job, not their capacity,” Dr. Baucom says.

#4

I’m married but it’s completely pointless. I’m no more committed than I would be otherwise. It’s totally pointless unless you have a faith

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#5

Never seen a marriage that I’ve thought of “I’d like me one of those please”. I’ve seen my parents and friends marriages end up in divorce. And the friends that are still married are constantly fighting and arguing over petty things. So I think those are the main contributors to my negative outlook.

It’s also that weddings are a massive waste of money. Blowing 20K on a single day? No thanks. If she cheats on me, she still takes half my stuff? It’s almost a better financial decision to take half my savings and head off to a casino. Of course, this is a massive generalization, there are a lot of great women out there. But dare I step on this minefield called marriage and potentially lose an arm and a leg? I doubt it.

As for when I’m old and frail. Probably end up in a nursing home and just die eventually.

*small edit*
It’s good to make the difference between weddings and marriages. Some of the comments have actually been giving me some positive insights. I was positivly surprised that all women who reacted would be okay with a small wedding or wouldn’t mind getting married in city hall. Which I think cuts my reasons against marriage in half ?

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#6

Well, I was married before, and I found out the hard way that you can’t necessarily trust anyone to prioritize your interests just because they vowed to.

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Dr. Baucom also noted that it’s not wise to marry if you feel pressured into it by that person, family, friends, faith, or some other external reason. “Those ‘pushes’ won’t last past the wedding. They are usually replaced by resentment,” he explained.

And if you’re not ready to commit, don’t jump into a marriage. “It just isn’t fair to another person to step into a lifelong commitment when you aren’t fully ready, for whatever reason,” Dr. Baucom added.

#7

Pretty simple, as a legal and social institution I think it’s b******t and there’s no real reason to do it. That doesn’t mean I’m opposed to finding a girl I love and staying with her for a long time, I’m just not gonna legally bind myself to her or throw an expensive party for myself

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#8

marriage is an archaic social construct.

Even the arbitrary steps to getting married are ridiculous and all for social acceptance/validation.

1. Expensive engagement ring
2. Engagement
3. Bachelor/Bachelorette parties
4. Wedding Shower
5. Exepensive Wedding & Reception
6. Honeymoon
7. Divorce

You don’t need any of that s**t to simply love your partner.

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#9

Been with my girlfriend 17 years we have a 12-year-old kid never been married, we’ve ran into situations where we probably should have split up and being married would have just made It worse.

We also asked Dr. Baucom if some couples might be better off simply staying together but never actually getting married. “There are some psychological shifts that just can’t happen when you are living together,” he noted. “But some don’t want to really step into that. If a couple is happy with the level of commitment and the boundaries of living together, they certainly should not step into a further commitment of marriage.”

“The real issue and conflict is when one wants to move toward marriage and the other does not,” Dr. Baucom says. “The friction that comes from that often destabilizes the relationship. The solution, though, isn’t marriage, but finding out why they feel differently about the future path of their marriage. Getting married should be two enthusiastic ‘Yes’ votes. If they aren’t both at ‘Yes,’ then it is a ‘No, not at this time.’”

#10

It never interested me. When I was a kid I would just parrot whatever my peers, relatives and sibling would say as regards marriage but it was only when I was older did I then realise that I had no desire whatsoever.

My parents have been married nearly 40 years, my brother is married but I never saw anything about married life that I genuinely wanted. I always felt I was destined for more in life than just pair-bonding or procreating. I know for certain I **will** die alone and I’m perfectly content with that.

#11

Why would I need to be married because of aging? Weirdest reason I’ve heard to get married. If someone loves you they’ll age with you without a contract that can be revoked by divorce.

I don’t think marriage changes much, at least for the positive. If the relationship is great it can be great without marriage and if it’s not marriage won’t magically make it better.

In Finland there’s not that much downside, hence I’m married because I felt like it and the small legal upsides were worth it. Neither of us really cared, most important reason was inheritance and the tax related to it.

#12

Same reason I don’t want to play golf: it just doesn’t look very exciting. Also, it has a low success rate. About half of marriages end in divorce, and of the ones that last, many of them are abusive or unhappy. It’s a bad idea in every respect. The real question is why would anyone *want to* get married?

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We were also curious if men tend to be more reluctant to get married than women. “I think there is still a stronger cultural pressure on women to see a wedding and marriage as their future,” Dr. Baucom shared. “Familial and cultural expectations for women are about the wedding and life as a married couple. Men don’t have quite the same pressures (not to say they are absent — just less pronounced). We are in something of a historic transition, though, where people are waiting longer and longer to get married. Or they simply don’t see it as their future.”

#13

It creates a contractual agreement between two parties that either party can on a can withdrawal from the contract at any time. However, the less well off party can have the state order the more well off party to give a substantial amount of income to them just because they decided to void the contract.

If you did not describe this as marriage any lawyer would tell you to f*****g run. I have no desire to involve the state in my relationship just to hand someone a tool to ruin my life with.

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#14

Outdated tradition, very high risk and very low reward. It only makes sense for a religious and traditional man with a similar wife.

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#15

I think In this day and age, marriage isn’t viable. The divorce rates are absolutely insane and that’s a risk I’m not willing to take. Hell even if you just live with your partner (not married) for a certain extremely short period of time, they’re liable to take half your assets. That’s absolute b******t. Equality is a big thing these days but it’s not reflected onto partnerships and marriage. Men get the short end of the stick, always. I’d rather stay single and hit the brothel here and there. Will be much cheaper in the short and long run.

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But if marriage is something that you and your partner are ready for, you shouldn’t be afraid of it. “Divorce rates are slightly lower than they once were,” Dr. Baucom noted. “This is partly because people are taking the commitment seriously. So, they wait on marriage longer.”

“Others have changed their expectations of marriage, creating new rules and roles within marriage. This is partly due to the fact that many now in the midst of marriage grew up watching the old expectations and the new possibilities of leaving a marriage without shame, lead to broken marriages,” the expert says. “They watched their parents and friends’ parents go through painful marriages. And in their attempts to avoid that pain, they either avoid marriage or take it more seriously and thoughtfully.”

#16

I’ve seen marriages fail all around me. My mom is not happy in hers but she has her own issues.

My friend, who didn’t want to get married or have kids at first, did that. He got married, had a kid, wife cheated on him with 2 different men and they got divorced. He’s paying child support and is starting to think his kid isn’t his. Hes afraid to take a paternity test but knows he should.

That alone was enough of a reason.

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#17

I’ve (53m, twice married and twice divorced no kids) spent so many years in relationships that drain you emotionally and financially only to ultimately fail that I’m done.

I have trouble coming to compromises in a relationship, and I haven’t always chosen the best women either. And I’m not perfect either. Basically relationships are exhausting to me, I’m very introverted and used to being alone for long periods of time.

It’s a better experience than being in a relationship. I think I’m supposed to be single and I’ve accepted the limitations of living this way.

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#18

That’s a lot of faith to put into another person. The divorces I’ve seen and the devastation around them remind me such faith is misplaced.

“I believe the next decade will reveal a shift toward how people go into marriage, and what they do when they hit the inevitable tough points of marriage,” the expert added.

If you’d like to hear more wise words from Dr. Lee Baucom about marriage in general or your own relationship, be sure to check out Save the Marriage! 

#19

Can’t I just want to be alone?

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#20

I’m going to die anyway being married does nothing to change that, more than 50% marriages fail so not exactly a comforting contract. I don’t see marriage as a fun experience, it holds little value as it has less meaning than ones word. Also, my partner would get old with me, so how are they gonna be able to look after me and why would I want to legally bind them into having to do so.

Marriage is the absolute opposite of love, it’s a contractual agreement designed to distribute assets and wealth, it is greed and vanity masquerading as faithfulness and love its a well conceived hold over from a time when people did not have as many rights as they do now.

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#21

Marriage provides no benefits to men that one cannot have by simply living with your long-term girlfriend and being a decent man, a decent human being.

You don’t nned to get married to have a child. You don’t need to get married to love and be loved. You don’t need to be married to be responsible for your women and children, to care for them, to earn money for them and so on. And you can always just give your girlfriend the Power of the Attorney (or however it is called in English) if you are afraid that she won’t be able to make decisions for you if you are incapacitated.

The only consequence of the marriage that cannot be achieved by just living together is breaking oaths and costly divorce and even then, civil marriage institute exists and you can be fleeced even if you are just cohabitating.

Don’t get me wrong, I am going to marry my long-term girlfriend (when I meet her and find her to be a good woman), but I am not going to do it because *I* want to, but rather because *she* will want it.

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#22

I don’t want to get married or have a partner, because I am an introvert and I find peace in solitude, also I don’t really get lonely so I don’t feel the overwhelming need to find someone. I have nothing against marriage or dating though. When I get old and weak I am taking the first bus home, I never liked the idea of getting old, I think the concept having your body fail you is undignified and I think it is better to not be here at that point, as soon as I am not able to do things and have quality of life, I am done with this planet.

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#23

Why would i want to is the real question. I gain absolutely nothing from getting married and could potentially lose everything.

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#24

I dunno if this applies to me. When I was younger, all I wanted was to be a good husband and a good father. Then I got married and had a kid. While I love being a dad to my now grown child and feel like I stuck the landing on the whole “good father” bit, the same cannot be said for the “good husband” portion of my aspirations.

I mean, I wasn’t a bad husband by any stretch, but me and the X-Wife were a trainwreck together. Ended after only a few years. I initially assumed I’d eventually remarry. Even came close with my last girlfriend. I poured everything I had into that relationship. Gave her all I had to give, and it still wasn’t’ enough.

After all that, the idea of being married again, or even sharing time with a woman or being part of a couple again, is the last thing I want. The last thing I plan to ever do again.

I’m currently caring for my elderly mother. Dad passed a bit over a year ago and so now I’m tending to her needs. When God calls her Home to be with dad, I can’t see myself spending any time with women anymore. Despite my years of research and dedication to learning how to treat women well, I still understand essentially nothing about them. I don’t think you can make a woman happy and I’m too old and too tired to try again. And also don’t have any trust left to offer after so much heartbreak. Starting up something new wouldn’t be fair because I’d inevitably end up punishing the new woman for the issues created by the last. And I hate the idea of doing that to anyone as much as I hate the fact that my last girlfriend did that to me. Made me constantly feel like I was paying for the sins of lesser men who didn’t put in the effort as was I.

So yeah, no more marriage hopes or plans for me. No more relationships or girlfriends. I don’t even want to date anymore. After mom is gone, I plan to spend whatever time I have left alone.

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#25

Marriage laws screw men over very badly. It’s a bad investment.

#26

I *was* married for 15 years. Here’s a few reasons I’ll never do it again:

– 60% chance of failure, if you had a previous marriage chances are higher still
– In nearly all cases, divorce is more kind to women than men, even if settled amicably/out of court
– In ALL cases where children are involved, harm is done to them, and they are often innocent bystanders
– marriage is expensive, but divorce can be even more so

FWIW I’m not against having close relationships, but after experiencing the grief I have, and seeing it harm my child… I’ll always and forever shy away from that level of responsibility in the future. I’ll stick to just having good friends.

#27

I prefer the peace and quiet of solitude, personally. Beyond that, modern marriage is a failing institution. With the ever increasing focus on individual self within society, marriage has basically become extended dating, where anyone can pick up and leave for any reason. No one seems to want to communicate, cooperate, or compromise enough to maintain the bonds of marriage. The days of seeing married couples celebrating their golden anniversaries are over.

#28

I’m scared of dedicating myself to someone and have them betray me. I never felt like they had the love for me that I had for them, their words are empty and I meant every single one.

No girl I meet ever meets my standards and they aren’t super high either.

A decently cute girl who is loyal and cares about me and that already eliminates more than 80% of them.

I know I have a negative view on relationships but, that’s been all my experiences, and have you looked around at this society? It only got worse. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce, the stigma of sluts is vanishing, girls are more promiscuous than ever, and only with a select few guys. Feminism has took a turn and is just straight up trying to destroy the traditional family. Girls want to have a hoe phase all their youth and expect to be wifed up later. And I just refuse to be a backup plan for anybody.
If this was the 1950s and I had that ol high school sweetheart and grow old together life than ya I’d like that but those days are gone. I can’t get 6 months out of these 2023 hoes.

#29

For men, marriage is like having a nice cooshy corporate job with a corner office and accepting a promotion. Only, after accepting the promotion, you find that you lose the corner office and are placed back in the bullpen. You also have to work twice as hard for half the pay.

Then, one must consider divorce where a man can, and most often will, lose his house and half his stuff. There is an overall divorce rate of around 60%, with about 80% of them being initiated by the wife.

Even without marrying, a man must consider the common law marriage laws of their state. Common law marriage laws were instituted as a reaction to men not wanting to marry. They give women the advantages of marriage dissolution without any of the responsibilities that come with a prior marriage. Under common law marriage, women can sue for divorce and take half of the man’s stuff. In some states, cohabitation isn’t even required for common law marriage laws to kick in.

#30

Having a wife or husband who is equally old and weak isn’t going to do much to ease the burden of being old and weak

#31

Why does not being married mean that I’m not allowed to have a life long partner?

#32

Divorced. Never want to go there again. Hoping for a girlfriend but will not ever get married again. I don’t even want to live with my girlfriend. My place is mine.

#33

When I get old and weak I guess I’ll just soldier on until I die? I mean, what else is there? Expecting some other old person to take care of me? That’s just silly.

#34

54% of marriages end in divorce. 85% are initiated by women. Not all that beneficial to get married if you’re a man.

#35

When you actually try to be the good guy and your entire life all the women you have met let you down. And a successful marriage is based on probability of her happiness. You are doomed to fail. Met a man who is eight years divorce. He is the happiest man I have ever seen. Doesn’t even let his gf live with him. Lives on another island to prevent any cohabitation laws to come into effect for her to be entitled to his stuff. That’s how bad marriage can be and his aversion to it. Having gone through it. There is no such thing as prenup in my country and alimony is life. No fault state too. How bad can you get. Literally cheat and be rewarded.

#36

I did a trial run and she changed personality within days/weeks. Divorced her a few months later after and im not gonna jump the gun next time, at least 5 years minimum with someone before even contemplating it.

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