A baby is a huge blessing. And most expecting parents just want their little one to be happy and healthy; everything else matters substantially less. But some moms and dads have a specific idea in mind of what their future children will look like, which can set them up for a load of disappointment if reality doesn’t match their expectations.
One mom reached out to Reddit for advice after her sister became obsessed with finding out the gender of her baby. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well some of the replies invested readers have shared.
This woman is thrilled about the baby she’s expecting, regardless of its gender
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
But when her sister began obsessing over whether it’s a boy or girl, she decided to set some strict boundaries
Image credits: s_kawee (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ConstantWorry3662
Many parents have a preference in mind before finding out the gender of their child
When people find out that a woman is pregnant, the first two questions they typically ask are: When is your due date? And do you know if it’s a boy or a girl? Now, it’s entirely up to the parents to decide whether they want to know their child’s gender or be surprised on their birthday. But according to Motherly, 60-70% of couples just can’t wait that long.
Knowing the child’s gender allows the parents to decide on a name (if they’re not interested in picking a gender-neutral one), and it gives them months to envision a clearer picture of what their lives may look like from the time that their child is born. Many parents also look forward to throwing a gender reveal party to announce to all of their loved ones whether they’re having a boy or girl.
Most parents are thrilled regardless of what the sonogram results tell them, but some are secretly (or perhaps even outwardly) hoping that their child will be one specific gender. Gallup News reports that 36% of parents hope to find out that their baby is a boy, and 28% hope to find out that their child will be a girl.
Moms’ preferences, however, are almost evenly split, with 31% hoping for a girl and 30% hoping for a boy. Dads, on the other hand, tend to prefer boys, with 43% hoping for a son and 24% hoping for a daughter. And unfortunately, when parents form an idea of what they’re hoping their child will be like, they can often experience disappointment when their expectations don’t match reality.
According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist at UCSF, as many as 20% of mothers have experienced gender disappointment after finding out if they were having a boy or girl. “We assume gender disappointment is quite a hidden experience, yet [it’s] extremely common, especially in certain cultures,” Brizendine told TODAY.
In recent years, more and more parents have been open about their struggles with gender disappointment online. “I don’t think it’s a big deal to be a little disappointed just because you imagine one thing, and you’re going to have to go in a different direction that you … just haven’t imagined for yourself,” Bachelor alumna Ashley Iaconetti told TODAY.
Image credits: svitlanah (not the actual photo)
It’s up to moms and dads to work through their gender disappointment to ensure that it doesn’t impact their family
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay McMillan explains gender disappointment as “experiencing emotional distress when a baby’s s*x does not match” what the parents were hoping for. “Often there is a sense [of] grief for the ‘not having’ of a specifically gendered child,” she notes.
While parents can’t control their feelings when they initially find out the gender of their baby, it is up to them to work past their disappointment and make sure that it doesn’t end up impacting their children in the future. Parents.com notes that moms and dads must first accept their negative emotions to be able to get past them.
Then, it’s a good idea to try to get to the bottom of where exactly that disappointment stems from. Cultural expectations and societal pressure might be playing a role in this. Some parents also might have a fear of raising a child of one specific gender.
However, if you’re experiencing these worries, it might be a great time to challenge the gender stereotypes that may have been ingrained in you. Nowadays, boys and girls are often being raised the exact same way, and it’s impossible to predict what sorts of activities your children will be into until they can decide for themselves.
So if you’ve always imagined your kids doing ballet or playing football, they still might want to, regardless of their gender. Above all else, the most important thing children need is love. And parents should be able to provide that, unconditionally, to all of their children.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mom is making the right choice by distancing herself from her sister? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
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Later, the mother joined in on the conversation to share more details about her situation
Readers unanimously sided with the author, assuring her that getting space from her sister is the best thing to do
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