As stressful as it may be, planning your wedding should be one of the most exciting times in your life. There’s a big day on the horizon where you’ll get to gather with all of your friends and family members, celebrate the love you have for your partner and throw one of the biggest parties of your life.
But when family drama starts getting in the way of the big day, it might be best to be picky about who gets an invitation. Below, you’ll find a story that one frustrated mother recently shared on Reddit detailing why she doesn’t want her dramatic in-laws present at her wedding.
This woman’s mother-in-law has never made her feel welcome
Image credits: Ashwin Vaswani (not the actual photo)
But after her in-laws attempted to DNA test her child without consent, the mom decided that was the final straw
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
Later, the mother provided more information on the situation
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Conflicts between in-laws are incredibly common
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It seems like the biggest fights we could ever have are always with family members. They’re supposed to love us unconditionally, and we feel comfortable enough to fully express our emotions in front of them, so we tend to unleash onto them. But as it turns out, even family members who aren’t related by blood can create nuclear wars with their children and children-in-law.
There’s a stereotype of mother-in-laws never taking to their daughter-in-laws, and while this trope is often exaggerated in films and on television, it’s not entirely fictional. One poll found that over half of women would rather stay home and clean the house than have to visit their spouse’s mom. Over a quarter say they would even prefer a visit to the dentist over a few hours with their mother-in-law.
Another study by the University of Cambridge found that two thirds of daughters-in-law believe their spouse’s mother shows “unreasonably jealous maternal love,” and about half of the women polled described their relationship with their partner’s mom to be “hostile” or “difficult.” Even more than half of the mothers said that they feel “tense, uneasy and uncomfortable” around their daughter-in-laws.
Daughter-in-laws in particular tend to have a hard time befriending their spouses’ moms
Image credits: Карина Каржавина (not the actual photo)
But why is it so hard for mother and daughter-in-laws to get along? It’s not impossible for men to be friends with their partners’ moms, as only 15% of son and mother-in-law relationships are strained, compared to a whopping 60% of mother and daughter-in-law relationships.
Dr. Robi Ludwig told Today that one of the main reasons for conflict is “fear over who has the primary power in the relationship.” Both women are important in their son or partner’s life, and if they don’t always want the same things, they can pull him in different directions. Ludwig says issues often arise when one of the women starts criticizing or undermining the other.
There might also be a generational divide when it comes to how each woman views the role of a spouse or parent. Times have changed since the mother-in-law was young, but she might have strict views on how a home should be run. Or she might feel scared that she’s going to drift apart from her son, as he now has another woman that he loves and prioritizes in his life.
Being a mother-in-law may be challenging, but it’s not an excuse to act cruelly
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Being a mother-in-law may not be easy, but that does not mean it’s an excuse to act cruelly to your daughter-in-law. She may technically be family now, but we all have the right to cut off family members who are toxic or abusive. According to Choosing Therapy, if you’re dealing with a toxic in-law, do not be afraid to communicate openly with your partner.
Set boundaries, and have realistic expectations. She may never give you the apology you deserve or decide to be your best friend, so don’t hold out hope. Try not to take her behavior personally, as it likely has more to do with her than you, and remember to practice self compassion. Choosing Therapy recommends treating yourself how you would treat a friend if she were in a similar situation.
Family drama is always painful, but at least this woman has been confident enough to set boundaries and prevent her mother-in-law from steamrolling her. We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in comments, pandas. Have you ever found yourself in the midst of similar family drama? Then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing in-law drama, look no further than right here.
Readers were appalled by the in-laws’ behavior, assuring the mom she did nothing wrong
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