Deciding to live together as an unmarried couple is a significant step up in the relationship. Since you now share a life under one roof, all decisions must be consensual between the two of you.
This unspoken agreement became a problem for these sweethearts when the man suddenly decided to have his parents live with him and his girlfriend in their shared home. The woman rightly felt betrayed, but her partner simply dismissed her grievances as an overreaction.
She is now looking at her options and plans to get a lawyer involved. Scroll through to see how this dramatic situation unfolds.
Decisions must be mutual between couples who start living together
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But in this scenario, the man made a significant decision without informing his live-in girlfriend
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Feeling betrayed, the woman is now wondering what she should do next
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Relationships drastically change once the couple decides to move in together
It goes without saying that moving in together is a level up in the relationship for an unmarried couple. But how drastically do things change? As licensed therapist and relationship coach, Alexis Friedlander tells Bored Panda, the couple now has to learn to live with the way their partner does things.
It could be more challenging for people who are used to living alone, then suddenly cohabitate with a significant other. According to Ottawa-based clinical psychologist Matthew Rippeyoung, MA, C. Psych, the new living situation requires “negotiations” of merging their lives.
“This further puts to the test how the couple does as a decision-making team,” he said.
But is making a unilateral decision a form of betrayal as the author described? Baltimore Therapy Center relationship therapist Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, says it is one form.
“Most couples would probably agree that it’s understood that you can’t bring others to live in your house without a mutual decision,” he said, adding that doing so is an act of breaking a partner’s trust.
Making a significant, life-altering decision without consulting a domestic partner is a betrayal because it is a power move, according to Rippeyoung. As he stated, it is a way of saying that joint decision-making isn’t a factor, which impacts the other partner’s day-to-day life.
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“Couples don’t have communication problems, they have understanding problems”
The lack of clear communication is one of the problems commonly experienced by couples. But as Friedlander states, it is more likely that the partners are failing to understand each other.
As he explained, the key is to understand why the erring individual acted the way they did. In this case, it’s about knowing the man’s intentions for bringing his parents into the shared home.
But should the woman involve a lawyer? Both Bilek and Rippeyoung concur that it shouldn’t be the first option. Rippeyoung says that the couple’s decision on whether to stay together or part ways plays a huge factor.
And if they do choose to continue the relationship, they must focus on making “major” repairs, particularly with communication.
“Mediation works when both parties are amenable to compromise and there is some amount of goodwill,” Rippeyoung said, adding that couples therapy may reveal the couple’s communication patterns that need changing.
Meanwhile, Bilek emphasizes the importance of making serious efforts to discuss the issue at hand. As he noted, “even major betrayals can be addressed and worked through with proper guidance.”
However, it doesn’t seem like the woman’s partner is willing to talk things through, given how dismissive he had been. It may be best for her to rethink the relationship and consider involving a lawyer when necessary.
The author clarified parts of her story
People in the comments had no shortage of unsolicited advice
From her end, the author expressed gratitude for the support she received
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