In some relationships, there might come a time when partners start considering opening it to other people. While such an arrangement is definitely not for everyone, it can work for some couples as long as everyone involved is happy and respects each other’s boundaries.
Unfortunately, these partners couldn’t get on the same page when one of them brought up the possibility of an open relationship. So the one who refused to do it decided to end it for good, which left their significant other in disbelief.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with board-certified sexologist Lilith Foxx and Ally Iseman, founder and open relationship expert at Passport 2 Pleasure, who kindly agreed to tell us more about open relationships.
An open relationship can only work if both partners are comfortable with it
Image credits: Dmitriy Frantsev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, for this couple, it wasn’t the case, so they had to break up
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Experts emphasize that wanting to open a relationship doesn’t indicate a desire to cheat
“An open relationship is when both partners agree to explore romantic or sexual experiences with others outside their primary relationship, but it’s done with mutual understanding and consent. In contrast, a closed relationship typically means both partners commit to being sexually and romantically exclusive to one another,” explained board-certified sexologist Lilith Foxx to Bored Panda.
“These days the term “open relationship” is most commonly used to describe a couple or duo–AKA a dyad, a relationship involving only two people–who agree to engage sexually and sleep with other people in addition to their partner, but it usually precludes emotional entanglements,” added Ally Iseman, founder and open relationship expert at Passport 2 Pleasure.
However, experts emphasize that wanting to open a relationship doesn’t indicate a desire to cheat. “Cheating usually happens when trust is broken or boundaries are crossed without the other person knowing. In an open relationship, everything is on the table from the start, and communication is key. Some people choose this path because they want variety or feel it better suits their needs for intimacy and connection. As long as both people are on the same page and there’s respect for each other’s feelings, there’s no inherent desire to cheat,” said Foxx.
“If your partner is coming to you about wanting to potentially explore any version of an open relationship dynamic, it means they appreciate and value what you’ve built together enough to talk to you rather than acting out of integrity. And it means they feel safe having potentially uncomfortable conversations with you, so pat yourselves on the back for creating a safe relationship that is capable of growth,” additionally notes Iseman.
Opening a relationship is a big decision, which requires a lot of time, energy and attention
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Opening a relationship is a big decision, which requires a lot of time, energy and attention, so it’s important to thoroughly think if it’s the right decision for a person and the couple. Foxx suggests beginning with an honest conversation with yourself and your partner by asking questions like these: Can I handle my partner being with other people without feeling jealous or insecure? And if I have those feelings, be honest about them? Do I want to explore sexual or emotional connections outside of my primary relationship? Am I comfortable having ongoing, honest conversations about boundaries and feelings?
“For some people, an open relationship is a great fit, while for others, it’s not,” she said. “If you’re unsure, it’s okay to take time to think it through and do the research. The key is to prioritize your emotional well-being and have a conversation with your partner about what you’re both looking for. It’s about being true to yourself and ensuring that any decision supports your values and desires.”
Giving an open relationship a go without being certain is a delicate situation that can have many outcomes if not approached mindfully. “If you’re not interested in an open relationship but feel pressured to give it a try for the sake of your partner, that could lead to resentment or frustration in the long run. It’s crucial to communicate openly about your feelings, even if that’s difficult,” Foxx told us.
“That said, relationships are about compromise, but not at the expense of your own emotional needs. If you’re considering something that doesn’t feel right for you, make sure you’ve set up clear boundaries and are willing to revisit the conversation if things don’t feel comfortable. If the idea of an open relationship really doesn’t sit well with you, it’s better to be honest with your partner about why you’re not open to it, rather than agreeing to something you’re not fully on board with.”
In case one partner is firmly decided on not wanting to open a relationship while the other is, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to go separate ways. “If both partners are willing to have a respectful dialogue, it could be an opportunity to better understand each other’s needs. If one person is adamantly against it and feels uncomfortable, it’s important to listen to those feelings and consider whether there’s a way to navigate this difference. In some cases, this could lead to a reevaluation of the relationship’s direction, but in others, it could be a matter of compromising on relationship structure or finding a middle ground that respects both partners’ needs,” Foxx concluded.
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