Moving in with your partner is a huge step in any relationship. Finally, your sleepovers never have to come to an end. You can enjoy dinner together every evening, and you get to be the first thing one another sees each morning. Paradise, right? Well, there are challenges that come along with living with your partner too. You have to agree on furniture you both like and decide together where to hang your gorgeous artwork. You’ll learn that leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to wash your dishes might get you in trouble, and you can’t stay up late playing video games without anyone knowing. The decision to share a place should not be taken lightly.
That’s why one woman on Reddit is refusing to allow her boyfriend to move in with her. She anticipates that it won’t go well, so she’s decided to save them both the trouble. But she did reach out to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit asking if she was being too harsh for putting her foot down, so below, you can find her full explanation as to why she won’t shack up with her boyfriend, as well as some of the responses invested readers have left for her. Then, after you’ve finished reading this piece, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring a woman who had reservations about moving in with her partner, check out this story next!
This woman has put her foot down after her unemployed, and now homeless, boyfriend expressed his desire to move in with her
Image source: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image source: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Image source: Cracked_Auto-maniac
Readers were quick to share their thoughts on the situation, so the girlfriend joined in on the conversation and provided additional details
It can be challenging to know when the right time to move in with your partner is. Some people feel comfortable getting a place together after only a few months, while others wait years before finally saying goodbye to their own, personal places. It’s completely up to the couple, but one of the most important things to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to move in together is how stable the relationship is. If it’s already rocky, moving in together is not likely to solve anything. In fact, it might exacerbate existing issues.
As an introvert, one of the hardest things for me personally to adjust to after moving in with my partner was the sudden lack of personal space I felt. I never had a moment alone, and, in the beginning, I had a hard time feeling comfortable knowing that my partner was always there. Of course, I now love the fact that he’s just in the next room, so we can chat whenever we want and we don’t have to coordinate schedules to see each other. But moving in together will certainly amplify any issues that already exist in the relationship. The woman who posted this story noted that her and her partner “both want different things” and that the relationship is “beginning to show that it’s just not working”, so it is wise for her to be hesitant about moving in together.
According to a study from Stanford University, about a quarter of American couples that eventually move in together decide to make the leap after only 4 months of dating. For 50% of couples, it takes a year to decide to share a place together, and for 70% of couples, they will become roommates by the time they’ve been together for 2 years. As this couple has already been together for 3 years, it’s not looking likely that they will ever share a place of residence.
But how do you know when it’s time to pop the question: should we move in together? According to Hilary I. Lebow at PsychCentral, there’s a checklist of things to be on the same page about before deciding to make the leap. First, she notes that you should be used to be spending lots of time around each other. It’s also important to have a conversation about finances. Will you split rent and groceries down the middle, or according to how much you each earn? You should get on the same page about chores as well. There’s nothing worse than living with someone who is extremely messy or who will be passive aggressive if you forget to wipe down the kitchen counter one time, so be sure to divvy up household responsibilities and stick to what you’ve agreed upon.
Both parties must also agree on boundaries set in the home. Are shoes allowed inside? Are phones allowed in the bedroom? Do you plan on having a pet? How often do you want friends over? Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but they can be especially frequent when you first move in together. Make sure that you and your partner know how to argue in a healthy way. Listen and communicate effectively and directly.
Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner? That’s another important factor to consider before making the leap to share a place. “When you start dating someone, you may feel obligated to keep all of your typical, but occasionally humiliating behaviors… hidden from them,” Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist in Chicago, Illinois, told PsychCentral. “It may be time to live together if you’ve grown so comfortable that you’re not holding in gas or pretending to be a more delicate eater than you are.”
Finally, before deciding to live together, both partners should feel excited about it. If one is pressuring the other, or one is not fully invested in the relationship, moving in together will just be a disaster waiting to happen. There is nothing wrong with supporting your partner when they’re going through a hard time, but as many readers pointed out on this post on Reddit, there is no way of knowing that this man will ever get out of his current slump. This woman shouldn’t be expected to cater to him or wait around for him to finally reach his “peak” while she is unhappy. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. If you were in this girlfriend’s situation, how would you respond? And then if you’re interested in reading another article featuring a woman who’s hesitant about moving in with her boyfriend, check out this story next.
Readers overwhelmingly agreed that the woman made the right choice, noting that she deserves to be with someone who contributes to the relationship
The post “I Want My Partner To Be My Equal”: Woman Refuses To Let Her Unemployed, Homeless Boyfriend Move In With Her first appeared on Bored Panda.
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