The famous phrase “You are NOT the father” on The Maury Povich Show was often accompanied by relief or explosive arguments. But for many men, finding out that the child you’ve been raising is not actually yours is nothing short of heartbreaking.

A 2005 study estimated that one in 25 fathers in the UK might not be biologically related to their children. And paternity test statistics show that many men worry about this kind of thing, as some geneticists report that almost a million paternity tests are carried out in the U.S. each year.

But that’s just numbers – what about the real-life stories of people to whom this has actually happened? We’ve compiled the most infuriating, heartbreaking, and wholesome stories about fathers finding out the children they’ve been raising as theirs are actually not theirs biologically.

Prepare some tissues and maybe go hug your dads, Pandas – this one might be quite a tear-jerker.

#1

Words cannot describe how horrified and devastated and furious I was at my ex wife.

I maintained my good relationship with my son even though he wasn’t biologically mine. I still raised him and I can’t hold his mother’s disgraceful behaviour against him.

His mother however, I divorced her shortly after finding out the truth and have never spoken to her again outside of mandatory talks about legal issues.

Image credits: HapankaaIi

#2

5 of my 8 children are not “mine”. They are still mine, I changed diapers, said their prayers with them, put bandaids on their skinned knees and loved them. When I found out, I was absolutely blindsided. Then just recently ‘mom’ decided to clear her conscience and dropped this bombshell on them. Pretty much devastating all of them terribly. Most of them will no longer talk to her at all. When we have family get togethers, they threaten to not come if she’s invited. These are my kids, and I love them so much it literally hurts, they will ALWAYS be my children, and I am their Dad. It is difficult sometimes in helping to fix their brokenness, but they KNOW and RELY on the fact that they are loved now, have always been, and ALWAYS will be.

Image credits: C Fitz

#3

Yeah, I pretty much knew that three of my daughters were not biologically mine.

I found out a lot about my wife at that time.

The hard part was handling her betrayal.

I never gave the kids any reason to believe that I was not their dad. I love them. All of them. They are children and there is no reason not to treat them well. They were innocent in all this.

I would have stayed with my wife. I believe that children are better of with a full set of parents.

My wife at that time could not handle what she did. She eventually sought the divorce.

But there is no way I would have. I mean, I would never have slept with her again, but I would not have let the kids know things were bad.

Image credits: will477

#4

Gave him back to his mom. I felt like he needed to be with family. I loved him but I was really young. 18 when he was born. His mom f****d up a bunch and I was raising him alone. I knew he wasnt mine but I couldn’t afford a test. Eventually a friend helped me out. His mom was doing way better then. She took custody and they moved away and she met a guy and had more kids. He still visited, stayed with my mom during those times. Eventually she got into d***s and abandoned them all. My mom found out and ended up fighting for his custody so he lives with her now.

Its kind of f****d up. But I really felt like I couldn’t love him enough. I don’t want kids, I’m angry and mean when I’m frustrated. I didn’t handle important things very well. I think he was afraid of me if I got angry. I just want him to have a better place with someone who wants him there.

Image credits: Hugebluestrapon

#5

Family 2+1 (son 16y) in my neighbourhood. Kid had kidneys problem and needed transplant surgery. Father declared he will give his (for whatever reasons mother couldn’t do it). Turned out he wasn’t a father. Obviously he was devastated, but decided to focus on saving a kid and asked wife who’s the father, perhaps this guy would give his kidney to save his biological child. Soon after they found this guy and he said that he remembers having s*x relationship with this woman, but he can’t be a father as he was born sterile. Another shocking news for the father was, wife could’t really tell who can be the father.

Man divorced her instantly, and all of them left town. Don’t know more details :/.

Image credits: Nathaniel66

#6

I’m going to tell you a tale about my step-daughter Sue, who did something I think is unforgivable. When she was 19 years old she worked in a retail store with a married man named Rick, she was dating a man named Mike. This was during her first year of college.

She cheated on Mike with Rick and got pregnant. Her and Rick made the decision not to break up Rick’s marriage so she told Mike it was his child. Between the two, Mike was the better catch financially as he had a superior job, and owned a nice home.

So, Mike, being an honorable man, did the right thing and he married her. He love the child, and he loved Sue with all his heart. She on the other hand always held a candle for Rick. And after 6 years of marriage she began a second affair with Rick, and asked Mike for a divorce. By this time she had her name of all of poor Mikes assets and in the divorce got half his house.

Then her and Rick moved in together and she got a thousand dollars a month in child-support for six year old junior. Her and Rick lived high on the hog, they ate out 3 nights a week, went on vacations, they each owned brand new cars. She has a good job, Rick not so much.

Then after 6 years, she got a new job and it required her to move across the country. She was about to move away and continue taking Mike’s $1,000 mo. with her. Well, her best girl-friend had a heart and felt bad for the poor guy. Who drove an old beat up rusty car, and was clearly not living as high as Sue & Rick. So she went and spilled the beans to Mike and told him that the now 12 year old child was not his, but was Rick’s!

Mike took a paternity test and it proved the friend’s words true. He went to court and got the child support discontinued. He still loved Sue so he never outed her or shamed her. Everyone still thinks the child is his, and Rick is the step-father. He is still in the child’s life as if nothing changed, he loves the child as if he were his own. He never brought up the six years of child-support he paid after the divorce for a child that was not his ~ $72,000.00 she and Rick took from him. He’s such a good man. Too good!

Oh, but Grandpa & Grandma are NOT HAPPY with what transpired! So, they are going to make sure justice prevails in this situation. So, they modified their will to state that when Sue receives her piece of their estate, she must pay Mike $72,000.00 off the top of her money (even if that means she get zero). The ironic part is, she doesn’t even realize they know about the true paternity of their grandchild. Sue thinks it’s all under wraps. Well, it won’t be on that day!

Image credits: Anonymous

#7

Yes. I had a “friend with benefits”. We were both single. I didn’t want to commit, but she did. She told me she was pregnant. We hadn’t exactly been exclusive, but I never thought twice about it when she said the baby was mine. I even joked around once with her sisters, saying, “How does she know the baby is mine?” Her sisters reacted defensively, and were like, “Don’t be mean, you know the baby is yours!”

So we went through the 9 months and I was there every step of the way: Baby shower, hospital visits, birth. I signed everything. Held my baby in my arms, etc. After a month or two, a few people started to say the baby didn’t look anything like me. I didn’t think anything of it. However, I did tell myself that I was going to get one of the over-the-counter DNA tests. I had done the same for my other three children.

After two weeks of waiting, I received the results. I about fell over from a heart attack when I saw that my son wasn’t my son! I was so angry with his mom. She had lied. Betrayed me. I confronted her and she genuinely appeared to be as surprised as I was. She cried and said over and over that it was impossible. But the test doesn’t lie. She finally admitted to sleeping with another guy… “but it was only once.” Well, isn’t that what they always say? It’s not like we were a couple so I couldn’t blame her. I just wish she had been upfront from the beginning.

She said she didn’t even know how to contact the guy, that he had moved to another country (where he was from). I thought she was just making it up so that I would remain the father. After a month of trying to find the real father, and having involved her sisters, I realized it was true… the guy was long gone.

Even though I felt angry, more than anything I felt a sense of loss. My son had been violently torn from my arms (metaphorically). I didn’t know what to do about my relationship with him. I was already emotionally vested: 9 months of pregnancy, about two months of taking care of him on weekends… I had even chosen his first and middle names, not to mention he carried my surname.

His mother was resigned to her position and said not to worry, they wouldn’t bother me. She could do it on her own she said (she had two other children from a previous marriage).

I took my time. I talked to a few people. Maybe two. One was my mother. She said it’s up to me, and that its not the baby’s fault. The other opinion was the antithesis, I should count myself lucky, and run. After two weeks of not seeing the baby, I reached out to the mother. I thought, well, maybe I can be like an uncle to him. Not my child but still be a part of his life… That didn’t last long. LOL Don’t ask me how, but somehow I decided to go with “dad” instead of “uncle”.

And that’s the way it has been ever since. That was 8 years ago. He doesn’t know. Most people don’t. I adore him as my own and have never treated him differently. His sisters and brothers don’t know either and everybody loves him. I don’t want to hide it from him, but I also don’t feel like I have to be announcing it. When he gets older I’m sure he will ask, and I will tell him the truth.

Image credits: Ray Duran

#8

Happened to a guy I worked with. There was a rocky period in his marriage prior to the pregnancy and the wife had an affair. At some point afterwards it became obvious that the child was not his.

His take on it? He told me, “There is an old English saying, ‘Whosoever bulleth my cow, the calf is mine’”.

He gave it a lot of thought, realized both he and his wife had been at fault, but if they broke up over this situation he’d lose his biological children and his life would be a mess. So he left his name on the birth certificate as the father and he said he would raise the little boy as his own, no different than his other kids. His older kids had no idea what the situation was. He’d made up with his wife and he wasn’t going to destroy everyone’s life over the DNA of this one little child. He said to him it was no different than if they had adopted or had use donor sperm, they were family and the little boy was his son. He kept his ego out of it and moved on.

I was left wondering how many men would do that. I suspect not many.

Image credits: Pamela Guevara

#9

This happened to someone I know. He went almost 20 years believing that his kid was biologically his, then found out his wife had been having an affair for over 20 years and that his chid resembled the other man’s family.

It didn’t change anything, other than taking away some of his guilty feelings for having divorced his wife. To him, it’s just as if he had adopted a baby. The child is his. Period.

Love trumps biology.

Image credits: Cynthia Miller

#10

My daughter is not mine. I knew this when she was born. I didn’t care then and I don’t now.

I have loved and raised her as my own and kept the secret from her. My ex-wife finally told her, a foolish move in my opinion, and it was not easy for her to handle but she’s as much a part of the extended family as anyone.

She is smart, accomplished, and has risen to the top of her chosen profession. I value my time with her and am proud to introduce her as my own.

Image credits: Anonymous

#11

My high school sweetheart convinced me I needed to get her pregnant so her family would stay in the states and not move to Tennessee for her dad’s job. They moved anyway and I never heard from her for a few years when she showed up with a girl she said was mine. I didn’t even ask questions, I married her. She had a baby a few years later that was definitely not mine. I wanted dna and sure enough neither the girl or the new baby was mine. But I’m the only dad Emily knew so I stay in her life. I pay for her phone and I just gave her my old pickup for her 16th and taught her to drive.

Image credits: Wyatt

#12

Well, it always starts with a handsome guy and his average friend.

I had a friend. Tall, beautiful, brilliant and a d**k. He was all of those. Graduated top of the class at probably the most exclusive college in the world. I also went there.

He was the sort of guy who women would throw themselves at. I was immensely jealous. But he was a good buddy.

Fast forward, I got married to a gorgeous (ex high profile model) woman. I loved her with my heart and soul. My college buddy (the same guy) was the best man at my wedding.

Fast forward again to when my wife and I started having petty arguments. I admit I was at fault due to high-paying, high-stress job.

I guess you already know where the story is going..

I had 2 boys. Twins. Everyone told me they looked exactly like me. What liars. Except my mom. She always was pushing me to get a DNA test, but I put it on her old age. I started noticing an uncanny similarity to my handsome friend. I got them tested.

Mom was right. They weren’t mine. Confronted my angelic looking wife. Showed her the proof.

Confessed that one night when I was giving her too much, she went to my friend for comfort. She came back with twins.

I processed my grief. Stayed away for a while. I loved MY sons too much to let them go. My wife is actually very nice and im sure it was only once. I was being a big douche.

I improved my relationship with her. I’m still at times very bitter, but my sons make me very proud. I got anger management and chucked away the golden handcuffs.

Family isn’t made of DNA donors, it’s a lifelong bond.

Also, both sons are at Harvard now, where it all began.

Honestly I sometimes do wish that I had a different life, but life is what it is.

Image credits: Anonymous

#13

Found out when my daughter was 4 that she was fathered by a guy my then wife had had an affair with. I had been a stay at home dad for her for the first 2 years of her life. I only found out after my wife left to persue a relationship with another guy she had been having an affair with, it was her parting shot to tell me that she wasn’t mine and that she wasn’t going to let me see her any more. I have since spent almost 3 years (and around $40k) fighting though family law court to finally have orders allowing me to see her 4 days a fortnight. She’s always going to be my daughter.

Image credits: Urisk

#14

29 years ago. My wife then girlfriend made a mistake, after 9 months and a 10-hour delivery I decided no matter what that boy is mine. No need for DNA test. I have often struggled with telling him. Only me and my wife know.

Image credits: deleted

#15

I have my suspicions about my son from my first marriage. Find out when he was about 18 months old that his mom was a cheater. He has a olive collection, both myself and his mom have pale white skin. He looks nothing like me.

He’s 13 now, I have full custody and his mom has no visitation. That’s my son. I don’t care what the genetics say, I haven’t tested nor will I. If he’s not mine the only way I’d ever find out is if he has a medical condition and something was revealed through reading that it was impossible for him to be mine. But even then, I wouldn’t care. He’s my son.

Image credits: F**kyF**kf**kf**ker

#16

I’m a kid, not the dad, but this story means a lot to me.

Dad’s first wife wasn’t great. She was lazy, selfish, and a cheater – not his words. He tries not to be insulting since he’s still friends with her family, but he says what she was like in simple terms, and I turn it into insults.

They had three kids, my three older siblings. Only the third one is actually his biological kid. He never “found out”, he just knew because a) the timing of their s*x lives didn’t match up and b) the two oldest look nothing like him. Or each other, for that matter.

It never mattered to him that they weren’t his biologically. He did everything he could for them, raised them as practically a single parent for years, still loves and cares for them all equally.

I’m his stepkid, but he raised me, so he’s always my dad. When I found out about my siblings’ situation, he made a joke that between me and them, he likes to pick up strays. I find it funny.

He never did tell them that they aren’t biologically related. I only found out because he refused to try out the family tree tracing thing that everyone else was doing and Mom just casually dropped that bomb. Maybe they know, maybe they don’t. We’re a family either way.

Image credits: anon

#17

A few years back, part of my job required me to travel abroad. I spent 2-3 months home and abroad alternatively for about 2 years. I had a 2-year-old son and a side business which a few friends and I cofounded. I was busy with my day job so my wife helped run the store on my behalf so she spent a lot of time working at the store along with my friends

One day, I was abroad and got a phone call from my wife saying she was pregnant again. It was totally unexpected, but soon the happy feeling overcame the vague doubt that I had.

Fast forward a few years, I no longer had to travel for work and had 2 little boys that I love dearly. Everybody says my older son is a smaller version of me while the young one doesn’t look anything like me, not in the slightest. I never had any suspicion about our biological relationship until one day I found out a conversation between my wife and one of my friend (who was married and had a child. Let’s call him Ken) when I was away in which he confessed his affection for her. My wife denied any relationship between them and said that it was only Ken and that she did not reciprocate.

I was shocked and could not believe Ken could do that to me, but it was just the beginning. Since then I had had this uneasy feeling. Somehow I knew my wife wasn’t telling the truth, but I have no way to find out. As my younger boy growing up, he takes after Ken. I told myself I needed to settle this once and for all. I took DNA tests, twice. And as you can guess the two results confirmed that I was not the biological father.

I was lost. Not in my wildest dream can I imagine this would happen to me. I asked my wife to tell me the truth, and with the evidence at hand, she couldn’t deny it anymore and admitted to having an affair with my friend when I was gone. My world collapsed. I walked away broken. I wandered for a month here and there thinking about what I did wrong and for what purpose I was living.

After I regain my sanity. I called my friend in the calmest way I can to inform him he had a son that he didn’t know of and told him I was ready to give him back. Then I called my wife and said I wanted a divorce and everything had been arranged for that to happen the earliest possible. I want revenge. “They have to pay for what they did to me.” I thought. I fully provided for my wife financially, she had no job and wouldn’t be able to support the child alone. Ken, on the other hand, was a successful businessman but he had a family with two daughters and I was sure he wouldn’t have the courage to tell his wife about this, and I was right. For almost a year when we were in the middle of the divorce, he never once visited his son nor provided any support for him. I guess he was busy covering things up. I could have easily talked to his wife (we’re also friends) but I refrained. I did not want his innocent kids to be in the same situation as mine, at least not because of me.

So we agreed that my older son would stay with me and the younger one would live with his mother after the divorce. My older son is kind of smart. He can take care of himself. He learned the alphabet, colors, and shapes by himself by watching youtube videos when I was gone for business (English is not our mother tongue and we’re living in an English speaking country). The second one is not as smart. He’s soft and sentimental. So in a way I was really worried about him.

I thought I would feel better after I had my revenge. I did not. When my selfishness died down, I really missed my younger son and the time we were together. I missed the time when he kissed me goodbye before I left for work on the sidewalk every morning and immediately ran to the front window, placed a chair so he could look outside and waved at me as I drove off. If you have children you probably know how that feels.

Image credits: Anonymous

#18

My son found out his youngest daughter wasn’t his biological child when she was six years old. We all knew when she was born that she wasn’t his daughter, but the partner would not ‘fess up. We dropped it. Thinking maybe she looked more like her mom when the other child looks just like my son. Fast forward six years and mom decides to tell him the truth (after they parted ways). It makes no difference to us. She is a daddy’s girl and as much our granddaughter as her big sister. I believe her mother never would have told the truth until she thought perhaps she could get money from the bio dad’s family. The bio dad is no longer living. It is sad that he was robbed of ever knowing about his only child. She has a wonderful personality and is a little sweetheart. 🙂

Image credits: Jeanie P

#19

I had a daughter. Her mother became pregnant and we moved into a house together. Six months later my daughter was born. Mom had four children from another marriage and made an effort to remind the older children she was their half-sibling. When she was two, the older siblings went from full time with us to half the time with their dad. When she was five, I started to notice mother’s subtle abuses through passive aggression and blame: having my daughter’s hair develop tangles and using a comb to brush, blaming the five-year-old for the tangled hair, and then chopping her hair off. This happened three times by the time she was five years old — and her mom was a hairdresser.

I filed for divorce and custody was joint. My daughter looked a lot like me. So it was a shocker when paternity was challenged. Police knocked on my door and showed me a court order. Mom waited across the street with her ex-husband while a social worker had to pull my daughter away screaming and begging to stay. The social worker kept apologizing and let my daughter come running back when my daughter started to have an asthma attack. After about 20 minutes, a police sergeant came up to the front porch where I was with my daughter, who had started to calm down and her breathing was under control at this point. He just looked at me and said, “I’m sorry,” then walked back to the curb. He spoke to the other two officers, who got in their cars and left. Then he walked across the street and talked to my wife and her ex.

After a few minutes he handcuffed her ex-husband, put him in his cruiser, and left. Mom walked across the street and stood at the curb. I told my daughter that everything was going to be all right, that I’d see her soon, that I loved her and I was so proud of her. I promised her I’d see her soon. Mom told her she’d see me the next week as she took her hand, then they drove off. I haven’t seen her since. I decided a long time ago I was not going to fight it. The divorce court changed the case to divorce without children and it was over.

I haven’t heard anything and have no rights to inquire about how my daughter is doing. She is 8 now and likely can’t remember what I look like, and in a few more years she’ll barely remember me at all. Better for her that I fade away than to risk more traumatic incidents. I miss all of the kids, my daughter and her siblings. I was their father, and now I’m not.

I don’t think I will ever stop hurting.

Image credits: Bradley James

#20

This actually happened to Mike, a friend. He believed he was the Dad to his son with his wife (now his ex wife) and when the boy was about 8 and the couple were having trouble, she revealed that the boy was not Mike’s son, but the son of another man she was having an affair with and passed off as Mike’s son.

Mike divorced the woman and did not see the boy again for a long time; several years. But a lot of us gave him encouragement to think about the boy. He had a father’s feelings; the boy always thought of him as a father. We felt he had some kind of duty to that boy, who after all was completely innocent of deception of any kind.

I’m glad to say Mike thought this all over and did reach out to the boy and say he was always available to talk or see him when needed. And he was very frank about saying he cared deeply for the boy and would always do that. I thought this was a good outcome for Mike and the boy too.

Image credits: Pat Smith

#21

This question and many of the answers mentioned here brought back many memories.

This is what my husband did when I informed him that I am carrying someone else’s baby. Ours is an arranged marriage, I never felt any love or attachment towards him before marriage. He was pretty mediocre in terms of looks as compared to my ex. Whenever I was with my husband I would always compare him my ex subconsciously. I would not go into further details of how I cheated on him.

The decision to tell my husband was not easy. One year into marriage and I had realised my husband is a good human being and he doesn’t deserve to be cheated. I can’t deceive and scar him for my comfortable future. So one fine night when, we were watching a movie, I got emotional and poured my heart out to him. I was expecting to be slapped any moment. Was expecting to be thrown out of the house in the middle of the night. Was expecting to be divorced. Was thinking what will I do with the baby alone in this world. But…

He just held me close to him, and said “I am glad you trust me enough to share this with me. What ever happened in the past we can’t control it now. It’s not the baby’s fault. The Baby didn’t decide to come in to this world like this. Now it’s a part of our lives and we will try to do our best. Promise me one thing we will not talk on this particular topic in future. For me you are my wife and he is my son. Nothing in this world can change it.”

Till this date (8 years into our marriage), he has been a perfect husband and a father to my son. With every passing day, I am falling in love with him more and more. My marriage has made me believe in destiny. And it has also taught me looks are not at all important.

Edit: for those of you who are wondering if we have a baby together or not!

My husband was not willing to have any other child earlier, he thought he might be biased towards his own baby, and our son might feel neglected. It took me 5 years to convince him. Now we have a lovely little girl, she’s one and a half years old. She makes my home and life complete. He loves both the children a lot.

Image credits: Anonymous

#22

Happened to a close friend’s parents.

The mother was engaged in an affair with the family’s driver and subsequently became pregnant. Deceptively, she claimed to the father that the child was his own, despite him harboring suspicions for some time. However, the truth eventually came to light, and he discovered that the little boy was not his biological son.

What did he do?

The father decided to confront the situation head-on. He patiently waited for the opportune moment when the driver came to the house and engaged in a conversation with the mother, while the father was not present. But unbeknownst to them, the father was secretly observing their interaction.

In a tragic turn of events, the father made an irreversible and devastating choice. He entered the room, asked his other children (two boys and one girl) to wait outside, and closed the door behind them, he took out a gun and – shot the baby, the mother, and the driver, and ultimately took his own life.

Regrettably, this dreadful act left three innocent children orphaned, shattered the family, separated siblings, and tragically claimed the life of a defenseless baby, who had no connection to the issues at hand.

My friend who witnessed this harrowing event firsthand was left traumatized, suffering from panic attacks, depression, and social anxiety. The impact was so profound that it shattered any desire he had to create a family of his own.

Situations like this are moments that define the hardest thing in life, which is figuring out what you are willing to give up in order to be and do the things you really care about and matter in life.

Image credits: Mahelet Abraham

#23

My husband’s ex has thrown it up in his face a time or two that his daughter may not be his, I personally think that she is because she looks just like my husband. He decided early on that it didn’t matter to him, that was his baby girl no matter what. When she took him out for child support they wanted him to take a DNA test to confirm she belonged to him, he declined. For quite some time my husband did think that maybe the ex was right because he hadn’t had any other children but that didn’t change his feelings for his daughter. We now have a son of our own so he does know that he can have kids, they both look just like their dad, there’s no denying it. My husband still having that love for her no matter what is one of the reasons I love him.

Image credits: Anonymous

#24

I’m not the dad, I’m the daughter.

My “parents” broke up around the same time my mother switched her birth control. Promptly after the breakup she slept with… someone. Upon finding out – more than a few months later, she had a regular period for the first three months of pregnancy – she did her best to count back the days and figured I must have been my dad’s daughter.

She was wrong. I’m now in my twenties and have a son, and I married a Mexican man. I’m Canadian. My dad is very interested in ancestry and has ours traced back for generations, and he was very eager to find out more about my son and my husband’s family. So he bought some DNA kits to find out what percentage we were of everything, and to enter my husband into the databases to find other family to build the tree.

He called me, after hours of crying, to let me know how the test came back. This was March of 2020; the start of the pandemic. Strangely, covid doesn’t seem to bother me as much.

I’ve assured my dad that he is still my dad and always will be; my son is still his grandson and as long as he’s okay with it my son will never know otherwise. I love my dad. I’m closer with him than my mom. That will never change. My parents were divorced anyways, and have been since I was young. (I suspect my mom knew the whole time – I was short, pale, brown hair and freckles, and my siblings are tall, blonde, and tan.) This pretty much sealed the deal for them, though – my dad will not speak to her whatsoever, except in the case of being polite. He was still verbal with her at the wedding, but I found an excuse to seat them separately. I make an effort to divide my time between them – alternating holidays and the like. This is all pretty fresh. We don’t talk about it and probably won’t ever again.

My mother has mentioned to me who my biological parent would be, however, I’ve omitted it. I’m not sure if my dad uses reddit and there are some markers to this story that are pretty obvious and unique to our situation. I’m not sure if he knows. To me it doesn’t matter. He’s still my dad, always will be. Nothing between us has changed.

Image credits: turtle_head99

#25

Twice. One was court ordered. One was me-ordered. I wasn’t the dad in either case. I was out. The one I ordered, she was pushing to marry and give her money (“I wanna be a stay at home mom!”) seconds after she pushed the pee-stick in my face. She tried to tell a bunch of my friends and family I got her pregnant to pressure me in to it but the numbers didn’t add up.

Nope. Told her to find the guy that got her pregnant and let him pay her bills.

Image credits: Patrick Hutchinson

#26

My older son was adopted by me at birth. I changed his diapers, sang him to sleep, played with him, taught him to ride a bicycle, shared his joys and sorrows, worried constantly when he was an Army combat medic deployed in Afghanistan, delighted when he got married, and thrilled when he had his son.

He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.

My younger son is biologically mine. I changed his diapers, fed him, did storytime with him and his brother, played with him, attended his baseball and basketball games, listened to his favorite music and podcasts, supported his academic career, felt joy as he achieved higher academic success than I through law school, took pleasure as he was selected as an associate by a leading national firm in Seattle, and recently took a vacation trip with him and his fiancee.

While I’m utterly sure of the biological relationship, if I were to learn otherwise, it wouldn’t affect my feelings for him at all.

He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.

Image credits: Andrew Weill

#27

This didn’t happen to me, It happened to my twin brother 3 years ago, I got an unknown call from a strange girl. She claimed she was my twin brother’s gf and she was pregnant by him. She was crying so much over the phone, so I arranged to meet her so I could figure out what was happening. I didn’t tell my brother what was happening either

On the day we agreed to meet, I met her at a public place, She explained to me she had s*x with my brother , it was a one night stand, but she’s pregnant and my brother wanted her to abort the baby. I asked her what she wanted. She told me she had already tried, but it didn’t work out. Apparently, she had already called my older brother by finding him on Facebook and telling him everything too.

I called my twin brother and I explained everything to him. He was really pissed! We met up, and he explained that he gave her money to terminate the pregnancy, which she told him she had. Now she was back 4 months later with a 5 month old pregnancy. After much deliberating, he decided to accept responsibility. We explained everything to our parents, and they both supported his decision.

One day, my brother called to tell me he wasn’t sure the baby was his, but that he didn’t want to pursue it. In our family, we have special character traits and behaviors to identify if someone is our blood, so I told him I believed him, but we would have to wait until the baby was born

Some months later, the baby arrived, we were all happy. We had an elaborate christening, everyone had forgotten about the saga surrounding the baby and had moved on. The mother of the baby was the devil incarnate! She was mean and manipulative, and was extorting my brother for money using the baby as a weapon. It was a really bad situation. My brother got custody of the baby later, because the environment the mother was living in was bad for the child’s health.

As the baby was growing up, I noticed she looked nothing like any of us. She was the perfect image of her mother. She had bow legs, bigger gums and a large abdomen which are things we don’t have in our family. I reminded my brother about his suspicions about the pregnancy, and what he had told me before and advised him that the baby wasn’t his. He accused me of wanting to ruin his relationship with the baby, and I couldn’t believe he said that to me so I left it like that, and never mentioned anything about it again

One day, he phoned me to tell me that he had something to show me. I went over to his house, and he pulled out a DNA test result which proved that he wasn’t the father. He was looking really devastated. I told him things would be fine. I called my parents to inform them, and my dad told us we had to return the child to its mother as it is a taboo in our culture to raise a bastard in your home.

We called the family of the girl and explained things to them, and we went to take the baby back to them. We went through every legal procedure, and documented everything that had happened. Needless to say, she still couldn’t explain who the baby’s biological father could be.

I do miss the baby a lot. I still see her as part of our family, even if she wasn’t biologically ours. She isn’t having the best of care with her family now and it hurts me so much. I had grown so fond of her and I’m still trying to talk my dad into adopting her. I’m hoping he will see reason and allow us to do that. In my heart, she’s still ours.

Image credits: Adeyanju Amos

#28

There was speculation with my BIL that one of his kids wasn’t biologically his. We pestered him about it for awhile and he put his foot down and said at the end of the day he was the only father his girl knew. He loved his kid and that was that. We didn’t bother him any more about a paternity test. They divorced a couple years later from her continued infidelity. She is miserable living in an apartment with the guy she cheated on while he is happily learning how to be a single father with shared custody.

Image credits: Lisa Fuller

#29

This was a story from the news many years ago and was even the basis for an episode of one of those lawyer-based TV shows. This guy finds out his wife is cheating after many years of marriage and three kids. He dumps her. Due to her cheating he gets full custody. You can guess where this is going.

I’ll skip the details but during the course of lengthy divorce and battle, he comes to find out that none of the kids are his. We’re talking about a teen, a pre-teen, and the youngest maybe 7 or 8; and none of them knew the truth. He tried his best to continue being their dad but he just couldn’t do it. And the ex refused to reveal the identity of the father.

Anyway he manages to get the kids moved back in with the ex. But the courts ruled he still had to pay child support on all three until they turned 18. In the old days he could have gotten out of it and maybe been able to sue her. But over time the courts have shifted toward doing whatever is best for the kids. In this case the thinking is that since he bonded with them as the father, he accepted that responsibility; paternity irrelevant.

Laws vary from state to state but in many cases this paternal bond only takes as little as a few months to form. So gents, it just might be worth it to privately and quietly verify that you are indeed the real daddy as soon as the baby is born. I know it sounds drastic but 50% of marriages end in divorce. DNA tests are cheap and easy to do; and well worth it to alleviate any shred of doubt you have or may come to have over the years. FWIW

Image credits: Alan Scott

#30

Yes, I have. In 1988, I was dating a young girl (M), I’d been seeing her for about a year. M and I did the date/breakup/date thing a couple of times, as she was not responsible for most of her actions at the time. She applied for and received public assistance during this period (this is relevant).

So, in May of ‘88, I had the “I’m pregnant!” bomb dropped on me. I was certain that I had been practicing contraception and questioned her. She insisted, so I started planning for a life of responsibility, you know, not entirely self-focused. 😉

I got a call from the state Department of Children’s Services in October of that year. The legal assistant to the attorney was very rude and condescending until I explained that I would cooperate completely if a DNA test would be performed. At that time, babies couldn’t be tested until 6 months of age.

She was born on New Year’s Day, 1989, and I started to help take care of her and her mom. I got M an older car to allow her to get around, and spent beer and race car money on food and diapers instead…

M got very antsy during the month before the 6-month date, and I suspected the worst. We met at the hospital for the testing, she was crying and asking me to pass on the test. 6 weeks later the results came back to the DCS, I got a letter informing me that I wasn’t the father, and that she was being refused further service from them because she wouldn’t reveal a name to them.

I found out from one of her friends about a year later (I stopped seeing her after the test results came back) that she was sleeping with a married man and 2 other people I knew. The girl looks a lot like her suspected father (the married man)….

Image credits: Doug Low

#31

My ex-boyfriend, let’s call him W, was at college in another city far away. (This is his story. I still have love for him and always will.) His girlfriend at the time….who would later become his first and only wife…became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. She told W she was pregnant and they were ecstatic. W was working and going to school full time and could only come home to see his girlfriend every so often. Being an upstanding, respectful man, he wed the mother of his child.

She was born in the spring, with bluish-green eyes and wavy brown hair. W was Cajun with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and dark skin. He had a feeling she wasn’t his but he fell in love with her at first sight. There was a friend who hung around while honorable W was away at school, at work, earning a living for their new family. His mom fell in love with baby girl, as did his entire family. All was seemingly perfect from the outside. But his nagging feeling continued until baby girl was 5. He couldn’t fight the voices in his head any longer so he took her for a DNA test without telling a soul.

The results were just as he feared. She wasn’t his. He confronts his then-wife and she WOULDN’T ADMIT THE INFIDELITY. She swore the rest was wrong and turned the tables on this poor, sweet, gentle father-figure. She tried to convince W he was wrong for accusing her and how dare he test the DNA.

He wasn’t trying to get out of responsibility. In fact, he paid child throughout her high school education. Paid additional support for a decade of cheerleading…and I mean everything from dues to gear to camps. He did it all. Driving lessons, Birthdays, Holidays. He’s asked her mother and grandparents repeatedly for permission to tell her the truth, but they deflect and defend. All he wants is for her to be happy & healthy & to eventually get to know her paternal family. She just turned 19. At this point, I’m certain that it’s moot. She will always know and love him as a father.

I do fear that she will stumble upon the truth someday and will be angry with them all but he is the most outstanding man/father/stepfather I’ve ever known. His ex-wife ruined him as a partner, though. Because of her he cannot trust another person, especially if they’re crying and begging him to believe them. I still love him very much….and his family…and daughter.

#32

This happened to my husband a decade before we met. He had recently met his ex after moving to NM from AZ and they had partied a few times together but kept it casual. A few months into it she turned up pregnant and told him it was his so he tucked in and prepared for his family.

Unfortunately, they are both alcoholics and at that time she went 9 months without drinking which ended the day after their son was born. Their son grew up witnessing fights and habits that my husband even today feels guilt over. The baby was a few years old and they were both in a drunken rage, she was screaming and throwing things and he was too, this was also a daily thing. Thats when the truth came out, their son wasn’t biologically his child. She was dating other men at the same time they met and when she became pregnant, she chose the man she felt would help the most. A

Although devastated, he decides that the boy is his and his family feels the same so he continues his fatherly role while both parents hang on in a cycle of substance abuse. My husband is Native American and his tribe offers stipends and allowances for all kinds of things and being a father means those benefits are granted to his children, that’s basically what kept them floating for awhile before he finally got snatched up for DUI.

That’s when he decided things needed to change. He did everything he had to do and vowed to never drink again. After a decade of addiction, he asks his fiance to join him in a journey of sobriety for the sake of their family, in turn she told him she was pregnant again but by someone else, again (which would happen a third time as well). He knew he needed to show their son that he could do better but he had to leave that toxic environment to make that happen.

He moved back to AZ, leaving his son behind, and went back to school the same day he arrived. It was during that time that his son found out about his birth father, he was about 13 at the time. He called him crying, my husband told him that he will always he his son no matter what and that was that. One day, maybe six months into classes, our eyes meet and the rest is history, we married 4 years later after we both graduated. My stepson was allowed to live with us for 1 school year when he was 15 and it was great besides his mom going into rehab just to leave 20 days into it. His mother is still in her cycle of abuse even today and he will be 19 next month. His mother loathes my existence and detests my husband for making good on his sobriety promise.

He celebrated 10 years sobriety in March, we bought our first home together 3 years ago and live a beautiful life but sadly can not have natural children together. His son is my son and he knows he can come to me for anything and thankfully he does. Our son and his girlfriend are blessing us with a granddaughter in December and he wants to move his growing family away from the chaos that is constantly around them. He will be taking a page from his father book and will be moving closer to us next year. All in all, even with the lies and deception, I feel my husband and son are on track for a successful and strong relationship!

2022 update:

On Feb 11th we welcomed our very own babygirl into the world! We never expected to be natural parents in our lifetime but the universe works in mysterious ways! Our son turns 21 this year, his daughter will be 1.5 years old soon! Him and the mother have not worked out but he’s doing what he needs to do to stay on course. He starts college this fall and we are proud of his commitment for a better life! Our daughter is a week shy of 3 months and is the light in our life. Being a mother is amazing so far and I’m learning so much about myself. How awesome! Thanks for reading 😊

#33

My brother married his wife when she was pregnant with another man’s child. She had been abandoned by the child’s biological father. Most of the family had forgotten about my brother adopting his wife’s daughter because she was always just one more child we loved in our family. My niece accidentally found out (loose lips) when she was almost 30. She became bitter, confused and resentful. She’s nearly 45 now, still furious with my brother and spiraling away into alcoholism.

She felt she’d been lied to by her parents and betrayed. Her biological father passed away when she was 24 and she felt she was cheated out of the opportunity to meet him (which only angered her more). When her mom was diagnosed and dying with cancer; my niece was so angry she wouldn’t even come to support her mom. My niece said she had been forced to live a lie. Her mom was so heartbroken over her daughter when she passed away from cancer. My brother, who raised her as his own; is devastated over the loss of his wife and being abandoned by his daughter

It is so much better tell your child that they are adopted when they are old enough to comprehend adoption. It’s better to learn about adoption from parents that love you, are reassuring and can explain the circumstances of the adoption. A child needs to know that adoption was a loving choice they made for their life when they were just a baby.

Please be honest with your child. Children fare better knowing you made a choice to love them. Some may be curious about their biological parents so explain age and adoption privacy rules. Most kids don’t try to find their biological parents out of love and respect for their adoptive parents until they are adults themselves anyway. Early knowledge affords them opportunity to choose if they eventually do want to meet their biological parent(s). Some children don’t even care because they know the parents who raised them are all they need to know. When adoptive parents have informed their child, the child won’t feel betrayed because they know their adoptive parents are always going to be honest and supportive.

This is extremely important information that effects a child’s life. Don’t leave an issue of such importance to an accidental disclosure or a surprise DNA test. You will lose your adult child’s trust, and it will turn their entire life upside-down.

#34

My brother was and still is very close to his only child.

He is divorced from her mother, the mother is a real fruitcake and has done everything to cause her daughter to have no contact with her but she adores her father. The awful mother told my brother, “ I don’t know why you are so crazy about her, she isn’t even yours”! I think she said this to hurt him but no one really knows for sure and no one wants to know if it is true or not because she is his life and nothing could change that. She is married and has a child of her own now and her son looks like our side of the family. It is sad because I do genealogy and have done a lot of DNA testing to trace our family line and she is afraid to take the test. I think it would prove her mother was just an evil jealous woman and put it behind her but the truth is, she is afraid and I understand that. It would make zero difference so that is not the purpose of genealogy testing. I am sure some people are sorry they took the test because of finding out secrets. She is the most loved niece I have and nothing will change that.

#35

I know my kids are mine – it took two hours of pushing to get them out! Besides that, I did hear of a couple who were getting divorced. I believe it was because the husband had found out the wife had been having an affair. They showed a picture of the couple with their four kids, and for what it’s worth, the kids sure looked like they belonged to both the parents. The husband demanded a paternity test, and three of the kids were not his (apparently she had been having a long affair with a neighbor). The husband brought this proof to court so that he only had to pay child support for his child.

All I can think is how horribly, horribly sad for those other kids. The husband was the only father they had known, but because of the wife’s actions, daddy wasn’t going to be paying child support for them. Talk about a divorce blowing up a family.

#36

Not entirely inline with the question, but I knew a guy who got a girl pregnant. They had already ended things when she discovered she was pregnant. They decided to get married, but the marriage wasn’t working. His wife left him and started hanging out with some shady characters and obviously she took the little girl with her.

Eventually he had enough and took custody of his daughter, the mom did not care. Realising she was a bit of a loose woman, he started wondering if the child was his.

He had a good relationship with my parents at the time and voiced his concerns to my parents and contemplated doing a DNA test. My dad told him that he was everything to the little girl and that if she wasn’t his, then it was not her fault, but the only thing that she does understand is that he is her dad. This girl waited at the gate every day before lunch for her dad to come home.

As far as I know he decided not to do the DNA test.

#37

I have 7yrs full parental rights of my daughter Christin and I’ve been asked that question if she is my daughter. Her biological mother has not been there for her. I still do not see the need to put anyone of us under that extra pressure of a DNA test after already dealing with abandonment issues from her mother. Knowing the DNA results is as mysterious as the question of”does my mother love me or not”. No child ask to be here and not fair of woman doing that intentionally to men. I was confused before my daughter was born but when I first laid eyes on her I loved this child. That love cant be broken, for me. She will be 11yrs old this year and the thought of a test never crossed my mind since i first laid my eyes on her. You cant turn on a child because they came into this world and yes the mother was unfaithful to both men and her own child. All that child needs to make a success of their life is to know they are loved. If the child has been abandoned by the mother that child will need an unconditional love, I am giving that to Christin and I am a testament of blessings. Be angry with the mother, the child does not deserve to be abandoned again or at least by your choice.

#38

I have never actually found out the truth but this is my story. After my first marriage broke up I got into a relationship with someone (we never married) in late 88 who fell pregnant and our son was born in April 89, At the time she had issues with alcohol and to my knowledge still does today but back then I had no idea how much she did drink as I was working two jobs and doing 16–18 hour days.

Anyway six-eight weeks after he was born, she kicked us out on the street and turned round and said “you can have your (insert (colourful language)s on back, I don’t ever want to see him or you again” so began a seven year journey as a single parent, with no family support raising a child with developmental delay and intellectual disability, which I later found out was an Alcohol Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder caused by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, caused by his mothers drinking. I met my second wife in 1995 and we were married for seven years and we had a daughter together and I also had a daughter from my first marriage.

Anyway as my son got older he started going off the rails, started smoking at ten, getting in trouble with the law at twelve-thirteen onward’s, spent time in juvenile court and lock up for a variety of offenses, then started getting into hard drugs. Currently he is serving a custodial sentence for grievous bodily harm, for which he will have served his time in December, unfortunately the last time he was out on parole he was arrested with a friend on another charge of GBH which he was waiting to go to court about.

I have raised him, supported him, given him a roof over his head and been there for him the whole time, his mother has done nothing!!, never paid child support for him, given him birthday presents, Christmas presents. When he was ten he wanted to meet her and though i was against the idea, given her history. I agreed. Why did I agree? I agreed because I myself was adopted and I didn’t want him to go through the feelings I had when i found out I was adopted.

Anyway they met and he ended up staying with her for weekends, which went on for a couple of months and then all of a sudden she rings at 4 am in the morning and tells me to come get him saying he had been in trouble with the Police and been suspended from school, I find out later that none of this was true, she didn’t want him because he crowded her social life, go figure!!

I have always wondered whether or not he is my biological son as we don’t look like alike, he is nothing like me in personality nor is he my build. He also doesn’t look like his two sisters, whether that’s because they have different mothers, I don’t know but at the end of the day, I raised him pretty much from birth, even his first bath in hospital I gave to him because, his incubator couldn’t be bothered making the effort. So regardless of the circumstances, he will always be my son and I will always be his dad.

The downside of all this that in focusing all my efforts on my son, trying to keep him on the right path and getting him off drugs and away from the bad influences in his life, it has come at the expense of my relationship with my daughters, one I never had contact with for well over a decade, though we are talking now and have been for the past ten years or so, but the other daughter, I message her but she hardly responds or the answers are one words answers and she just isn’t interested in anything i do, so all i can do is too be here and hopefully one day I will see my children all in the one place!

#39

Unfortunately so. I read recently of a man who was refused as a transplant donor for his father’s cancer. His mother explained that the man he knew as father all his life was not his biological father. I have a sister-in-law who discovered, her father died that she and her sister had the same father but not the one they knew of as father. Her mother had had an affair and and made her husband believe they were his children.

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