Husband Gets A Secret Vasectomy After First Pregnancy Takes “Forever”

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There are many important conversations that are necessary for couples to have before they decide to tie the knot. Where do you want to live? Do you want to have children? Will it bother you if I eat dinner with my elbows on the table every evening for the rest of our lives?

If you’re on the same page as your partner, making the choice to get married can seem like a no-brainer. But what if your views change later down the line? One woman recently shared a story on Reddit detailing how her husband went behind her back to get a vasectomy after deciding that he didn’t want any more kids. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies sympathetic readers shared.

This woman and her husband always planned on having a big family

Image credits: sedrik2007 (not the actual image)

So she was shocked to find out that he went behind her back and got a vasectomy

Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual image)

Image credits: Dimaberlin (not the actual image)

Later, the woman added more details about the situation and responded to some of the replies she read

Image credits: Capable_Goal_6116

A vasectomy can be a great choice for men who don’t want to have children

Having children certainly isn’t for everyone. Kids are expensive, can easily take up all of your time, and they deserve to be showered with ample love and affection. If you’re not meant to be a parent, there is nothing wrong with that! And to ensure you don’t become a father, it might be best to have a vasectomy.

For men who don’t want to have, or have any more, kids, Dr. Michael Read says a vasectomy can be a great choice. It’s a minor procedure with very little risk of complication, and men recover from it quickly. After recovering, there won’t be any need for men to use condoms with their partners (as long as they don’t have any STIs or STDs), and there won’t be any pressure on female partners to be on some form of birth control.

Vasectomies typically cost much less than a tubal ligation would for women, as they usually come out to around $1,000 while women can spend up to $8,000 to get their tubes tied. Plus, vasectomies are often reversible.

According to the Mayo Clinic, vasectomies can be successfully reversed in between 60% to 95% of cases. Now, the decision to have a vasectomy in the first place, or to later get one reversed, should not be taken lightly. But it’s nice to have the peace of mind that it’s a reliable form of birth control that doesn’t necessarily have to be permanent.

Couples should be on the same page about having kids when they get married

The issue in this story, however, has nothing to do with vasectomies themselves and everything to do with how this man went about getting one. The decision whether or not to have children is a choice that couples should make together, and as far as this woman was concerned, she was on the same page as her husband until recently.

Disagreeing with your partner about whether or not the two of you want to start a family is something that can certainly lead to a breakup early on in the relationship. In fact, licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala told Verywell Mind that if this issue comes up when you’ve just started dating, “it’s easier to walk away before you fall in love.”

However, if you’re in a long-term relationship and the two of you had never discussed the topic of children before, it can be best to hear one another out. Kids can put a massive financial burden on the two of you, and it’s important to only have them with a partner that you trust.

Keeping secrets from your partner is never a good idea

Consider the relationships that you and your partner have with your families and what sort of dynamics you would be likely to repeat with your own kids. Understand the changes that will happen to your body if you have children, and discuss the inevitable impact having kids will have on your free time and social lives.

But if you realize that you and your partner aren’t seeing eye to eye about starting a family, or growing your family, it’s important to be honest about that. Lies and secrets will be detrimental to your relationship. Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, explains for Psychology Today that keeping things from our partners blocks us from having real intimacy in our relationships.

Lies and omissions also often snowball into more deception, and soon, the partner keeping secrets might find that they’re barely being honest about anything. This violates the trust in a relationship, which can be nearly impossible to repair once it’s been broken.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama, look no further than right here!