“You can tell us anything, sweetie. We love you, and we just want what’s best for you.” Nice try, Mom. I’m not falling for that one!

No matter how close you are with your parents, you’ve probably concealed some information from them at one point or another. After all, do they really need to know about that tiny fender bender you got into or that you actually broke the vase that’s been mysteriously missing for years? Everyone keeps secrets, and sometimes, they hold onto them for a lifetime.

Redditors have been revealing information that they’ve sworn never to share with their parents, so we’ve gathered some of their juiciest replies below. From dark secrets that could destroy families to innocent little white lies, enjoy reading through these responses. And be sure to upvote the one that you’d keep from Mom and Dad too!

#1

When I was 7yo my mother broke a vase.

I pretended to be the guilty just because i knew my dad would be angry with my mom and do s**t.

Image credits: therightsolution

#2

My grandmother had a collection of fairly expensive rings and when she died she left one to every woman in the family. I was 13 and told not to wear mine out of the house because it was a bit loose on me. I did and lost it within a month of her death. Every now and then my mom asks about it and I’m just like “yeah it’s in a box in one of my drawers, I don’t wear it because I don’t want to lose it.”.

Image credits: ihopeyoulikeapples

#3

I still have cancer — my mom thinks I’m “cured” (she has Alzheimer’s so we’re not correcting her).

Image credits: vegancupcakes

#4

That the month i was “living a month in Spain” was actually spent in jail. I had friends to post fake Instagram pictures for me too

Edit: Wow, would never expect such a response! Since so many of you have been asking heres some more info:
I was sentenced to 1 month for DUI and the month I was supposed to do my sentence happened to be at the same time as I was actually going to Spain for a month. So instead of traveling to Spain, I went to jail. No questions ever asked from my family. Now, I knew my friends would notice, so I had to tell them and they were the best and helped me keeping this a secret. This was the first (and last) time I had ever been into any trouble.
Most awkward bit was to figure out excuses for not driving the following year.

Im from Norway btw, so sorry if I messed up prison/jail.

Image credits: WorldWideWeb03

#5

When I was a junior in college, I lived off campus with five other guys in a shady neighborhood. One Tuesday night while a few of us were high and watching tv, a couple thugs busted our door, broke in, and robbed us at gunpoint. They were looking for a d**g dealer. It turns out they had the wrong house; the dude from whom everyone at school bought their weed, c**e, and pills lived one house over. (None of us ratted him out because that would’ve brought more trouble)

These guys tore our place apart looking for our nonexistent stash, and when they couldn’t find anything, they grabbed some random worthless decorations, getting antsy to bounce. One of my roommates- big, burly, but usually reserved- grabbed one of the guys as they were leaving. He must’ve snapped. The thug turns around and lets two shots fly that both hit my friend: one in the leg, the other in the gut.

He lived but was in the hospital recuperating for a month. None of us were able to recover from what happened, so after the short, fruitless investigation was over, we withdrew from school and went home.

I stayed until the end of the semester. When I went home, I just told my parents that I wanted to transfer to a school closer to home. I never told them why I made that decision. I have two younger brothers. I didn’t want my parents to be afraid to send them away to school; I didn’t want my brothers to be afraid to leave home and explore.

EDIT: Holy canoli, this kind of thing happens a lot more at college campuses than I realized. For those wondering how my parents haven’t found out, this was fifteen years ago. AIM was social media. I’ve told friends and cousins, but the story never made it back to my parents.

Image credits: ChillyChileChili

#6

When I was like 10-12 I threw a soccer trophy at my door during a tantrum. It put a hole in my side, but not all the way through.

I stuck a bumper sticker for my favorite college team over it.

I’m 28 and it’s still there.

Image credits: anon

#7

That I got lost in the woods hiking. The police had to rescue me. It was a whole big scene. I texted them with the little battery life I had on my phone and told them I was staying at a friends, so that they wouldn’t worry. The police eventually found me, and I got home at 5AM. They thought I was at a friends, and I’ve never told them the story.

Edit: As soon as I realized I was lost, I immediately called the police. I lied to my parents because I didn’t want them to freak out, and I needed the phone battery to talk to the people trying to find me.

Image credits: robbothwell

#8

That I was about to commit s*****e but didn’t simply because I was afraid it would fail and I would end up severely handicapped.

EDIT: Well this blew up a lot more than I expected, I’m not saying that I’m fine now but I’m definitely better. Thanks for all the supportive messages!

Image credits: PMme10DollarPSNcode

#9

My dad recently asked me how I paid for my college when he knows I don’t have a job. I’m never going to tell him that I became a local d**g lord for 24 months and moved hundreds of lb’s of pot through frat houses and cashed out when I was free of student loans.

Image credits: anon

#10

I skipped college for like 4 months
I was studying to become an english translator. The first month there was so f*****g bad, I couldnt stand the subjects, and as I hadnt finished high school yet(exams left), I could not keep going to college anyways.
So i spent the next months pretending I was going to class, while actually taking really long bus trips back and forth and reading books near the river.
Its the douchiest thing Ive done and I cant let my parents know.
EDIT for some context:
It was a public college anyways, but my parents wanted me to get a degree and a job as fast as possible. We’re pretty poor and have been without internet since my parents divorced(posting from my phone).

Image credits: anon

#11

That my sister got arrested in college for stealing hay (to spread around a friends yard as a hearty f**k you). Had to find an ‘adult’ who knew how to bail her out bc I was 17 … then wait for hours just to drive her drunk a*s back to he dorms.
Her punishment from the judge was to volunteer at a local barn shoveling hay and horse poops around

Image credits: IckNoTomatoes

#12

I had s*x with my cousin when we were in high school. Twice.

FAQ edit:

I actually went to high school four times: freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior years.

It was very much consensual.

It occurred after no longer being able to ignore sexual tension while hanging out together (just the two of us; great friendship; eventually got aroused). We lived under the same roof for a couple of years.

Image credits: MySixInchTaint

#13

I stole my moms earrings to give to my girlfriend in 3rd grade. She never found them….

Image credits: SuperStone412

#14

My parents are divorced and my mum used to tell me to ask my dad for money, for my hobbies, activities, etc. I never told her I stopped doing that when I was 15 because I was told that I was the reason his wife couldn’t buy herself anything nice. It was/is all complete and utter b******t.

Image credits: BlackEbolaCat

#15

In 1989 I got a tax return in the mail for $250. I was 13 at the time. I opened up a bank account and deposited the money.

My parents probably sold some stocks for my college account and overpaid the irs.

Image credits: anon

#16

Lately, everything I do. They have a nasty habit of giving unsolicited advice and judgment in everything I tell them, even after explicitly telling them how much it bothers me when they do. So they ask, and I don’t answer.

Image credits: GenitalFurbies

#17

That I am currently in a long-distance relationship with a woman twice my age who lives across the country. And that I’m flying out to go see her, not to go on a spontaneous vacation. (I’m in my 20’s).

Image credits: Throwitallthway101

#18

That I’m married

Image credits: holy-blood

#19

I’m glad my grandfather is dead. He was a*****e, but I don’t think my parents realized the extent of it.

#20

My mom doesn’t know that the mental/emotion a***e she inflicted on me as a child almost made me k**l myself at thirteen/fourteen. She is a very big denier of these actions and manipulations during my childhood but I’ve gone through therapy and have made my peace. We have a decent relationship now but it will never be what I have with my father. He’s the reason I stayed on this earth and even then I don’t even think he realizes that he literally saved my life when I asked him to fight for my custody at fifteen. I think he knows to some extent but I don’t want to ever ask if he knew bc I know how painful it is for him, he already struggles with the fact that he didn’t fight for me when they split (I was three). He chose to let me decide for myself and didn’t want me to resent him for taking me away from her without my own decision. I hit my breaking point and he jumped into action with a lawyer and saved my life. I try my hardest to reassure him that he was trying his best and regardless I still turned out okay but I know he still beats himself up over it.

#21

I used to play my game boy advanced every night for about 2 years, never told my parents and certainly don’t plan on it.

Edit: I should mention it was the SP variant, so there was no battery/lighting problems for me.

Image credits: Dragonairsniper

#22

I shot myself in the leg when I was 8 and fixed the hole with a wad of toilet paper and some duct tape. There’s still metal in there 20 years later.

edit: I’m going to answer some of the more common questions here so they stop getting asked.

* In my memory the bullet was huge, but in reality was likely just a .22LR.
* I have since seen a doctor, when I was 15, and he said the remaining metal wasn’t worth the risks of removal. It’s inert and mostly embedded in my shin. (This makes me like 0.00001% more Wolverine than you)
* The wad of toilet paper was actually 2 whole rolls of it, but at least half of it was flushed to hide the evidence.
* The fragments are too small to set off metal detectors. Next time I go through I’ll ask them to wand my leg and see if the wands can sense it though.

The story is pretty boring. My cousin and I were messing around with a fire behind his garage. Making flame throwers out of things that we’re lucky didn’t explode in our hands, like WD-40 cans and the like. In our horsing around my gun, actually I think it was my cousin’s gun, was knocked into the fire and I fished it out. While inspecting it I accidentally shot myself. This all happened pretty late at night the evening before a wedding so all the adults were wasted and we snuck into the downstairs bathroom to tend the wound.

Seems to be a right of passage in my family. My dad was shot for the first time when he was 9. Some crazy guy in a boat with a shotgun who ended up having to spend 2 nights in jail for it. My dad shot himself when he was 15, in the foot, and all the blood made his little brother feint so my dad had to carry his little brother out of the bush with a hole through his boot. So I come by the gun shot wounds honestly, at least.

Image credits: Killergoodbye

#23

My dog ate a whole pot cookie i left out once. My mom thought the neighbors tried to poison my dog by throwing something in a ziploc bag over the fence since the poor pup was falling over and ‘fainting’. In reality the pup stole my friday night from me.

Image credits: gnargnar666

#24

I am from the UK, when I was 16 I was holidaying in Mexico and ended up banging this American girl. Flew home and obviously thought that’s that, we literally live thousands of miles away I’ll never hear from her again. I’m 25 now and two years ago I got a message on facebook from her saying that she got pregnant and had the baby and that I have a son, she sent me some pictures and he does actually look like me.

I wouldn’t even consider telling my parents about this until I have absolute proof that the kid is mine, but even then it would break their hearts to know they have a 9 year old grandson they never saw. At the minute I’m kind of just playing it by ear.

UPDATE: While I appreciate the sentiment of most of your comments please try and appreciate the difficulty of my situation. Being this far away really does cause a lot of problems and it’s just scary to be honest, however, the majority of you were right I did need to do something so I went and found an American company that will collect a DNA sample from me in London and then conduct the paternity test in the US and send the results individually to both me and her so I guess I really did just need to get off my a**e and do something. I suppose I’ll be finding out sooner rather than later.

Image credits: IronTarkus91

#25

My mom found some used cotton swabs in the shower covered in a brownish red substance, she thought it was battery acid. She wanted to know what it was. She asked everyone in the house, no one knew. For some reason, it really bothered her. She went ballistic over it. ‘Someone in this house knows what this is!!! They didn’t just appear out of thin air!!!!’ Nobody knew. Later that day, it dawned on my that they were probably the qtips I used to clean out my ear (had a pimple or something) and it was dried blood. She was so mad, I didn’t want to confess. So I never told her. I am now 45 and still haven’t told her. She has even brought it up a few times over the years. I’m taking this one to my grave.

Image credits: h0lleyb

#26

TL;DR Stole my dads car when I had no licence and then had to race him home so that I didn’t get caught with it. Made it.

When I was 17 I went to court and lost my licence for what ended up being 4 years, that part they knew about.

One day, when I was 18 and living in a flat with a friend about 15kms away from where my parents lived at the time, I decided that I was going to get up early the next day, catch a train and a bus back to their place early the next morning to get my car which was in there garage.

Long story short, I got really high and stayed up until about 3am. At this point I decided that I’d be better off staying up because I’d probably sleep through my 7am alarm and waste the day. Left my place at about 6am instead for the 2hr journey. Got to my parents at around 8, after they’d left for work.

When I got there I found that my father had taken my car to work and left his car at home. Not wanting to waste the day I decided to take his car. First thing I drove back to my place where I was going to have a shower and get ready.

Got home and sat down on the lounge and it turns out that I was way more tired than I’d thought. Probably had something to do with getting high all night instead of sleeping. I fell asleep.

I awake to the sound of my phone ringing, it’s 6:30pm and my father is calling me. I panic and pick up the phone thinking I was busted. He was downstairs at my place, there to drop something off to me that I’d asked for earlier in the week. I grab his car keys from the table, stuffed them in my pocket and ran downstairs to meet him.

As soon as I was done talking with him I walked until I was out of sight and then bolted to his car which is parked 2 streets away. I got in the car and floored it, taking a different root back to his rather than the one I knew he’d take. I called my friend who lived about half way between my parents place and mine, I pleaded with him to jump in the car and get to my parents place to pick me up. I explained as much as I could in the short time that I had.

I called my father and asked him to stop and check if I’d left some shoes or something in the boot of my car. After some convincing he stopped to look for the non existent boots. I went screaming past the the one intersection I knew our paths could cross and raced to his place.

Parked the car in the driveway, jumped in my mates car and saw him driving out of his street. Luckily he didn’t see me. I will never tell him this. Ever.

Image credits: Noobpooner

#27

When I was in 3rd grade, I found polaroids of my parents getting down and dirty on their honeymoon. Being the dip s**t that I was, I brought them to school and traded them to one of my friends for a holographic Charizard card. They never found out. I still have the card. I win.

Image credits: anon

#28

It not actually an online game. I can pause it.

Image credits: Cruzin-Downtown

#29

That I have a tattoo. It’s been 4.5 years and they have never seen it.

Image credits: _ohhello

#30

First time I saw a naked woman, I was with my grandpa. He showed me the photos.

Edit: I feel like I need to tell my parents now, because this thread is awesome.

#31

I’m a teen and they’re somewhat strict – they don’t let me have my phone after 10:00 at night. So I found my moms old phone, reset it, set it up with my ID so that it would forward text messages from my normal phone to it, and I keep it in my room.

Edit: back when I had the apple restrictions on my phone I also found a way to disable those

#32

My dad always comments on how confident and chill I seem. I’m usually experiencing a lot of anxiety, mostly about money and my future. Hard to let those feelings show, though.

Edit: it’s great a feeling to see that there are so many other people out there who experience this same feeling.

#33

I am terrified of them

#34

I watched all 8 seasons of GOT without my parents knowing. My mom would never let me watch it but I told my dad after I was done and we talk about it all the time when she’s not around

#35

I was only about 9-10. When my older brother would get home from high school he would constantly ring the door bell for me to open the door. He has his own keys but he just kept ringing. It annoyed me almost everyday.

One day I start yelling out to open it himself.

He kicks the window by the door, it shatters and a tiny shard cuts my foot. No big deal, just a band aid fix.

We call mum and dad saying someone threw a rock, and my brother even found a rock outside as evidence. Mum and dad call the police later when they get home, police arrive, there’s a full report done.

And my brother and I have never mentioned the story again.

I’m glad that it wasn’t some hard core detective s**t, where he asked how I injured my foot.

#36

I took care of some minor debt he had with some shady d**g dealer that had him in trouble. He died last month (unrelated) and took it to the grave. There’s no point telling them now so I will too.

#37

That my brother’s truck wasn’t *technically* broken in to. He accidentally locked his keys in the truck while shopping at goodwill for a tie for his interview he was on his way to. So he immediately called the insurance company telling them his car was broken into and was asking if it was covered. They said yes, so he takes the tire iron out of the bed of his truck and smashed his own window in to get his keys. Insurance fixed the window AND he got the job.

#38

When i was younger i went to walmart and my brother was in charge of me.Well i loved to run away from him while he chases me,anyway a man grabbed me while i was running and my brother saved me some how.So i was almost kidnapped.

#39

I broke my moms waterbed having s*x, the same night she came home really drunk and when she woke up in the morning she thought she did and didn’t remember.

#40

When my dad and I lived with his then fiance years ago, her oldest daughter and I used to fool around.

#41

I once took too much Salvia and was gone for 70 years

Edit: Got alot of questions about my experience and decided to type it out

Long story short:

I traveled trough the universe, ended up on the other side of it. Was a part of a intergalactic counsel and represented humanity. After explaining earth and humanity to them in their own language that they taught me, I traveled back and crash-landed in my friends sofa as a completely empty shell, everything about me was gone.

I started with the classic “Where am I, Who are you…Who am I?”
They started talking to me but I did not understand the language, so I thought to myself “Hah, you sound so silly”

Then my whole life flashed in-front of my eyes and I was back to “normal”

F****d up s**t.

Image credits: anon

#42

I take my dog out to play fetch one day in the summer

we play behind my house in the meadow it is by the edge of the forest anyways my dog run away into the forest i chase after him and i find him in a skunk den getting eaten by the skunks

i tell my mom he get lost in the forest and i never did find him

i do not tell my mom i did find him but he was a skunk lunch.

Image credits: sylmond_duda

#43

I’ve spent over $1000 dollars on s*x toys for myself in the span of 2 years.

#44

My car got towed today, right after finding a new apartment. Still don’t know if I should be happy or sad

#45

That my first hospitalization for s******l ideation was actually an attempt. It would break my mom’s heart.

#46

That I share a bed (and more) with my “roommate.”

#47

I’ve been married for 6 years. My husband and I have been together almost 40 years but we were crazy kids who didn’t need a piece of paper to prove our love. After a health scare my husband’s sister made a comment that implied she had a closer legal relationship than I did. It was offhanded but it made us think. We already had wills, medical power of attorney, etc., paperwork done but we decided to get married just to make it more cut and dry. Only a few people know we’re married. Our kids and a couple of close friends. And now some people on Reddit.

#48

When we were in middle/high school, my younger brother used to get in trouble at school a lot. Whenever the school called our house to to inform my parents, I would answer the phone and pretend to be my dad.

#49

I got hit by a snowplow (rather, the snow coming off the plow) while building a snow fort right next to the road. Shot out of the fort and tossed 10 feet away. I still hate plows.

#50

Sister and I were once playing with our little brother and throwing him onto our parent’s bed. I was holding his feet, she was holding his hands, on the third swing we would let him go flying onto the king sized water bed. On one throw, sister was laughing too much and let go of brother’s hands right at the bottom of the swing. I ended up swinging him by his feet into the bottom of a bed post. His head was split open a quarter inch or so, bled as head wounds do. We cleaned everything up and convinced him to stop crying by the time that mom and dad got home. He was maybe 5 at the time.

#51

That my little sister didn’t break her arm by accidentally falling off the bunk bed, but rather that she broke her arm when we flung her off of it during a game of King of the Hill (bunkbed)

My parents were out at aerobics class, in a very pre-cell phone age. We just tried to keep her comfortable and waited patiently for them to get home.

We did finally tell them last year, and they thought it was hilarious. We kept that secret for close to 30 years.

#52

My younger sister went to a party in High School and got black out drunk. She was staying the night with a friend that night, and her Mom brought her home about 2 in the morning. Me and my younger brother carried her into our house to her basement bedroom. I locked her in her room, set my alarm for 6am, and got a few hours of sleep. I got her up the next morning, she was still drunk, snuck her out the backdoor. She walked about a mile to a gas station, called her friend who came and picked her up. My Mom picked her up around noon.

When she passed out, she fell and scraped her temple and cheek. My Mom questioned her, she claimed she’d gotten in a fight.

30 years later, my Mom was reminiscing about that night and the fight. We spilled the beans, my Mom was stunned that we got away with it because she was such a light sleeper and I never got away with any kind of deception as a teen.

#53

When I was about 8 my little sister and I broke a candy jar. We told our stepmom when she called and she said “it’s okay, throw away all the candy it’s old anyways.” Being the unsupervised children we were, we ate every last piece, probably about 300+ pieces of candy total. The next day we were throwing up all day and our parents assumed it was the flu. We didn’t touch another piece of candy for several months after that

#54

That my little brother didnt break his arm playing baseball. He broke his arm while we were sword fighting with baseball bats and I saw a shot and I took it.

#55

My brother is asexual.

My dad is one of the macho, Don Draper types who used to chase his secretaries around the desk back in the day so I always made up a bunch of b******t stories about all the poontang my bro used to pull in college just to impress the old man.

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