While painful, regret can also be a motivator for learning and growth, encouraging us to avoid repeating past mistakes and make better decisions in the future. We guess that’s why self-help author Debbie Ford once said, “Pain can be our greatest teacher.”
Someone on the web asked hospital workers, “What regrets do you hear from dying patients?”, and folks who’ve been there in people’s last moments shared the words that hit them the hardest. Here’s a list of some of their most profound responses.
More info: Reddit
#1
Some people just want you to let them go. I had a man with terminal cancer break down crying after his daughters left the room because they wanted him to “keep fighting” and he just wanted to rest and pass peacefully.
Learn when to let go.
Image credits: SheWolf04
#2
I was a hospice nurse. One of my elderly patients had skin cancer, a huge malignant melanoma on the side of his neck that was growing rapidly. He had been a farmer all his life and never married. One night we were talking and I asked him if there was anything he wished he had done differently in his life, and he thought about it a minute and said he wished he had worn a hat when he was farming. I wish he did too.
Image credits: BollweevilKnievil
#3
I worked in long term care for 12 years. I remember a married couple that shared a room. She had cancer and kidney failure. I was helping her eat lunch one day with her husband sitting there with us. She looked like death but her husband looked at her then at me and said have you ever seen a more beautiful woman? I had to leave and go to the bathroom and cry. I cried for days every time I thought of what he said. I thought I would never know what it was like to be loved like that. I had been divorced for years. I couldn’t even tell the story without tearing up.
Footnote….I was divorced 23 years when I met Rod. Been together for 11 years. I know that love now. It’s never too late.
Image credits: Moonpixy
#4
My grandmother used to be a nurse and she would say “I’ve seen a lot of people through their last days and heard a lot of regrets, but I have never heard anyone coming up to the end wishing they had spent more time working.”.
Image credits: TheMatt666
#5
He wished he had been a better father to his daughter. He wished they had reconnected. His dementia prevented him from remembering they had reconnected years before and that she visited often.
I wish I could have made him aware that he had accomplished his last wish. But he died not really understanding that.
Image credits: shesagdb
#6
This was a weird one for me and actually apropos for my current life. I still think about her. Happened maybe 6-7 years ago.
Older 70’s female with hx of breast cancer. In ICU for sepsis I believe. I talked to her and she mentioned she was widowed. I gave my condolences and stated “That’s hard, I’m sorry about your loss. I imagine you miss him.” To my surprise she told me “No, actually I don’t. I was relieved when he died. I was never happy with him. I didn’t leave him because that’s not what we did back in the day. So here I wasted many years with a man who didn’t treat me well, and now I have cancer.”
Oof. Life lesson folks.
Image credits: Like_The_Spice
#7
Paramedic but close enough.
Made a run on a woman in her 30’s for shortness of breath. Her and her boyfriend had just moved into an apartment together. They were fighting over something trivial, which room to unpack first or something. He thought she was just being dramatic. We transported, she never made it. Went from awake and talking to unresponsive and asystolic (no cardiac activity) in a matter of seconds.
They were so caught up in a little argument that they never said goodbye. They never told each other they loved them.
She didn’t have any last words. And honestly that’s even worse.
Image credits: Flame5135
#8
I worked as an oncology nurse right out of nursing school. I was barely 21 years old. Had a patient about my age who was dying of lung cancer. A few hours before he died I sat with him and he was telling me how much he wished that he would have had more time-to maybe fall in love, marry, have kids. He was so young. He asked me to call his parents and he died shortly after they arrived. It was awful. His regrets were more about the life not lived. Many older patients had some interesting life stories and most wanted to tell them before they died. Most were at peace with the life they lived. Many regretted working so much and not spending enough time with family.
Image credits: MagiBee218
#9
Not taking their sick leave and PTOs. Grinding their whole life. Not being there for loved ones.
Image credits: manila_slim
#10
I’ve been a nurse for 14 years, the one thing that still hits me is a 14year old boy fighting cancer, did the transplant but died fighting the side-effects of that transplant. I’ve nursed him for almost a year and we have grown very close. The day he went away to his home country in the US I told him I am his big momma and when he returned, we would be together doing many plans. His dream was to be a doctor, so I told him I would quit my job and be his nurse the moment he becomes a Doctor. On the night before he and his family left, my husband(chef) cooked for the family and all the nurses his favourite foods. My husband taught my patient on how to cook the recipes. My patient also loves to cook. We had dinner together and I was crying my eyes out afterwards. He is like a second son to me. His last words to me are, ”I will make sure to meet you again.” The day I found out from his mother he had passed away, I was devastated.
Image credits: Professional-Try-118
#11
I’ve worked in long term care for over a decade. I can’t speak for the young, but most often old people regret the things they DIDN’T do.
Image credits: anon
#12
I don’t know what to make of this. But I worked patient transportation for about 4 years so I got to encounter a lot of people.
The number one thing I always heard was “don’t get old”. It felt like I’d hear it at least a few times a week if not more often.
I won’t say much more but hearing that from dozens of different people with different backgrounds who all end up in the same situation, it makes ya think.
Image credits: anon
#13
I work in a hospital delivering trays to patients. I’ve had multiple patients that have requested a final meal, only to be gone by the time I get it up to them. I haven’t heard their last words, but I think seeing what their last meal would have been says a lot on its own.
EDIT: Thank you for the award. I have no idea what this means but it made my day.
Image credits: greenouroboros8
#14
I work in a hospital. Whenever someone is at the end of their life, they always just want to be with their loved ones. Any regrets I’ve heard is always family related… They wanted more time with the people they love.
Most people are at peace with things though.
People also tend to wish they took their health seriously.
Image credits: ghost_zebra
#15
I work in long term care. Majority male. A LOT of the men regret their marriage.
Also one patient had a psychotic breakdown in his 50’s. He’s in his mid 70’s/ hospice now and says his entire family haven’t talked to him since. All he knows is “words were said and I burned all my bridges.”
HAPPY THINGS HAPPEN TOO!
Image credits: Scat_Olympics
#16
“Not yet! I can’t die yet. I still have so much growing to do. I want to see my children and grandchildren grow up…”
I am a physician trainee who has done a decent amount of palliative care. I have been privileged to hear many stories and be part of many deaths, but I still can’t explain why it is that certain lines remain with me and hit me so much harder. The gentleman who told me the line above was in his late 60s-early 70s. It made me reflect on how I view patients in this age group – yes, much older than myself, but still with growing and living to do.
I also think of a woman in her 50s I met early on in my training. She and her female partner had never married – partly due to laws, partly because it had never seemed important. When she was diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer, they regretted never making that step. I attended their small wedding in the hospital. She died a few days later.
Image credits: yuanchosaan
#17
Being alone. Although the ones with family around them face different problems, the ones that have no one there in the end seem to have the toughest time.
Image credits: lolrin
#18
It always seems to be things people regret not doing (ex i wish i had gone to england) and regreting not spending time with the people they love the most. Remember to do what you love and dont do anything during the day that you will regret at night.
Image credits: crackerjack222
#19
That they hadn’t utilized hospice services sooner.
Image credits: azaleapirate
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