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In December 2020, my husband passed away in a tragic car accident
Image credits: panyawat auitpol (not the actual photo)
We had been together for 17 years, and I was completely heartbroken. My sister told me she couldn’t come to the funeral because of COVID, which I tried to understand – until I later found out she had gone to a huge party at her father’s family’s house (we have different dads) and ended up catching COVID there.
That’s when something inside me snapped. The rest of the family said I was being immature for being upset, but the truth is, my sister has never really been there for me. When we were younger, I went into foster care while she lived comfortably with my grandparents on my father’s side. As adults, I’ve always been the one dropping everything to help her.
When her boyfriend broke up with her, I took a day off work to comfort her. When her car broke down, I drove two hours to pick her up. When she went away for the weekend, I drove 45 minutes each way twice a day to take care of her birds – even though I was supposed to be on bed rest with my second daughter due to pregnancy complications. I have two daughters, and she has no children, but that never stopped her from expecting me to prioritize her needs over mine.
I’m 42 now, and she’s 47, and I’ve just reached my breaking point. When my younger daughter almost died at age two from serious complications, my sister acted like we didn’t even exist. I should’ve seen the signs earlier – like when she showed up to my wedding wearing a white dress – but I let it slide for the sake of keeping peace.
My husband’s passing, though, was the final straw.
While my daughters and I were grieving, she chose to be with her father’s family instead of supporting us
Image credits: Claudia Wolff (not the actual photo)
I’ve been there for her since day one, while those people ignored her existence until she turned 40. Now, I’m just done being the one who always shows up when she never has.
So, dear Pandas, after reading all this – AITA for being upset with my sister?
Expert’s Advice
This is a deeply painful situation, and it’s understandable that you’re struggling. You’ve consistently gone above and beyond for your sister, yet her actions show a lack of consideration for you and your family.
A few key things to consider:
- Your feelings are valid. You’ve experienced loss, stress, and ongoing disappointment. It’s normal to feel hurt and frustrated by her choices.
- Boundaries matter. You can decide how much time, energy, and support you give. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it protects your emotional well-being.
- Focus on your immediate family. Your children and your own healing come first. It’s okay to prioritize your household over a sibling who repeatedly disregards you.
- Expect respect, not perfection. Healthy relationships require mutual care and consideration. You have the right to step back when respect is lacking.
- Seek support if needed. Talking with a counselor or support group can help process grief, anger, and long-standing family dynamics.
Ultimately, you’re not wrong for protecting yourself and your children from repeated emotional harm. Prioritizing your well-being is a sign of strength, not failure.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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