We all make mistakes in life. Nobody’s perfect. What matters is how we react to our failures, whether we let them take root and turn into shame or regret, or learn from them and do better in the future. But not everyone learns at the same pace. In some cases, it takes a long while for the lesson to sink in.

The r/AskOldPeople online community on Reddit opened up about the mistakes they’d made past the age of 30, after being asked to share their regrets by user u/otherworldly_mirror. Read on to see what pitfalls to avoid in adult life.

#1

Staying with my company over 15 years and being told I won’t be getting any raises going forward bc I’m at the top end of the range. It’s my biggest regret bc I thought (foolishly) loyalty meant something.

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#2

Throwing myself into work and not being more present for my family. You can’t ever get that time back.

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#3

Getting married.

I’m happily divorced now, fourteen years. I’ll never make that mistake again.

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Living a life with no regrets whatsoever is next to impossible. Feeling regret is a very human emotion. It means that we still probably haven’t learned the lessons we were meant to.

However, as consultant Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., writes on Psychology Today, research is quite clear on one thing. Broadly speaking, people most often regret not doing something rather than doing something. Taking that to heart, making a mistake and learning from it is far better than never having had the courage to try.

In some cases, however, it’s better to be prudent instead of rushing headlong into something risky. Whatever the case might be, ask yourself whether you’ll regret (not) doing something before you make a decision.

#4

Ignoring childhood trauma and pretending everything is okay instead of dealing with it. It just ends up controlling you and eats you up eventually.

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#5

Continuing doing extreme sports even after the 5th orthopedic surgery. I’m in chronic pain now.

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#6

Not taking the time to learn about myself and spending some time alone understanding who I am before getting married.

This was a mistake in my 20s, but I did the same thing on my 2nd (in my 30s) and 3rd husbands (in my 40s). I am still married to my 3rd, but I really appreciate my alone time.

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According to Davis, it’s through accepting negative emotions like regret that we deal with them and then move on. Regret is what motivates us to correct our behavior so we don’t feel the same emotions again.

In the United States, the most common regrets among adults include missed educational and romantic opportunities, unwise romantic adventures, not spending enough time with loved ones, rushing into something too soon, and failing to “seize the moment.”

#7

Believing I could get a guy to change if only I was “good enough” for him. Oof.

Vivid-Gur0822:

Ooh yes! THIS! This is probably the mistake in my life that caused the chain reaction of mistakes I made all through my 20s, possibly early 30s as well lol (I’m 39).

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#8

That is so easy for me. I left my husband and 3 young children for a douche bag. It’s a good 30 years ago and our kids are all adults.

I will never forgive myself for abandoning my family.

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#9

Regaining 60 pounds that I took off in my late 40s. Fortunately, I took the weight off again about six years later and have kept it off since.

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As we’ve recently covered on Bored Panda, as we grow older and our bodies change, it becomes more challenging for us to learn new information and skills. This is because our brain’s ability to form new neural connections, known as neuroplasticity, slows down. On top of that, the hippocampus (which we need to form memories) shrinks, cognitive functions are reduced as the blood flow to the brain decreases, and neurotransmitter systems can decline.

However, this doesn’t make learning impossible. Our bodies and brains adapt. And the more we take care of both of them, the better off we’ll be. Our brains are akin to muscles in that the more we practice learning, the better at it we’ll be.

#10

A couple years ago, I made the mistake of letting an ex-friend weasel her way back into my life. She came with all kinds of reasons/excuses for her bad behavior in the past, said she’d totally changed and gone through therapy, etc. So I figured I’d give her a 2nd chance. Within a year, she was doing exactly the same kind of things, even worse than before. After calling her out on a couple of bad acts, she went totally ballistic on me. So I dropped her again. My mistake. :-/

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#11

Using people for sex. I specifically regret not being more gentle with their emotions and being more honest about mine.

I wasn’t a womanizer but there were a couple occasions when I knew I would seriously break a really great girl’s heart and I did it anyway. I’m ashamed of myself for doing that.

Image credits: PicoRascar

#12

Got into massive debt for the third (F**K!) time in my life recently. Despite the fact that I had done so much reading about FIRE and other personal finance stuff. Just thought I was sooooo f****n’ smart and yet I still went and did it anyway…

I didn’t figure it out until I used one of those debt payoff calculators online that shows you pie charts of how long til payoff, how much interest, etc. where you can plugin different payoff times and/or monthly payments.

It took the visual of a pie chart and the rest to finally get it on a “gut level” and finally pull my head out of my a*s…

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Aside from getting the basics like sleep, nutrition, and exercise right, you can also keep your brain in tip-top shape by carving out time for learning and new experiences.

You could, for instance, sign up for online or in-person courses to learn a new skill or sharpen an old one. But education doesn’t have to be so formal. You can listen to podcasts, meet new people, travel somewhere you’ve never been… Even making a meal you’ve never attempted before can spark new life in your mind and your life.

#13

Trusting one diagnosis and not getting second opinions. Getting misdiagnosed for 7 years and used like a guinea pig for pharmaceutical testing almost killed me.

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#14

Oh yea… getting involved with a co-worker. I was in my 40’s. NEVER again. Ever… and I can confidently say never.

odinskriver39:

Definitely the co-worker mistake. We were both separated and the story sharing date turned into fun for a while and then a bad marriage. Really glad I got out and listened to the friend who wanted me to meet her friend. Third time is the last and best.

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#15

People still drink and drive well past age 30. I doubt how much it will cost them (or whoever they kill) ever enters their mind.

BTW if you live and breathe you will make mistakes, growing wiser means you take responsibility for them ( meaning you stop whining “It’s not my faultttttt) and limit the fallout to others.

#16

Cashing in stock options to pay bills; the employer who’d issued them has since become acquired X2. Lost just under $500K. So that’s fun.

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#17

Still make friends that I am not compatible with, who have used and abused me, force me into friendships. Most of my psychological harm has been caused in the last 6/7 years by narcissistic or dismissive people. They latch on to you and don’t let go. I need to stand up and just cut them immediately.

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#18

Dated someone else with bipolar again. I have bipolar so dating someone else with bipolar is a really bad idea. You would have thought I would have learned the first time around but apperently not. At least the second guy wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the first one. Je is a halfway decent guy it’s just when I date people with bipolar our mental health problems feed off each other. It’s just not healthy for anyone in the situation.

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#19

Getting a better job a with a decent boost in salary when I was in my early 30s, then being complacent and not taking my career any further because (due to my low self-esteem) I assumed this was as good as it gets. So treaded water for 20 years until I was laid off (though did good work and was well-regarded by my employer). If I could turn back time I would have spent those 20 years networking, job hopping and aggressively doing everything I could to advance my career.

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#20

Not getting myself out of a long distance commute in my 50s, which probably caused me to retire sooner than I would have otherwise. Gripping the wheel for all that time also worsened the arthritis in my left hand to the point that I can’t work on cars.

#21

Financed a new luxury model vehicle late in life that caused me to extend how long I worked before retirement. The $ would have been much better utilized in retirement savings. Idiot.

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#22

Marrying the wrong person for the wrong reason

Met my ex at a church function. Hit if off ‘okay’. Nothing great or friends whatnot. Just an odd ‘attraction’ that *somehow* turned to a brief dating before getting engaged 4 mos. later (huh? ?) Never once declaring any love. Just assuming we were. The relationship was compatible as Christians (it wasn’t) Zero in common (didn’t dawn on us) I wanted to wait another year, but he was impatient insisting we marry “now”. Couldn’t wait. Well, big mistake. Barely lasted 3-years with consistent arguing and disagreement because of our polar differences and delusion. Mercifully divorcing at 4, getting our lives back. To finally be ourselves.

Lesson learned: … Don’t marry the wrong person for wrong reasons because “its time” or you’re lonely.

#23

No ones is going to like this answer… but I took my chance to have children for granted. By my mid 30s I was almost out of eggs and spent almost $100k to have a baby. I am now 40 with a toddler, and it’s exhausting but zero regrets.

#24

I grew up with an alcoholic dad (he’s 25 years sober now and I’m so proud of him), and a manic depressed mother (who died in 2009 and I still miss her terribly). Neither of them were physically abusive, but they both left their mark on me. Almost all of my relationships (familial, plutonic, and romantic), were toxic. Making everyone else happy was my priority. There was always that little voice in my head that told me that I needed help, but I ignored it. I’m 47 and it wasn’t until a s*icide attempt 2 months ago that left me hospitalized for a week that I started getting the help I needed. Now I’m on medication and seeing a therapist every week and I’m actually starting to feel happy for the first time in years! I wish I had listened to that little voice sooner.

#25

I took out student loans to go to college after I got clean. I was able to get my degree but now I’m in my late 60’s and I still have 46k in student loans. I’m not willing to work until I die just to pay them off. I’m not even using my degree for my job. I don’t have anyone to blame but myself, but I’m still pissed that I didn’t know enough about money management until I hit my late 50’s.

#26

Not getting a college degree in something useful and lucrative. I actually managed to do ok with my English degree but I like money so I regret not putting in the effort to enhance my money-making capabilities.

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#27

Getting married for the THIRD TIME and, yes, here I am getting ready for my THIRD divorce. Just shack up people. Just live in sin LOL! Who even cares. I will be 61 soon. Way too old for this c**p. Thanks for asking though. Have a blessed day. 

#28

Started doing c*ke in my early 40’s. Lost everything (kids, house, dog, cars and a lot of money). I had to move away from my home state. I’ve been clean for about 16 years.

#29

I fell for all the finance manager’s tricks when I bought my car about 10 years ago. I ended up buying a bunch of dealer extended warranties that I didn’t want because he snuck an extra 6 months worth of payments. I thought the sales guy was the one to watch out for, but he was easy. I bought a new car for my wife recently and I want in to the finance managers office expecting another ambush, but it was fine. I just got a real dirt bag last time.

#30

I’m 63F now. When I was 32, I met and married my late husband. He was a genius (literally,) but ultimately a covert narcissist who abused me and our children for decades – while making it look like HE was the long-suffering victim.

OP mentioned being able to afford one’s mistakes. I worked to put my late husband through college. He took his BA with honors in Philosophy, Summa Cum Laude. He was recognized at the Honors Convocation as having overcome drug addiction and homelessness to achieve great academic heights.

Then, he went on to law school, moving our little family 3000 miles from home. Five weeks later, he quit. Not because it was difficult, but because he just didn’t want to do it, he said. Looking back, I can see that as a covert narc, he must have realized that he could not become a successful lawyer while still playing victim. He had to shoot himself in the foot, so to speak.

Well, he refused to work, Woe was him! But he became a master of the household budget and he pushed me to work as much overtime as possible. pported our family of 5 on my income alone. I paid off his student loan for law school in 12 years. I learned there is such a thing as financial abuse and he exerted that over our family. He convinced us that were were one stick of gum away from homelessness.

Why did I not divorce him? Two reasons: 1) God hates divorce. 2) In our home state (to which we had returned,) I’d have had to pay him alimony to keep him in the lifestyle to which he was accustomed.

Instead, I focused on the ways he actually served us well. He was an astounding chef and pitmaster. We ate so well, and still on a budget. He actually squirreled aside some $15K from all those “sticks of gum” he kept me from buying over the years. That money came in real handy when he died in the pandemic.

My big regret in all of this is that the true love of my life had gotten a divorce the same year that I married this clown. I wish I’d been able to spend an extra 28 years with my Mr. Right. The moment my true love discovered I’d been widowed, he and I got married without a date, without a proposal, without a doubt.

#31

Due to the stress and social isolation of the pandemic, I made some mistakes in my 40s that I never would have thought myself capable of. I was mortified when I realized what I’d done. I hope I’ll never do anything like that again – both because I hope I learned from the experience and because I hope I’d never be that desperate again.

#32

I didn’t make the mistake but 2 people in my friend group did.

There are 5 of us that grew up together and are still friends. Up to our late 20s none of us had real jobs or responsibilities. Every weekend was party time. I got married at 33, got a really good job and consider myself in a good place mentally and financially.

But two of my friends are now nearly 50, have never had permanent employment and basically survive by help from friends and relatives. They still drink and smoke weed almost on a daily basis. As far as I know they have no mental or physical issues that would keep them in their current situation. I’ve just come to the conclusion that they are lazy.

That could easily of been me. I credit my spouse and family 100% for helping me not make that mistake.

#33

Ghosting a potential romantic partner (I was 39, so close enough 40). Just went on a couple dates. I should have said I wasn’t interested but I just let it lapse due to sheer laziness and fear. The guilt I felt was overwhelming, I’d never do that ever again. I still feel bad.

#34

Made the mistake of trying to save a divorced woman and her family by getting emotionally and physically involved. Seven years of my life I wish I could get back. Let’s just say that she knew how to use the cookie.

#35

Mine isn’t as dramatic or serious as others, but I really hate when I’ve been an a*****e or s****y person. I really try hard not to be, but you know… human is human.

#36

After a heart wrenching divorce at 50, I started dating three years later. Though I vowed to be careful going forward, I got involved with a sociopath who further destroyed any self-esteem I had left. Whatever possessed me to hang around such a self-absorbed, cruel man still haunts me. I knew what he was three months into the relationship, yet I stayed. That was 15 years ago. I never dated again. Why would a woman who had spent 28 with a man who destroyed take up with a worse nightmare? I am grateful my adult children were kept in the dark about Mom’s foolishness. You can make terrible mistakes at any age.

#37

I am a 55 y.o. and got into a physical altercation with a stranger at the dog park because they punched my dog in her face for no good reason.

On the one hand, I don’t regret it. In fact, I’m sure I’d do it again.

On the other hand, it’s embarrassing that it happened at all. I wish I had recognized the risk sooner and found a way to prevent him from being close to her.

#38

my pickup died and i need a truck fast… i regret buying a ford ranger….my first and only ford..and i knew better but …..worst ever…stupid s**t broke all the time….pulling out on the highway, accelerator cable snapped, under the hood….tailgate release snapped in half… e break always stuck… cable for the heater snapped, no fan… i was so glad when that POS died…

#39

One of the biggest mistakes I made and have always regretted was selling my old Chevy El Camino.

#40

Yes, you are still capable of making bad mistakes past your 30’s.

But what does happen is that, *if you reflect on your mistakes and treat them as the learning opportunities that they are*, you make fewer mistakes and the consequences become less severe.

For example, I used to say and do things during fights with my wife that really hurt her and brought us to the brink of divorce. I wasn’t *trying* to. I just didn’t have enough awareness of how I was hurting her. Now our fights are less common and less painful, even though I’m still not perfect.

The same decrease in frequency and severity happens in your work life as well. It’s why VP’s and CEO’s tend to be old. You don’t want the people with the most power to sink your company to be people who haven’t made enough mistakes in life to figure out how to reduce the frequency and severity of their mistakes.

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