If you’re in a relationship and receive an invitation to a wedding, you’d probably assume that you get to attend together. However, due to budget constraints, venue capacity, and other factors, guests’ partners don’t always make the cut.
Just like it happened to this couple, which made the one who wasn’t invited feel disrespected and hurt. So much so that she wanted her partner to decline the invitation altogether.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with a sustainable wedding and event planner JoAnn Moore and micro wedding planners Kate and Caroline from You’re Invited WI, who kindly agreed to share their insights on wedding plus-one etiquette.
For various reasons, guests’ partners don’t always make the cut for the wedding
Image credits: Alexander Mass / Pexels (not the actual photo)
As it happened to this couple, which made the woman quite hurt
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anthony Tran / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SukiBean214
Image credits: Ricardo Moura / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“It’s your day, not a plus-one free-for-all”
Interviewed wedding experts say that it can be acceptable to deny a plus-one to a few chosen wedding guests, as long as it’s done in a consistent and thoughtful manner.
“Your wedding guest list should reflect your priorities—budget, venue size, and vibe. It’s your day, not a plus-one free-for-all. As long as you’re consistent and thoughtful, it’s absolutely okay to make those decisions,” say micro wedding planners Kate and Caroline from You’re Invited WI.
“Denying a plus one to a few guests is acceptable if they know that the person they plan to invite is NOT in a serious relationship,” additionally notes a sustainable wedding and event planner JoAnn Moore. “If the guest invited has a ‘significant other,’ meaning a married partner, engaged, or has been in a long-time relationship, the guest should be allowed to bring their ‘significant other’ to the celebration. For a guest to add a plus one should never be expected or acceptable.”
Valid reasons for not offering a guest a plus-one could be the budget or the size and space of the venue, wanting to keep the event intimate, and avoiding strangers at a small celebration.
“Also, note that the hosts for the event are usually the parents or the couple themselves. With the costs of weddings and special events skyrocketing, it is ok for the host to express the limitations of a budget. The hosts’ choice of venue limitations for the number of guests can also be a safety concern with respect to capacity, and we would hope that guests would understand the hard decisions the couples all have to make,” says Moore.
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“Guests should be respectful of the hard decisions couples need to make”
If it happens that a guest’s partner isn’t invited, wedding experts say that they should try to be understanding. “A little understanding goes a long way. Every couple has different constraints and intentions. Most guests get it—especially when it’s a micro wedding or a smaller event with clear communication,” Kate and Caroline say.
“Although the budget is of no concern to the guests, all guests should be grateful for the invitation and understanding of the couple’s difficult decision to limit the number of guests invitations,” Moore agrees. “Guests should be respectful of the hard decisions couples need to make.”
In order to keep the complicated plus-one situation tension and falling-out free, wedding experts stress that kind and honest communication is a must.
“A personal note on the invite or a casual, honest conversation can go a long way. Something like, ‘We’d love to include everyone, but we’re keeping things small and meaningful. Thanks for understanding!’ Your true friends will support you no matter what,” Kate and Caroline assure.
“I recommend a polite and honest conversation with the guest who did not receive a ‘plus one’ invitation. ‘I’m sorry, our budget is very limited, and we made the difficult decision to keep the guest list to a minimum,’” seconds Moore. “Or, ‘The venue we selected has a strict guest count, making it difficult for us to allow everyone to have a plus one.’ It can also happen that guests who did not have a plus one meet someone special at a wedding or celebration, resulting in a relationship.”
Lastly, Kate and Caroline advise future spouses not to feel guilty for making decisions that honor their vision. “The people who love you will show up—plus-one or not.”
The comment section of the post was filled with all sorts of opinions
Later, the woman shared an update
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SukiBean214
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