A doctor’s office is a safe place to not just talk but actually solve medical problems. And since we leave our privacy well shut behind its closed doors, we can hardly imagine what doctors have to deal with on a daily basis.

This time, we’re not talking just about any doctors but obstetricians, gynecologists, and midwives who meet, greet and treat pregnant people. Who help patients to bring healthy and happy little angels, aka daredevils, into this crazy world.

“Midwives/gynecologists of Reddit, what’s the weirdest thing you heard from a pregnant woman or her family that made you think they had no prior sexual/medical education?” someone asked on Ask Reddit. The thread soon turned into an illuminating read giving us a very rare glimpse into all the craziness doctors have heard from their patients.

• Read More: Doctors Share 33 Weird, Unworldly, And Seriously Concerning Things They’ve Heard From Pregnant Women

#1

When my great grandmother went into labour with her first child at 18 she asked how the baby was going to come out and the midwife said “the same way it went in love”.

Image credits: ThePsychicHotline

#2

My Dad was a GP (he retired about ten years ago). He had a couple – lovely people, very young, a bit unworldly – come to see him to discuss their failure to conceive, about thirty years ago, when I was ten or so. He was bright enough to ask what they were doing in bed.

They had BOTH somehow come to the conclusion that what was needed to make a baby was penis/belly button contact. I have no idea how anybody was getting any satisfaction, or how on earth they kept believing this after doing it once – it must have been a horrible experience. He explained (literally) the facts of life to them, and on coming home had THE TALK with me and my brother, just in case we were also stupid.

The couple in question ended up with two kids. Good old Dad.

Image credits: centopar

#3

It goes like this:

Me: Your pregnancy test came back positive.

PT: Oh, I couldn’t be!

Me: Are you sexually active?

PT: Yes

Me: Are you using any birth control?

Pt: No

Me: Then why don’t you think you could be pregnant?

Pt: Because I couldn’t be!

Me: …

Repeat scene many times over past 20 years. Denial is not a river in Egypt.

Image credits: safT1st

#4

My mother is a midwife and this one story sticks out.

A couple is in her office looking very somber and the woman has been crying.

Mom: “what brings you in today?” Man: “this” points to a spot on woman’s lip Mom: “looks like a cold sore” Man: “what are we going to do about this” Mom: “have you tried abreva?” Man: “that is for herpes” Mom: “yes this is a form of herpes” Man: “I knew it. Check her for gonorrhea and chlamydia please” Mom to woman, ignoring man: “have you ever had a cold sore before?” Woman: “yes in 2012”
Mom then had to go in circles for 20 minutes with the man about how it’s not sexually transmitted necessarily, how it’s very common, she didn’t cheat on him since she had it for years, and that he probably had it. He cursed my mom out for “accusing” him of having an STD after she said that last bit and stormed out. My mom had to have a come to Jesus talk with the woman about leaving this loser. Crazy how little people know and how angry people get about how ignorant they really are.

Image credits: ashlyn0912

#5

I used to work in a medical field and witnessed this hilarity:

A teenage girl enters the clinic and gets testing done due to an irregular period. She and her mother are deathly afraid that she won’t be able to have kids. Standard tests are run and she is scheduled for a followup the next week.

Fast-forward to the next week she and her mother come back to get the test results. Again they bring up their concerns that the daughter may not be able to have kids and how important it is to them that this situation is handled. Sonogram results come up and SURPRISE ! it’s twins!

Image credits: Nuck_Figgers_88

#6

A heavily pregnant woman put her finger in her belly button and pulled out something gross. She immiediatly freaked out, making her husband freak out as well. She called my friend, who is a doctor specializing in ob/gyn, and almost cried on the phone:

Preggo: “Help!! I just pulled something out of my belly button!!”

My friend, MD: “… yeah??”

Preggo: “So… have I removed a plug or something? Have I hurt the baby??”

My friend, MD: “But you just pulled something gross from your own belly button.. right?”

Preggo: “Yeah but.. isn’t my belly botton connected to the babys belly button? Isn’t that how she gets all of her nutrients and stuff?”

And then they had a looong talk about the uterus, placenta and where our belly buttons originate from.

Mind you, this isn’t about the preggo not being educated, she is a lawyer. But she caught pregnancybrain. And had a laugh about it afterwards 🙂

Image credits: napnapnap

#7

I work in Public Health and Family Practice. We get our own special ones. Most recently the lady with chlamydia that stated she did not use birth control because “you cannot get pregnant if you have an STD”. Right. Yes she knew she had the STD and yes she was sexually active.

Image credits: deleted

#8

Dad was a high risk OB/GYN. Once had to argue with a woman that her daughter emphatically did not get pregnant from swallowing. Despite her protests that her daughter was a virgin, to which my dad replied he was only aware of one previous virgin birth in history.

Image credits: spacemanspiff30

#9

Kinda late to the party. I had a woman call the office to make an appointment, and when I asked her what the appointment was for, she said that she needed a Fallopian tube. I was said, “…do you mean you want to get your tubes tied???”

She says, “No, I’m trying to get pregnant.”

Image credits: kitty_bean

#10

Not a midwife but did have an acquaintance who got pregnant while her husband was in the army deployed. She had convinced her husband that they needed to try and get pregnant. So how do they resolve the issue of long distance and time? They concocted the plan of using a turkey baster, where the husband actually mailed a package of his little soldiers to her and she used the baster on her self to impregnate herself. No doctors were consulted during this time. And this story all came to light in divorce court when someone actually convinced the husband the baby was not his.

Image credits: Wald0Found

#11

I had a girl call the office because she swallowed a cherry seed and was worried that the baby was going to choke on it.

Image credits: kellywithayy

#12

I had a cousin that had a friend that told her a way to save money was to stop taking her birth control for 6 months. Friend told her that birth control pills were still effective for 6 months after taking them. As you can guess, she ended up pregnant, it was the only reason we found out about her genius money saving plan.

Image credits: JBSConCarne

#13

Not a midwife but do medical triage over the phone. Had a 19yo ring because of abdominal pain, asked further into the assessment is she was pregnant, she is! Call changes tone, how far along? 37 weeks! Could you be in labour, she doesn’t think so. “I just need to put the phone on my bed while I get changed” why are you getting changed “but embarrassing I think I wet myself” do you think that could be your waters, she sounds skeptical but grudgingly agrees it could be, I ask if she can get to the hospital, no everyone in the house is drunk, I ask if I can send an ambulance, she doesn’t want me to as she has “a house full of people watching the match”( this is during the football World Cup) she enventually agrees as though she’s doing me a favour…

Image credits: Watsonmolly

#14

A friend of mine works labor and delivery and told me this story. A 13 year old pregnant teen comes in. Days like this for the staff are hard, and they’re trying to be as sensitive as possible. As they’re getting her ready for delivery she starts to panic, saying that the “hole” isn’t big enough for the baby to come out. She thoughts the baby was supposed to come out of the bellybutton.

Image credits: haireypotter

#15

Had a woman ask “when do you know if a girl is going to change into a boy?” I had to clarify “you mean when a ultrasound can tell if it’s a boy or girl?” She replied “no, we already got an ultrasound that said it was a girl but I don’t know when they can turn into a boy.” I had no response to that.

Image credits: SoSpandex

#16

I have an aunt who is a gyne, she told me some woman wants to be checked because some man kissed her and she have this superstition that woman can get pregnant through kiss or hand touch. So weird.

Image credits: shura27

#17

Not a midwife but I had an acquaintance try saying that she was only pregnant for 6 months but that her baby came out full-term, like her child was fine and needed zero medical attention due to being so premature. I don’t think she was actively lying, but she was not a bright person. She might have found out she was pregnant at 3 months and just assumed that she was just newly pregnant by the time she found out. Or maybe she felt bad for drinking/partying early in the pregnancy so she refused to acknowledge it until it was convenient. Either way it sounded very fishy.

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Image credits: Careless_Hellscape

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