We can always improve our communication with others, especially when it comes to people different from us. We often feel uncertain or intimidated when conversing with someone who isn’t like us, as it can be hard to understand how to accommodate their needs without having walked in their shoes. But with a little compassion, curiosity, and education, we can change our behavior to be more inclusive rather than unpleasant or insensitive.
Unfortunately, this woman didn’t put any effort into communicating with her husband’s best friend, who happened to be Deaf. Once, she even managed to exclude him from dinner because she thought he was being ‘so quiet.’ This embarrassed and offended the friend so much that he considered cutting ties with the couple.
Scroll down to read the full story and conversation with Deaf and hard-of-hearing empowerment coach and author Kellina Powell, Deafblind ASL teacher and disability advocate Tracy Stine, and Deaf Plus advocate Jeremy Smith, who kindly agreed to tell us more about the etiquette we should stick to when communicating with deaf people.
Many of us need to improve our communication, especially with people different from us
Image credits: Aakash Malik (not the actual photo)
But especially this woman, who managed to embarrass her husband’s deaf friend so much that he considered cutting ties with them
Image credits: kues1 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: [deleted]
The majority (59%) don’t feel confident communicating with someone who is Deaf
As the most recent research and this story show, the majority of people (59%) don’t feel confident communicating with someone who is Deaf or is hard of hearing. 1 in 10 even said that they would actively avoid communicating with someone who is Deaf or hard of hearing altogether.
This is mostly due to the fact that hearing individuals don’t have much experience with Deaf or hard-of-hearing persons and don’t know how to communicate with them.
“Most people have little experience speaking with someone who is Deaf. People worry about saying the wrong thing or not being understood. Some assume communication will be too difficult. They are unsure of how to start or what to do. Some fear making mistakes or appearing rude. Others hold false beliefs that Deaf people cannot communicate. These doubts lead to hesitation and discomfort,” says Deaf and hard-of-hearing empowerment coach and author Kellina Powell.
“Many hearing individuals experience discomfort not because Deaf people are difficult to communicate with, but because of unfamiliarity, assumptions, and lack of exposure,” Deafblind ASL teacher and disability advocate Tracy Stine agrees. “Most of it stems from internal bias or misinformation and stereotypes portrayed by the media through the years.”
But not knowing how to communicate with Deaf people, or not being perfect at it, shouldn’t deter people from trying, as their efforts are greatly appreciated by the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community, says Deaf Plus advocate Jeremy Smith. Something that can help us to be more confident in our communication with the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community is a little awareness and education, starting with what should be avoided when conversing with them.
“Keep eye contact and treat them with equal respect”
“Do not shout, because it does not make communication clearer. Avoid covering your mouth or looking away, since this blocks lip-reading. Never assume someone else should speak on their behalf. Saying “never mind” can feel dismissive and hurtful. Over-exaggerating your speech only makes it harder to understand,” Powell explains.
“Don’t grab or shout—use respectful visual cues like a wave or tap on the shoulder. Don’t use outdated terms—say ‘Deaf’ or ‘Hard of Hearing.’ Hearing-impaired is outdated and even offensive to many. Don’t give up—be patient, flexible, and open to writing or gestures. Don’t say ‘Never mind’ or ‘I’ll tell you later,’” Stine additionally advises.
To improve our communication with the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community even more, Smith suggests that hearing individuals can write on paper or use the phone to text to communicate. “There are apps that will transcribe spoken language. Plus, I always encourage them to learn sign language. There are many online resources and apps to learn sign language.”
“Be patient and allow extra time if needed. Ask what method of communication works best for them. Keep eye contact and treat them with equal respect,” Powell adds.
“Deafness is not a weakness, but simply another way of experiencing the world. Many deaf people use different methods like sign language, speech, or text to connect. The most important thing is not perfection but effort. A willingness to communicate shows respect and inclusion. Don’t be afraid to learn a new language like ASL,” she concludes.
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