Coming out to family members can be one of the most terrifying things for an LGBTQ+ person to experience. Data from the UK charity Just Like Us shows that 46% of LGBTQ+ people are no longer in contact with at least one family member. It’s especially terrifying for teens, who can even be asked to leave their parents’ homes.
But when this teen came out to his parents, his father showed unwavering support. His religious mother, on the other hand, threw a fit and refused to make peace with it. The family thus faced a big conundrum: how can they move on when they disagree on such a fundamental level?
A teen came out to his parents, and his mother handled it quite poorly
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The father, on the other hand, refused to show him anything but love
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The couple decided to take some time off in hopes that they would come to a compromise
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Members of the Southern Baptist Church view homosexuality as a sin
The mother in this story belongs to the Southern Baptist faith, and the SBC has repeatedly expressed anti-LGBTQ+ views throughout the years. As the Human Rights Campaign reports, they are against marriage equality and homosexuality, claiming that LGBTQ+ people and their identities are “inconsistent with God’s holy purposes in creation and redemption.”
Although the SBC doesn’t describe themselves as a Christian fundamentalist group (they prefer the term “conservative”), they are similar to other fundamentalist Christian denominations. As Anna Clark Miller, a therapist specializing in religious trauma, explained to Bored Panda previously, these sorts of religious groups often operate from a place of misinformation.
“While there are definitely some LGBTQ+ affirming religious groups out there, many traditional or ‘fundamentalist’ religious groups teach that being queer, trans, or gender non-conforming is either invalid or a sign of spiritual weakness,” Miller told us before.
“Those beliefs are often based on miseducation, fear-based assumptions, and over-spiritualizations about what causes someone to be LGBTQ+ and what that means about their character,” she added.
Another therapist, specializing in religious trauma, Katherine M. Schneider, LCSW, told Bored Panda that fundamentalist religious groups sometimes limit access to information. “[Even] to the point that many members are quite proud of having been censored from ‘worldly’ things,” Schneider explained.
“I have had several queer individuals from different communities who have been shocked to learn that being queer is not synonymous with being a child [exploiter],” she aded. “They had spent their entire lives being taught that being queer was a one-way ticket to [child exploitation]!”
Perhaps this mother’s worries come from a similar place. But it’s very likely that her inability to accept her gay son as he is was due to her religious beliefs. That’s probably why she wanted a counselor who’s related to her church; so he could affirm her beliefs. If she is to remain a member of that church, it’s highly likely that she won’t accept her gay son anytime soon.
Commenters praised the father for standing up for his son and recommended some resources
Later, the father detailed how his conversation with his wife went
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Queer individuals should only reconcile with parents who disavowed them if they make that decision themselves
Reconciling with a parent who disowned you because of your orientation can be very difficult as you move through life. People in the comments speculated whether the son will be willing to reach out to his mother in the future to repair the relationship.
But, in a previous interview for Bored Panda, licensed psychologist who works with LGBTQ+ individuals, Dr. Nathan Brandon said that this responsibility falls on the shoulders of the parent. “When parents reject their child’s identity, the primary responsibility should be with the parents to overcome their prejudices.”
“It’s essential to understand that the rejection and the pain inflicted by it are not the responsibility of the queer person,” Dr. Brandon went on. “An individual should never be made to feel they need to change their fundamental identity to be accepted by their family.”
If the parents or parent are able to come around, apologize and take responsibility for their mistakes and past actions, and accept their child, reconciliation may be possible. However, it’s still a very personal decision. “[It] should be made with the well-being of the queer individual at the forefront,” Dr. Brandon emphasizes.
A child may choose to contact with their parent if the relationship causes them too much hurt or there is no or very little indication of change. Dr. Nathan says that going no-contact is seen as a last resort, but the well-being of the queer individual should be the most important in such a case.
“I’m probably going to contact a divorce attorney,” the guy admitted with a broken heart
“You have done what every parent should do; you put the child before the spouse,” people gushed in the comments
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