Dating can be hard in this digital age. Research shows that 3 in 19 Americans use dating apps. Since 2019, fewer people think dating online is safe: the percentage has dipped from 53% to 48% in 2023. Women say they are less likely to feel safe on dating apps, but men experience their share of privacy violations, too.
One man went online to share how his personal information was leaked by a woman he supposedly matched with on a dating app. He recounted how she retaliated against a perceived rejection by doxing him on an “Are We Dating The Same Guy” group. Not willing to put up with cyberbullying, he opted for revenge.
Online dating comes with many dangers: catfishing, scams, cyberbullying, and privacy concerns
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This man discovered he was a victim of a serial doxer and decided to give her a taste of her own medicine
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Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual image)
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The “Are We Dating The Same Guy” groups have been receiving criticism for violating men’s privacy
The “Are We Dating The Same Guy” Facebook groups started popping up in 2022 when the first one was created for those who live in New York City. As of the beginning of 2024, there were approximately 3.5 million members across 200 groups in almost all U.S. cities.
Its creator, Paola Sanchez, claimed that the group is for women to “empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous and/or toxic men.” Women who join the “AWDSTG” groups warn each other about predatory men, potential cheaters, and red flags.
However, the groups faced controversy at the beginning of 2024, when an Illinois man filed a lawsuit against the group’s founder, Facebook and its parent company (Meta), the woman who defamed him, and dozens of others who perpetuated lies about his personal life in the group.
What were supposed to be safe havens for women to check whether a person is who they claim to be on a dating app turned into toxic spaces where defamation, lies, and unfounded accusations fly free.
The groups work as public forums. A woman posts a picture of a man from a dating app, and others either confirm he’s a good match or warn her if they’ve had a bad experience with the same man. The problem is that, oftentimes, there’s no fact-checking involved. And, as evident from this story, some women even have malicious intent.
There are legal risks for people who post with malicious intent on “AWDSTGG groups
Legal experts warn posters that they might be liable for legal action. While sharing a true dating experience in an “AWDSTG” group is not considered defamation, embellished or fabricated stories can result in a legal case.
Because members of the “AWDTSG” groups can often become hostile toward the subject of a post, it counts as online harassment. “If your post and the ensuing group harassment cause the post’s subject real-world suffering, the victim may have criminal and civil claims against you,” Minc Law warns.
Doxing, which is what happened to the OP in this story, is the sharing of identifying information online. If a poster includes a person’s address, telephone number, or even their real full name, they might be liable for legal action by the victim. The same goes for invasion of privacy, which includes sharing details about someone’s marital life or sexual orientation.
The Washington Post writes how men report being questioned by their employers and losing relationships. If posters decide to send information to a person’s boss and demand he get fired, they are liable for tortious interference. That basically means instigating the employer to terminate the employment contract.
Many men who have been victims of malicious “AWDTSG” posts report spiraling emotionally. They can sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress. That’s why it’s paramount to consider how this type of post will affect the mental and emotional health of the person it’s about.
The dark side of the “AWDTSG” groups is that it can seriously ruin a man’s life
The OP of this post was right to call “AWDTSG” communities “Fight Club”-esque. “A primary rule of membership in the groups is not to talk about the groups,” The Washington Post writes. The rules urge members not to share screenshots of posts, but they still slip through the cracks.
The moderators of the London group told Vice how they’re enforcing stricter rules against ‘moles’ and ‘snitches.’ Yet, ultimately, it only garners a higher level of mistrust among people online. “Some men might be panicking because they will no longer be able to get away with certain problematic behaviours – but remember the internet can wreak havoc when used incorrectly,” Relationship Psychologist Mairead Molloy told Vice.
Another big problem with the “AWDTSG” groups is that people have very different definitions of what a ‘red flag’ is. What to one woman is a simple “lack of vibe” can seem like suspicious behavior to another. That’s why such online spaces need careful vetting and strictly enforced rules, yet the groups fail at that spectacularly.
In May 2023, the network’s leaders wrote: “With the amount of posts we’ve been getting we would need hundreds of girls on patrol to effectively stay on top of it.” In the end, the groups seem to operate as courts of public opinion. Men can’t defend themselves, and women can’t prove their stories unless other members back them up.
People congratulated the Redditor for shining a light on this issue, and he claimed awareness was his main goal
The post “An Ill And Predatory Lizard”: Man Goes After Serial Doxer Spreading Lies About Him Online first appeared on Bored Panda.
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