“Am I The Jerk For Not Babysitting My Sister’s Kids Anymore?”

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Getting to babysit your nieces and nephews can be a great way to spend time with them and build close relationships. Besides, showing up and supporting family in this way isn’t difficult, especially if they live not far from each other. However, it can feel hurtful when such efforts are completely underappreciated.

When redditor Smellycatandthebat’s help got overlooked by his sister, he didn’t hesitate to retrieve his babysitting services. Without having anyone to watch her kids, she became furious, calling him all sorts of names.

Getting to babysit nieces and nephews is a great opportunity to spend time and bond with them

Image credits: Satura_ (Not the actual photo)

However, this uncle refused to babysit them anymore after his sister called him lazy

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (Not the actual photo)

Image credits: smellycatandthebat

One of the benefits of using family for babysitting is familiarity

In a previous interview for Bored Panda, childcare and nanny coach Snannon Parola told us that one of the benefits of using family for babysitting is familiarity. “You know these people well and often trust them very much.” In most cases, it also means that parents get lower-cost or free childcare, and families get to make memories while spending extra time together.

However, asking for such favors can negatively affect a family’s relationships. Parola says that tension often arises when parents disagree on how their relative handles certain childcare situations or doesn’t meet their expectations. Or when they unexpectedly can’t take care of the child anymore due to illness or injuries.

Conflict may also arise when the caregiver is being unappreciated and/or overworked and they finally reach their breaking point. “In all these situations, the parents depend on the family member for childcare, and when it doesn’t work out, it can take time to find a new childcare method that comes at a higher price,” she explained.

Even though it may cause inconvenience to parents, a person is allowed to say no to their babysitting request, especially if they feel that their efforts are being overlooked or it’s interfering with their relationship. Failing to inform family what one really thinks about babysitting can turn into resentment in the long run as well.

It might be difficult to decline or speak up, but nailing down the tactic of saying ‘no’ is important

If the person is only saying yes because they don’t know how to say no, they might want to step up and communicate what they really think before it eventually harms their relationship. Licensed clinical social worker Lauren Schapiro says that she’s aware that it might be difficult to decline or speak up, but nailing down the tactic of saying ‘no’ is important.

If you’re put on the spot with the expectation that your answer will be positive, refrain from automatically agreeing to a babysitting gig. Instead of saying ‘yes’ right away, your go-to statement could be, “I know you need to make your plans but I need to think about it. Can I let you know by “x” date?” This already plants doubt in their minds that you might won’t be able to do it.

However, it’s important not to put off the know-by date too far into the future. “Communicate your availability, or lack thereof, as early as possible,” Schapiro says. “You want to give the parents the opportunity to find care elsewhere if you are unable to help.”

Maintaining honesty and respect when declining is also crucial. “Don’t lie, and don’t offer too many details,” she notes. “Always keep the reason about you because no one can argue with your needs and feelings, notes Lora Brawley, founder of Nanny Care Hub. Even though it might be tempting to lie to preserve the relationship, it often has the opposite effect, harming the relationship even further.

Remember, it’s quite literally impossible to please everyone. Prioritizing yourself when needed is more important than worrying about whether a family member will be upset with you. That’s why you should gather the courage and stand up for yourself, even if it means disappointing someone, just like this redditor did!