Generally speaking, when you’re a member of a family or part of a group of friends, certain things are sort of expected of you. For example, pitching in a bit and supporting someone else when they need a hand with a large real estate project that could directly benefit everyone. However, if you refuse to help, you might find that the people closest to you might not be willing to indulge your whims down the line.
Redditor u/LaRainax523 went viral on the AITAH online group after sharing how he poured years of his life and tens of thousands of dollars into repairing his grandparents’ cabin. It was an inheritance that his younger brother had refused due to how run-down the place was. Now that the cabin is all refurbished, the younger sibling wants to spend time there. But u/LaRainax523 thinks this is unfair, so he refuses to indulge him, sparking drama in the family. Scroll down for the full story.
Renovating and maintaining an old house can be a massive undertaking. Not only is it likely to be expensive, you’re also likely to invest a lot of your time into the project
Image credits: Stephen Wheeler / unsplash (not the actual photo)
One man shared how he decided to charge his brother for staying at the family cabin because the latter wouldn’t help out with the expensive restoration at any point
Image credits: Julian Lozano / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LaRainax523
There are lots of potential areas you might need to upgrade. It may be worth your time to hire a professional inspector to evaluate the property
According to ‘This Old House,’ anyone who is evaluating a fixer-upper should look at major structural areas like the integrity of the foundation, the condition of the roof, the electrical system, the plumbing, and the load-bearing walls.
For instance, you should keep an eye out for cracks in the foundation, as well as signs of unevenness, or signs of water damage. Meanwhile, the roof shouldn’t have any missing shingles, sagging, or leaks.
The wiring should be up to code and be able to handle modern appliances. The plumbing shouldn’t have leaks, outdated pipes, or poor water pressure, and the load-bearing walls should be closely inspected to see if they need to be either reinforced or repaired.
Not everyone is proficient in these sorts of evaluations, so there’s no shame in hiring a professional inspector. It’s your safety that we’re talking about after all.
Furthermore, you should also set aside an additional 10% to 20% of your budget for unexpected expenses, like hidden damage (e.g., mold, termites), permit fees, changes in material prices, and temporary housing.
Often, relatives fight tooth and nail over getting the inheritance instead of avoiding getting property. However, in some cases, it makes sense to turn down property. Repairing and maintaining a building—no matter how nostalgic—can be incredibly expensive. Not everyone has those kinds of savings and investments lying around.
Not to mention that you’d have to spend tons of your precious time, not just potentially thousands of dollars, bringing the place up to code and making it inhabitable again.
Meanwhile, selling the property would also mean that you spend lots of time and energy taking photos, publishing ads, or taking on the services of a broker. It might not be worth the trouble if the place is particularly run-down.
Alternatively, you could fix it up a bit before selling it for a profit, but that also means investing resources that you might not have or may not want to part ways with. Plus, there’s the emotional weight of trying to sell a building that has been in your family for generations: it’s a tough decision.
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Family is family, but you still expect a certain amount of reciprocity and respect for your boundaries, not just them asking you for favors all the time
The situation that u/LaRainax523 described could have potentially been a great opportunity for the entire family to get closer as everyone pitched in with the cabin restoration project whenever they could.
Nobody’s expecting perfectly equal amounts of cash and effort from anyone, though: it’s a large, long-term project and everyone has different schedules and life goals.
That being said, even symbolically helping u/LaRainax523 out from time to time would have probably been enough for anyone in the family to use the cabin free of charge. It’s your intention here that matters, not that you match his contribution dollar for dollar (though that would, obviously, be ideal). Unfortunately, we were unable to reach out to u/LaRainax523 because his account was suspended after his story went viral.
Asking for rent or a one-off financial contribution from your relatives can be incredibly awkward. However, you have to be more practical if you have put a sizable chunk of your investments into the property. Sure, you can invite your family to the cabin out of the goodness of your heart. But there has to be some level of reciprocity there eventually.
Maybe they help you with the maintenance and DIY from now on. Maybe they chip in to cover the rent, mortgage, or utilities now that they’ve seen how amazing your restoration has been. Maybe they invite you to have home-cooked dinner sometime or they let you use their own vacation property more often.
You don’t necessarily need to ask for cold hard cash, but there needs to be a sense of mutual respect there. Healthy boundaries are a must, even if you make them more flexible for your family and close friends.
It’s important to remember that no inheritance is worth ruining your positive relationships over. But getting property or large sums of money can show you how people perceive you, whether as a potential piggy bank or a true friend. Asking for a contribution in return for having someone use your cabin that you’ve poured your heart and soul into isn’t unfair—it’s what keeps the lights on.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? Do you think what the man did was right or would you have allowed your sibling to use the cabin even though they didn’t lift a finger to help you with the repairs and maintenance? What would you have done if you were in the author’s shoes? Have you ever had to renovate a house? Let us know in the comments below!
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Most readers were on the man’s side. Here’s how they saw the sensitive situation
Not everyone was on the same page, however. A few people thought the man was being greedy
The post “AITA For Asking My Brother To Pay To Use The Family Cabin After He Refused To Help Restore It?” first appeared on Bored Panda.
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