Getting cheated on brings a crushing blow to one’s psyche. It’s a kick in the gut that may leave lingering effects in the form of perpetual distrust and displaced rage toward the next romantic partner.
This woman, however, had it way worse. Not only did her husband cheat on her with a younger colleague after years of sacrifices from her end, but she and their two children are also suddenly in danger of losing a place to live because he wants to take the house with him.
Her pain went beyond the betrayal, as she sought some form of answers from the Reddit community.
Infidelity can destroy a marriage in one fell swoop
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For this couple, it began when the husband got promoted
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One day, he dropped the bomb on his wife, who had been by his side through recent health and career struggles
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The woman, however, was more concerned about losing the house they shared, which she had decorated
She has since begun arranging the divorce
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Workplace affairs are a way for people to experience escapism from personal torment
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Workplace affairs are more common than perceived. According to recent statistics compiled by Techopedia, 31% of affairs happen in the workplace. The survey also showed that the more power the person had in the company, the more likely they were to cheat.
The statistics show that 24% of office infidelity happens in middle management, while 39% occurs in upper management. As the woman stated, her husband began his affair with the 22-year-old colleague after he got a promotion.
But that begs a more important question: Why do workplace affairs happen? According to relationship psychologist and author Dr. Kathy Nickerson, it is a way for people to experience some form of escapism from their personal torments.
“What I’ve seen over 25 years in practice is that more generally, affairs function as a kind of emotional painkiller to escape deep distress,” Dr. Nickerson told SELF.
Dr. Nickerson gave other possible reasons, including the proximity effect. As she explains, it’s when people become drawn to those whom they see more often. The familiarity and comfort may fast-track the development of intimate feelings.
Some people may also get a kick out of the thrill of keeping a clandestine relationship.
“Knowing you’re keeping it a secret not just from your partner, but in this case, also your colleagues, can increase excitement around the situation,” couples therapist Dr. Patrice Le Goy said in the same SELF interview.
Handling a hostile spouse requires a strategic approach
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The author seems to have already gotten over her husband’s infidelity, as she is more concerned with losing the house. Unfortunately for her, talking sense into the man she’d been with for a decade was a futile effort.
In such cases where one spouse is a high-conflict personality, a strategic communication strategy is necessary. According to marriage and family therapist Virginia Gilbert, responding in kind or statements of self-defense may only worsen the conflict.
Instead, she recommends limiting interactions to electronic communication once a day and thinking through each statement before sending.
“Imagine you’re a reporter laying out the facts: stick to logistics and keep your feelings out of it,” Gilbert wrote in an article for HuffPost.
Boundaries are another essential weapon to have, Gilbert says. She strongly urges getting a court order in the absence of one because high-conflict spouses typically don’t acknowledge verbal agreements.
But Gilbert’s most critical advice is to keep the children out of the mess. As she stresses, the goal is to prevent the kids from “being used as artillery.” She also advises parents to urge their children to come to them if they have questions about the situation.
Given how ugly things had gotten, it would help the author to finalize the divorce as quickly as possible and obtain a restraining order, if necessary. She would likely need to accept her husband’s offer of money and leave the house to keep the peace.
The woman provided more context to her story
People in the comments had no shortage of unsolicited advice
She later provided an update, sharing that her husband had been tormenting her
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Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The man paid her a visit one night, and a shouting match ensued
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She was still left wondering why her husband wanted to take the house
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She provided more information about the recent developments
Commenters sympathized with her, but without mincing their words
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