Whether lawyers share surprising things they read in someone’s will, petty ways spouses made each other miserable, or their “oh hold on” moments in court, people are obsessed with hearing about ludicrous courtroom drama.
We may not get to peek behind the curtain, but luckily, there are plenty of attorneys who witnessed a thing or two and are ready to share it with the whole world. So when user thecptnswagg posed a question to fellow members of Ask Reddit, “What’s the worst way you’ve seen a person screw over someone else in court whether it be criminal, civil, or divorce proceedings?” thousands of comments flooded in.
In this thread, they told plenty of stories about the terrible ways people throw each other (and sometimes even themselves!) under the bus, and Bored Panda has selected some of the most interesting ones. So scroll down, upvote your favorites, and let us know what you think about them in the comments!
#1
So my father-in-law had arrested someone for breaking and entering. During his arraignment, the judge stopped for a moment and asked the defendant where he got his suit from. It turns out that the defendant was also responsible for a previously unsolved break-in at the judge’s home and had shown up wearing one of the judge’s stolen suits.
Image credits: HaroldRichardJohnson
#2
I’m not a lawyer, but my dad is a physician and is sometimes called as a professional witness in cases of malpractice. In one memorable case, a family was suing a doctor for something fairly frivolous, and my dad was a witness for the defense.
The lawyer representing the family was cross-examining my dad and brought up a chapter in a medical textbook and asked my dad to read a highlighted paragraph. He did, and the lawyer said something to the effect of, ‘So, what you just read means…’ My dad confidently replied, ‘No, it does not mean that.’
Lawyer: No, but if you read xyz, the author clearly states…
Dad: No, really, that’s not what the author means.
Lawyer: How do you know that’s not what the author meant?
Dad: Well, because I wrote it.
Judge basically facepalmed while the lawyer mimicked a goldfish and stared at the author name on the chapter. Basically the best moment of my dad’s professional life. (Yes, ruling was in the defendant’s favor.)
Image credits: linkcecum
#3
I represented a guy who stole three trucks from his work. Only two were recovered before trial. He showed up to a motion hearing in the third one.
Image credits: Wacocaine
#4
IANAL but this case got pretty big when I was serving in the US Navy. Largely because it involved a sailor.
So, this Submariner gets divorced from his Wife. Ex-wife originally gets custody of their son, due to the nature of the Submariner’s operation schedule. Ex-wife later looses custody due to being convicted of Child Abuse/Neglect. The ex-wife wasn’t having this, because now there was no more free money for her.
The Submariner gets a GF, and gives her guardian rights over his son while on deployment. They live in California due to orders, and the ex-wife lives in Michigan (if I recall). The ex-wife waits until Submariner goes on deployment and “serves” him papers for a custody battle, again on the grounds of his schedule. The trial is set for the next month in Michigan.
The problem with being stationed onboard a sub, you only surface every couple months and almost never have comms off-ship. Sub guys give family or SO’s Power of Attorney all the time because of this. The court papers were sent and the trial occured when he had no communication. The female judge who presided over the case sympathized with the ex-wife, decided that children belonged with their mother and not in the care of random women, and that the Abuse conviction was likely false. Ex-wife was granted custody by default, and the judge tried to get the Submariner on Contemt of Court for not showing up. Until his Chain of Command heard about it.
See, it’s illegal in the US to punish a service member for missing a court date due to military operations or deployments.
The Submariner’s Chain of Command called a JAG, who assigned the Submariner a lawyer. His lawyer took the appeal to the Michigan State Supreme Court. The original judge isn’t a judge anymore, and the ex-wife is now permanently labeled unfit to care for children.
Image credits: 5468726f77_61776179
#5
My wife is the lawyer.
Info: When children reach the age of majority if they do not continue studying and start working, it is not necessary to pay alimony.
Info: My wife’s client found a new lover, which unleashed the wrath of the ex-wife, who started asking for more alimony for her children.
Well to win the case, it was necessary to prove that the children were working, but they could not get any proof of it.
There was not much chance of winning, but they still went to court hoping that with the interrogations they could find information that would put them in evidence.
On the day of the trial the children did not go, only the mother and her lawyer were present.
Judge: Madam, tell me why your children could not come.
Mom: they could not get permission at work.
Judge:…
Lawyer:…
Mom: …
Another few seconds of silence.
Judge: well, that was fast.
Image credits: CiusWarren
#6
I work in criminal law, and once saw a defendant who was charged with simple theft of mail matter. He was a porch pirate and had stolen a package that was worth less than $100. When he was initially arraigned he was offered a 30 day jail sentence to plead guilty. He refused and insisted upon going to trial.
When his case reached my office, he was again given a reasonable offer of 2 years. Because he had a lengthy criminal history he was considered a persistent offender, so the offer was more than what a package thief would typically get, but reasonable nonetheless.
It’s important to note that he was caught on security camera actually stealing the package, and getting into a car that was registered to him. Basically we had him dead to rights. But, he still insisted on trial. So we tried the case. The jury found him guilty and imposed the statutory maximum sentence given his criminal record—20 years.
That’s the story of the man who turned a 30 day sentence into 20 years.
Image credits: virgil_caine31
#7
Kind of a self-screw, but the MPA (Motion Picture Association), as part of their lawsuit, entered [hacker] DVD Jon’s code for breaking DVD copy protection into their evidence, which then became public record. The code that breaks DVD copy protection was now available to the entire world, defeating the entire purpose of their lawsuit.
Image credits: tensigh
#8
Am lawyer, saw someone screw himself.
I work as a public servant in a criminal law judge’s office, and since I have a law degree I don’t normally do administrative work, though I get to be with the judge in some of the hearings.
Last month we had a huge drug trafficking case (I’m talking about 20 or more people involved, months of investigation, undercover agents, videos, audio, the whole ordeal). Hearing lasted three days.
Anyway when it was time for one of the defendants to be on the stand so the prosecutor could read the charges he was accusing him of (He was pleading not guilty, as he very loudly stated from the majority of the hearing, up until my boss -the judge- told him to shut up or he would be admonished, to which he replied “what are you gonna do, arrest me?” which, to be honest, was actually a bit funny), the prosecutor, as part of the facts of his case, told him that “he was being accussed of selling, traficking and carrying x amount of x drugs, with the base of his operation being his house, where he lived with his partner” (Mind you, said partner wasn’t even in the hearing, she wasn’t arrested or anything as there was nothing tying her to the case) he said “wait up, I was the one selling the drugs, she didn’t do anything”.
His lawyer (a state assigned public lawyer) facepalmed so hard it’s actually recorded in the audio of the hearing.
He still pleaded not guilty.
Image credits: mildepan
#9
I’m not a lawyer, but a friend kept meticulous records of how much time his estranged wife spent with their daughter. He used pink highlighter for the mom and blue highlighter for himself. Mom sailed into arbitration demanding full custody and handsome child support and the house. Dad pulled out three years’ worth of yearlong calendars. Mom had spent less than a full month with the child in three years. Mom was not happy with the outcome.
Image credits: Omars_daughter
#10
A wife filed for a restraining order because she wanted the house during divorce. Husband had a good job, making like $200,000 per year. Employer finds out about the restraining order and the husband is fired. He was a very specialized employee, so the only job he can find close to his house, ex-wife, and daughter pays $50,000. Ultimately, the house gets foreclosed. Child support lowers to less than $500 per month. Wife has to get a job as a waitress. Four cars get repossessed.
Image credits: Thencewasit
#11
I had a client who was trying to get away from an abusive ex and filed for a restraining order. He shows up to the final hearing and is making a big fuss about a truck that they bought during their marriage. He said it was just his, and she had no rights to it because their marriage was void.
I asked him on cross examination what he meant by that, and he said that he had already been married in another state when he married my client. He said that my client had no idea, but that it means their marriage is invalid and the truck was all his.
Not only is that legally inaccurate, the transcript of the hearing was promptly turned over to the police, who were actively investigating him for bigamy.
Oh, and the judge gave my client the truck along with a two year no-contact order.
#12
This person screwed the selves and their company. Used to practice employment law and had a guy who was terminated, in part allegedly due to his race. His former boss was on the stand and was under direct questioning from his attorney. His attorney asked if there was a reason that he singled out our client in his treatment (assumingly to get to the fact that our guy had disciplinary issues and had been been put on a performance improvement plan). Instead he went off and talked about how just have to “ treat those people differently” and “you can’t talk to them the same way you do others.” Our cross examination was very very short. Employee was black and boss was Asian if it matters (people always seem to ask when I tell the story).
Image credits: Tex236
#13
This one time, a pro se litigant was suing a wonderful surgeon who had done nothing wrong. One of the attempted arguments was that the surgeon’s physician assistant wasn’t competent to assist with procedures and follow-ups.
So the guy asks the surgeon if he HONESTLY thinks physician assistants know what they’re doing and if the surgeon knows what’s reasonable to expect of one. The surgeon, who was patient and humble up until this point, kindly replied that he founded the entire practice of having physician assistants in the US and that he came up with the idea while serving in combat, where he saw how helpful medics were to him while he was operating on an overwhelming number of casualties. And that, yes, he has a very good one at the hospital.
Image credits: [deleted]
#14
Not my case, but still my favorite story. Dude screwed himself over when he went to jury trial for a burglary charge and wore the same distinct sweatshirt he wore the night he committed the crime. Kind of hard to argue that the guy in the video isn’t your client at that point. Needless to say, he was convicted and spent a few years in the Department of Correction.
Image credits: Seinfeldologist
#15
Not a lawyer, legal assistant. My attorney is pretty old so he needs me to help him find papers in stuff in the courtroom so I go over for all domestic and criminal cases. We had a custody case where the mom was already screwed because she was literally picked up by a bounty hunter while the dad was there getting their daughter for visitation.
Anyway, dad’s new wife gets on stand and testifies that the mom, the defendant, threatened to blow their house up. Mom gets on stands and says, “I didn’t threaten to blow your house up. I threatened to blow you up.”
I remembered another one. Had a criminal client who choked his wife out. Told the investigator, ”I mean I knew what I was doing, I know how to choke someone out without killin’ ’em.”
Never change, Alabama.
Image credits: [deleted]
#16
One time, I saw an indigent defendant who was in custody tell the judge his public defender wasn’t working hard enough and he wanted the judge to appoint different counsel. The judge asked him what specifically was the problem and he said “I don’t want a female lawyer. I need a man who can take charge and fight for me” or something very similar to that. The judge (also female) said that’s not how it works, then he starting yelling and getting into specifics about his public defender, just mainly I don’t like her, she won’t visit me, etc. The judge is annoyed and looks at him and is like fine, I’ll appoint another attorney for you, but because you are not satisfied with your attorney and I need time to appoint you new counsel I am not going to hear any other issues today and will reset your case.
A few days later the judge sends defendant notice of his new appointed attorney, who happens to also be female, and notice of the case reset for six weeks. The case was originally set for a bond hearing and the DA and his PD had agreed to release him on an unsecured bond meaning he would have gotten out that day, if he hadn’t thrown his temper tantrum. Instead he waited another six weeks in jail just to have another female attorney represent.
Image credits: vayaconburgers
#17
I was involved in a custody case where a wife cheated on her husband and had a child as a result. She let the husband believe the child was his until the child was about 5 years old and they were divorcing. To stop him from getting custody, she convinced the biological father to try to get custody, thinking that if he won, she would wind up with the child.
It became a huge three-way fight, with multiple sets of grandparents involved, and the attorneys’ fees skyrocketed because the case would have been pretty quick otherwise. She couldn’t pay her attorney, tried to get the bio dad to, it got even messier, etc. Basically, there still isn’t an agreement all parties will follow. They are in and out of court every year or so. She screwed herself.
Image credits: Carcharodons
#18
I took my Ex to court because she had used my social security number to sign up for cable. I found out about it when she stopped paying for the service. She screwed herself over by just being herself. We show up to court, I turn in the contract from the cable company ,showing my social security number, and her own name signed on the contract. She didn’t even try to forge my signiture, she signed her own name in and tried to deny that she had any part of it. The judge tore her apart and it was nice.
Image credits: Hardly_at_Work
#19
I spent a summer as an intern doing narcotics work. You’d be surprised how much information defendants and their friends/family share over prison telephone calls, even when the line informs you that the line is being monitored and recorded before the call begins.”
That said, a defendant maintained he was an innocent Uber driver and was not in the business of selling drugs…meanwhile, he was telling his wife over the phone that they needed to figure out how to move 3 kilos of cocaine so they could afford the lawyer to represent him. Needless to say, he was shocked when the recording was played back in court.
Image credits: lawtinaaa
#20
Someone I knew had a pro bono case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (don’t know what — confidential and whatnot). Even though the police and DA could pretty much link the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to it; the case was circumstantial at best.
She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, since she knew from experience that the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly. So she pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client; she feels that for once, a pro bono case is going her way.
After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client has something to add to the plea. Client looks at her, then back at the judge; tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out, ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again!
She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict), apparently. She basically got screwed by her own client, who screwed himself even worse.
Image credits: ILoveLactateAcid
#21
Not a lawyer but a friend of mine was going through a divorce and his lawyer kept putting off the trial. He just wanted it over with but the lawyer said trust me this is going to be good. Turns out dudes wife was pregnant with another mans baby. When they went to court she had a big baby bump. The judge asked if all three kids were his and she replied” no just those two”. Wish I could have seen the look on her lawyers face.
Image credits: mymomdoesmylaundry
#22
My dad was a judge and had someone on trial for DUI. The guy would not stop running his mouth and was trash-talking everyone in the room. He instructed him to stop. Dude did not stop. Dad placed him in contempt of court for 90 days.
Dude gets out, goes back to trial. First thing, he starts running his mouth again. Boom. Another 90 days in jail for contempt. He does 180 days in jail, when a DUI in our state is only 60 days for his level of DUI.
Image credits: notjawn
#23
Not a lawyer but when my FIL and MIL got divorced, she wanted to file jointly for the previous year because they were still married. They would have gotten a decent refund. He insisted on filing separately, despite the fact that he would owe 4k, because he wanted her to also owe the IRS. He did it to “frost her”
Image credits: 69schrutebucks
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