If I’ve learned anything about relationships, it’s that you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Couples that I’ve perceived as locked in for life have shocked me with the news of an extremely messy break-up, and I personally am guilty of portraying a picture-perfect relationship to the world while being on the verge of a break-up every evening.

But as heartbreaking as ending a relationship can be, it’s often for the best. Redditors have been recalling what made them end relationships with partners they planned on marrying one day, so we’ve gathered some of their most painful stories below. From dodging huge bullets to finally getting the courage to stand up for themselves, below, you’ll find all the details about how these people freed themselves of relationships that weren’t meant to be. And keep reading to find a conversation with London Celebrity Therapist Nia Williams from Miss Date Doctor!

#1

I moved across the world for him. He kept telling me “one day I want to propose.” Or “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” That proposal never came, and I was having visa issues, so after a few years I gave up and moved back.

Image credits: DoYouMindIfWe

#2

She cheated on me. Multiple times. On her trip to Europe. Which she is still on. I saw the Facebook messages on the computer where she was still logged in. Then she lied when I called her on it. This all happened about 4 hours ago. I’m at a bit of a loss… I was planning our engagement. I’m glad it happened now I guess. Very rough though.

Image credits: finalproject

#3

She wanted to go to Florida for the Disney college program. (She is a huuuge Disney nerd.) She was too scared she would lose me. I convinced her to do it because if she didn’t, she would regret it forever and that no matter what happened I would still be here for her. 6 months and an engagement ring later she told me that while in Florida she realized she didn’t love me like she thought she had. The ring is in a box in the back of a drawer in my dresser. Her worst fear came true. So did mine.

Image credits: devildrugsguy420

To learn more about this topic, we reached out to London Celebrity Therapist and Relationship Counselor Nia Williams from Miss Date Doctor. Nia was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss why most people do not end up marrying the first person they thought they would spend their life with.

“While some are fortunate to find their lifelong partner early on which such a blessing, it’s common for many to experience at least one major heartbreak. This is a natural part of life’s journey,” the expert shared. “Relationships, especially our first serious ones, often serve as profound learning experiences. They teach us about ourselves, our needs, and the dynamics of sharing our lives with another person and major heart break is almost inevitable for most people.”

#4

Every time we fought she would throw her engagement ring somewhere, make me get it, then make me plead with her to put it back on. Even for very small disagreements and even in public. That was the final straw. It was very f****d up feeling begging somebody to be with me all the time. It gave he huge insecurity issues.

That was on top of the fact she began to call me names and hit me a lot. It all started after we got engaged for some reason. Things were so perfect but as soon as she got that ring everything changed. Suddenly she what I mentioned along with calling me a loser, piece of s**t, and ugly a lot.

Image credits: Anti_Social_

#5

Found credit card statement on the floor once, just before a family holiday. £thousands in debt that he’d never told me about. I’d been paying the rent entirely by myself in a job I hated and I was too young and naïve (23) to realise he wasn’t an honest man. That was it.

edit: we still chat every now and again. We wanted different things in life, so the argument that followed was the straw that broke the camels back. My next partner (now husband) had a lot of debt from a failed business, but the difference was he was honest about it, so I didn’t care. Money doesn’t trump love, but honesty is the bedrock of any relationship.

Image credits: anon

#6

She was in love with my best friend. And they were both in denial about it. They were engaged a month after we broke up.

Edit: Answering questions.
They both told me nothing physical happened and I believe them but they hung out a lot (which was pretty normal because we were all friends in high school) and I’m pretty sure they were already emotionally involved because she started to drift away (emotionally). They were both nice about it and asked if I’d be okay. I said yes because they seemed like they would be happy together and I cared about them both but I don’t hang out with them all that much because as nice as I try to be about it I still feel betrayed. I still talk to my best friend every once in a while but it doesn’t ever really get any deeper than the “what are you up to these days?” texts.

And for everyone commenting been there and me too: I’m truly sorry. I sincerely believe that there’s someone for everyone. Whoever you lost wasn’t that person. As they say in Meet the Robinsons: “Keep moving forward.”.

Image credits: Cptcrispo

We also asked Nia if it’s good for daters to experience a painful heartbreak at some point. “While it may not feel so beneficial at the time, going through a significant break-up can be incredibly valuable,” she shared. “Such experiences often teach resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of setting healthy boundaries. They allow us to understand what we truly need in a partner and what we can offer in return.”

“Through the pain, we learn to appreciate the qualities that matter most to us and recognize the importance of compatibility and mutual respect. There is no greater mirror on who we are and what we want than when we get into a relationship,” Nia explained. “I have personally seen so many of my clients become so much more emotionally intelligent after a brutal break up. Although painful, it can help us do better in future and know what we truly want from a partner.”

#7

My mom was dying. It was my last Thanksgiving with her. Without discussing it with me first, he had his mom buy him plane tickets to spend Thanksgiving with his parents, and asked if I wanted to go with him. No. I am not missing the last Thanksgiving I can ever spend with my mom. We will have our whole lives to spend Thanksgiving with your family after this. You’re leaving me to face this one alone, or to abandon my mother on her last Thanksgiving?

It was suddenly very clear (being happy to cancel wedding plans to do it later, and many other things) that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but wouldn’t break up with me, because my mom was dying, and he was too nice a guy to dump his fiancée who’s mom was dying.

To his credit, we remained close friends, and he continued to be there as my best friend and emotional support through her death, and some months following. Although it was 8 years ago, we still chat/text a few times a year, and catch up on how our families are doing.

Edit: December 20^th, 2018. I just got a call telling me he died today. It was tragic; he was a kind person, and only 36. RIP, my friend.

Image credits: WooRankDown

#8

Completly unable to manage money. Spent every dollar he came across on gaming & weed and constantly put off paying important bills. Wouldve dragged us both into bankruptcy if I wouldve stayed w him.

Image credits: summerlovin2818

#9

We had been dating for three years, constantly talked about getting married and what our life will be like. He went back into the military and wouldn’t commit to having a long distance relationship with me. Because it would be “way too distracting when he’s in the field and I pop up on his mind” and he didn’t want to commit to a relationship while in the army. So we broke it off.

The real kicker is that a couple months after being away in another state, he started dating a new girl who apparently lives in the same state as me. So. Lol.

Image credits: collapse-collide

The counselor also provided some advice for anyone going through a painful break-up of their own. “Experiencing a major heartbreak is undeniably tough, and it’s important to allow yourself to grieve. Here are a few pieces of advice for navigating this difficult time: allow yourself to feel,” Nia says. “It’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. These emotions are a natural part of the healing process.”

Next, the expert recommends seeking support. “Lean on friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide comfort and perspective,” she told Bored Panda.

#10

We moved in together too young, and tried to be adults too fast. I should’ve known things were not going to work out when he tried to convince me to buy a house with him at 19. NINETEEN. (In Southern California. On two retail employees’ wages. Like, WHAT?!?)

We were high school sweethearts. He was smart and ambitious. But he also loved to spend money, and worked insane hours to try to make up the deficit. After we moved in together, his work schedule changed so I was working morning shifts, and would literally pass him in the driveway as he left for his night shifts. There would be several days in a row where we wouldn’t see each other, and when we did see each other we were too broke to do anything fun.

We went on a trip with his family after a big fight, where I begged him to not ask me to marry him. I told him I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore, I was unhappy, he seemed unhappy. I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he suddenly wanted to know my ring size. I hadn’t been happy for months, and had become a workaholic to try to keep up with the expenses.

I wanted to see if the vacation would bring a spark back into our relationship, then maybe we could work ourselves back into normalcy.

He didn’t listen, and asked me to marry him in front of his entire family and surrounded by strangers, hundreds of miles away from home. I was 21, and had no idea how to say no. Our engagement lasted 9 days, because that’s all I could stomach while thinking about spending my life with someone I wasn’t in love with.

I have no idea what he’s up to now, but I’ve found my soulmate so I’m peachy keen.

#11

He cheated. And got another woman pregnant. Then called me a few weeks later asking me to be the child’s god mother, because he “knows I’m really good with kids.” ?.

Image credits: kmmy89399

#12

She was already married. We worked together at job you couldn’t wear rings. She hid it very well. I was the other guy. Found out when I proposed and had to tell me shes married.

Edit: we worked as military aircraft mechanics. We were ‘together’ for about 9 months before I proposed.

Image credits: anon

It’s also recommended to focus on self-care. “Engage in activities that nurture your well-being. Exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices can help you reconnect with yourself,” Nia noted.

“Reflect and grow: Take time to understand what the relationship taught you. Use these insights to grow as an individual and better prepare for future relationships,” the therapist continued. And finally, she urges those going through break-ups to stay hopeful. “Remember that healing takes time, but you will get through this. Believe in the possibility of future happiness and love.”

#13

Tbh I’m pretty sure he lost his mind.

He was constantly accusing me of cheating, going through my phone and emails, jumping down my throat if I ran late at work. Calling my work when he found something he felt was incriminating to berate me and threaten to throw me out.

He took texts and emails he found between me and another guy, whom I was dating during a 9 month period where we’d broken up, and used that to berate me and call me a whore because even though we were BROKEN UP “we still meant something to each other and I shouldn’t have done it.”

He was so cruel. He’d put me down and make me cry, then mock me for it. Anytime I tried to defend myself he’d tell me he was the only thing standing between me and standing in line at the Salvation Army and to be careful how I spoke to him.

I was on my knees at one point, begging and crying for him not to leave me. I loved that man like a senseless fool.

Everything kind of blew up when I went to the beach for a day with a friend and he basically accused me of slutting my way up and down the coast.

It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had reached the event horizon for my tolerance of emotional manipulation and abuse.

Huge argument ensued, we broke up. I got home and he’d already packed my s**t and I left right then.

I was homeless for a bit, but I had my dignity and self respect back.

Image credits: charlottedhouse

#14

I’ve been engaged twice. First one ended after meeting my family for the first time, my fiance made fun of my brother, who is very intelligent but sometimes socially awkward, for half the ride home. I slept on it, then gave the ring back the next day. F**k that guy.

The second engagement, we dated for 3 years and got engaged after 2. The closer it got, the more he decided he wanted to have children immediately, wanted me to stay home with them, and then said, “Knowing that, I’m wondering if it’s worth it for you to continue grad school.” (I was just starting my second year of my master’s program) Buh-bye.

#15

He was obsessed in making me look/speak better. He would control my food intake and make me exercise everyday. Whenever i was out with him i have to wear heels..dress well and he would point out what other girls were wearing and that i should try on. Putting make up is a must even when I’m on a plane.

I wasn’t allow to speak other language aside from english and not allowed to watch dramas that is trash to him.

My last straw was him asking me to consider to get a boobs job when i lost so much weight from all the exercise/controlled diet. I realised i cannot live this way anymore and he will never be satisfied ever.

Even though I still love him but I was mentally drained and constantly felt that I was ugly and unworthy.

Image credits: Cutestuff_

“It’s important to remember that every relationship, even those that end in heartbreak, contributes to our personal growth and understanding of love. It’s okay to mourn the loss but also recognize the strength and resilience you gain through these experiences,” Nia added.

“You’re not alone in your journey, and with time, the pain will subside, making way for new beginnings and opportunities for deeper connections. It is also important not to personalize or put yourself down,” the therapist noted. “Rejection happens, and heartbreak happens. Do not feel that this has decreased your value in any way. There are over 7 billion people in the world, and one is for you. Don’t give up.”

#16

I didnt want any kids and I wanted to be allowed to work. He wanted a housewife and a large family. I was willing to settle on a compromise: 2 kids and I still got to work. He left me for it because I wouldn’t be exactly what he wanted. He married someone else later who did exactly what he wanted and he was miserable with her and was attempting to take a mutual friend as his mistress. I dodged a bullet.

Edit: for anyone curious I’m glad it ended this way. As much as I like other peoples kids with the amount I’ve changed since this relationship ended I’m glad I have none of my own. Kids are great but the older me is glad I dont have any. I would have left him and the kids eventually for various reasons and it’s better it ended before either marraige or children happened.

#17

Wow, I can’t believe how relevant this thread is to me right now. My dad just dropped me back off at my house from the hospital 45 minutes ago so this literally just happened.(His fiance was watching my son while he took me.)

The last 4 days, my fiance has decided to stay at her new coworkers house either overnight or until well in to the morning. I told her that’s ridiculously not ok to do when your engaged, even though she claims it was just stress relief playing video games with a new guy friend. We also have a four month old son that I’ve been taking care of for the past four days she’s been gone, and I’ve been very sick with what I thought was a stomach bug. Well this morning I fainted, and she insisted I just get some rest and maybe go to urgent care if I dont get better. Then I lost my ability to keep any liquids down and was insistent that she take me to the hospital then go home and take care of our son.

This was too much to ask though, as she’d already made plans to meet this guy again tonight. She walked to her work and left her family behind to go spend the night at his house. I told her that if she chooses to abandon her family to go spend time with another man, who I never accused her of cheating on me with despite the numerous red flags, than her family wont be waiting for her when she gets home. I involved someone in my family out of necessity, so my dad took me to the hospital and his fiance watched my son.

My Fiance’s last text to me simply said “I cant come home so I guess I just lose everything.”

After multiple chest xrays and an abdomen CT, it turns out I’m not sick, but the stress caused by my relationship started causing massive problems throughout my body. Oh and apparently I have a kidney stone.

I know it was petty but when I got home I just sent her a picture of our son and told her that this was who she chose to give up on tonight.

*Edit: After reading a lot of these other posts, I’m realizing I should probably have left her much sooner.

Image credits: Jeiku53

#18

I was engaged to a guy I’d dated for 3 years and planning a destination wedding. He cheated with a mutual friend one night. His mom (who he lived with while we were apartment hunting) accidentally walked in on them in the middle of it while letting the dogs out. He didn’t know his mom had seen, but his mom called me and told me what happened. He denied it when I confronted him which made it worse. Called off the wedding and broke up, etc.

Weirdly enough, he got married about 5 years later to someone else in the exact same destination wedding location/venue/package/colors I had always dreamed of and planned out for us. He must have kept my planning binder and just reused it or something.

Edit: whoa this blew up! Made a clarity edit because guy did not sleep with his mom. Answering some questions here:

1) Could his mom have been wrong/was it a plot to break you up?

No. He finally came clean after I said his mom had walked in on him and called me. And the mutual friend admitted it to me too when I confronted her. His mom was basically sobbing when she called me because she didn’t want us to break up, but knew she should tell me. I’m actually sad about losing the mom so much more than my ex. She was awesome! Some other things were revealed about him later too like he lied about finishing his degree at university and had failed out instead. I dodged a big bullet for sure.

2) What happened to the mutual friend?

Well, she and I definitely stopped being friends. She wasn’t even apologetic when I confronted her. She had also been in a relationship that she broke off. They ended up dating for a while after that which was a bit of a mess because my ex and I ran a large, well-known community together. The rumors of what happened got out, but I attempted to be civil about it for the sake of the community. They, however, parked in the front window of the weekly venue and made out for everyone to see as a way of announcing their relationship. Super classy.

3) What happened to me?

I ended up moving across the country a few months later, meeting the man who is now my awesome husband of 8 years, and we just had our first kid last year. I’m much happier with this outcome!

Image credits: St3phiroth

#19

After 4 years of relationship, her parents couldn’t come into terms with my religion and caste, they completely opposed our marriage, the girl couldn’t sacrifice her parents’ relationship and so she sacrificed me for them. Welcome to 21st century India.

Image credits: marzneo

#20

She became very dependent on me. She didn’t have many friends, nor any opportunities to go out and make any. She didn’t have drive to do anything rather just sit at home and do nothing. No motivation to play any sports or get a job. This sabotaged my life as I’d always be spending time and money on her becuase she couldn’t afford anything herself. She ended being an emotional toll as she had mental issues and I thought leaving her would just make it worse. But I’m so glad I left. It lifted a weight off my shoulders and allowed me to achieve a lot more than I was when I was with her.

#21

After 2 years of constantly forgiving him for cheating on me, it wasn’t until I needed to be hospitalized that I realized he didn’t love me. When I needed him the most he told me, “I’m sorry, I can’t take you being in there. It makes me too sad. Call me when you get out.” So when I did, I told him I just wanted to be friends, but I had nothing against him. Literally a day after I called him and told him that, he made FB official post dating some other girl lol
I’m married now and really happy in my relationship. I definitely dodged a bullet :).

Image credits: wanderingcat72

#22

The relationship died.

We had very different ideas of what life should be like. For example, he had said he’d break up with me if I didn’t get a college education. He also gave me ultimatums (twice) about moving with him to a small town- both times. At the second time, I let him carry out the ultimatum.

Image credits: JenovaCelestia

#23

We had been dating for over 2 years, and engaged for about 6 months.

Then one night, she bit me twice. Then I slapped her once, and she called the cops.

We were drunk (of course) and got in to an argument about something stupid, and I wanted to let it all go until the morning, when we could talk about it when we were sober. But she was doing that thing she had been doing for a while at that point…refusing to relent until she felt she won the argument. I was going to sleep at her apartment that night, but when she wouldn’t stop arguing, I decided to get up and leave.

As I was starting to put my pants on, she tackled me in a fit of rage. Then she bit my arm hard…so much so that she drew blood (I still have the scar.) I squirmed away, but she grabbed my legs and then she bit me again, hard, this time on my a*s cheek. (I still have that scar too, only it’s bigger.)

The second bite she wouldn’t let go…gnashing on my a*s like a dog with a chew toy. So I grabbed her hair, and pulled, then slapped her.

She was SHOCKED that I would slap her. SHOCKED. She called the cops. They showed up, saw all the blood and that I was the only one bleeding, then arrested her. I was actually kind of surprised by that, but they were reasonable individuals.

I did not want to press charges. I was done with her, and saw no need for them at that point. Turns out the town she lived in has a domestic violence law that compells the prosecutor to file charges without needing me to press charges. She took a deal that put a misdeamenor on her record (vs. felony battery), and a years probation.

About 6 weeks after this incident, I met the woman who is now my wife. This November will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. And in all that time, she has never bitten me, and I have never slapped her.

Image credits: anon

#24

I found out the guy was no longer working when I called to see why his paychecks hadn’t come in. (I handled the finances for us, and he kept saying his boss would be sending it.) It turned out he quit, and instead of telling me, spent the next few weeks pretending to work. Instead he started going to strip clubs on what little money he had hoarded.

When I went to break it off with him, he punched his hand through the wall and lost his mind. By the time he finally calmed down, he had turned strangely morose. He looked at me and asked if we could have sex one last time.

My response : “No.”

Him after a long pause, sifting through his pockets and holding out a dollar bill. : “I’ll pay you a dollar to sleep with me. It’s all I have left.”

Needless to say, he left with a dollar in his pocket and no final goodbye.

EDIT : I can’t believe so many people read this! I honestly expected it to be passed over, so thank you all for taking the time and sharing your questions, comments, and well wishes. I’m sad to say while this instance was odd, I have a few more relationship stories that were even crazier. >.< Apparently, I know how to pick them. Hahahaha For those that were concerned, the guy ended up doing alright. Anger management, lots of partying, and a few years passed before he found himself with a little one on the way. He’s quite happy and enjoying his newest addition. :3.

Image credits: ValNTine

#25

She cheated on me. Though, going through that made me learn a lot about myself and readjust my standards. So in an odd way, I’m thankful that happened.

#26

She got black out drunk and slept with her work mate. Bullet dodged.

#27

She ran away with her girlfriend…

#28

I asked him what I meant to him and he answered “Nothing.”.

#29

She ended her own life last October.

It’ll have been a year since she died in six days.

Still breaks my heart. We were already engaged, but she was a very, very troubled woman.

E: I kinda just shot this post out because I was so certain nobody would notice, and I needed to vent. Been breaking down a lot now that I’m approaching the worst day in my life, but it’s good to know y’all out there reached out like this. Thanks, everyone.

#30

She slept with my roommate and my other roommate and friends walked in on them mid doggy.

#31

He’s an absolutely wonderful dude. He just thought I was a different person than I really am. He and I met during a very stressful point of my life, and he thought that if I quit doing all the things that made me “me,” like volunteering, being a workaholic, helping my family, I’d be perfect. In the end, when the crazy subsided, I landed a job that makes me the happiest ever, via the volunteering I was doing, and my family stabilized and isn’t quite as crazy as before.

We’re both married to other people now, and thanks to social media I can see that he chose well, and is super happy. I’m happy here, and honestly, I’m really grateful for the way it all worked out. Nothing wrong at all with him, and he deserves all the goodness in life he has.

#32

Because I was too immature, selfish, uncaring and so f*****g blind to it I thought some of it was her fault.

#33

As we grew, his charm dissipated. When I was 18/19, he didn’t have a job so we could always be together. He was messy, bit so was I. He played video games day but it was fun!

At 27, I was working full time and getting my BA. He was still jobless. I worked my a*s off. He played video games. I cleaned the house. He didn’t clean s**t. I grew up. He didn’t.

#34

I think he cheated on me, I honestly thought I could get over cheating but as it was proven, I cant. I could never trust him again and there is no relationship witjout trust. He also took me for granted and I am not going to accept someone who is that comfortable with making me miserable. I really thought he was/is the love of my life tho.

#35

He was cheating on me with a swinger lady, with random girls from Snapchat and Plenty of Fish, and his on-and-off again married ex girlfriend… From when she was pregnant until her husband found out more than a year after she gave birth. He would also get angry at *me* like I was bad luck when there were random d**g tests (military) and he’s just taken coke the night or two before with his buddies.

He got angry when I had enough screenshot proof to confront him, and from the tone of his replies, he would probably have been violent too if it wasn’t an LDR.

I dodged a freight train and getting engaged to a fabulous man soon. :).

#36

There was a point I had asked her to move in with me. She said she wanted to, but she wanted to do it right (she lived in another state at the time) and she wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be a burden on me and would have money to contribute and such while she looked for a job.

We got along very well, and for a brief period I did see her as someone I could marry.

However, she had some major mental issues to the point of it being flat out irrational. Everyone has their own issues, myself certainly included. But I’m always fighting, and doing what I can. This may mean some days my fight is to just take a shower, but it’s something.

But for her…she practically revelled in defeat. Every day to her was hopeless and things she had complained about since the day we first spoke were still issues half a year later.

It took me a long time to realize how much her own negativity was bringing me down with her, and eventually every day I was trying to think of some sort of excuse to not talk that night. Eventually I told her she was a wonderful person (she was) but it just wasn’t going to work for me.

It was truely a shame. We got along amazingly well, had lots of similar tastes in things, literally never had a fight or argument, etc… it was great. But when i realized that she wasn’t going to change, i knew i had to change on my own.

#37

She thought I was her Superman savior. She had a few screws loose I realized. And I’d have been broke at this point in my life. And miserable. She was very attractive and the sex was amazing. But even that fades.

#38

I realized I was too young and that we had ignored some red flags.

Edit: financial immaturities and lies about how her last boyfriend affected her that built up over time.

#39

She would sit me down and calmly explain why I was doing things wrong. It felt like being lectured and I hated it.

She is a teacher.

#40

I asked her to get her laundry together so I could take it to the laundromat later. She had a meltdown.

#41

From the other side of the coin, I was the dumped. But I can understand why. We were very much in love, very much besotted with each other. But I took that for granted and I did not work at our relationship. She was a very ambitious lady, not for money or power, but for self-improvement, and improving others lives. I was, and still am, a self loathing coward whose every action or inaction was motivated by fear. I had no ambitions other than spending my life with her. She moved to America, and I was to join her, but I crumbled without her. As the days turned into weeks and into months I still hadn’t made any inroads to joining her. I didn’t know how, it seemed so beyond me. I loved her with all my mind and heart and professed it daily but did not show it through action. She was, and I assume still is, an amazing woman, strong and brave and smart and funny. She left me in 2004 and it destroyed me, and though I confessed it felt out of the blue, it wasn’t. I told her she broke my heart. She told me I had been breaking hers for a long time. She was right. I’ve never really been able to move on. I’m still the scared little boy who she knew would end up becoming the albatross around her shoulders. I’m 42 now, unemployed, living between my sisters living room and my mums apartment, completely broken by anxiety and depression. She made the right choice because she was too amazing, too ambitious and willing to work at a relationship that I was not because I thought it was perfect. Never take love for granted, because the pain of losing it may fade, but it always lingers and never really dissolves. Last I heard she moved back home and went to law school. If I had to guess I would say she works for some organisation that helps people. But I can only guess as I stopped communicating with her. For her sake or mine I don’t know.

#42

When I was about to propose, she read the situation and told me she was seeing someone else. It messed me up for a while but I appreciated her coming forward. We eventually became friends again.

She is now engaged to some nerdy theater actor who I know would make her happy (She’s into theater), and I went on to dating an amazing girl who sacrificed everything to come live with me.

#43

Our relationship was 90/10. I would do everything. Take care of everything. Pay for everything. Always be the first one to message, or call or suggest plans.

She put hardly any effort into us at all and I know i deserve more than that.

#44

I asked him to marry me. He said no.

#45

She f****d 3 dudes her very first semester away at college.

Call me naive for thinking I’d marry my highschool sweetheart but at 20 I believed it.

#46

I realised after 6 years that we weren’t happy. The relationship had gone nowhere, he would rarely communicate, and I was getting needy due to neglect. One day something finally clicked in my head and I ended it. It was a mutual ending that went way too smoothly. The fact that it didn’t seem to affect him made it a lot easier. But we’re still friends and I’m happy I still have him in my life.

#47

His mother called me “common” TO MY FACE as in, common as muck because I’m not from a wealthy background and he didn’t say a word to defend me.

His colleague obviously quite fancied him and instead of telling her to back off, it was always contensious because I was being “crazy”. I never asked him to stop being friends with her – just to clarify he wasn’t interested so she would stop making snide comments to me.

Final nail in the coffin was when I was struggling a lot with my mental health and he told me to “get out of bed and get over it.”

Instead of one dramatic event, I suppose these showed me what kind of guy he really was!

#48

I wanted to get out of the s****y town we lived in.. seriously everyone there just sits around and smokes weed, no one was going anywhere. So I left, moved states and I have never been happier! Went back 10 years later and everyone was still sitting around smoking weed and going nowhere. The only difference was they had their kids in that environment.

#49

We figured out that while we love each other, we don’t like eachother as often as we used to. We were becoming less and less close (physically and emotionally) and even getting lost in our travel-adventures could only keep us together for so long. Oddly, she could be one of those sweetest most thoughtful people you’ll ever meet, but could flip a switch at the silliest times. Real mind f**k.

Breaking it off (after 6 years) was one the most adult, and most painful things I’ve ever done in my life. I made 5 women cry that day, her, our moms and my sisters (I also cried like a girl.) I half-joke that I may end up just dying alone to avoid a mess like that again lol.

*editing my trash phone typing.

#50

We weren’t engaged or anything but I thought he would be the one I would be with till the very end. But then my dad died and he not once asked if I were okay or offered any kind of support. That’s when I realised that we just don’t have the same values where it matters so I broke up with him. We have remained really good friends though and still hang out sometimes.

#51

Couple reasons.

– The way we deal with problems (personal and interpersonal) is different. He likes to hash it out then and there, while I like to ~~ruminate~~ process for a few days while I form my thoughts on it. It makes it seem like he’s confrontational and I’m passive-aggressive, which began to wear on us. It was fine at the time, but we knew in ten years we wouldn’t be able to stand one another.
– He requires more physical contact and affection than I do. We tried to compromise, but it ended up that I felt trapped and he still felt neglected, so it was sad for both of us.
– The dealbreaker: turns out I’m gay.

#52

I was extremely young & in puppy love. A condition to me even dating him that he was no longer to use d***s. I knew he was d**g user previously and he had asked me out many times during that period. In which I declined, until he was clean and sober. Eventually he was so determined to have me, he got clean. Later on I found out once he got comfortable with our relationship he was using behind my back, amoung other things. He, for some unbeknown reason to me, told his entire family I was pregnant. I was not pregnant, never have been. I never lied to him about being pregnant either. Which turned my life upside down. It didn’t end well, I broke it off. Now he’s married with four kids.

#53

It got to a point where He wasn’t working or going to school, and just totally lacked ambition. After all the support and trying to push him to do more, I was done.

Edit: You guys, I’ve never had a comment reach 1k, more or less 3k! So thank you so much for that. It’s quite heart warming to see all the comments and reactions this brief description got. To answer a lot of questions I’ve seen, here it goes:
He did tell me he had mild depression when we dated the first time, but he was on new meds the second time. I did communicate my issues to him and try to help him. But after crying countless times and seeing no improvement, I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. I think we’ll always care about each other. In case you’re wondering, currently we both are in relationships with other people. I’d like to think things did work out.
PS- My bf isn’t thrilled that this subject got so much attention lol. Love you hun in case you’re reading this

#54

My high school boyfriend and I would for sure have gotten married if I’d stayed in the relationship. We were planning on it. Both going to college in the same city, etc. And we’d been really serious, two+ year relationship, really loved each other a lot. I say this now as someone in her thirties with several years of marriage under her belt–high school bf and I had a bona-fide relationship going.

A month before leaving for college, my family took our annual summer vacation trip to [stereotypical New England vacation destination]. Boyfriend came along, as he had for the past two summers. I don’t know what changed, exactly, but at some point during the trip, a switch flipped. I realized that left to itself, our relationship would in fact continue through college, through grad school, boyfriend would become a lawyer, I would become a teacher, we’d move into a house in our hometown that our parents bought, boyfriend would go work for his dad’s law firm, we’d have a few kids, buy a vacation house, run some 5ks or maybe 10ks as we got older and realized we needed to keep staying in shape… I don’t know, I just saw the whole thing, and I wanted none of it. As sexy and awesome as I found my high school boyfriend, I knew that that’s what he wanted–stay in hometown, live a life exactly like the one he grew up with. For whatever reason, it turned me off completely. I broke up with him over that vacation and spent the rest of summer vacation crying my eyes out because he took all our mutual friends with him. Nobody understood why we broke up. Least of all me, to be honest–I just knew that I had to end it, because if I waited it would get harder.

Over a decade later, time has proven me very right. Boyfriend took less than a year to start dating another girl from our high school class (one I had teased him about having a crush on when we dated in high school). They got engaged a week after I did to my current husband–he was still wearing a ring I’d gotten him for his 16th birthday in the engagement photos. They live in our hometown, just popped out a kid, post pictures on Facebook every summer with their vacation trips to [stereotypical New England vacation destination]. He’s a lawyer, works for the law firm of a friend of his dad’s. I assume they’re living in a house their parents bought them in the town we’re from. He’s living the life he’s always wanted to live.

Me? I taught for awhile, but then my husband, who grew up on a farm but wanted to be a scientist, got a research job in Cambridge, England, so I took the opportunity to go back to school to get a PhD in children’s literature, which was my dream job before I even knew it was a job. We have no idea what country we’re going to be living in in three years–could be back int he states, could be in the UK, could be somewhere else in Europe. All of our friends are similarly transient academics from all over the world. *This* is the life I wanted to live. I would be so unhappy if I’d stayed in the life I knew my high school boyfriend wanted. I have no idea how my 18 year old self knew it, but I’m sure glad I listened to that feeling in my gut.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Lol but seriously if you made it this far good job, didn’t expect to write a short essay on a Monday morning.

#55

Both of us were alcoholics.

I met him at age 22, he was 26. Love at first sight. It was immediately understood without even speaking of it that we were just going to be together now, and that was that for 2.5 years.

I have still never met someone I have loved entirely as much as I loved him. And when I broke things off with him, I honestly think a piece of my soul died. Because I have truly never been the same since.

My mom and dad were both alcoholics and it f****d up my childhood. I had a drinking problem myself that I didn’t understand yet. My drinking increased when we began dating because it seemed so normal to indulge more with him. The more I drank, the more neurotic and needy I became. The more he drank, the more he just faded away from the world.

He always drank to the point of blacking out and I hated it. I would see his facial expression go kind of blank while we were out, and I’d know he was blacked out, like, nothing there, dead behind the eyes. And I’d wonder where the guy I loved was. I’d tell him we needed to go home and he’d brush it off and refuse. He had to close the bar down no matter what. He’d just always get so f*****g hammered.

Seeing the man I loved really drunk would always trigger this really lonely and dark sadness inside me. I felt invisible like I did to my parents my whole childhood. And he drank like, everyday. He never slept at night so much as he actually just kind of passed out. I always felt like I was sleeping next to a ghost when he was passed out from drinking. I felt like I was dating him, the perfect person, and then also his twin, who had nothing to give and no life inside of him. It was just a shell of him. It broke my heart constantly.

After some time of cyclical arguments (usually while both of us were drunk) I started to realize he didn’t feel like he had an issue, and I wasn’t sure he would ever face it. I wanted to face my issues. I wanted a better life and better mental health. He was not in favor of making changes.

He had socialized with the same group of guys since he was 5, all of whom drank to blackouts regularly, and his dad was a big drinker. They were from a privileged, upper middle class kind of circle where binge drinking was just normal because they went to more expensive bars and only drank craft beers and whatnot. Idk how to explain it. But there was a disconnect there between us. There was no part of his life that didn’t revolve around alcohol and I knew if I didn’t get away from that lifestyle, I was going to end up miserable or maybe even dead.

I still fight for my sobriety every day. He just got married last month. I saw photos from the wedding, where he had a drink in his hand in every photo and the same blank, drunk expression I could never cope with. I wish him the best, and I still miss him everyday. I f*****g hate alcohol for all of the s**t in life that it absolutely destroys.

#56

She and I were both law students in our final semester. She had a job lined up at a first class law firm. At the time, I had interviewed with a bunch of judges for a clerkship, but had no offers yet. What I really wanted to do was join the Marines. I’d been telling people that for a couple of years.

She came from a far wealthier and more materialistic family than I did. Just after NYE, she and her mother went to Paris for a shopping trip. They spent $10,000 just on the shopping. I grew up on a farm raised by back-to-the-land hippies who grew/hunted/gathered our food.

She had been dropping serious hints that we needed to get engaged SoonTM since before Christmas. It was nearly Valentines Day. Right before I went out to spend nearly my entire savings on a $12,000 engagement ring, my ex-almost-fiancée (that’s what I’ve called her for the last 15 years) and I had a “state of the union” conversation. One of those, what do you really want to do with your life conversations. During the course of this conversation, she informed me of a few things:
1. She didn’t want me to join the Marines because she didn’t want to follow me around. Fair enough, then I agreed to get another public service job. Maybe with the federal public defender or as a prosecutor.
2. I had to sell all my guns, because “only rednecks own guns and even though I know you’re not a redneck, people might think you were if they found out you owned guns.”
3. “If we make less than $300,000 per year combined income, we might as well be living on food stamps.”
4. “We can never live in the state of VA, because VA is a redneck state from top to bottom.” Even Arlington? Yes, even Arlington.

After hearing all that, I decided we needed to take a break for a few days and think things over. Instead of going ring shopping, I drove down to my brother’s house in VA for the weekend. I was stuck in horrendous traffic when I got a phone call from one of the judges with whom I had interviewed. Just like that, I had a great job lined up in the same city as her. While not great pay, it was a perfect step stone to a higher paying job. A few minutes later I was still stuck in traffic and I look over and there’s a gun store. Five minutes later, I’m still next to the gun store. So, I went inside and after much consideration, spent $300 on a beautiful .45. It was the first time I had treated myself to anything at all in over two years. I drove down to my little brother’s house and discussed the situation with him. “In three years, you’re still going to have this gun, but you won’t be married to her.”

I went back up to the city where we both lived and ran into her in the parking garage. I told her, “I got a job in _______,” and watched her face light up. “And I bought a new gun.” And watched her smile fade. I told her she had to love me for who I was. That I loved her, but I wasn’t going to give up all the things I wanted, that we would need to compromise on some things. She wouldn’t budge, so we split for good.

After a year working for that judge, I joined the Marines. Twelve years later, I don’t regret how that situation turned out at all. I’m now happily married and I’m changing careers so I can spend more time with my wife and daughters.

#57

I was in nursing school at the time he and I got together. I was in a transitionary period in my life where my career wasn’t set, so I rationalized that it was okay that he worked a minimum wage job at 30 years old. After all, I wasn’t sure where my life was headed either. A few years into our relationship, and we talked about marriage a lot. He was still working a low wage, dead end job but his 6th such job in two years, with no clear plan at all. Any such attempts to lead him into a well paying job was always met with negativity and dismissal. He could work overtime, though, at his pizza job.

He told me that he was going to save up money to buy me a ring. Instead, he bought a $2000 mountain bike that sat in our garage. He never worked out or enjoyed active things, so it was a purchase that didn’t make sense. He never saved for my ring but still talked about marrying me. I hated going into my garage after that.

Fast forward a year later, and I’m a nurse. He is working a new minimum wage job (his 8th in 3 years) and spending all of my money on things like gun parts, a clunker of a car he was going to “fix up,” and a ton of other hobby items that he never used and eventually sold for half its value. It came down to the fact that I knew I’d have to support him and any kids we might have, which would be no easy feat with his reckless spending habits that put us in the red every month. It also didn’t help that he refused to do household chores, and spent his free time playing video games while I hiked, kayaked and went out to social gatherings that he refused to go to. We grew apart.

I know my career growth had a lot to do with it, and I think that maybe I was too distracted during school to really see that we weren’t right for each other. A month after we looked at rings together, with these tiny shards of diamonds he got from his father that he wanted to incorporate into a ring but were too small and old, I decided we were better as friends and called it quits. I still feel terrible about it because we had so much fun together! We simply weren’t compatible enough to go long term.

I think the final nail in the coffin was when he told me he wasn’t sure he wanted to have kids anymore, and he knew that was a deal breaker for me, who desperately wants them.

We broke up 3 years ago. He now has a baby girl and seems happy. I’m dating an amazing man I hope prioritizes me over a mountain bike.

#58

We had an intense attraction to each other but there were 2 reasons I had to walk away–
First is he was very jealous and controlling. I couldn’t say hi to someone in passing without getting grilled about who he was, how I knew him, was I talking to him secretly, did I wish I was dating him, etc.

Second our ambitions didn’t match up. I wanted more out of life than he did. I wanted the professional degree and he wanted to work on cars. There is nothing wrong with that at all but our paths to our preferred destinations took us in very different directions.

I still think if him and wonder but have been happily married for more than 25 years.

#59

Ohh super easy answer. Dude was a douche and hit me across the face. Also couldn’t hold down a job, but you know, mostly the face thing.

#60

Doesn’t really fit here because I did marry him in the end, but in retrospect I should have broken it off before it got that far.

He wasn’t who I thought he was and I wasn’t who he wanted me to be. He was depressed, obese and had huge self-worth issues and some trouble with alcohol abuse. The relationship ended up being more of a caretaker-patient thing with him making me feel guilty when I left home for work and spending spare time with someone else was unthinkable. Short term I figured he’d get better, but he refused therapy. He tried starting 4 studies but lost interest sooner with each of them. With this getting progressively worse for 9 years in the end he had no diploma, no income, was heavier than ever, drinking daily and relying on me for everything.

Leaving was difficult, but it was the best thing I could have done for him. He finally started taking responsibility, started therapy and now he’s financially independent, taking care of his body and doing all kinds of active things with friends. In the meantime I’m happily taken and feel a lot more free to pursue my goals and dreams with a partner who’s also aiming for the stars.

#61

When she became physically abusive and sexually inactive.

#62

We had been dating for two years, but had dated in high school 10 years before that. She had been married for a short time but that all broke up right before we started dating. Anyways, she wouldn’t invite me around to her parents place ever, because they were very religious and didn’t believe in divorce. After getting engaged, tho, I felt like I ought to “ovary up” and clear the water with them…I had known them in high school (though they had never liked me) and I remembered her dad’s mobile number. So I called him. Long story short, she was still married to her husband. She had lied about getting divorced and I was her side chick, though she spent so much time with me, I don’t believe they could have had a very happy marriage. I made her give me the ring back.

#63

We started dating in high school, and had the typical first love relationship. We moved to another state for college and he just completely changed. Well, I guess we both did in our own ways. I was bored in the relationship and he had no ambition whatsoever, unless it was just one of his music projects. He got kicked out of school twice and held a job only like a month the whole time I was in school. I was the only income for us until graduation. I worked two jobs during school on top of my clinical rotations. He always needed some knew piece of equipment. In my head I didn’t realize I could leave the relationship. I finally had enough when I had a death in the family and decided I would go alone so he could take care of trying to get in school for the third time. He made it all about him, that he knew my family didn’t like him and was demanding to know why they don’t want him there. Not once asked how I was doing either. He bugged me the whole time I was trying to take care of my family too. My sister was talking to me about how she was deciding to leave her husband when it clicked. I didn’t have to stay with him even though we where engaged! When I returned home, I told him I would still help him get in school, but only as a friend.

#64

1. I lost my father and get ignored me for a week bc I went out with my friends to distract myself.
2. Told me he’d shoot his face off if I was ever happy with anyone but him.

#65

Went back with him to visit his family in the UK for a month – I’m Chinese, he’s Scottish and found that he’s an extremely selfish, self centered spoiled brat and his family thinks he’s an angel n expected me to bow to him as they all did. Worst of all, he was never this way when we were dating here in my country where he’s an expat, but his true colors shone when he was back with his family.

Edit : what hurt me the most though, was this – his dad was really nice to me because I think we both recognized that we were the same kind of people, it was always the dad and I cleaning up after everyone else, always us making coffee for the others, always us setting the table and cooking. And one day when the dad came home from the grocers he proudly brought out two large containers of fresh strawberries that he bought for me. I mentioned that I love strawberries (they are very expensive in my country) in some random conversation we had days ago, it wasn’t even a talking point or anything, even I forgot I said it.

So I told my boyfriend during an argument that his dad is so thoughtful and how come he doesn’t see it and my bf replied *’oh please. You haven’t seen my dad’s bad side, he ain’t such an angel’*.
Even if that is true, why would you say that???

#66

Ultimately his parents and his inability to step up to them and put his foot down as a grown man.

from Bored Panda https://ift.tt/QM5LjIB
via IFTTT source site : boredpanda