‘Productivity paranoia’ is a term coined by Microsoft chief Satya Nadella, and it describes the not-so-new concern that workers who perform their duties at home aren’t as effective or honest.

In fact, around 85% of leaders in a survey from September 2022 said hybrid arrangements make it hard for them to be confident that expectations are met.

But the joke’s on them. Many are faking it in the office, too. There’s a viral thread on Reddit where people have been revealing their go-to ways to “look busy” when they feel like taking it easy, and the abundance of replies make it clear that this practice is pretty universal.

#1

I’m a cleaner/janitor in a warehouse complex

I just grab a broom or a bucket

Can walk laps of the place for hours without doing anything if I want

Image credits: 82recluse82

#2

My coworkers don’t really know computers like I do, and since my job is 90% on the computer, I just load up 3 or 4 explorer windows over a random Excel spreadsheet, and stare intently at it.

Image credits: GrilledStuffedDragon

#3

Former manager here (went back to consulting because it’s more fun.)

Just get your job done. I told my employees as much. Hell I spend 30-40% of my day on non work stuff but it helps me recharge and then I get more done in a half day than many of my peers do in a week.

Image credits: ChinaIsAssh0e

#4

If you work in a big enough building, you just put something important looking in one hand (papers, a clipboard works perfectly, etc) and scurry intensely from one random place to the next. Make friends in different areas, stop to chat briefly. Find the good clean remote restroom and use it. Grab a cup of coffee. Help somebody else with work that’s more interesting than yours, etc. Rinse, repeat.

As long as you’re holding something official looking (change it up) and *hurrying semi-urgently* from place to place you can go like this right up to your yearly review. Hopefully you managed to get some actual amazing s**t done here and there along the way.

Image credits: Congenital0ptimist

#5

If my Boss starts giving me the side eye tomorrow while I’m scowling at my computer screen, constantly running to the office scanner, and leaping from my desk and into the hallway with a folder and a pen, I’ll know he follows this sub.

Image credits: cats_inthewindow

#6

Just look frustrated with whatever you’re doing.

Squint at your computer screen, shake your head, let out an occasional sigh, have a bunch of papers on your desk you can rifle through periodically.

You don’t want to look so frustrated that you might need some help, but if you do this right everybody will think you’re already too busy with something to be bothered.

Image credits: J-Dizzle42

#7

I frequently write emails to myself. Could be my grocery list, to-dos for after work, ideas that I don’t want to forget, or planning the upcoming weekend. It’s a great way to make my free time more efficient and organized while killing time at work.

Image credits: Mole_kid

#8

I always keep a separate tab open with work related stuff to quickly change to and look at intently if someone walks by

Image credits: Viiibrations

#9

I’ve had the same spreadsheet open for 4 days, no one has said anything, and I still got paid so I guess it’s working.

Image credits: CitizenHuman

#10

Been 5 years since I worked in an office but these:

In a call centre I’d dial a number I knew would not connect (ie leave last digit off). The line registered as busy so my ‘busy on a call’ stats were always very high. Just had to remember to cover the phone light with something if I walked away to make a coffee or something.

Always leave something on the computer screen that is an excel document with lots of data etc. remember to scroll from time to time and don’t use a screen saver. Ideally your screen should be not seen by others walking past but this is for when you can’t control that.

Tell others how busy you are. Needs to be done carefully so you aren’t seen as a drama queen. Just time to time and slightly under your breath comments ‘well anyway got to get back to my desk, lots on’. Or in staff meetings or with your manager praise the team. ‘Thanks everyone for all the hard work getting done, this is a great team’

Always carry documents with you when walking around the office. A folder or just any papers. Great for going to a chat with a coworker. From afar.. if you are seen holding papers you look busy and it must be about work right.

Thinking on that last point. Walk with purpose. Walk slightly faster than normal from A to B.

Stay 5 mins later than others leaving office for the day. Come to work 5 mins before they do. Leave empty coffee mugs on your desk in the morning. Make a coffee. But have one with dregs as a spare prop. You’ve ‘been in for ages’ at a glance.

Ohhh I’m having a bit too much fun with this. Lol.

Image credits: CheeryCherryCheeky

#11

Find something to read that they can’t tell isn’t work if they don’t look close. Like did you know the script of the Truman show is online somewhere? That was a fun day.

Image credits: Jenslosingit

#12

I have a steady flow of work these days, but when I first started, my position was brand new. So there was not a lot to do, and it’s actually the reason I joined reddit. Figured I could stay current with all the free time I had.

But yeah those first few months were rough, so I started emailing myself really long articles and short stories. I’d then either just read them straight from email, or I’d past them into an Excel/Word/Publisher document.

A lot of the articles came from here: https://ift.tt/lMpZC2U

Image credits: meltedlaundry

#13

tip your chair over, they normally call the hospital immediately

Image credits: anon

#14

Sit at my desk for 15 minutes, walk to the file cabinet room, pull out a random file, make three copies, walk through the hall so everyone sees me with paperwork in my hand, slip out the side door, go to my truck, take a 30 minute nap, walk back through the hallway with my paperwork, shred it, go back to my desk. If anybody asks I just tell them I’m cleaning up paperwork before the end of the billing cycle. I can repeat this all day long if I need to.

Image credits: bluecheetos

#15

I ‘research’ clickbait

Image credits: sojojo142

#16

Type responses to reddit if they can’t see my screen, type out ideas for a book if they can

Image credits: Stop_Sign

#17

Open an excel spreadsheet …start filling it..my boss backs away lol

Image credits: coolmommabear

#18

Reviewing. Going over work you did for the day “just to make sure I did everything right”.

Image credits: Vyzantinist

#19

Training videos. Always look like you are trying to better yourself

Image credits: CJamesEd

#20

– Downloaded PDF version of a book and open it up

– Split screen with an excel sheet

– Read

I powered through the Game of Thrones book series in 2-3 months at my last job. It’s my go to way to kill time and look busy at work.

Image credits: uhnoinenoine

#21

Some of the work I do involves engineering maps.

Pull up a complicated-looking map, put on headphones with audiobook, let my eyes glaze over for an hour or 2 looking at the map.

People walk by and assume I’m trying to do some sort of complicated logistics/planning in my head. In reality I’m on book 12 of the Dresden Files.

Image credits: FedRishFlueBish

#22

I’m a social media manager, so I can just browse through instagram and pretend I’m looking for inspiration, influencers or the competition.

Image credits: anon

#23

Open up various tools for system monitoring and look at them. If something went tits up we’d get an email so I don’t really need to do that, but it looks busy and maybe I’ll notice something important.

Otherwise I take some training courses or something. Most aren’t very good but it’s fuel for my self evaluation come mid year.

Image credits: TetrisCannibal

#24

Photocopy blank paper. Not my trick, but I used to love watching one of my coworkers do this for hours on end.

Image credits: notyouraverageturd

#25

I used to read about the stock market and try and learn how to invest. No one ever said anything. But I guess that’s not really a super slack way to spend time.

Image credits: nicholt

#26

If I need to be unavailable urgently, I will pick up the phone and call my work center’s voice mail. I’ll listen or re-listen to every single second of every single voice prompt and message. People don’t usually bother me if they see I’m on the phone.

Image credits: Chicken_Korma

#27

This was over thirty years ago, but a coworker and me used to delete one important file from a test UNIX server and then see how long it took the other to fix it. That was a great way to learn

Image credits: PreviousResponse

#28

If it’s a job I care about and enjoy, I don’t. If I’m not busy, I go and ask for more work.

My first job out of college, I worked at a company that treated all of its employees like garbage. 17/24 people quit in the three months that I was there. There, I listened to audiobooks and pretended to click on Excel files. Good dental insurance, though. I got my first cavities ever while I was there, maybe from increase in alcohol to deal with the job, and I only had to pay like $100 to get all of them fixed and replace my retainer.

#29

Play games on the laptop. A girl sitting at a reception desk focused on a computer screen. Good enough.

Image credits: Miss971

#30

When you look annoyed all the time, people think you’re busy

Image credits: BlinkRogue1

#31

I’m a machinist but I have a desk so, not an office worker but this applies to me.

I will browse MSC or McMaster-Carr and look at tools if a manager is around. When they ask what I am doing I reply with “spending company money”.

#32

I open up Excel and type random work words into the cells (ex: overtime, PTO, budget) I don’t even know how to work Excel, but the higher ups appreciate all the work I’m doing lol

#33

For the past year I’m being paid to watch Netflix and twitch because of how little work we were having. I don’t even pretend to do anything anymore.

#34

Just click stuff. We have a system on our PC, I just go from this page to that, pretending to read stuff, click, click, click, very busy..

#35

When I was in the culinary field, anytime I wanted a short break, I’d just grab a random container and walk around with it. No one bothers you if you do haha.

As for my current office gig, I recently started writing fan fiction with word or notepad during free time. Anyone who glances over at me sees me pounding away on the keyboard so they think I’m busy as f**k. In reality I’m writing away about people getting their a*s kicked or fighting monsters.

#36

I prep content for my D&d games. Taxpayers money well spent in my opinion.

#37

Open up an old project on one screen, read articles/reddit on the other screen… If I hear someone coming, look at the other screen

#38

Check a jira board that’s not mine, but still interesting. For example there’s one which shows which employee is approved which accesses.

#39

I make a frowny face like I’m deeply concerned by something, and flip back and forth between tabs on my computer. Or I flip to a scribbled-on page in a notebook, make the same frowny face and scribble some more lines while holding my head in my other hand.

#40

Have on headphones. Have a print out of a report/study (bonus if its marked up with notes). Lean over it like I’m studying it intently. Take a nap.

#41

I know many people use this- (look like msoutllok but is really reddit)

https://ift.tt/RFglhfU

#42

Find another job.

If I need to “look busy” rather than “be productive,” I’m working for an idiot.

#43

Look busy, stare intently, I kept on researching the same invoice a bunch. It’s been horrible, I appreciate being in a work place, but my last gig, had lots of down time.

#44

I write random day trading strategies and test them. I do this for work anyway and it’s entertaining.

#45

Copy the spreadsheet I just finished onto another spreadsheet, unless someone is paying very close attention they won’t notice that it’s the same information.

#46

Before my desk job days, when I was in retail/guest service, the equivalent was just power walking nowhere in particular with a slight scowl. It obviously meant I had somewhere important to be and shouldn’t be bothered

#47

talk to strangers on reddit

Image credits: WhenAllElseFail

#48

I used to have so many of these, but then about 5 years ago I switched to working mostly remotely from home and now it’s just “wiggle my mouse every few mins so my Skype presence stays green”…

#49

Have a stack of papers next to me. Take one of them and just start writing on it occasionally squinting at your computer screen. I just draw and write about how I’m currently feeling and make list of the things I need to do when I get home.

#50

Scrolling up and down the screen

#51

I have no idea how you guys can do nothing with so much dedication and intensity.

I get twitchy if I don’t have a problem to solve or something to focus on, so how the f**k can you manage to last 8 HOURS while doing nothing but staring at nothing on your screens?

I really don’t get it. I think I was born broken.

#52

About 2 years into my first office job, I really started digging into the various reports we had access to. I found one really obscure report, you know the type that was probably built for one specific project but they left it up anyways? Well I found out that it would actually give me all the updated numbers for my categories (retail corporate office) daily, as opposed to either at the beginning of the week, or having to run a BUNCH of reports when I needed them. I didn’t really need this everyday, and it had a lot of excess I didn’t need, but whatever. This report took about 5 minutes to run, but for some reason it basically locked up all the resources on the computer and I couldn’t do anything pretty much. We used auto hotkey for a lot of functions, so I setup a quick script to F5 every 90 seconds, which would restart the report to run, without having to re-enter the parameters. Set it up to do that enough times for 30 minutes, combined with sitting with my back to the door and getting good at napping upright with my hands on the mouse and keyboard, and I got really nice 30 minute naps in the morning while looking busy running this report that took a while to run and was “prone to crashing and restarting”.

#53

the power of walking with a folder in your hand with a little hustle, will get you far sometimes.

#54

Answer AskReddit questions.

#55

Have a spreadsheet open, with a formula cell or some type of graph also open. But in reality just on the internet. In my line of work, also having google maps or survey monkey tab open keeps me looking busy

#56

I get in around 9:30 and usually zone out for an hour in front of my computer, but it looks like I’m working. I then zone out for another hour after lunch too. In fact, in a given day, I’d say I do fifteen minutes, of real, actual work.

#57

Start browsing your trash or sent folder in Outlook

#58

I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.

#59

Open a random excel spreadsheet and start making charts for no reason

#60

2 screens, full screen outlook open, a terminal, do an lsd in current directory, other screen jira, with a small YouTube screen.

#61

This’ll sound like kissing a*s, but honestly, there is always work to do. I always have a side project for when my work is reasonably caught up, and a back-up project that’s off-line work, for times when the computer system is unexpectedly down.

#62

Management is pretty laid back where I work at. When we are busy, we get properly hammered and I’d be doing myself a disservice by not keeping up.

So when I’m browsing YouTube with earphones, they know its a slow day with truly nothing to do.

#63

I walk around telling the elves to work harder, most of the time while eating some cookies and sipping a nice whiskey.

The Mrs. gets on me if I sit around too long in the off season.

#64

F**k around organising my emails

#65

Walk anywhere fast.

Thats it. People think you’re heading somewhere important if you walk quickly and with purpose. Little do they know I am only working out my glutes and nothing else.

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