One would like to think that the tool used for humans to communicate should be a rather simple one, along the lines of Newspeak, where everything is simplified, and there’s no place for cumbersome nuance. However, neither people nor the languages we use are without their intricacies, so in all actuality, the tool for communication is nothing but incomplex. Starting with basics like your and you’re and ending with hidden meanings disguised in similar-sounding pronunciations, a language never ceases to amaze and baffle. But, as with all life’s entanglements, it is best to just have a laugh if something is beyond and above you. Or, on the other hand, you feel like you’re the only one who understands what’s truly happening; in that case, you can giggle devilishly to yourself at other people’s incompetencies. It is not very nice, though, but we are all guilty of that, am I right? 

Anyhoo, we are here to talk about grammar jokes and puns, so why not adhere to the topic at hand instead of exploring the depths of the human condition? So, although you’ve been learning and using languages your whole life, there’s always something to be stumped by, and there’s always something to have a laugh at. Just check out these glorious language jokes! Some of them are pretty basic, while others require a certain deeper degree of understanding of the mechanics of a language. No matter the case, though, all of these grammar puns are beyond hilarious and, at times, even enlightening! So many wordplays, so little time! And time is precious, so why don’t we skip this gabble and just go straight to the smart jokes, shall we? They are exactly where they are supposed to be – a smidgen down below. Once you are there, vote for the best language jokes and share this smart article with your friends! 

#1

My wife: “You need to do more chores around the house.”

Me: “Can we change the subject?”

My wife: “Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you.”

#2

A linguistics professor was lecturing in his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no
language in which a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up: “Yeah, right!”

#3

“Let’s eat Grandma!”

“Let’s eat, Grandma!”

Punctuation saves lives.

#4

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

#5

Grammar is the difference between: knowing your s**t and knowing you’re s**t.

#6

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of the paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.

#7

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

#8

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.

#9

Double negatives are a big no-no.

#10

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

#11

When I was a kid, my teacher looked at me and said, “Name two pronouns!” I replied, “Who, me?”

#12

What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

A teapot.

#13

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

#14

Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.

#15

Hyphenated and Non-Hyphenated. Ah, the ironies of English!

#16

How do you comfort a grammar snob?

“There, their, they’re.”

#17

Is there a word that uses all the vowels including y?

Unquestionably.

#18

My brother gave his teacher a thank you note that said, “Your a good teacher.” I’m not so sure!

#19

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect.

#20

Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

#21

What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?

#22

Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

#23

English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

#24

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

#25

There is a special tax suitable for people who destroy the English language. It is called Syntax.

#26

I before e, except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.

#27

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

#28

When’s a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.

#29

When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?

Nobody knew why.

#30

I visited a prison library.

It had its prose and cons.

#31

John was excited because his local newspaper was hosting a pun contest. He stayed up all night carefully creating ten puns. He submitted them the next morning. When the results came back, John checked to see if he won but, alas, no pun in ten did.

#32

What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms?

A thesaurus.

#33

You can’t run through a campsite.

You can only ran, since it’s past tents.

#34

So many people are bothered about correct grammar… But I couldn’t care fewer.

#35

There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.

#36

One cactus said, “You need to be less selfish. Don’t forget it is Cact-US”. The other cactus replied, “But sweetie, the plural is a Cact-I.”

#37

11 consonants, eight vowels, a comma, and an exclamation mark will appear in court to be sentenced next week.

#38

What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?

Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements.

#39

How do you spell mousetrap?

C-A-T.

#40

Name a bus you can never enter?

A syllabus.

#41

It is important to follow the laws of grammar.

Rules is rules.

#42

Why shouldn’t you date apostrophes?

They’re too possessive.

#43

I’ve always taken pride in knowing how to use a semicolon; damn.

#44

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“To.”

“To who?”

“To whom!”

#45

Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen.

I’m lost for words.

#46

Why do words and punctuation end up in court?

To be sentenced.

#47

What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?

The C.

#48

I was a surgeon with bad punctuation.

I got fired for leaving out a colon.

#49

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

#50

What did the period say to the sentence?

We better stop now!

#51

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.

They sit. They drink. They leave.

#52

Why is the B so cool?

Because it’s in between AC.

#53

What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?

The noun declined.

#54

The teacher did not promote the Braille language as it was too touchy.

#55

One punctuation mark saw the other at a restaurant and asked, “Do you comma here often?”

#56

A Question mark walks into a bar?

#57

Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant?

Its period was late.

#58

It’s funny how full stops are known as periods in the US. Ask any girl, it’s never a full stop.

#59

Why wouldn’t the pronoun go out with the noun?

He kept propositioning her.

#60

An ancient Egyptian student is chiseling his essay into a stone. His teacher comes over and says, “No, you should never end a sentence with an ox.”

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