Your taste in humor says a lot about you. For instance, by knowing what kind of jokes you like, one can surely guess your favorite color, your most beloved potato dish, and with which hand do you pick your nose. Humor is a telltale method about your innermost secrets, whether you like to admit it or not. However, there’s always an enigma lurking in the shadows in the world of things in plain sight. In this case, said enigma is the people who do not like any of the conventional types of jokes. They are the ones who only enjoy and live for a thing known as anti-joke. If you’re one of these people who find themselves amused by jokes that are so bad they are good, we have no chance of guessing neither your fav color – it might be #FF573, but it also very well might be the dreadful #929528… – nor your favorite potato dish. It could be tater tots, but you might also eat them raw. With peel. Unwashed. Such is the nature of the lovers of anti-jokes, the walking mysteries, the secret codes among us.
Anyway, even if your taste in humor is a bit more versatile, you might also find these weird jokes thoroughly amusing. We’ve penned more than a hundred of them in our list, so if some might seem too, ehm, much for you, scroll on down below, and you’ll definitely find a bunch that will not only make you laugh but also spit out your drink in disbelief at the written word’s goodness. Okay, you can also call them the worst jokes ever, but that’s just a potato potahto thing.
So, connoisseurs of the bizarre, our picks of the most serious jokes are just a smidgen further down. In the time it will take you to scroll there, prepare yourself for the nostril-flares, eyebrow-raising, and scoffs. An added bonus would be a toneless “Ha” – in that case, give the silly jokes that made you articulate this onomatopoeic interjection your vote. After that, share these reverse jokes with your reverse-minded kin!
#1
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
#2
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light.
#3
Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
#4
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
#5
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
A sentence.
#6
How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house?
This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
#7
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The horse, incapable of reason and understanding human language, poops on the floor and walks back out the bar door.
#8
What is red and extremely bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.
#9
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.” Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.
#10
Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees?
They’re so good at it.
#11
I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
#12
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper replies, “What? You have a drink called Steve?”
#13
A man walks into a bar, another man walks into the bar. Many people are walking into the bar. It is a great night for business.
#14
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
#15
You know what they say?
Words.
#16
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m OK.
#17
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
#18
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
#19
Why can’t dinosaurs laugh?
Because they’re all dead.
#20
A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
#21
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They’re very efficient people.
#22
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
#23
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
#24
Scientific fact: if you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
#25
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
#26
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini.
The bartender thinks this is peculiar and realizes it is because he is actually dreaming. The man wakes up from the dream and begins to tell his wife all about it. His wife simply ignores him and goes back to sleep. The man rolls over and begins to sob as he realizes his marriage is in shambles.
#27
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
#28
Guess what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
#29
What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them is a police officer.
#30
Roses are dead. Violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
#31
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A deer. The absence of eyes doesn’t change the species.
#32
Mary had a little lamb, and the doctor fainted.
#33
What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils?
Broken.
#34
What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class?
Doctor.
#35
Roses are red, violets are blue… But roses can also be many other colors, including yellow, pink, and white; and violets actually look more purple than blue, hence their name.
#36
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
#37
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather severe head wound.
#38
What’s black and white and red all over?
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner.
#39
What’s orange and tastes like an orange?
An orange.
#40
What does a dad joke sound like in space?
As cringe as it sounds on earth.
#41
Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink?
Because they can’t dress themselves.
#42
What is the funniest of all anti jokes?
Definitely not this one.
#43
Learn sign language. It’s very handy.
#44
This girl invited me to her house, saying nobody was home. I got there, and nobody was home.
#45
What’s funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff?
Nothing. They were my friends.
#46
How do you know it’s cold outside?
You go outside and it’s cold.
#47
A proton walks into a bar. No one noticed it because protons are tiny and everywhere.
#48
Hey there, if you are reading this… You are definitely literate.
#49
A horse walks into a bar. Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
#50
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Getting a heart attack.
#51
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish?
Neither one can whistle.
#52
What’s the one thing in life you can actually always count on?
A calculator.
#53
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they lifted up the other one, they’d fall over.
#54
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is?
Because there are more geese in that line.
#55
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
#56
You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends… But you can’t rob a bank. That’s a felony.
#57
A man died after eating 300 hot dogs.
Don’t eat 300 hot dogs.
#58
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
#59
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple of short films too.
#60
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
#61
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
None. Historians believe that most pirates were most likely illiterate.
#62
Chuck Norris walks into a bar. He gets treated with great respect since he’s such a talented actor.
#63
Helium walks into a bar. He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
#64
How do you get someone to stop swinging on a swing?
Snip the rope.
#65
Why did Jordan stay home from the party?
He wasn’t invited.
#66
How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams?
They’re both amazing at slipping away.
#67
Knock, knock.
Come in!
#68
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
#69
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Chickens do not have the cognitive ability to reason. Therefore, it was random.
#70
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?”
The horse says, “Evolution.”
#71
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
#72
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
#73
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
#74
Why did the swan hiss?
Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
#75
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup?
Because she was wearing too much makeup.
#76
Who shaves at least 20 times a day?
A barber.
#77
What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?
A tattoo.
#78
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
#79
Where was the Constitution signed?
At the bottom.
#80
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
#81
Where do polar bears vote?
I was unaware that polar bears had political views.
#82
How do you empty a pool full of Canadians?
Politely but firmly tell them, “Get out of the pool, please!”
#83
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
#84
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
#85
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
#86
What do you call a cross between… A joke and a rhetorical question?
#87
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.
#88
Do you know what’s odd?
Every other number.
#89
Why did the mailman die?
Because everybody dies.
#90
I’d never tell you a pizza joke. It’s way too cheesy.
#91
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
#92
What do you call a talking turtle?
A cartoon.
#93
Why did the man have a nosebleed?
Because he got punched in the face.
#94
Why did the dinosaur say “hello” to the little girl?
He was being polite.
#95
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… Then my illegal logging company is a success.
#96
Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
#97
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
#98
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it.
#99
What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home?
A pigeon.
#100
I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
#101
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens had not evolved yet.
#102
What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep?
A geep.
#103
What ended after 1987?
1988.
#104
Knock, knock. I wonder who is at the door. I hope they know a good joke since levity is important in this cruel life. You have to smile sometimes.
#105
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour of the morning.
#106
Why did the bird fall out of the tree?
Because it passed out.
#107
Why couldn’t the bird screw in the lightbulb?
Because he didn’t have hands.
#108
What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?
“This ain’t my first rodeo!”
#109
Yo mama’s so fat… She should be concerned because diabetes is a serious health issue.
#110
What’s yellow and is something you shouldn’t drink?
A school bus.
#111
I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I?
A riddle.
#112
What’s the difference between bubble wrap and a carrot?
No one eats carrots.
#113
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
#114
What did one cannibal say to the other after eating a clown?
“We’re gonna get in big trouble for this!”
#115
I’m on a seafood diet. It is going to be really tough for me, I lost a bet to a friend and the problem is I am a vegetarian.
#116
There are only 2 types of people in this world. Those that invert the y-axis and those that don’t.
#117
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was most likely to eat some seeds or lay an egg. Chickens are pretty boring animals and don’t tend to do much else.
#118
What happens when you pass your drivers test?
You don’t fail it.
#119
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
#120
What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
#121
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream?
He was lactose intolerant.
#122
Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house?
It’s haunted.
#123
Why did Katie break open her piggy bank?
She ran out of money.
#124
What did one ant say to the other ant?
Nothing. Ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
#125
Do you know why I look like I can’t hear you?
Because I can’t, my headphones are on.
#126
What’s one thing you can do over and over again and not remember a single thing?
Drink alcohol.
#127
What did he give her on Valentine’s Day?
Something red and lots of lies.
#128
How tall is the Empire State Building?
One Empire State Building tall.
#129
What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?
Probably still Santa Claus. However, he doesn’t exist, so it doesn’t really matter.
#130
What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
#131
What’s the difference between a rabbit and a grape?
They’re both purple, except the rabbit isn’t.
#132
How long does it take you to count to 100?
Nevermind, I don’t care.
#133
Take your age and add five to it. That’s your age in five years.
#134
When will the astronaut who floated away from the spaceship come back? Never. He’ll float forever.
#135
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Dinosaurs.
#136
Why is there no aspirin in the rainforest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a vastly unpopulated rainforest.
#137
What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the Batmobile?
“Robin, get in the Batmobile!”
#138
What did the pirate do before he buried his treasure?
Dug a hole.
#139
What are green, blue, red, yellow, and pink?
Colors.
#140
Why does Micheal J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
Because he uses the finest ingredients.
#141
What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
“We’re both lawyers!”
#142
Why are there no Jewish people on Uranus?
The nature of the planet does not sustain human life.
#143
What’s white and annoying at breakfast?
An avalanche.
#144
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?
They both have handlebars… Except for the duck.
#145
What is the best part about Switzerland?
Personally I love the beautiful mountains and scenery.
#146
What is a birds favourite social media to use?
None of them, birds don’t use electronics.
#147
Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone?
She tripped over a pothole.
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