It’s certainly not the first time you’ve heard about puns, especially if you’re a dad — chances are that cringy poorly-timed puns are a way of life for you. But who’s judging! Life wouldn’t be much fun without a pun! For those who just love this sort of humor, we have a whole list for you to indulge in. We gathered some of the best puns collected by a Tumblr blog called Just Bad Puns. But don’t let the name fool you, they are not bad at all. Actually, you’ll probably find them hilarious if you’re into dad jokes. So don’t waste any more time and scroll below for the list!
More info: justbadpuns.com
#1
I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body
#2
I got some shoes from my drug dealer recently, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day..
#3
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side
#4
What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine
#5
Shout out to the people that don’t know what the opposite of in is!
#6
What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback
#7
So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?? It’s not the end of the world!
#8
A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
#9
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot
#10
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere
#11
I had a crazy dream last night. I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea..
#12
I would tell you an unemployment joke, but none of them work..
#13
I saw a girl today who had 12 nipples. Sounds crazy, dozen tit?
#14
Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant
#15
Geology rocks, but Geography is where it’s at!
#16
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games to much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4
#17
Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting…
#18
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y..
#19
What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1
#20
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too..
#21
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing
#22
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy..
#23
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
#24
What do French people call a sad Thursday? A tra-Jeudi
#25
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them..
#26
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3. He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres..
#27
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside..
#28
I saw a sign that said falling rocks, so I tried and it doesn’t.
#29
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane..
#30
How much does a hipster weigh? an Instagram..
#31
A man was found dead in a vat full of falafel condiments. Police are treating it as a hummuscide
#32
Can February March? No, but April May
#33
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Pixar collection DVDs but he will never give you Up
#34
Beer may not make you smart, Budweiser..
#35
I lost my mood ring and i don’t know how to feel about it..
#36
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana..
#37
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
#38
My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo..
#39
Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos..
#40
My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends..
#41
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed..
#42
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel. She’s a dominatwix.
#43
I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink
#44
Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak..
#45
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something..
#46
Did you know it’s far easier to convince ladies to not eat Tide Pods, but it’s harder to deter gents?
#47
A Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her. “I am so embarrassed,” the woman says. “Please join me for dinner.” They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards she invites him to the theatre, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast. The next morning the guy is amazed. “Are you this nice to every biker you meet?” he asks. “Not usually,” she replies. “But you just happened to catch my eye.”
#48
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24hrs, so they just called it a day..
#49
I lost my watch at a party. When I went looking for it, I saw some guy stepping on it while harassing a girl. So I walked up to the dude and punched him straight in the nose because no one does that to a girl… Not on my watch!
#50
A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence..
#51
Did you hear about the two perfume companies fighting over the rights to a Star-Wars themed bottle? People are calling it the Cologne Wars
#52
What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again..
#53
I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care
#54
It took a while to learn to use a hammer but we finally nailed it.
#55
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon
#56
I went to a terrible piano concert the other night. The pianist made so many mistakes I can’t even begin to Liszt. It was too much for me to Handel so I left and demanded all my money Bach the next day.
#57
Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
#58
What do you use to cut a Roman Emperors hair? Ceasers
#59
I had a joke about murder that would’ve really killed but I’m sure you’re all sick to death of those
#60
Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in..
#61
My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta..
#62
Simba was walking slow so i told him mufasa..
#63
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
#64
He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel
#65
What did the kleptomaniac do in the bathroom? Nothing special, he was only taking a shower
#66
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired..
#67
The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights
#68
I made a pun about wind, but it blows
#69
I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it
#70
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns. I should put a little more backbone into them..
#71
What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot? Mitosis.
#72
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.
#73
The archaeologist discovered an ancient tampon after a ruin excavation, the only problem was she couldn’t work out what period it was from.
#74
Deaf mathematicians communicate through sin language.
#75
I’ve always pictured myself taking selfies
#76
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience
#77
What program do the Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
#78
Do you know why I like Peter Pan? Because it never grows old
#79
I’m trying to start a memory-foam mattress company, I just don’t know how to make a good first impression
#80
The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business..
#81
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers..
#82
I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point
#83
My dream is to open a photo processing store in a developing country.
#84
I once boxed a pirate, he had a strong right hook
#85
The dead batteries were given out free of charge..
#86
Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive..
#87
Why do people with foot fetishes never win? Because they like the taste of defeat
#88
What did the buffalo say when his son went to college? Bison..
#89
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
#90
My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast..
#91
A guy approached me and asked if I wanted to use his ice rink for 10p. What a cheap-skate
#92
I’m planning on opening a fried chicken place. I don’t have any experience in the field, but I figured I’d just wing it.
#93
I used to be a baby but I grew out of it!
#94
My sister was telling me about our cousin. I have to say, he sounds familia
#95
I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
#96
What do you mean June is over? Julying
#97
Have you seen the photo of spiderman getting shot? He’s all over the web
#98
Did y’all hear about the farmer that had to retire due to his headache? He’d always say, “I’m so sick of my grains!”
#99
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
#100
Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe, the tree said “don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack replied, “and you will dialogue.”
#101
Without Pepe life is memeingless..
#102
A policeman arrested two kids. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other off!
#103
The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester..
#104
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef..
#105
I started to write the beginning and the middle of my story, but I forgot the
#106
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal..
#107
My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.
#108
When the church relocated it had an organ transplant
#109
I don’t like the term, “anal bleaching.” I prefer, “changing your ring tone.”
#110
My mom got so angry when I broke the microwave. I’ve never seen her so heated in my life..
#111
I’ve got a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set
#112
What did the dry erase marker say to the blackboard? Nothing! Dry erase markers don’t chalk.
#113
I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.
#114
What would the couple name of Jack and Rose from the “Titanic” be? It doesn’t matter, ‘cause their ship sank.
#115
What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot? Mitosis.
#116
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y..
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