Ask any elder sibling about the joys of being the oldest, and you’re bound to get mixed answers. Sometimes, it means extra responsibility, caring for the younger ones when parents can’t. Other times, it’s fun, with moments of bonding and play. But sometimes, the expectations placed on the eldest can be far too much, leaving them carrying a weight that isn’t theirs to bear.
Take, for example, one teen who revealed she had been forced to babysit her dad’s wife’s kids every summer for years. With her 18th birthday and high school graduation just around the corner, she finally told her father she’s done being their unpaid babysitter. The confrontation that followed sparked an emotional clash, raising questions about boundaries, responsibility, and what children truly owe their parents. Keep reading to see how it all unfolded.
Elder children are often expected to take on extra responsibilities within the family
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A 17-year-old shared how her father, who frequently left her with babysitters when she was younger, now expects her to care for his stepchildren
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Elder kids often develop Type A personality traits and can naturally be more competitive
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If you’ve ever played the “guess who’s the eldest sibling” game, you know it’s usually not that hard. Maybe it’s the way they roll their eyes when the younger one gets away with anything (“Oh, he’s just a kid”). Or maybe it’s the “mom voice” they use even when they’re only 15. Somehow, eldest kids just seem… older than they really are.
According to psychologists, some of this comes down to personality traits. Many firstborns tend to lean toward Type A characteristics, things like competitiveness, impatience, and wanting things done a certain way. You know that friend who can’t stand when people are five minutes late? Or the one who organizes game night like it’s a military operation? Chances are, they might just be the oldest kid in their family. It’s not bossiness, it’s just… a finely tuned sense of order.
But let’s be real: this sense of responsibility can easily slip into perfectionism. Many eldest kids grow up wanting to do everything “just right,” almost as if they’re wired to always go the extra mile. That constant push can get exhausting, especially when younger siblings seem to coast by with half the effort. As Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, a licensed professional clinical counselor and therapist at LifeStance Health, explained in Verywell Mind, “I would define ‘oldest child syndrome’ as the pressure the oldest sibling feels to meet the high expectations placed on them as well as the stress to feel like they must be the perfect role model for the rest of their siblings.”
Another classic eldest-child trait is responsibility. From the moment a younger sibling comes along, the older one often feels like it’s their personal duty to make sure the baby doesn’t eat crayons or jump off the couch. And it doesn’t always stop there. That “in charge” mindset often carries into school, friendships, and even work. Basically, eldest kids don’t just watch out for siblings, they turn into the unofficial “safety officers” of every group they’re in.
But let’s be real, this sense of responsibility can also turn into perfectionism. Many eldest kids grow up wanting to do everything “just right.” It’s almost like they’re wired to always go the extra mile. The problem? That pressure can get exhausting, especially when younger siblings are allowed to coast by with half the effort.
Parents sometimes place higher expectations on the eldest child compared to their younger siblings
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Part of this perfectionism comes from expectations, especially the ones set by parents. Eldest kids are usually the “trial run” for parenting, which means they’re often held to higher standards. Bedtime is stricter, grades are more heavily monitored, and rules are enforced like law. Meanwhile, by the time the youngest sibling comes along, mom and dad have usually softened up a bit. Eldest kids know the pain of hearing, “When you were that age, you weren’t allowed to do that!”
Because of all this, eldest children often grow into the rule-followers of the family. They’re the ones who remind everyone to put on sunscreen, who text “home yet?” when a sibling goes out, and who actually read the IKEA manual before building the furniture. Of course, this doesn’t mean they never break the rules, it just means they usually feel guilty if they do.
Leadership also comes naturally to the eldest. Whether it’s being the captain of a sports team or the “planner” of the group project, they tend to take charge. It’s not always because they want to boss people around (though younger siblings may disagree). It’s more because they’ve been trained since childhood to guide, protect, and sometimes even discipline. If you’ve ever noticed your oldest friend giving “mom vibes” during a road trip, that’s just the elder sibling energy in action.
At the end of the day, being the eldest child is a mixed bag. On one hand, you get some perks: independence, leadership skills, and maybe even the “favorite” title (depending on the family). On the other, you carry extra responsibilities and sometimes unfair expectations. But one thing’s for sure, eldest children shape family life in big ways.
In this particular case, it really seemed like the dad was expecting way too much from his daughter. Do you think the teen’s decision to finally put her foot down was justified? And what about you, are you an elder sibling like her, carrying the weight of extra responsibility? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.
Many online commenters told the teen it wasn’t her responsibility to care for the kids and that she’d done enough, encouraging her to leave the house
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