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I recently lost my mother to cancer, but I wasn’t even told she was sick. Apparently, that was her wish, because she didn’t want me to “nurse her.” I’m a nurse, but I’m also her daughter. When she first started complaining about medical issues (before anyone knew it was cancer), I tried to advocate for her. But whenever she rejected a medical suggestion, I backed off because I didn’t want to push her.
I also told her that she could always call me, but sometimes I might not be able to respond immediately – and this ended up being important.
One day, I didn’t get back to her quickly enough, and she took that as a sign that I didn’t want to talk to her
Image credits: Gilles Lambert (not the actual photo)
After that, she stopped contacting me completely. By then, she already knew she had cancer. When I called, my brother would say she wasn’t home, or she just wouldn’t answer because she was sick.
Eventually, my mother told my brother not to tell me she was ill or that she had died.
I only found out she passed away two months later because I invited my uncle (her brother) to dinner
Image credits: Charissa Limuel (not the actual photo)
He felt so guilty that he came over beforehand and told me the truth. I completely broke down.
I immediately went to my brother’s house and demanded to know what was going on. His explanation was that he was following her wishes. My mother had a bit of a narcissistic streak – she would say things like “don’t tell your brother” or “don’t tell your sister” just to get attention.
She had told me not to tell my brother things before, and I would ignore it, because soon enough she’d be at his house acting like everything was normal. But this time, she took it to an extreme.
Now I’m devastated. If my uncle hadn’t told me, my brother would’ve let me find out from the estate lawyer. I can’t eat, I can’t function, and I’m disgusted with my brother. He’s acting like he’s in charge of everything – the estate, the house – and won’t even let me have the few sentimental items I want. I have my own home and things; I’m not after money.
So I’ve decided to contest the estate to force the sale of the house, which he thinks he’s going to live in
Image credits: Brianna Lengacher (not the actual photo)
He doesn’t work, even though he’s in a union – he just turns down jobs and stays on unemployment. At this point, it’s not about the belongings. It’s about principle, and honestly, I want him to feel some of the pain he caused me. Selling the house would leave him homeless.
Maybe that makes me a jerk. But he took away my chance to make things right with my mother, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that.
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