Welcome, brave reader, to this collection of frightfully funny Halloween jokes for kids and adults to share. Your mission, should you
Welcome, brave reader, to this collection of frightfully funny Halloween jokes made for kids and adults alike. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is simple: cackle, groan, and vote on your favorite Halloween puns.
Which dad jokes will rise to the top, and which will drop like a piece of fruit in a trick-or-treating bowl?
Dad jokes are timeless, but they’re best when there’s a theme. That’s why we’ve rounded up 140 of the most pun-packed Halloween one-liners, tailor-made for spooky season. True to form, they’ll make you laugh, groan, or scream.
Each October, dads everywhere unleash their stash of wordplay, trading fright for eye-rolls and creepy chuckles. Halloween dad jokes are built for goofy fun the whole family can enjoy. Nothing says “boo” like a pun someone’s been waiting all year to use.
You won’t find scary jokes here. Only family-friendly quips guaranteed to make you howl or shake your head. From skeletons and pumpkins to vampires and zombies, this Halloween humor showdown covers it all. We’ve even tossed in a few knock-knock jokes to keep you guessing.
All you have to do is vote: Which joke made you cackle? Which one went too far? Help us crown the ultimate Halloween dad joke champion. Keep checking back to see which gags crawl their way to the top.
This list may revolve around dad jokes, but it’s crafted for everyone to enjoy. After all, dad humor is universal. Bonus points if you test these jokes on your own dad and get his groan of approval. Let the sinister voting begin!
#1
How do you know if a vampire is sick?
He starts the coffin.
#2
Why do witches wear name tags at parties?
So everybody knows which witch is which.
#3
Albert Einstein was a genius.
Now wait until you hear about his brother, Frank!
#4
Why don’t mummies ever gossip?
They don’t want to get a bad wrap.
#5
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
#6
Why was the vampire in timeout?
He was being a pain in the neck.
#7
Why did the monster go to the barber?
He needed a scare cut.
#8
What do you call a Buddhist wolf?
Aware wolf.
#9
What kind of ship does Dracula have?
A blood vessel.
#10
I can’t believe my roommates think our house is haunted.
I’ve lived here for 300 years and never noticed anything out of the ordinary.
#11
Why don’t ghosts take showers?
They only enjoy boo-ble baths.
#12
A blind skeleton walks into a bar.
And a chair.
And a table.
And a person.
#13
What’s 8-feet tall, has huge fangs and claws, breathes fire, and is banging on the front door?
I don’t know, but you should run!
#14
Did you hear about the new vampire laptop?
It bytes.
#15
What did the vegan zombie eat for breakfast?
Grains.
#16
What do dad ghosts like to drink?
Booooooze.
#17
Why did they lock the cemetery on Halloween night?
People were dying to get in.
#18
What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
#19
Why did the haunted scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
#20
Did you hear about the crazy vampire?
He went totally batty!
#21
What did Dracula name his car?
Vlad the Impala.
#22
Why did the demon join Tinder?
He was trying to get a ghoul-friend.
#23
What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
#24
Why did the jack-o’-lantern flunk out of school?
Somebody scooped his brains out.
#25
What is a ghost’s favorite meal?
Spook-ghetti.
#26
Who makes sure the graveyard is up to code?
The in-specter.
#27
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!
#28
What happens if you don’t pay the exorcist on time?
You get repossessed.
#29
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted to scare people stiff.
#30
What kind of horse does a demon ride?
A night mare.
#31
Is that a seed falling out of the jack-o’-lantern’s nose?
No, it’s snot.
#32
Why did the skeleton tell so many jokes?
She loved ribbing people.
#33
Why do ghouls speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.
#34
Why did the zombie ask for help?
He had a grave problem.
#35
What time do ghosts eat at?
Boo-thirty.
#36
Did I ever tell you about the skeleton detective?
He was spine on me!
#37
What do witches use to do their hair?
Scare spray.
#38
What do you call a chicken that haunts your house?
A poultry-geist.
#39
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.
#40
Do you know what to say when you meet a ghost?
“How do you boo?”
#41
What’s the funniest day of the year?
Ha-Ha-Halloween.
#42
I’m going to a Halloween party dressed as a spooky sweet shopkeeper.
I put on my costume, and my friend said, “Give me a Twirl”.
#43
What’s big, furry, and has eight wheels?
A monster on rollerskates.
#44
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to The Body Shop.
#45
Can a monster jump higher than a tree?
Of course they can, trees don’t jump!
#46
Doctor, doctor!
Someone in the waiting room said that you’re a vampire.
Necks, please!
#47
What did the monster eat after having its tooth taken out?
The dentist.
#48
Where do you find the spookiest sweets for trick or treaters?
At the ghost-ery store.
#49
Why do ghosts love Black Friday?
They’re bargain haunters.
#50
What do you do when 50 spirits appear in your home?
Hope that it’s Halloween!
#51
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Handsome.
Handsome who?
Handsome candy to me, please.
#52
Why did the skeleton quit his modeling job?
His heart wasn’t in it.
#53
How do vampires start their letters?
Tomb it may concern.
#54
How do ghosts stay fit and healthy?
They keep up a good exorcise routine.
#55
Why didn’t the boy’s mother dress up for Halloween?
She was already a mummy.
#56
How can you tell if there’s a monster in your fridge?
You can’t shut the door!
#57
What is a vampire’s favorite song?
Another One Bites the Dust.
#58
Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the doctor?
He ate a Jawbreaker.
#59
Why did the zombie stop eating breakfast?
He didn’t want to become a cereal killer.
#60
Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
#61
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
#62
What is a pumpkin’s favorite movie?
Pulp Fiction.
#63
Why did the scarecrow fail as a stand-up comedian?
All of his jokes were too corny.
#64
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Eddie.
Eddie who?
Eddie body there? It’s Halloween!
#65
What does a witch like to read in the newspaper?
Her horror scope.
#66
Did you hear about the woman who married a ghost?
I don’t know what possessed her!
#67
Why do monsters love writing their books in cemeteries?
Because they have great plots.
#68
Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
They’re afraid of stakes.
#69
My wife wants to dress up as a bandaid for Halloween.
I told her it might be a bit difficult to pull off.
#70
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
#71
Why don’t vampires want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders.
#72
How do you know if a zombie likes a person?
They ask for seconds.
#73
What should you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
Hello, hello!
#74
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the W.
#75
Which candy is never on time for the Halloween party?
Choco-LATE.
#76
What do you call a pumpkin that is good at sport?
A jock-o’-lantern.
#77
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Because nothing can get under their skin.
#78
What is a monster’s favorite game to play?
Hide and shriek.
#79
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ooze.
Ooze who?
Ooze that monster over there?
#80
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank?
Because of the employee discount.
#81
What do you call a skeleton with a very clean house?
The Grim Sweeper.
#82
How do ghosts stay in shape at the gym?
They do lots of dead-lifts and boo-ty squats.
#83
How do zombies pay for things?
With crypt-o-currency.
#84
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
#85
Did you hear about the actor in the new vampire movie?
He really sucked!
#86
I was out walking last night, but as soon as I went into the graveyard, my cell phone lost signal.
I guess it must be a dead zone.
#87
Why do demons and ghouls always hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
#88
Why did the ghost decide to become a chef?
He had a talent for soul food.
#89
What did the ghost teacher tell her students?
Look at the board and I’ll go through it again.
#90
Where do vampires in college like to buy their clothes?
Forever 21.
#91
What noises do witches make when they eat their cereal in the morning?
Snap, cackle, and pop.
#92
If skeletons could be any world leader from history, which one would they be?
Napoleon Bone-a-parte.
#93
What goes “ha, ha, ha” right before a terrible crash, then keeps going afterward?
A monster that is laughing its head off.
#94
What song do monsters sing to each other when they’re feeling down?
Always look on the fright side of life.
#95
Why did the headless zombie start work earlier than everybody else?
He wanted to get ahead.
#96
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Ben
Ben who?
Ben here all night to get some candy!
#97
How do you get rid of demons in the gym?
Exorcise a lot.
#98
How does a possessed scarecrow drink his juice?
With a straw.
#99
Who does a werewolf go trick or treating with?
His cousins, what-wolf and when-wolf.
#100
What do monsters like to watch their movies on?
Wide scream TVs.
#101
What happens to bees when they get swatted at by the Walking Dead?
They turn into zom-bees.
#102
What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?
A full-bodied wine.
#103
How do ghosts search the web?
They use ghoul-gle.
#104
Why don’t mummies have many friends?
Because they’re just too wrapped up in themselves.
#105
Did you hear about the vampire marathon?
The last two runners were neck and neck.
#106
What do panda ghosts eat?
Bam-boo.
#107
What do witches call their garages?
The broom closet.
#108
When do zombies call it a night on their trick or treating?
When they feel dead tired.
#109
What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night?
A monster truck.
#110
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Getyur
Getyur who?
Getyur fangs out of my neck!
#111
What did the happy pumpkin say?
Life is good.
#112
Who gives Dracula the most candy when he goes trick or treating?
His fang club.
#113
What does a young witch use to learn to cook?
An easy bake coven.
#114
What is a vampire’s favorite cake frosting flavor?
Vein-illa.
#115
How do you spell “candy” with only two letters?
C and Y.
#116
Why couldn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween party?
It was grounded.
#117
Why was the Halloween candy comedian booed off the stage?
All of his jokes were too corny.
#118
What are a monster’s favorite pets?
Creepy crawlies.
#119
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
A ghoulie.
#120
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transportation?
A skelecopter.
#121
What happened to the cannibal when he was late to a dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
#122
Where can monsters go to get tattoos?
Monsters Ink.
#123
What do you call a skeleton who always skips doing his chores?
Lazy bones.
#124
What do baby ghosts dress up in on Halloween?
Pillowcases.
#125
Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because biting people all the time was a pain in the neck.
#126
What is a monster’s favorite theme park ride?
The roller ghoster.
#127
What does the French skeleton say when he greets people?
Bone-jour.
#128
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
#129
Why do ghosts go into bars?
For the boos.
#130
What does the ghost do when he first gets in the car?
He puts on his sheet belt.
#131
What is a mummy’s favorite thing about Christmas?
The wrapping paper.
#132
Why did the vampire start reading the local newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
#133
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow with no coat?
A numb skull.
#134
Why do witches never go to Starbucks for coffee?
They prefer to brew their own.
#135
Why do skeletons drink lots of milk?
It’s good for the bones!
#136
How did the zombie become so great at trick or treating?
Dead-ication.
#137
Why doesn’t Frankenstein’s monster dance?
He has two left feet.
#138
Did you hear about the ghost who went to the doctor?
He’s still waiting to be seen.
#139
Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping?
On the web.
#140
What did the Halloween pumpkin say to the person carving it?
Cut it out!
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