Every couple has arguments, but there has to be a line where a legitimate grievance becomes something worse. It can be easy to overlook major red flags in someone’s behavior because you’ve grown close to them or, even worse, they’ve manipulated you into thinking it’s “normal” when it’s absolutely not.
A woman shared her harrowing story of how her boyfriend broke her late grandmother’s jewelry box after throwing a tantrum. What caused him to become so irate? She dyed her hair a different shade from what he preferred. We reached out to the woman who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Some behavior should never be tolerated from a partner
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So one woman described how her BF destroyed her stuff in a fit of rage
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This kind of behavior is toxic and dangerous
There’s a special kind of delusion required to think that smashing your partner’s phone during an argument and then claiming it was just because you were upset is somehow acceptable behavior. When someone destroys your belongings (or really anyone’s belongings) during a conflict, they’re not having a bad day or experiencing temporary frustration, they’re auditioning for the role of future nightmare, and they’re absolutely nailing the performance.
Property destruction is officially recognized as a form of mistreatment by pretty much every domestic violence organization that exists. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explicitly lists destroying your property as a warning sign, right alongside other charming behaviors like threatening you with weapons and isolating you from friends. The U.S. Department of Justice includes destruction of property in its definition of psychological maltreatment, lumping it in with causing fear by intimidation and threatening physical harm.
When your relationship behavior makes it onto government lists of “tactics” one should be on the lookout for, you might want to reconsider your life choices. The psychology behind property destruction is grimly straightforward. When someone smashes your laptop or punches a hole in the wall, they’re sending a very clear message that could be paraphrased as “this could be your face.” Experts note that destroying property indicates uncontrollable anger and is essentially a step away from direct physical violence. It’s not a coincidence that objects get destroyed instead of, say, the boyfriend (as in this story) taking a walk or using their words like a functional adult.
What makes this behavior particularly insidious is how it masquerades as something other than a major red flag. Nobody wants to admit they’re in a toxic relationship, and property destruction occupies this weird gray area where the offending party can claim they “just lost control” or “didn’t mean it.” But here’s the thing: people who genuinely lose control don’t somehow manage to only destroy your things. They don’t punch the wall right next to your head with surgical precision. They don’t break your phone but leave their own untouched. The selectivity gives away the game, this is calculated intimidation with a convenient anger management alibi. Property destruction also serves as a particularly effective method of control because it can be economic manipulation in disguise. Breaking someone’s phone, destroying their car, or damaging items they need for work doesn’t just cause emotional distress, it creates practical barriers to leaving the relationship. Without a phone, how do you call for help? Without a car, how do you escape? Without work equipment, how do you maintain financial independence?
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It never stops with broken items
The real kicker is that property destruction is often a preview of coming attractions. Research on domestic violence patterns consistently shows that toxic behavior escalates over time. Today it’s a broken plate, tomorrow it’s a smashed phone, and next month it might be you. The trajectory is depressingly predictable, and the “it was just stuff” excuse falls apart when you realize that “stuff” is just the warm-up act.
If your partner has ever destroyed something that belongs to you during a conflict, that’s not a yellow flag or even an orange flag, it’s a neon red banner visible from space, accompanied by air raid sirens and a mariachi band playing ominous music. No amount of apologies, flowers, or promises that it’ll never happen again changes the fundamental fact that someone who respects you doesn’t weaponize their anger by destroying your possessions. They especially don’t do it and then expect you to just accept it as a normal part of having disagreements.
The appropriate response to someone destroying your things isn’t couples therapy or anger management classes for them, it’s recognizing that you’re witnessing actual danger to one’s self and making plans to get somewhere safe. Because the only thing worse than having your stuff destroyed is waiting around to see what they’ll destroy next. For those interested in what happened next, there is a follow up she posted later, which can be found after the comments down below.
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A few people asked for more details
Many readers called out the BF’s behavior for what it was
Later, she shared an update
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Readers asked her some more questions
People were shocked at his behavior and gave her some suggestions on what to do
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