As much as you try to avoid injury, there are times when pain just comes to you. Fate decides to play a cruel game at your expense, hurting you in ways you probably never imagined.
These people would know. They were generous enough to share their answers to this Reddit question: “What’s the stupidest way you’ve injured yourself?” Someone cut their hand on a frozen chicken nugget, while another unfortunate soul had a dog fall on their head from a third-floor balcony.
Scroll down and read through these stories. Some are almost cartoonish, while others may make you cringe out of empathy. Try not to laugh too hard because it is still someone’s pain, after all.
#1
Cut my hand on a broken, frozen chicken nugget.
Edit: This is by far the most upvoted comment I’ve ever made, so thanks.
My first job was in a chip shop. I had to get some nuggets out of one of the giant, overloaded and frosty stand up freezers. I plunged my hand into the box and when it came out there was blood everywhere. When I scraped some of the contents out, there was a nugget that had broken so had a glass shard-like edge.
I had to sit down for 5 minutes whilst the bleeding stopped. It seemed pretty daft at the time and it would appear that about a thousand people on the Internet seen to agree.
Image credits: JiggyMacC
#2
I once inverted a loft ladder into the loft, lay on it and said “thunderbirds are go”, released the latch and ejected myself out of the loft onto the concrete floor below.
Image credits: McRazz
#3
Tried to take painkillers for a bad headache at work, somehow managed to slice my finger on the foil from the tablet blister pack (like an overpowered paper cut), bled all over my desk and keyboard. Colleague helpfully said “at least you’ve already had painkillers”.
Image credits: justdont7133
#4
I was playing a computer game sitting cross-legged for 2 hours. Got up to make dinner but had pins and needles in my leg. Took a step, went right over on my ankle and tore some ligaments. Needed surgery and 9 months of physio.
I’m not allowed to walk if I get pins and needles again.
Image credits: runwithcolour
#5
Broke a light fitting and got an electric shock trying to remove it. Called and electrician, and showed him what the problem was by touching the fitting again.
Image credits: Mossley
#6
Lying in bed, sneezed, threw my back out.
Image credits: sandra_nz
#7
I was playing cricket and at tea I was walking back from the clubhouse, fell over fresh air and trying to protect my pork pies & vital goodies I broke 2 fingers.
Image credits: ShiteCrack
#8
Paper cut both of my eyeballs when I was tickling my eyelashes with the edge of a magazine as I watched TV (why, I don’t know). Our dog next to me barked, made me jump which shoved the edges of the pages into my eyes.
I think the Dr at the hospital was even judging my stupidity.
Image credits: Parking-Grade8241
#9
A dog fell off a 3rd floor balcony and landed on my head.
Knocked me onto the iron gate of our ground floor flat and I fracture my jaw.
Image credits: Queen_Sun
#10
I once slammed my head in my own car door. I was trying to slide into the driver’s seat and close the door behind me all in one fluid motion but I mis-timed it somehow and trapped my head between the top of the door frame and the car roof.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t done it directly in front of my girlfriend’s parents who were waving me off after I had met them for the first time ever. I had to pretend I was fine, then drove around the corner to clutch my head in my hands for a few minutes and try not to throw up.
Image credits: PM_Me_Rude_Haiku
#11
I’m a wheelchair user and I once tried to show off in a club by getting up this pretty big step to dance on the raised area. Fell backwards and basically punched the floor when I landed, breaking my hand (though I didn’t realise until the next day)
About 2 minutes later my partner tried to do the exact same thing and got a nearly identical injury
Who could have predicted that taking a GIANT step (like 4x the size of a curb) with no run up, on a slippy dance floor with slippy wheels, and nothing to grab on to, could have POSSIBLY gone wrong…. not us, apparently.
Image credits: quinneth-q
#12
Oh I have a few…
Broke my leg slipping in a patch of booze whilst dancing enthusiastically to The Prodigy.
Broke my toe by stubbing it on a corner whilst hoovering naked.
Had to have 15 stitches in my hands when I picked my cat up to rescue it from a fight with anther cat.
Fell over putting my socks on and gave myself a black eye – I tried to break my fall, but punched myself instead.
Image credits: Connect-Smell761
#13
Running to catch a train after a few beers with some mates (had been watching a 5 a side legends tournament in Manchester), tried being flash by vaulting a bin at speed.
Messed up the landing and tore my right calf muscle badly, missed the train too (no they didn’t wait for me).
Image credits: YinkYinkYinken
#14
Two things come to mind. Both many years ago, when at school.
1. I fractured my arm (not stupidly) so didn’t do gym for a couple of months. During that time, they replaced the springboard that we used with a mini-trampoline.
First gym class I was allowed to do, we were using the mini-tramp to vault a horse. Never having used one before, I jumped on it with the same force as a springboard. I flew through the air and never touched the horse, and broke my collarbone on landing.
After that, the gym teacher called me 007, as apparently it was quite cinematic.
2. In metalwork, I’d been using a soldering iron and hung it from its hook on a rack. I misjudged it and it fell off. Without thinking I caught it in mid-air, but by the wrong end.
Image credits: RetiredFromIT
#15
I was removing the liquidiser blade from a stick blender and it was still plugged in. I said to myself with a loud inner voice – “DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON” The other half of my brain heard it as “Press the button” so I did.
It wasn’t so bad as the blade got stuck on the bone and didn’t liquidise my finger but I couldn’t bring myself to look at it until my wife, as if addressing a small child, made me.
Image credits: barriedalenick
#16
Ran over my own finger on skateboard and broke it (also had to have the nail pulled out of the same broken finger).
See also: ran over my own foot and ankle with my car.
Image credits: WBCSMFer
#17
I once went on a lads holiday and broke my wrist trying to lean against a fence whilst chatting up 2 girls. turns out the fence was just some rope and i fell 10 foot off a ledge onto a balcony below. proper only fools and horses style.
Image credits: pb-86
#18
Was changing an office strip light and the bracket had somehow twisted itself, so I poked my (metal) Leatherman into the (live) fitting. Got an electric shock which caused me to punch myself in the face.
Image credits: RunawayPenguin89
#19
Dismantling my old wooden shed, planks of wooden panels with long rusty nails scattered everywhere. I was rather proud of myself and then I stood on one of them at a weird angle and surely enough it was perfectly aimed for my family jewels….the pain of it made me violently stumble backwards and surely enough, I stood on another plank with big rusty nails….
Image credits: Superhhung
#20
Slicing my hand myself with a new kitchen knife while unpackaging it, while talking about how sharp these new ones will be and being excited about it lol.
Image credits: Kitty_Boom95
#21
Cutting my fingernails, didn’t have clippers so carefully used a long craft knife. Sneezed and cut a 3 inch gash in the flesh by my thumb. Also got a bad habit of catching things I drop on my foot, stabbed my foot with the same knife.
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Image credits: Parking-Tip1685
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