In today’s “love at first swipe” culture, dating has become an extremely complex dance. With sweaty palms and a pounding heart, you scroll endlessly through apps and go on countless dates in hopes of meeting someone who might become “the one.”
But when you finally find a person who gets you, those early days of a relationship can pass in a fog of bliss. Which often clouds your judgment and makes you miss the painfully obvious flaws being waved and flapped under your nose.
It’s important to be open-minded when dating, but it’s equally crucial to see the worrying warning signs sooner than later to avoid getting into unfortunate situations. Especially when some red flags are redder than others, even if they’re incredibly hard to spot.
So one Redditor reached out to the men of ‘Ask Reddit’ and posed a question: “What are some less obvious red flags about men you would want to caution women against?” The thread immediately became a hit, with hundreds of honest responses that give a glimpse into the instances where women should proceed with caution or cut things off if necessary. We’ve gathered some of the most illuminating responses to share with you, so continue scrolling. Be sure to upvote the ones you agree with, and share your own experiences in the comments.
#1
If you’re in your late teens or early 20s, and you’re being pursued by a man in his mid-late 30s, ask yourself what the women his age see in him that you don’t.
It will save you a lot of trouble
#2
I’m coming in late but this is something I’ve tried to teach all my daughters. Men will show you how they feel with their actions. If they say they care, but don’t put in the effort, listen to the actions. Not the words. Good advice for dating but also good advice for life really
Image credits: stuffyassface
#3
So about his last 3 relationships and why they ended. If it is always the girl was crazy – it’s him, hes crazy
Image credits: Jack3715
#4
When they don’t respect the word no, even in the most benign of circumstances.
Image credits: ScaricoOleoso
#5
If you hear a little voice inside you that says “I can change this man”, he is not the man for you.
Image credits: Jay-Ames
#6
A friend of mine dated a guy who apparently everyone wanted to fight.
At the gym. “This guy over here want to throw down.”
At a mall. “Those guys look like they want to get hit.”
At the grocery store. “This dude is looking at me like he wants to go outside.”
No Steve. No one feels like fighting you. You are just on steroids.
Image credits: m0c0
#7
Don’t trust a man who can joke about others but can’t take it.
Edit: I know that this can apply to women. The thing is, I shouldn’t need a disclaimer just to gain permission to critique men and some of you shouldn’t need to drag women down just to acknowledge a personality flaw.
Image credits: Robin-KC
#8
Him making fun of you in front of his friends or your friends. Cute teasing can be mildly tolerated but actually making fun of you? No thanks.
Image credits: SnooChocolates4588
#9
If he’s mean to servers, but nice to you. He’s not a nice person.
Image credits: BlewOffMyLegOff
#10
This goes for both genders, but don’t date someone under the assumption that they’ll change something fundamental about themselves. Not fair to either of you.
Image credits: Hrekires
#11
If he starts throwing tantrums over petty things, there is worse on the horizon. He’s not passionate, he’s unstable.
Image credits: Geek_Therapist
#12
I’ve seen stories of guys who rage and break their things when gaming. As someone who has been playing video games for about 20 years now, that is not normal nor is it okay. Like swearing sure, that’s understandable, but getting angry and breaking stuff ain’t it. It’s just violent behavior and a red flag.
Image credits: cashformoldd
#13
Any aversion to taking responsibility.
The older I get the more I find that the men I respect most aren’t the ones with great achievements to theirs names, but rather the ones who aren’t afraid to own their s**t.
Image credits: thrax7545
#14
When someone is declaring multiple times they are not a certain way without prompt, they are actually that way.
Image credits: jnwiggs1
#15
If anything happens to him and he always shifts blame to someone else, or something else, or the situation, that is a big red flag. Sooner or later everything will be your fault.
Also, if their story, complaint, rant, or explanation sounds too one sided, (again unable to take blame themselves) they are lacking empathy… red flag.
Image credits: BuckyGoldman
#16
Blaming their childhood on treating you and others like rubbish.
Image credits: Yougotthewronglad
#17
As a man, and someone who dates men, here’s a big one that may seem obvious on the surface, but isn’t always easy to listen to:
If you get even a tiny a gut feeling that tells you, “Hey, this guy kinda reminds me of (insert terrible man/ex/person)!” You should listen to it. I’ve never gotten that feeling where it hasn’t been right in the end. Listen to yourself, you might not know why you feel that way but there is always something to it.
Edit: Fixed the grammar because it was bothering me a lot lol.
Image credits: icarieus
#18
You’ll be able to tell if a guy is nice by how he behaves. If a guy _tells_ you he’s nice, ignore that. That’s meaningless.
Image credits: rcsheets
#19
If he’s dumb, but thinks he’s smart
Image credits: Beginning-Bed9364
#20
If he isn’t on the same level of maturity of you, regardless of age, don’t go for it. one of you will turn into the parent.
Image credits: Rileycontinued
#21
If a guy is doing the minimum of what you want in a long term relationship at the beginning, it’s going to be well below your standards after a few years.
I would expect about half of what you see in the first year.
Image credits: ThinkIGotHacked
#22
If they behave like they know everything. Change is certainly not their cup of tea.
Image credits: overratedone
#23
This one is extremely obvious, yet I’ve seen dozens of women still make the same mistake:
**If he’s rude, selfish and possessive** ***before*** **you’re dating, he will** ***NOT*** **change once you start dating.**
I don’t know why so many women think that a man will “have an epiphany” and become better once they get in a relationship.
People VERY RARELY change.
Image credits: Broken_Moon_Studios
#24
When he looks to you as his sole source of happiness, entertainment.
This usually means that they lack the ability to manage their own emotions or have healthy coping mechanisms. In addition, if you are in it for the long term, there will be times that you will get sick of each other and a guy needs some hobbies that can take his attention away to give you space. This can be an open door for manipulation.
Image credits: Xdsin
#25
A green flag to look for is long term friendships. Long term friends require good communication skills and emotional intelligence. It’s also a pretty good indicator that they’re willing to compromise for someone’s emotional needs.
Image credits: themiglebowski
#26
When you have to cater to his needs/wants over your own with no compromise. It can be something as only watching shows that he wants or doing things only he wants to do or ordering takeout that only he likes.
Image credits: SerHippoh
#27
If he doesn’t want to talk about awkward stuff while you are dating, then he might not want to talk about awkward problems in the relationship.
EDIT: It is interesting how people make their own interpretation of things. I never gave any definition of “awkward,” nor did I specify any timelines, but some folks seem to cherry pick the definitions they want, so they can discount this.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the core concept. If you are dating someone, and they have stinky socks they leave lying around (instead of going into the laundry), that’s an awkward topic. If one person talks about how much they want to be a parent to their own biological kids, and the other knows they don’t want children, that’s an awkward topic.
Humans do have a tendency to try to avoid stuff that makes them uncomfortable, or scares them. We tend to hope problems will go away if we leave them alone. I’ve talked to a lot of friends who got divorced, who thought their partner would change after marriage.
You don’t need to give your intimate autobiography on a first date, but if you see an obvious issue, like the children example, there’s no point in waiting a while to point it out.
Image credits: DrHugh
#28
When a man talks way more than they listen.
- You might also like: 22 Reasons Why People Ended Things With These Men That Seem Small, Yet Are Important
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