Most folks want their parents to like their partner, particularly if it’s a serious relationship. It makes things a lot more pleasant in the long run. But an unhappy and unlucky few are stuck with families who are prejudiced enough to actively try and stop relationships they don’t approve of.
A woman shared her harrowing story of a family “intervention” where they made her break up with her partner of four years just because he was of a different ethnicity. She shared what happened after the internet gave her some advice. We reached out to her via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
A strict family not liking one’s partner can be annoying
Image credits: Levi Meir Clancy (not the actual photo)
But one woman had to go through an “intervention” designed to make her dump her BF
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mohammad Alizade (not the actual photo)
Image source: iwantabreak-
Controlling who your kids date based on ethnicity is toxic
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Some parents try to control who their children date based on race, and it’s toxic for everyone involved. This is not “love,” its control, superficiality, and prejudice disguising itself as tradition. Parents may tell themselves that they’re doing it because they want to protect culture or family honor, but what they’re really doing is hindering the autonomy of their children and making people feel less than about something they can’t change.
When parents dismiss a partner because of ethnicity, they provide their child with an unmistakable message, that your happiness is less significant than our fear. That is not love, that is control. It promotes resentment, secrecy, and broken trust. Instead of children who are proud of their heritage, they create children who see their culture as shameful and restrictive. Most end up faking relationships or simply cutting people out, which is the exact opposite of the “family unity” that these parents profess to value. Sometimes the end result is that one has to choose between their family and their partner. While it might feel “easier” to stick with one’s family, creating this sort of ultimatum suggests that they are more controlling than loving.
It’s also humiliating to the rejected partners. To be rejected based on ethnicity alone is demeaning and continues the most loathsome stereotypes. It makes human beings out of skin tone, accent, or background instead of the human being they are. Such a family doesn’t just chase away their adopted children, offends and repels people who might have otherwise become loving, caring family members. It can feel deeply unfair, as the family often won’t even wait to get to know the person before passing judgment.
This behavior creates resentment in the long term
Image credits: Hatice Baran (not the actual photo)
And let’s get real here: the parents lose too. They may think that they’re doing things traditionally or saving face for the sake of the community, but all they’re really doing is alienating themselves from their children. They trade in long-term relationships for short-term authority. Eventually, they’re often left lonely and bitter, asking themselves why kids no longer come over. It wouldn’t be the first time people have to deal with family members who take their own preferences and rules way too far.
The truth is love isn’t always family matter. It’s not checking a box of ethnicity, background, or social desirability. When families dictate who may date, they’re not protecting anyone, they’re merely passing on fear and prejudice. Interethnic couples can enrich families, blending traditions and adding new perspectives. Shutting that down with control issues doesn’t “protect” culture, it infects it.
If parents really wish for their children to love their heritage, they need to make it something worth loving, not something that’s hung with chains. Controlling love never pays. It just repels children, hurts innocent people, and disbands families. The ugly truth is this: if you hold someone’s ethnicity more dear than whether or not they are respectful to your child, you are not keeping your family together, you’re tearing it apart. The woman did share a sizable update months later, which can be found after the comments below.
She answered some reader comments
Others gave their suggestions
Image credits: Nima Motaghian Nejad (not the actual photo)
Later she shared an update
Image credits: Tahir osman (not the actual photo)
Image source: iwantabreak-
Readers were happy she listened to some of the comments on the original post
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