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Happy Valentine’s Day, pandas! Regardless of your relationship status, we hope you’re spending today surrounded by people who love you, devouring the most delicious chocolates and treats you can find. And if you’re single and wishing you had someone to cuddle up with this evening, allow us to remind you that not every relationship is worth envying. In fact, some are just outright exhausting.

Below, you’ll find some posts from the “This Relationship Sounds Exhausting” Facebook group that might make you want to stay single for a long time. Be sure to upvote all of the pics that make you feel tired just by reading them, and don’t forget that Valentine’s Day can be enjoyed by everyone! So get yourself some roses and chocolate-covered strawberries if nobody else did, and do something that makes you feel joyful today.

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Image credits: alexisscarrasco

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Every relationship has its ups and downs. Partners may have disagreements about whose family to spend the holidays with, how much money is a reasonable amount to spend on video games, and where the perfect place in their apartment is for that one adorable cactus. It’s completely natural to have arguments with your partner or spouse, as this means that you care about the relationship and you’re willing to express how you feel about what’s important to you. But there is a healthy way to work through conflicts, and if every day in your relationship is leaving you feeling more drained than a 40-hour work week, there might be a problem.

That’s why it’s nice to have people you can turn to for support, or to talk through your relationship issues with. And if you’re not regularly seeing a therapist and it’s challenging to get time in your busy friends’ schedules, groups like This Relationship Is Exhausting can be a godsend. This Facebook group is described as “a place we gather to discuss love, life, and happiness”, and provides a space for members to post memes, anonymous/support posts, and relationship questions/polls. We all know what it feels like to need to vent or seek advice about our relationships, so this Facebook page, which has amassed an impressive 75k members in just two years, can be the perfect place to do so.

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There are many things that might make a relationship feel emotionally exhausting. To learn more about this topic, we checked out this article from Bonobology where psychologist Shambhavi Agrawal broke down some of the reasons behind one of these exhausting relationships. First, she mentions that unrealistic expectations might be a contributing factor. “When a partner has expectations that you are not able to fulfill, or vice versa, there’s a very obvious misalignment in your dynamic,” she told Bonobology. “When there is a mismatch between both partners about what’s expected and what can be delivered, it can lead to a lot of emotional exhaustion.”

Toxic scenarios where unhealthy behavior like gaslighting is taking place can also make your relationship feel way more tiring than it should. “When a person has some narcissistic traits, gaslighting will end up causing a lot of mental harm to you,” Shambhavi explained. “Perhaps they’re overly dependent on you and it’s taking a negative toll on your mental health. This type of dynamic is bound to turn into an emotionally draining relationship.”

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Shambhavi goes on to note that our intrapersonal relationships can also play a part in how exhausting our romantic relationships are. When we are unhappy in our own skin, it’s very unlikely that we’ll be able to create a healthy relationship with another person. “For example, a person may be grieving, or they may not have a good financial structure, or they might be going through prolonged stress,” Shambhavi explained to Bonobology. “If such a person is in a relationship, they’ll tend to lean on their partner for support and functionality. But if their partner is equally involved in their own engagements or struggling with their own issues, it’s bound to result in an emotionally exhausting relationship.”

And when it comes to some of the signs of an exhausting relationship, one of the top indicators is that a fight might be waiting around every corner. If you’re scared to bring up certain topics or to spend too much time with your partner because you anticipate that a fight will break out, that’s not a great sign. Do you have to walk on eggshells around your significant other? Or do you feel like every little thing they do is a personal attack against you? Relationships should not be this stressful.

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Oftentimes, individuals who are in emotionally exhausting relationships might start experiencing self-esteem issues as well, but they may not be aware of the cause initially. “When you’re constantly trying to prove your love to somebody and they haven’t been approving of it, your self-esteem is going to decline. It may leave you feeling unmotivated and riddled with insecurities,” Shambhavi told Bonobology. In a healthy relationship, your partner will ensure that you feel like enough, providing you love, affirmation and affection. But when we are deprived of these things, it’s easy to start to wonder if we deserve them at all. If your partner ever makes you feel that way, pandas, know that you deserve better.

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Another sign that there might be an issue in your relationship is if you find yourself wanting to be alone, rather than wanting to be with your partner, a little bit too often. It’s completely natural to desire some space and time for yourself, especially for those of us who are introverted, but if you find yourself trying to avoid your partner or desperately wanting to be alone, that’s a problem. Why be in a relationship with someone if they make you feel so exhausted that you find yourself looking forward to the times when they’re not around?

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If you have found yourself in an emotionally exhausting relationship but you’re not ready to call it quits yet, the relationship might not be doomed. If both parties are willing to put in the work to adopt healthier habits and take the time and energy required to improve the relationship, it can be saved. To gain some insight on how to repair an emotionally draining relationship, we consulted this article from Rachael Pace at Marriage.com. She first recommends that anyone in this situation works hard to evaluate the problem. Issues don’t magically disappear without being addressed, so after identifying them, couples must work to communicate how they feel about them. Make sure you both have the opportunity to share and listen. You have to both feel safe to explain your side.

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Rachael goes on to note that each individual must know what they want when trying to fix an issue in their relationship. Once they understand what they want, it’s their responsibility to communicate that to their partner. Along the same lines, individuals must take time to focus on themselves and show themselves love as well. We cannot show love to others without becoming drained if we don’t first take care of ourselves. Mental health is always important, but especially when struggling with issues in your relationship, it’s crucial to still get enough sleep, nourish yourself and allow yourself to rest.

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Another key aspect in healing an unhealthy relationship is asking plenty of questions. It can be easy to make assumptions or project things onto our partner, but there is no way of knowing what they’re thinking without asking them. Don’t be scared to dig and get to the root of your issues, otherwise they’ll keep causing more problems as time goes on. Checking in with an expert might also be necessary. Don’t wait until it’s too late to see a therapist or marriage counselor. Sometimes, we just don’t know what questions to ask one another, but if someone else facilitates the discussion, it can be a lot easier to get to the bottom of our conflicts. Plus, your partner might start sharing things that you never knew before, which might just remind you how much you love one another.

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If you’re in a relationship, I sincerely hope you’re not feeling exhausted by it, pandas. Our partners should make us feel excited and energized, rather than drain the life out of us by causing unnecessary arguments and setting unrealistic expectations. There’s a fine line between working to maintain your relationship and putting in more effort than should be necessary. Keep upvoting the pics featuring relationships that you find extremely exhausting, and then if you’re interested in reading a Bored Panda article discussing the red flags that women regret ignoring before getting married, you can find that piece right here!

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Y’all, I can’t make this shit up. This is my ex’s mother. I broke up with her son like 6 years ago and she sent me this last night. Wtf ? yikes

Y’all!! Update!!

Her son works at a packaging company and was only a sous chef for a bit at via emilia, not even a high prestigious restaurant either. It’s over by USA

I’m weaakkkkkk

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He strung me along for our 2 years together telling me all sorts of bullshit about how in love he was and blah blah blah, borrowed $700 from me, then hits me with all this “I need space” cr*p. I just don’t think if you really cared about someone your response to ending things is “I’m sorry you feel that way”

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Getting close to done. I’ve been making more money than my bf since we got together so I’ve been paying for a lot more than him. Which is totally fine, but with this reaction after I already told him I was having a bad day before finding out how much my insulin was? I’m pissed. Or AITA?

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I had a fling with this guy and long story short, I now live in the same apartment complex as him. I currently live with my boyfriend. We all park in a garage and unfortunately he had his car vandalized. He sent me this text and I’m just livid because my boyfriend and I have never gone near his car. And if he has camera footage, why didn’t he just review it himself instead of trying to scare me with this text? Like why send me this??