The world can be a scary place for women. A simple grocery run might be interrupted by an unwanted catcall, someone walking a little too close at night might be in a hurry—or might be a real threat—and that “friendly” drink from a stranger at the bar might not be so innocent after all.
Because of this, many women stay cautious around the men they cross paths with. On Reddit, they shared the kinds of behaviors men often don’t realize can either make them feel safe in those moments or creep them out completely.
Scroll down to read their thoughts, and don’t forget to join the conversation in the comments.
#1
Walking down the sidewalk alongside a stranger, and he shifted over so he was between me and the agitated-looking person we were approaching. Neither of us acknowledged it, but it definitely made me feel safer.
Image credits: NeedANaptism
#2
I used to live in a city where a good chunk of people, myself included, got around via walking and public transit. I went on a lunch date and the guy kept insisting on walking me home. I get that maybe he thought that was the chivalrous thing to do, but that would mean this dude I had only met once, who was insisting on overriding my “no thank you”, would know where I lived. I tried to say no thank you and leave and he just… followed me, repeatedly asking me where I lived. Even if you think what you’re doing is romantic or chivalrous or for her safety, if you ignore her expressed no, that’s going to feel unsafe.
My solution was to pretend I was taking the subway home and have him walk me to the subway station. Then I went down to the platform, waited a bit, and carefully popped my head back above ground once I thought the coast would be clear.
Bus driver who was eating his lunch by the station when I went down saw me come back up, did a double take, then looked all around before yelling “You’re good girl, he’s gone.” THAT guy made me feel safe.
Image credits: Corvusenca
#3
Asking me to go on a first date somewhere remote, like the forest or to their house.
They offer me rides as well which I think comes from a good place but I always have to say there is no way I am getting into a car with someone I don’t know. For all I know they could be a bad person or they drive like an absolute loon.
Just edited to add-
I live in Rural Wales and LOVE camping/hiking, I just would never put myself in that vulnerable position of allowing myself to go somewhere where I could easily be overpowered and hurt as a first meet up. I live near some incredible mountains I wish I could take first dates too but I am not opening myself up to the awful potential of that situation.
Even pepper spray is not legal to carry in the UK so here it really does come down to – can you physically hold off your attacker?
I’m strong and could definitely put up a good fight, but I wouldn’t be able to fight/run/hold him off for HOURS.
Image credits: PaleozoicQueen
#4
Driving reckless after an argument. Especially with the kids.
Image credits: ExplanationCool918
#5
I really really hate it when men physically block me or corner me to force me to listen to whatever they are trying to tell me. It happens to me at work a lot and feels like a huge power imbalance.
Image credits: barmitzvahmoney
#6
Asking for my number before trying to have small talk with me.
Image credits: sossodu93
#7
Guy here. Had a roommate who followed a woman to her car from the local dive bar to “make sure she was safe.” Thing is he wasn’t actually a bad guy. We all had to stop him and explain to him that has not Batman. He will be perceived as the threat.
Image credits: Sharpshooter188
#8
I had a stranger follow me into a gas station after i was done pumping gas. This middle age man overheard our conversation of me telling the man no multiple times. The stranger was trying to ask me out and the middle aged man pretended to be my uncle. He walked me back to my car after i had paid for my energy drinks, and i couldn’t thank him enough. Walking women back to their cars is a very kind gesture.
Image credits: ladybird6969
#9
I will give two examples of the same scenario both having happened to me.
Guy asked me out, I said no thank you, and he said “aw okay, worth a try, thanks for being nice about it” and never asked again, never acted inappropriately stayed cordial and friendly. I felt very safe, he took the rejection well, and moved on. He and I are still friends to this day, and his fiancé is such a lovely woman.
A different guy asked me out, I said no thank you, and he got pissy and wouldn’t take no for an answer and when I wouldn’t let up he said I was ugly anyways. Super uncomfy, and also if I was so ugly why would you be trying so hard to get me to go on a date with you?
Take no for an answer gracefully. No doesn’t need a reason to go with it, no doesn’t need to be elaborated on, and no shouldn’t need to be said more than once. Rejection sucks, but we ALL get rejected in our lives, and throwing a tantrum about it isn’t going to help you in the long run.
Image credits: String_Peens
#10
Car left the road ended up in a ditch 20 feet down, tires sitting on either side of a very large root coming out from a tree that was an inch outside the passenger door. The tree was huge.
Two truckers saw the flying car path and pulled over. They were there to help if needed.
I was extremely lucky (long drive had dozed off) and assured them I was alright but definitely unable to move the car. I would wait for morning (was 3 or 4 am) and walk to get help. Me a 20 year old 100 pound girl.
Neither driver would leave, they stayed until morning and called a wrecker to come get me. They stayed until me and the car were on the road.
Neither driver trusted the other to leave me alone.
I was too naive to understand the sacrifice or even the safety that they provided.
Image credits: Sileni
#11
I made a woman feel unsafe……. Just wasn’t thinking.
Marriott world hotel, Orlando
Young woman gets on the lift and i follow in… i had just arrived for a conference and checked in on my way to to the room
… I’m a big guy 6ft 3″ 250lbs and i had a suitcase rolling with me.
She presses “6” and i think “great, my floor too!”
She glances at me, i guess expecting me to hit a floor button?….. Then it hits me, she is now scared/on alert.
Of course, the elevator didnt stop at either 1,2,3,4 or 5…
The doors open at 6 and she walks out…..
Of course she turns right towards “Rooms”… Sigh
I follow and then suddenly she stops, like she got a phone call or had to check a message…. To the point, had i not been focused may have walked into her.
I was convinced this was a stall tactic (clever actually) and continued on my way, without even a look back….. I felt bad after.
Image credits: DotAffectionate87
#12
I had a fantastic interaction with a Domino’s delivery driver recently. I usually step out on my porch when I know something’s about to be delivered so my dogs don’t lose their minds. When the driver saw me he said very loudly, “hi, this is Oliver approaching with a delivery from Domino’s!” And he kept up a loud conversation, kind of narrating every move he made before he did it. It made me feel like he was aware that I could be uncomfortable with a man walking towards me in the dark, and he took steps to make sure that I knew he was there and that he wasn’t trying to sneak up on me. That all made me feel pretty safe.
Image credits: magpies4vega
#13
I once told an old boss he was being aggressive because he was standing over me and yelling. He proceeded to go “I’m not being aggressive, I’m in Davey-mode.”
If someone tells you you’re making them uncomfortable you should probably stop and ask what you’re doing that’s making them uncomfortable. I never trusted that man ever again with anything.
Image credits: AssassinStoryTeller
#14
Men don’t realize how much we notice where their hands are when they’re near us in crowded spaces.
Image credits: KindlyExplorer11
#15
Suggesting for a first date, a guy you have never met before says: “hey lets cook dinner at my house!” or “lets do x at my house!”. Absolutely the hell not.
Image credits: Cautious_Ice_884
#16
When a guy offers to walk his female friend to her car, it’s a tiny thing but it makes her feel safe.
Image credits: GentleQuester
#17
Being cognisant of how an unknown man can be in the middle of the night
I was walking home at 2am – backpack, dress and earphones (with nothing playing – that way I can hear what’s going on around but it’s a convenient excuse if someone tried to get my attention)
Suddenly I feel a hand on my arm. Jump back a meter and turn around
This guy also jumps back and raises his arms in “I’m not going to hurt you kind of way”
And then he apologises for bothering me and tells me that my dress has ridden up behind my bag and I was completely exposed
Poor guy was so nervous about scaring me but wanted to make sure I was safe!
Image credits: JustHereToRedditAway
#18
Once had an Uber driver, it was a share ride and the two back seats were occupied so I had to sit up front. The driver’s demeanor was so off and he looked so aggravated… yelling at traffic. When one of the passengers got out, I said I would head to the back and he said “Why? I’m not a creepy guy.”
Guys, when you say “you’re not a creepy guy” even with the correct intentions, you come off as a creepy guy and girls immediately have their guard up.
Image credits: Molasses_bratt
#19
Not taking „no“ for an answer – in any context.
Image credits: Few-Age3764
#20
Unsafe: Stand way to close, like I have literally had dudes stand so close to the point where their shoulders are touching mine, and this isn’t in a crowded space this is just…Out in the street.
safe: Just…Not being weird about women. It’s cliche advice, but just treat women like people. I don’t know how exactly to describe it, but with some guys, you just immediately get that vibe that he doesn’t see women as people, so for a guy to NOT be like that, it makes him feel like a safe person.
Image credits: Popular-Style509
#21
When they get offended if you want to apply basic safety practices to them. Women do it too. None of them seem to realize that they are telling on themselves.
Image credits: vaginal_lobotomy
#22
My stress levels rise straight to the top when men yell because they are angry. That could be while building a set of ikea shelves, because they made a mess, because someone did something they didnt like, because your sports team missed a goal…
My exhusband had no emotional control, he’d start yelling about anything, 10x a day at least. So any time a deep voice is booming angrily that’s where I go of there’s no actual safety threat. Never needed to scream to get a cargo net secured over a load in my truck, I just don’t understand the need for it but it’s the fastest way to get me feeling unsafe and fighty myself.
Image credits: projected_orange
#23
Safe: Waiting until we are inside, like completely through the front door of our home, before driving away after a date.
Unsafe: Yelling at their pet(s) when they didn’t do anything wrong.
Image credits: user_526182810
#24
A man hit on me while i was on the public transportation (the train) the other day. i literally couldn’t escape. when i turned him down he proceeded to go back to his seat and stare at me until i got off at my stop.
stop hitting on us in spaces where we don’t have the option to quickly leave.
Image credits: _snappleapple_
#25
This guy from my class once saw me walking to class on the side of the road and offered a ride when it was pouring rain out. He started out causal, but got increasing upset that I would rather walk a mile in the pouring rain instead of just getting in the car.
Turns out, he was offering the ride to my twin sister, who had never met him. .
Image credits: tinyevilsponges
#26
I was at a concert with my husband one time, and we were in the fringe part of the crowd but still in the mix. I was vibing, getting lost in the show, a particularly rowdy song came on, the crowd goes nuts, and I started getting pushed, I slightly stumble backwards and feel that my husband had positioned his body in a way that I wouldn’t have fallen over. He was on guard so I could get lost in the vibe.
Another time, when I was a teen, I was at a concert, in the middle of the mosh pit, and I started to get smothered. Like, I had never gotten lost in a mosh pit before, my feet are coming off of the ground, and im just being pushed and crammed in between people.im starting to panic but can’t do anything about it. Im literally lost in a sea of insanity.
Suddenly, I feel two sets of hands reach through the crowd, and I see two larger dudes grabbing my elbows and shoulders. They pulled me to them and safely escorted me out. How they could see that I was struggling was beyond me. They walked me to the edge of the crowd and then valiantly fought themselves back to the middle of the pit.
Image credits: comically-irrelevant
#27
I don’t like when men gang up on women. I’ve been at some events where after a few drinks men team up and make jokes and give each other looks that they think we don’t see – it gives off really scary vibes.
And there’s this feeling of them ganging up against you sometimes – examples are when they just argue with you over anything even if it’s factually incorrect but they will join their fellow men in this even if they know they’re incorrect – just to be on the guy’s side. Sometimes it’s not even their friend – they just met. That group mentality amongst men when you’re alone with them as a woman makes you feel outnumbered and like you couldn’t trust them.
Image credits: addanumbertothename1
#28
Not realizing that “just a joke” about my body or appearance doesn’t feel harmless. It sticks and feels unsafe.
Image credits: Brief_Skill_2156
#29
If whendating the man can wait for me to initiate touch then I feel safe. Knowing I can spend time with them and not be touched feels very safe.
Image credits: misscarbo
#30
I freak out if someone intentionally blocks my way out.
Like, that’s when full panic kicks in.
So, if that’s your last pathethic attempt to get my phone number or flirt with me. No. You blocked my flight now I have to fight you and it will make us both uncomfortable.
Image credits: ChaoticMornings
#31
I’m kind of a “big scary guy” and our parking garage at work is huge, shared with other businesses, and I’m often in early or leaving late. If I see a woman walking alone I usually wait until they are in the elevators before walking over – and if I get to the elevators and there is a woman alone waiting I ask “mind if I share the elevator” or something to that effect. Never had a negative reaction and if someone ever said no I’d smile and just say “no problem.”.
#32
Unsafe the moment a man raises his voice at me. My dad rarely yelled at me, so when some man does so quickly my nervous system sees it as a huge threat. At the very least they can’t regulate their emotions.
#33
Safe – being the designated driver if anyone’s tired, sick, or intoxicated by chance.
Unsafe – the same bonehead almost getting us pulled over bc of road rage.
This is all 4 of my brothers unfortunately.
#34
Safe: waiting until I go inside my house before leaving, continuously asking if I’m okay with something BEFORE doing it (I don’t think it’s annoying; I find it really sweet).
Unsafe: touching me in any way without asking (like moving me aside with your hand or nudging me), staring (even in a ‘joking’ way unless we’re really close), continuously talking even after I make an attempt to shut down the conversation or I remain silent after trying to shut it down.
#35
When I was 20 I was on a cross country flight on my own and had the middle seat….because last minute trips are fun! I had iced out the middle aged dude on my right by putting g headphones in and reading a book on my kindle. As we were descending the sun started to come in through the window just right to make it impossible to see. The guy in his late teens on my left just casually sat forward until his head cast a shadow over my screen. I glanced over he gave a little half smile and we both went back to what we were doing. Dude had a good chunk of social skills for a teenager.
#36
Safe = standing up to men who make misogynistic comments about us.
#37
When I tell a person that I don’t want to drink too much and they keep making comments about how it’s okay, he might even get me more drunk then I was with him previously, especially when I said, “no, thanks not going to happen, that was really unsafe, I’m not going to do that again”. Nahhhhh you’re not listening.
#38
Not taking “no” for the first time. That’s the fastest way to make us feel unsafe.
#39
I had to run for cough and fever medicine for my at-the-time toddler in the middle of the night to the store. It was empty minus a few employees, and two sketchy guys who kept chuckling and starting following me down the isles. I quickly used the self checkout and tried to leave without practically running, because they were waiting in the checkout area without anything to buy but we’re staring at me still being creepy and laughing to each other. I was calculating how quickly I could get to my car, whether they would overtake me first, thinking I was going to die in a s****y empty parking lot.
The only employee I had seen up front was a tall college age kid who looked bored, but being scared and panicked, I missed that he was paying attention and he stepped between as I was leaving and these two AH’s were trying to follow behind. He made up some excuse of how he needed to check their receipt, even though they didn’t purchase anything, and they started cursing at him but couldn’t follow so I ran to my car and locked the doors and left.
I came back a few more times during the day when it was safer to thank him, but I never saw that guy again. He saved my life that night and I got to go home to my kid. My kids are grown now but I still pray and hope he’s doing well because he’s an amazing human being.
#40
How you carry yourself matter. If a guy is calm, respectful, and aware of his surroundings, women pick up on that instantly. But if he’s careless, like making crude jokes or not noticing how others react, it can feel like a red flag.
#41
Initiating a hug with someone you just met or don’t know particularly well. Going in for a hug when you’ve offered a handshake. Always uncomfortable.
#42
When a guy lowers his voice and keeps his distance if he sees me walking alone at night – that tiny act makes me feel safe instantly.
#43
I was on closing shift after a wedding. Usually we were there til 1am but the guy I was on with wanted to go out to town after we finished so him and I worked super hard to finish early.
Got out about 12:10, and drove home. About half way, in the middle of nowhere, my car lost power. I had pulled over to the side of the road and had my blinkers on. I was standing at the roadside in the pitch black, calling roadside assist when a car slowed down and parked a bit away from me. I was nervous, didn’t know who I was gonna encounter on the road at that time of night. A guy started walking up to me… turns out it was the guy who I had closed with, on his way to town to meet his friends. He waited til I made plans with roadside assist, then took me all the way home. About 45 minutes of his time. I’ll never forget that. He was only young, early 20s. He could’ve driven past and pretended he didn’t see me, but he was a true gent.
#44
The women here have made it pretty clear some of things men can do to make them feel safer, so I will just add a little thing that I do as a man:
When a female friend leaves my house after hanging out, especially at night, I watch from the window until she is all the way in her car with the door shut and the engine running.
I do that for any guest leaving at night, but I’m especially vigilant about my female friends and family members. I don’t live in the roughest area in the world, but it sure as hell isn’t upper class suburbia either.
#45
When men walk past without staring or making comments. It feels like a breath of fresh air.
#46
So far most of the unsafe things have been things that most men know are unsafe, and that’s why those guys do them.
Like.. I don’t dress up like a clown and hide in the park at night putting lipstick on balloon animals because it makes children smile. The point is to freak out my ex Nancy when she finds out she left her sunroof open overnight.
#47
Listening without interrupting. It’s small but makes me feel safe to share more.
#48
Staying quiet when they should speak up. It makes it look like you agree with what’s happening to us.
#49
Staring at us
it’s creepy and weird.
#50
I’m 5’10”, 36, and married, so not in a position to deal with dating and not subject to the kind of street harassment that a lot of younger and more vulnerable looking women get.
But I like when I’m on the local walking trail and men passing me going the other way do the eye contact and nod thing – acknowledging each other as people.
Also when men (well, honestly, anyone) walking their dogs give them less leash slack when passing. Even if it’s the friendliest dog in the world, it’s better for all parties and also reassuring that risk analysis is, like, present, and they are taking steps to ameliorate risk.
Anything that shows awareness of impact on the world and conscious thought put into it is reassuring. Like, a local restaurant owner I know is a deeply angry person. He doesn’t yell where I’ve seen and his kids seem happy, and ways I know he channels his anger are adding more vegan options to the menu, figuring out how to make bourbon, and massive art projects to be set on fire.
#51
When they keep talking to me despite me giving clear signals I’m not interested.
#52
When I hear comments like “she asked for it” heck it doesn’t matter the gender there it just makes me feel unsafe period.
#53
When they refuse to walk away when we say no, it is not an invitation to “try harder” or “convince us because we really meant yes”. If we say no, thank you, believe us, and move on.
#54
Was at a bar waiting for a show. I (guy) noticed a girl’s tag was sticking out. Tapped her shoulder and told her.
She thanked me, and later said “thanks for not flipping the tag in yourself” at which point I’m thinking “wtf would I ever even consider that”, she caught my confusion and said that some guys will do that….
#55
I was standing on escalator minding my own business and there’s no one around me. Suddenly man walked from behind, what I thought that was to pass me, but no. He just stopped to stand on the same stair I was at. I looked around and he was just staring at me. I started walking up immediately. It was so intimidating and scary!
Why would you invade my space like that?! Was that a half a*s attempt to start a conversation? I don’t understand why would anyone do that except to scare women….
#56
When he tells me he voted for Trump. Pass.
#57
Raising their voices and getting too close into my personal space.
#58
Omg, funny story; my (then 8 year old son) and I were shopping in Walmart one day. Some guy was kind of watching me, and walked down the same aisle we did. He tried to chat me up in the middle of the small appliances aisle amongst the blenders and panini makers or some s**t. My child was staring him down, then asked, loud as can be “why are you talking to my mother?!”
Dude tried to laugh and my son said “this isn’t funny!” I think the dude tried to play it off by saying “oh you have a good boy there” then ambled off. But I was cracking up.
Needless to say, my son got to pick out some cool Legos that day. And he continued the same vibe with all girls/women when he got older. (Both my sons are giants, gentle giants).
#59
Walking behind us at night without crossing the street or saying anything. The footsteps alone make us panic.
#60
Rabid eyes. I’m not sure how else to put it. Sometimes they just stare other times they approach but I don’t even have to be facing those eyes and I can feel them searing into me.
Understanding “Not interested/No” but ignoring it.
Following me. That’s happened a few times. Yeah that makes you feel very unsafe. I have action plans but still there’s no guarantee when you just don’t know what you’re up against. Fortunately, neither do they.
#61
I was tourist being physically blocked and harassed in the street by a person begging in a place where this sometimes happens to tourists, but this was extreme. A guy very calmly swooped in, eyeballed me and quietly said “walk that direction, now” and really rapidly distracted the man harassing me and got him to pivot so I was out of his eyeline for long enough for me turn and get away. He didn’t raise his voice or escalate things, and didn’t touch him, but he totally redirected him away from me. .
#62
It was a little gesture but when I was living in Australia and using the train with a baby in a stroller, often men I didn’t know would lift up the front of the stroller and carry it over the gap between the train and platform for me to make sure my baby got over.
I always appreciated that. I think what made it have such a memorable impact was that I was married to an a*****e ahole who would have just walked off without helping me, and I had no family and few friends there for support and nobody knew about the a***e I was going through. But seeing that there was still kindness in other men helped me see him for what he was and eventually leave him.
#63
Talking about how much stronger men are than women. Especially when that is a reasoning behind their argument- I was talking to a man and he claimed ‘women can’t do labour jobs’ and I argued back and the two boys I was alone with (who were my in-laws and yes I feel safe with generally) basically were just talking about how much stronger men are and suddenly I realized that my continuing the conversation could really only lead to them trying to prove it to me, and I told them I was uncomfortable and let’s move on to something else but they really just wanted to keep discussing why women are physically weaker. Now I don’t believe either of these boys would hurt me but I was just astounded that they didn’t understand the implications of sitting around and drinking and then talking about how women are weaker than them, when there is a singular girl there. Like guys are you serious right now? AND I have asked for us to move on and you won’t?
#64
I tell any of my friends to call me if they need a ride. Gender irrelevant. I do it for my daughter who is 22. I know people can get themselves into bad situations unintentionally and I’d like to be there to get them out.
Being a friend/dad means being there when it isn’t always convenient.
#65
One night I got off the bus at a not-common stop behind a male passenger, and we both started walking in the same direction. After a minute he suddenly turned to me and told me the street address where he was going so that I wouldn’t think he’s following me. I was very touched that he thought to do that. (Turns out we were neighbors 🙂 I don’t expect most people to have that sort of awareness but it was very thoughtful and reassuring.
#66
Slamming doors/objects really loudly in front of you.
#67
Unsafe: staring A LOT, bonus points of creepiness if it’s done from a distance
Safe: just being friendly without trying too hard to seem a cool guy.
#68
When you choose to sit or stand close to me when there’s many open seats/space further away.
#69
The way my husband hugs me. I can’t explain it, but I’ve never felt more safe than when he has his arms wrapped around me.
#70
If I tell you I’m not interested in giving you my number, please just stop. I shouldn’t need to write a novel for reasons to get you to leave me alone. .
#71
Being too persistent. I know they think we want to be chased, wooed and shown we’re wanted desired or whatever I get that but…
What men don’t understand is how frequently we are harassed everywhere where boundaries just aren’t respected and we HAVE to be assertive because the gentle approach is ignored.
Were sent unsolicited advances and intimate photos of men on social media, grinded up against in a club and even when we move away they follow, the list goes on and on and while there are a lot of men who wouldn’t take that next awful step.
1 in 3 women have experienced it and that’s just the ones we know about.
We’re really not trying to be over sensitive or spoil the fun. We miss the days of innocent fun and flirting and all that too but we’re at much higher and more frequent risk than decent guys realise.
#72
Is wildly unconfortable when a man put his hand on our waist for no reason.
#73
When I’m alone with a stranger, like a Lyft driver, and he immediately starts talking positively about his wife/girlfriend. Definitely takes some nervousness away!
#74
Touching, like random, be it friend or coworker or guy you just met, why are you comfortable touching my waist, my face, or had a sample where I just met him and he stood behind me and tried to give me a shoulder massage… that is f*****g weird. Also, an a*s slap is a reason for a face slap, due to an equal exchange. Had many classmates who normalized grouping girls’ a*s just cause “they are boys”. Deserved their hands cut, cause “I am girl”.
Jokes like women are dumb, “wHaT WaS ShE WeArInG?”, “I am saying YOU should know how to protect yourself, it is for YOUR GOOD, not the institutions duty, men are men.” after cases where women were molested or killed but they reported the guy XX times to the police and they did nothing. Sexual jokes, jokes degrading women, especially their girlfriends or wives, predatory talk disguised as a joke.
#75
Listening without trying to fix everything, kindness to service workers, remembering tiny details, and doing chores without being asked. Quiet confidence beats loud bravado every time.
#76
About 10 years ago I would run the same 7 mile route at 4:30-5:00 AM before I went to work (so, dark out). About 3 miles from home I noticed a woman in front of me running the same direction at a slightly slower pace (I was catching up). I eventually noticed her constantly looking back at me and she seemed uncomfortable so I turned and took a different route home. A couple blocks from my house I noticed the same woman, again, directly in front of me. It was awkward and I felt like I was being a creep so I started walking. She noticed me and ran ahead, turning onto my block. As I rounded the corner she was standing on the porch directly across the street from my house, frantically getting the door open.
Turns out she was my new neighbor. I introduced myself to her and her husband later that day and we talked about it. We ended up becoming friends and ran together on occasion.
That event made me acutely aware of how fortunate men are to breeze through interactions with strangers without fear. Especially when alone.
Ever since then, I try to adjust my body language or demeanor when around women who are alone (elevators and whatnot). It still makes me uncomfortable.
#77
Gentlemen, as long as you’re not actively presenting yourself as a threat, it’s not your job to “make” a woman feel safe or unsafe. If she feels unsafe in that situation, that’s her problem. It’s her job to assess you fairly and regulate her own response. Sometimes she’s going to assess you unfairly and respond as she sees fit (and sometimes that could mean a rough experience for you if her response is disproportionately intense to the actual threat you pose).
You don’t need to tiptoe through the world as long you’re exercising common decency, and you don’t have to put up with being treated like a threat if you’re not being one.
#78
Being aware of us.
I was once filling up my car and there was a lot of commotion that started. There was a group of homeless that showed up and one man had some items roll under my car, so he was asking permission to grab it. This was all late in the night when I get off of work. A kind man who was at the gas pump next to me also saw the commotion, and when I turned to ask him if he wouldn’t mind staying there for a second, he was already alert and also watching. He gave me a knowing nod and waited until I drove away. I was very grateful.
#79
Once I was out with my dog at night, not many people were out. We were stopped in the grassy curb area, and a man was walking toward us on the sidewalk.
As he passed, he just said, ‘good evening’, and kept moving. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t stop for conversation. He didn’t expect a response, or reaction from me. He kept moving as if I wasn’t there.
That small gesture showed me he was considering how I may not be feeling safe, and even that awareness helped me feel safe.
#80
Safe – open body language and a genuine smile. Things like clenched fists and furrowed brow make us feel unsafe.
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