We can’t live forever, but we can at least try to avoid the risks that might make our time here much shorter.

The problem is, we humans don’t always act with the best judgment. Common sense can fly out the window, and plain old bad luck can strike at the worst moments, landing us in surprisingly dangerous situations.

Redditors recently opened up about the dumbest reasons they almost died, and we’ve gathered some of the most jaw-dropping, entertaining stories to share with you.

Check them out below, and upvote the ones that made you say, “How are they still alive?”

#1

Let myself become morbidly obese with no exercise. Doctor told me I was going to have a heart attack any day now. Thankfully it shook me up and since then I have lost over 100 lbs.

Image credits: dma1965

#2

11yrs old stole my parents jeep with a buddy to sneak out and meet up with some girls from our school (also our age) the location was way out in the country and 30 miles out I hit a huge pothole that made my foot push down on the gas to accelerate off into a ditch plowing straight down a barbed wire fence, I panicked and tried to turn back on the the road but it was too sharp and we flipped 3 times landing upside down right in front of the girls house, thankfully we had our seatbelts and walked out with a bloody hand and a headache. I imagine if we had gps back then it would’ve been funny to hear “you have arrived” once we landed 😂.

Image credits: ST3T1C

#3

When I was a kid I almost hopped in some strange man’s car to help him find his puppy. I only didn’t go because my little brother started crying. I thought he was SO lame.

Aprehensive_North49:
When I was a kid, a guy said he broke his leg and was lying on a sloped lawn. I was too small to help him to his car, so I ran to get a construction worker I passed down the street to help him. He was gone when we got back a couple of minutes later. The worker told me how smart I was to get an adult since he obviously was not hurt.

Image credits: Educational_Dust_932

#4

Reached into a spare switchboard space and touched the live 440 volt busbar at the back because someone had removed the guard.

Image credits: Ginandor58

#5

Tried to catch an olive with my mouth, it went right down and I choked on it.

My dad, the absolute hero, grabbed my legs and picked me up upside down, and the olive came right out again, so no Heimlich maneuver necessary.

Image credits: RoronoaZorro

#6

Walking through an unlocked door to that led to a basement without a staircase. Straight to the basement floor express.

Image credits: PumbaKahula

#7

I am not allowed near a chainsaw.

Years ago my late husband was in a bad car wreck. We had a fireplace, and lots of large tree limbs waiting to be cut. My BIL kept putting off helping, so I said I can do it.

I have waist length hair. Put it in a ponytail and tucked it in my shirt. Did fine.

Next time I. forgot to tuck my hair in my shirt. My hair got caught in the chainsaw motor. The only thing that saved me was the fact that I had so much hair the motor choked when the chainsaw was about 4 inches away from my neck.

It is a self-imposed chainsaw ban because I was so stupid and know I would not be so lucky again.

Image credits: ohsocrazy2

#8

Got folded up in one of those fold up couch/bed things. It got stuck and I was in there for 15minutes. Was sweating so bad, pinned. Accepted death. It was at my friends house and we were like 12. Luckily his older sister came home and they each grabbed a side and forced it open.

Image credits: anon

#9

I slipped down a tidal bank when I was four and didn’t know how to swim. Sank straight down that bank with a tremendous amount of fear… just dead in the water. Until I had an out of body experience, where I saw my Mother running down the beach to save me. I saw her running up to me until our bodies connected. There was a lady that was next to me that I was pulling on the leg of for help, and she was kicking me away. I remember my Mother saying, “you f*****g b***h.” Until this day, 32 years later I can ask my Mother what’d you say to that lady when I was drowning in Germany? And every time she replies, “you f*****g b***h.” I was four.

Image credits: Euphoric_Minimum874

#10

My toast got stuck in the toaster.

I had a metal knife in my hand.

The toaster was still plugged in.

Fortunately my brain kicked into gear an inch before my knife made contact with the toaster.

I think about that a lot.

Image credits: Icy-Professor477

#11

Was really drunk at the oktoberfest in munich. We went to the rollercoaster and before sitting in it, I didn’t remove my backpack. The guy just “closed” the security attachment over my shoulders, when we were doing a looping I noticed the thing wasn’t closed. I hold it as strong as I could, when we came to the end, the guy looked at me an was completely shocked that it wasn’t closed, it was a close call.

Image credits: LauchGrabung51

#12

In 1991, my dad passed away. I was 19 years old, home on leave from the military. While going through his things, I found a handgun in his toolbox.

I removed the magazine, and — being young, grieving, and only a year into my military training — I assumed that made it safe. I looked at the gun, curious. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I was just in a strange headspace, overwhelmed and not thinking clearly. I raised the gun, intending to pull the trigger — thinking it was unloaded.

At the last second, something made me stop. Instead of pointing it at myself, I turned and aimed it at the garage wall. I pulled the trigger.

It fired.

There was a round chambered. I had no idea.

I just stood there, completely shaken. The noise, the hole in the wall, the realisation of how close I’d come to an accident I’d never have seen coming — it’s stayed with me ever since.

I’ve never told anyone this before. But it was a turning point that I’ll never forget.

Image credits: No-Sun-3156

#13

I stepped onto the road whilst busy talking. Not realising I was standing seconds from being hit by a bus, a random stranger grabbed my shirt and pulled me back onto the curb. The bus brushed against my hair as it drove past. The stranger just kept on walking after causally saving my life.

Image credits: notrudejusthonest123

#14

Had my tonsils out two years ago, the surgeon left my artery exposed at the back of my throat so I had a haemorrhage a few days later. Emergency specialist I saw said there was nothing wrong, the one I saw the next day said it should have been fixed the day before or I could have bled out overnight.

Image credits: Melodic-Yesterday894

#15

Riding my bike down a mountain road, smoked the break pads down to the metal, hit a pile of horse s**t and did a front flip, meat crayoned into a ditch full of poison ivy. Having that poison ivy contact fresh abrasions caused a brutal reaction and took the rest of the summer to heal.

Image credits: Hushwater

#16

Fell off a ladder breaking into my own house because I didn’t want to wake my wife up.

Image credits: anon

#17

I took too many dual credit/AP/and extra college classes my last year of high school. There was a program where each credit was $75 at the loca college while I was still in high school. I wanted to save money, so I signed up for everything I could. The problem with this is that for finals week, I had way too many tests to study for at once. I spent days awake drinking only energy drinks, caffeine pills, and sugar. While I was doing my volunteer hours at the library, I tried talking to the librarian, but she couldn’t understand what I was saying. Was sent to the nurse, and she had to call an ambulance and my parents because my heart rate was crazy. Hardly remember what happened. But it’s been over a decade, and my dad will still yell at me for the occasional energy drink.

Image credits: FillPsychological284

#18

I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed an electric fence with both hands. It was incredibly painful, and I screamed because I physically couldn’t let go. Thankfully, a friend was there to help me.

Image credits: Beginning_Big4819

#19

Didnt bother to shut the car bonnet/hood fully locked, for about 2 weeks, bonnet flipped open onto the front windscreen whilst driving to work at 60mph middle of winter driving to work in the dark.

Image credits: Forward-Loan-2282

#20

Nurse at the hospital OD’d me on antibiotics before a very minor surgical procedure. I did think the syringe was abnormally large. After my procedure my throat swelled up and I lost all ability to breathe on my own. Hospital somehow managed to cover themselves up enough that I couldn’t get the evidence to sue them.

Image credits: TeaBagginsssss

#21

Going down an expert ski slope when being just a beginner. Hit a rock and flew in the air. Very close to hitting a tree and ended up with just a severe concussion. .

Image credits: TheAzrael2013

#22

Middle of the night, getting too comfortable eating a veggie tray. Threw a piece of broccoli into my throat and started choking. I had to walk 2 rooms over to the bedroom to try and wake up my girlfriend but by the time I got into the middle room, I had started blacking out. Fell over onto the arm of my couch and dislodged it. Broke a blood vessel in my eye.

#23

I can hold my breath for a whole, as kids I used to mess around with my friends a lot and one partticular friend would sneak up behind me when we were swimming and put me in a light choke and drag me under water to try to hold his breath longer than me. Stupid I know…

Anyways one time he accidentally snuck the choke in a little too deep and I passed out before going under water. He had no idea and just kept holding me down there. LUCKILY my other friend saw my eyes roll back before we went under water and ripped him off me to bring me to the surface.

I had a crazy trip while under water (that I’m happy to discuss) and it felt like eternity. I came to on my knees in the shallows coughing up my lungs and felt all the feeling coming back in my hands.

I have done WAY dumber things and had more than a few near misses, but If my friend wasn’t there that day I’d have surely drowned.

#24

Was wearing a Halloween costume with no arm holes. (Wouldn’t have been authentic to have arms…) and fell backwards down a staircase! Thank god best friend saw it happen and grabbed me before I went headfirst down the flight.

Image credits: ComradeFrano

#25

War, Afghanistan.

#26

I took birth control. Turns out I have a genetic clotting disorder that makes me unable to breakdown clots at a normal speed. I ended up with clots throughout my right leg and both of my lungs.

Image credits: Zukazuk

#27

Jumped off a roof when I was 7 (it was the late 70’s, wildly different time). My plan was to jump on the roof of the shed, but I missed and landed between the shed and the backyard fence. I swear I had a guardian angel, survived with just some scratches on my back.

Image credits: TheFemale72

#28

Holding a swiffer sweeper handle above me outside during a thunderstorm to see if it would attract lightning. Nothing struck me but it took one striking about 30 feet away to tell me wtf are you doing, that s**t can and will k**l you. Idk why I was expecting to be all like Thor and his hammer with the lightning coursing around me all bada*s.

Image credits: BigBadRhinoCow

#29

Was given a very severe wedgie and I had to get rushed to the hospital. It was all captured on camera and there’s still photos 😂

It caused some internal bleeding and a blood clot in my leg, almost died may be an over reaction, but it did require medical attention.

Image credits: girlfrombri

#30

Chainsaw kicked back and missed my head by like 3 inches.

Image credits: twistedcavity

#31

Took a bite of a fried mozz stick, didn’t bite through the cheese and swallowed the first half. I had to pull the cheese out of my throat like a clown with a string of handkerchiefs. It was my 9th birthday and we were eating at the restaurant my mom and 2 aunts worked at. All of their coworkers saw it happen and we’re horrified.

Image credits: Effective-Airport-42

#32

Climbed up some train tracks that were 2-3 stories above some rocks and river on a bunch of d***s when I was 19. Ended up peaking while I was hanging there trying to pull myself up, if my ex hadn’t been there to help me I would’ve just fallen. We spent almost 4 hours up there before having to come back down. I now have a deep fear of heights.

Image credits: Apprehensive_Link814

#33

Context: crit care/emergency nurse.

Became unwell, didn’t do anything about my fever of >40° for 3 days, heart rate of 140, oxygen levels in the high 80s/low 90s, severe body pain and exhaustion until I started losing time and seeing flashing lights. I called an ambulance and second guessed that decision until I got to hospital and things moved fast.

Anyway most of my right lung was not doing anything of use and I ended up in ICU for 4 days for respiratory support, in hospital for a total of 2 weeks and the full recovery took months. Over a year later I can only jog for 3 mins at a time and still have to take salbutamol pre and post cardio.

Anyway, prime example of do what I say, not what I do. I’d have sent anyone else into emergency/at the very least a GP significantly earlier.

Image credits: NYCstateofmind

#34

Accidentally od’d on sleep pills in my science class bc i took the wrong pills. wanted to get high 😭.

#35

Not sure if I would’ve been k**led, trafficked, or both.. When I was in college my best friend and I were in Florida for spring break. We got WAY too drunk one night and i completely blacked out so I have no memory of this. But apparently while we were waiting for our uber to pick us up and these two formally dressed women came up to us and tried to get us to go with them. Like being overly friendly and petting my hair. One of them kept trying to take my purse and have me follow her. Thankfully my friend wasn’t as drunk as me and sobered up real quick. They even tried get in our uber with us. I think about this often and what could’ve happened.

#36

Stung by a bee when I was a kid. Mom took me to the hospital and I started convulsing. Doctor told my mom if she waited 5 extra minutes, I’d be dead.

And people wonder why I’m terrified of bees. .

#37

Almost od’d because I mixed my sleeping pills with my very strong anxiety pills. Felt like I was falling through the floor the whole night and woke up bundled with thick winter clothes in the middle of the summer.
A few years later I mixed chemicals while cleaning the bathroom. My roommate found me almost delirious and cleaning the same spot again and again.

#38

I once tried cutting off a power meter box in a vacant house for a few dollars worth of scrap metal and got electrocuted .

#39

I ate a gas station egg sandwich which landed me in the icu with the nurse injecting my b*m due to seizure and asphyxiation from severe allergy.

My tombstone would have said, taken by an egg sandwich.

#40

Jumped off the bike because I thought it would be thrilling.

#41

When I was 15 or 16, I worked at a bakery café. One day, a customer asked me if I could maybe plug in his phone somewhere to charge it. He handed it to me along with the charging cable. I walked over to the first outlet I saw… which, as it turned out, was a high-voltage socket meant for industrial equipment. But I didn’t realize that at the time.
I plugged the phone in—and immediately, there was a loud bang. My entire forearm turned black, the plug half-exploded and was completely destroyed. Luckily, the phone survived, and I was only left in shock. But for a moment, I really thought I was going to blow up with it.

#42

I went and gave plasma so I could get some extra money for the holidays. I felt fine after leaving but I started feeling weird when I got home. I was sitting on the toilet and went to get up, I felt all the blood drain out of my head and I woke up laying on my bathroom floor in the dark. Because I was in the process of walking over to my sink, my forward motion threw me into my wall and I had turned off the lights on my way down. Had I been any closer to my sink, I would have slammed my head into the counter and probably would have bled out until my roommate found me.

I thought my roommate wasn’t home at the time because she didn’t make any comments about the giant THUMP as I hit the wall and floor. I asked her about it after I had gained consciousness and was feeling better. “Oh I honestly thought the cat had knocked something over, I was wondering why I didn’t hear you yell at her” So my cat being a menace would have gotten me killed if I had actually slammed my head into the counter lmao.

#43

S*****e. It may not be funny, but if I didn’t leave my a*****e home, I would’ve done it immediately when I have so much to live for now.

#44

The ER doc thought I was d**g seeking and sent me home with laxatives.

24hrs later my appendix ruptured.

#45

My girlfriend at the time left me in the middle of the lake because her kayak flipped. I gave her mine, (Mine was more like paddle board) I asked her to go slow so I can swim beside her. She just left me there. I started panicking and freaking because I got tired and my head was barely above the water. All I heard was my mom yelling at me to be quiet.. like what the f**k I’m drowning mom. My buddy came to save me on a paddleboat after realizing I’m drowning. Needless to say, we broke up a week after.

#46

I almost drowned in a 4 ft pool when I was a kid because I was sleepy. 🤣.

#47

I threw a microwave into a dumpster. Power chord wrapped around my neck midflight and almost strangled me.

#48

When i was a kid, I ran onto the road to avoid getting hit by a giant purple exercise ball, only to end up being hit by a car instead.

#49

Not me but a friend of mine. And he did died.

Walking along a river path. Foot caught a tree root. Tripped and fell over a cliff headfirst onto rocks. Died instantly.

#50

Recently, a gust of wind almost caused my vehicle to roll into a ditch. I wish I was joking.

#51

Joined the army.

#52

I was around a week old and i just randomly stopped breathing. idk i was very dramatic back then.

#53

Tried passing 14 cars in one shot.

#54

Working out. Seems silly right ? Something healthy ? I ended up getting Rhabdomyolysis, and wasn’t going to go to the hospital. I didn’t know what was wrong, just that I was peeing red which i thought was blood. It finally got to the point my urine looked like coffee grounds. My kidney and liver where failing, and without aid I would have died. 2 weeks in the hospital flushing my system out.

#55

Was cycling back home after late night movie, with headphones on. There was railway track on the way and the gate was shut. I was like 🤷🏻‍♂️, decided to jump the gate.

I felt sudden gush of air RIGHT AFTER stepping off the track.

It was a f*****g train that could’ve hit me if I was literally 1/100th second slower.

I didn’t put on the headphones for rest of the cycling that night.

#56

My girlfriend cheated me with my (ex) best friend, got drunk, sat on the sill of my 3rd level flat, had a call and the phone felt down. Wanted to grep it, lost grip, but somehow managed to hold on, pulled myself back to the flat…
Since then I’m quite sure I died in a parallel universe…

#57

I was 3. I went feeding the ducks with my mom and baby sister. I threw the bread but forgot to let go🤦🏻‍♂️ so in the water i went. My earliest memory is my moms hand coming down to me and pulling me up (fun addition i also saw the ducks feet moving when i looked up before my mom got me) so yeah…that was dumb. Im 38 now🤣.

#58

I nearly Choking on Skittles,

I was 8 years old and I put a handful of Skittles in my mouth because I thought that it would dissolve a little and I could swallow it all at once (I couldn’t)They are stuck in my throat and I can’t breathe while I use the last of my strength to drink a glass of water and this would luckily swallow the Skittles.

#59

Leaning on an earthing wand whilst working on a live radar system with -69,000 volts….

#60

I rode a red light with my bike because I saw no cars anywhere. The car that hit me was speeding, going 90 km/h (55 mph) at 50 km/h (31 mph) speed limit.

#61

Started choking on my own vomit when I was sick. If my parent weren’t home that night I would’ve died.

#62

Speeding to pass a car on the road d**n well knowing I won’t make it because I don’t have enough range.

#63

Thanksgiving 2014, I tried out running a massive dust storm on an ATV and hit a 90 degree banked turn and got launched 25 ft in the air. The guys following me said I came down and landed on my head and it split my helmet near in half. Didnt break a single bone but I was concussed for nearly a year and I didn’t remember most of my family or any events that took place for about two weeks after. I still don’t remember that whole weekend but many other memories after the fact have come back since. Took a long time to recover from.

#64

My ex was driving recklessly for no reason. He was swerving, speeding, and dismissing my very real concerns of extreme tailgating in MY CAR (you couldn’t see the other car’s tail lights), and swerved to just miss the car that was about to hit us at high speed.

But I was overreacting. I could just get insurance to pay for everything. I could just sue. It’s not that big of a deal. You mean if I survived!? Dammit.

#65

Almost walked straight off a cliff as a kid because I wasn’t paying attention.

#66

One time I was cleaning my grill, I sneezed and bonked my head on the side of the grill. Knocked myself out in the sun on a 95F day. Woke up with severe sunburns and dehydration.

#67

I tried to quickly dry my bra in the microwave- forgot that it has underwires 🤦🏻‍♀️.

#68

Getting in a car of who I thought was a close friend of a very good friend. He was going to give me a ride home. He had been talking to my friend, laughing & joking. When I walked up to them my friend introduced us. He was super friendly, cute & he was driving a Vintage red Mercedes sedan. Instead of “turning right” to get to my house, he sped forward, getting on our crosstown freeway, headed to the boonies where he said he & I were going to “make love” Freaking Serial Killer change in his demeanor& bios eyes turned black & evil. He had to slow down to get off the freeway & I went buck wild on him, scratching, kicking screaming, whir tossing my backpack out his window & spinning around 360 like the Tasmanian Devil. All I could think of was the Criminal Investigation Panel in Phil Donahue Sho. The head of SVU, before it was called “SVU” couldn’t emphasize enough, “don’t ever let them take you to a second location. If they are transporting you away from where they grabbed you, you are almost guaranteed you will be victim to the vilest of abuse & more than likely you will be m******d. If they have a gun or a weapon to scare you into submission, I would think about calling their bluff.” Another expert added, “that isn’t necessarily recommended or is it the best tactic” and the 1st guys said something like in all his years invested abductions, sometimes death wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to you during transport. “You cooperate until he takes you to the 2nd location & you’re as good as dead.”
That was the 70’s. I was a sophomore in High School. After going OFF on him he had no choice but to pull over & I jumped out of the car @ a busy intersection, walking back to get my backpack(it had all textbooks! My mom is going to k**l me!) while Good Samaritans got the description of the car & asked to use the phone to call the police @ the mini mart on the corner. No cell phones, DNA. I believed 100% he would have k**led me. I still had his hair tangled around my fingers, his skin under my fingernails. The local Sheriff gave me a “stern talking to” took me home. No report was ever made. The “good old days” when the blame fell on the victim. I “knew better”!

#69

I was hiking, by myself, without telling anyone, as an American tourist in Switzerland in my teens. I started climbing up a waterfall, slipped, and fell about 15ft into the pool at the base of a waterfall. It was pretty deep, so I was fine. I was cold, but fine.

Of course, my head missed a large rock at the pool by less than a meter. This wasn’t a trail, I was just exploring. Who knows if they would have ever found my body.

#70

Almost impaled myself sweeping stairs. I was using a broken broom that was lying around and was leaning over too far instead of just taking a step down, fell forward, by instinct held onto that broom to catch myself, and the sheared end was little more than an inch from my neck. For being broken, and on haphazard bristles, it held my body weight.

That’s not an ideal way to be practicing shepherd’s jumps.

#71

As a child me and my neighbor were chasing each other often. We were 5 or 6, he thought it’s be funny to slam the door in my face. “Stopped” it with my hands but I slit my wrist, as the door consisted mainly of glass.

Tons of blood, in the hospital they cleaned it up and you could my main artery inside my wound. If anything went different that would have been busted.

#72

I had pneumonia and a pleural effusion. The pleural effusion pain was so bad that I didn’t even know I had pneumonia.

I thought I slept poorly or maybe my wife hurt me during s*x. I actually really felt like I got super sick after I ate her a*****e.

The pleural effusion pain got worse and worse and finally I decided I needed to go to the hospital.

They were basically like, “dude if we don’t admit you you’re gonna die.”

Spent 5 days in the hospital. Needed oxygen and they almost vented me.

Listen to your bodies folks.

#73

Jumped out of a boat to help my brother collect my nephew. Nephew lost his swim shoe so i swam past them to get it. I suddenly gassed out in the weirdest way. I am scuba certified. I swim laps. I am very confident in the water and can hold my breath quite some time.

I just couldn’t. It was like I was too heavy, and too weak, and needed too much air all at the same time. I started swimming back to the boat but I couldn’t keep my head above the water. My girlfriend spotted me and asked “You good?!” And I tried to say “nope,” and went under. My brother started swimming to me and I remember sinking and thinking to myself, “okay, you know drowning people drown people, you CANT grab him.” And I was okay with that. He somehow got my arm on a float thing and it was enough to help me up.

I got pulled into the back of the boat by my horrified family, and puked myself back to life. I remember feeling SO f*****g weird for like an hour afterwards. Like I wasn’t real. Or had died and just slipped to another dimension. It was f****d. For a swim shoe.

#74

I took a massive hit off my crack pipe and went into a seizure.

Clean for 19 years now.

#75

Electricity shock from an old elevator. Smth like 100 to 120 volts? Maybe more… suffered a tachycardia and almost died 😭😭😭.

#76

One more, my family just got back from the mall and it was late. We were still walking to our house when my dad decided to buy cigarettes from the store nearby and the rest waited for him including me. I was standing near a pole and I had my earphones on and I was zoning out. Suddenly, without thinking, my body started moving forward for no reason. I wasn’t even thinking anything my body just moved on its own I guess, then 3 seconds later I heard a loud crash behind me. Turns out, a motorcycle hit the pole I was just previously standing on. The rider and his passenger were really drunk and was even laughing. My mom scolded them for almost killing me and that they’re really dumb for driving so drunk.

#77

Alcohol detox at home unmedicated. Alone. The worst days of my life.

#78

I was 19 and in college.

I got really sick. Coughing, feeling hot. I would wake up in a pool of sweat every morning. I thought I’d just get over it on my own.

I let this go on for about a week before my aunt made me go to the ER. I was so bad that the doctors were convinced in had tuberculosis, asked me if I’d been in contact with anyone who had it, etc.

They tested me for TB but also did an X-ray on my lungs right away and concluded that I had a bad case of pneumonia. The doctor said that if I’d been an elderly person, I would have died.

Moral of the story: Go to the doctor if you’re f****d up.

#79

Fainted on the toilet and c*****d open my eyebrow…..home alone…..

That early AM p*o on your period that turns into tortuous cramps.

#80

Eating nothing but ramen noodles for 2 years.

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