Giving a toast at a wedding can be a daunting task. In 2022, there were over two million marriages in total in the U.S. That’s more than two million chances for a great or terrible speech. Most guests want to hear a speech that’s not too long, somewhat humorous, and, most importantly, without any inappropriate remarks toward the bride and groom.
But not every person who makes a wedding toast gets that memo. Most people who have been to a wedding or two have witnessed a speech that made all the guests look sideways and cringe in embarrassment. Wanting to know some of these stories, one netizen decided to ask others to share their wildest stories. “Giving a toast at a wedding is common,” the person wrote. “What’s the worst thing you’ve heard someone say while they were giving one?”
#1
Best man speech: “Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that’s how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person .” and yeah Jackie was not very attractive.
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#2
Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): “You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!”
Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.
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#3
“I was feeling a little nervous before my speech but I’ve just ripped a giant line in the bathroom and I’m feeling much better” – The Bestman
I thought it was great, literally noone else laughed.
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#4
The father of the bride said my daughters brought some losers over the years and this is the worst one , but…
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#5
My father opened his speech at my sister’s wedding with “now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out”.
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#6
My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.
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#7
A joint parents’ toast that cleverly, relentlessly, and at-length hinted at the desire for grandchildren pronto. Really wonderful couple, went on to face heartbreaking infertility and loss. I hope they don’t remember it.
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#8
I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow.
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#9
Best man said, “I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!” I’m not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified.
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#10
At my sister’s wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese.
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#11
I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows:
“May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you’re finished, nothing but a greasy box.”
The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them.
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#12
Father of the bride made negative comments about couples having sex before marriage and said “we used to call him our SIN in law”.
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#13
The father of the bride said “I’ll try not to despise my son-in-law as much as I used to” and laughed hard.
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#14
Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with “breast wishes” to the couple. It was so awkward.
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#15
Mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom’s family all hated the bride.
He said, “I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.”.
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#16
Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of “if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly a*s.”
They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.
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#17
The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times.
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#18
The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.
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#19
Reception at a country club with a golf course.
A lot of the friends and family were members.
Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9.
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#20
Omg I was at my cousin’s wedding a couple years back. Everything’s going great, food’s amazing and everyone’s having a good time. Then it’s time for the best man’s speech. This guy (let’s call him Brad) gets up there looking nervous as hell. Red flag number one. He starts off okay, talking about how he and the groom have been friends since college. You know thr standard stuff. But then… oh God.
He goes, “And speaking of college, remember that time we made a pact that if we were both single at 30, we’d marry each other?” The entire room went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop. The bride’s face was stone cold. But Brad just kept going! He’s laughing, saying stuff like, “Guess I missed my chance, huh buddy?” and “Don’t worry, (my cousin’s name), I’m sure he likes you more than me… probably.”
It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. People were squirming in their seats, the groom looked like he wanted to melt into the floor, and the bride…if looks could kill then I would have had to attend a funeral shortly after the wedding.
#21
My brothers wedding. One of his groomsmen (who was drunk as a skunk) waltzed up to the mic and proceeded to tell 200 people that “you have to eat it to keep it in order to have a good marriage”. His wife was PISSED.
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#22
At a friends rehearsal dinner, every single person talked about how great the groom is. Even the brides father! Groom was an outgoing/life of the party type and bride was a bit shy and reserved but also one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and I was so pissed everyone just talked about how lucky she was to be marrying him.
#23
Mother of the bride, toasting her daughter and son-in-law:
“-Now that those two are hitched, I can finally tell you that Bob and I are finally divorcing! Meet his replacement, John.”
Same version with the father, which went a bit like that:
“-As Janet said, we’re free from the shackles of marriage. And this is my lovely girlfriend Natalia. Oh, and congratulations to Lucy and Kyle, hope you don’t make the same mistakes we did!”
Like staying married “for the children” while having affairs, bringing their side pieces to the wedding as “friends”, and announcing everything during their toasts.
It’s been a few years, and last I checked, the bride is still no contact with her birth-givers, and they’re all pikachu face about it.
#24
One of the older relatives was toasting. He’s past the age of filtering to avoid saying offensive stuff so it’s just offensive.
Spoke about various races and their stereotypes for each in regards to dress and music.
#25
I haven’t been to too many weddings before, but I was pretty embarrassed with the best man at our wedding. Before the wedding we asked him if he wanted to give a speech, and he said that he did. We asked this a couple times, and both times, he said he wanted to. Fast forward to the day of the wedding, he stated that he didn’t realize he was expected to give a speech, but gave one anyways. I was so mortified because it made my husband and I look like huge a******s who sprung it upon him without any warning. The speech itself was nice, but the little disclaimer made me want to die.
#26
I can’t believe someone actually said, ‘I can’t wait to get naked with you, honey.’ That’s definitely the worst thing I’ve seen someone say.
#27
I went to a wedding where the officiant took the mic right before dinner. We all thought he was going to say a prayer… nope! It was a way too long speech confessing how he *used to be* in love with the bride. To everyone there, it was clear he was still in love with the bride.
#28
My dad (white dude) married my mom (Filipino) and once they split he exclusively dated Asian women. It’s kind of weird and I’m usually the first to make “yellow fever” jokes. The only non-Asian woman he dated was his high school girlfriend (not too many Asians in Indiana in the 60s to be fair)
My aunt is a huge handful but a lot of fun. At my dad’s wedding to my stepmom (Taiwanese) my aunt, who was blitzed off the open bar by this point toasted them and said something to the effect of, “Yeah, PoppaYoda kept bringing all these Chinese women around that he was going out with and StepMommaYoda is the first one I liked. You picked a good one!”
While this was happening, My cousin tried to shrink down into her seat, looked at me and mouthed “oh my f*****g god”.
#29
The best man had no clue what to say for his speech the day of the wedding so my wife (then GF) wrote down a guideline for him to follow…Talk about how he met each of them, compliment them both, wish them well, etc.
What he read was a bunch of inside jokes abotu the groom that nobody else understood, a comment that he only knew her through him, a compliment for the groom, a comment that the bride is “Cooler than cool-hwhip” (like how Stewie says it in Family Guy), and an “I wish you both the best”. It was awkward and I was laughing (as quietly as I could) through all of it.
#30
I was at wedding where the Officiant open the ceremony with a statement as follows; ”In a world where everyone is obsessed with beauty and looks, I am so glad that this couple managed to look beyond appearance and find that their hearts were a match”
(For context, the guy looked like Lurch and she was so overweight she looked like a bowling ball from the side.)
What the officiant said was so outlandishly rude, and it took me by surprise… I burst out laughing while the rest of the audience just cringed. My wife smacked the back of my head and I flinched so everyone saw it was me. So embarrassed.
#31
At my pal’s second wedding: “It’s nice to see all the familiar faces again.”.
#32
MoH/bride’s sister said she told the bride not to go out with the groom after she met him. Basically said he was a loser because of his job (manager of a grocery store).
One of the groomsmen interrupted, “he still works there.”.
#33
One of my cousins best men raised a glass and said “maybe we can skip this step next time and just meet at the courthouse” That was it. That was the speech. TBF it was my cousin’s like fourth wedding in under ten years and no one ever liked the brides. They are also divorced now and he hasn’t remarried since.
#34
Recently got married, and one of the groomsmen insisted on giving a speech (no, not the best man) he said he’s written a really funny speech and asked my husband if he could mention my miscarriage…obviously a hard no.
#35
They best man of a friends cousin gave a speech, (3 years ago) and he commented how good his pals new wife was in bed, then a big fight broke out
Long story short the “best man” had been riding the buddies new wife for months before the wedding
They are divorced now.
#36
At my wedding the best man, who grew up with my husband, was very nervous to give his toast. He began strong talking about their friendship and ended with how he wished us the very best for “as long as they are married”. Our friends and family burst out laughing. He faced-palmed and corrected himself. We’ve been married 46 years and he still hasn’t lived it down!
#37
Best man. “They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don’t know much about love, but as for honor… get on her and stay on her!”
Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents.
#38
My wife has multiple female cousins and we’ve been going to their weddings for the past few years as they all get hitched. My two favorite so far:
1: maid of honor/older sister gave a quick blurb about the newlyweds and then talked about herself for 5 minutes. I actually predicted she would do this beforehand and my wife got mad at me for it.
2: same maid of honor/older sister along with brides twin sister putting on a two women skit about how bride is actually a secret agent (code names and all) and her mission is to capture the groom. 10 minutes of solid cringe.
#39
Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights.
She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother’s wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married… not sure what that has to do with *this* couple whose toast you’re giving at this exact moment…
#40
The worst toast I’ve heard wasn’t because of what was said, but just how short and not thought out it was. I’m changing the names (let’s say the bride’s name is Mary and the groom’s name is Gary), the bridesmaid basically said: “Mary, you’re like a sister to me. And now Gary is my brother.”
That’s it. That was the whole toast.
#41
My friend had a toxic older brother who pretty much moved away bcs no one in their household could stand him.
He came back to his wedding, and when they were about to say their wows bro stood up, asked for a attention. Their mom tried to stop him but he wouldn’t let her. And he was like ” Bro I know we don’t exactly like each other, But I can’t let u marry this women without telling u this. Two years ago me and (don’t remember the name of his friend) f****d her together at a party and I have proof if u wanna see”
My friend grabbed him and dragged him out and after like 5 mins he came in and just said that wedding is off. They have actually been good to each other since then.
#42
I used to be a banquet server for weddings. There was one wedding I was working that was one of the most uncomfortable I’ve ever seen. It seemed like none of the guests knew each other and that nobody wanted to be there.
Best man is giving his speech. He’s talking about how the groom and him have been best friends forever and whatnot. He ends his 30 second speech by looking at the groom and saying “So I really don’t know *insert bride’s name* very well…but I guess I trust your judgement?” then sat down.
The venue was booked until 10pm and every single guest had left by 7pm. I got the feeling that this may have been an impulse wedding or something by a couple who had not been together long.
#43
This is the story of a toast spiraling out of control. Couple in their early sixties got married in Houston, TX. Drinks were served prior to dinner. At dinner, the now-wife’s cousin rose, somewhat unsteadily, took the microphone and began her toast of the newlyweds. I remember it started fine and I wasn’t really paying attention because I barely knew anyone involved; just platitudes about the happy couple.
My ears perked up – and I started to greatly enjoy the wedding – when she started talking about Jesus. So much Jesus. And so suddenly! One minute it was “I love my cousin and she looks so happy”. The next was “Praise Jesus and only He can protect the divine institution of marriage for it is to Him that we give our hearts and it is Jesus to whom we hold most dear and to Jesus that we must repent our sins . . . .” Etc. Etc.
Meanwhile, one or more of her relatives, who clearly had had enough of her s**t, were trying to politely and unobtrusively get within snatching distance of the microphone. But Jesus did indeed have the Cousin’s back that day and she was able to weave and dodge, all while increasing the volume of her prayers to a Jesus that she clearly considered to be both all powerful and deaf.
It was magnificent. And it was the groom who eventually was able to gently coax the microphone out of the Cousin’s hands and she triumphantly went back to her table where she spent the rest of the night getting sozzled on cheap wine.
All-in-all, 14/10 as far as weddings go.
#44
My best man said something along the lines of “OP and I have so many memories together, but I realized that absolutely none of them would be appropriate for me to share tonight with all of you.”
Had me going in the first half, but he pulled it off and got a huge laugh. I was very relieved lol.
#45
A friend of my «John» got married last summer. Our friend «Josh» was his best man and his toast included something along the lines of: «I remember when John came back to our dorm after their first date. He was cleary in shock and seemed uneasy. After pressing him he told me that Amy had farted so hard in doggy style that he saw her b******e vibrate like a drum. And that the smell was so powerfull that he lost his erection. When he went on another day a few days later I knew they were meant for eachother.».
#46
I once heard a MOH speech that was along the lines of “my little sister is so annoying. Let me tell you some weird s**t she did as a kid.” That’s all well and fine, but then the Best Man followed her with the most heart wrenching speech about how much their friendship means to him. I felt so bad for the Bride’s sister.
#47
At my wedding my lifelong friend, whom with I had a completely platonic and non romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk, very love professing speech to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met.
She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with.
Maybe not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit xD everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though lmao.
#48
The bride and groom had been friends for a year and part of the same social circle. Group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history.
One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn’t gotten drunk the night before he would have went to the concert and she would be marrying him instead.
It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.
#49
Drunk maid of (dis)honor disclosed that she’d hat-tricked the bride – slept with new husband (before he and bride started dating but still, and bride was unaware), bride’s brother, and bride’s dad. She started out great but was too drunk to read her prepared notes and decided to wing it instead. That first dance after dinner was pretty awkward, as bride’s parents were very much married, and during it everyone in the room silently did the math on her conquests based on pertinent details and realized she wasn’t 18 for any of the 3 encounters.
I was at a table of people who all kinda disliked the bride and even we all felt awful for her, it was so bad.
Wedding cost more than my current house, and was held at a yacht club that revoked the family’s membership on a morality clause the following day.
#50
My friend’s father (father of the bride) just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like “well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.” Suuuuuuper awkward. The grooms family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved my friend. Made the father look even worse in comparison.
#51
I’ve never heard someone say something particular egregious.
It’s just the *length* that’s the issues.
Wedding toasts are supposed to be, well, toasts. It’s a couple of lines followed by a sip of your raised champaign glass. “To the bride and groom, may their love continue to flourish and bring joy to those around them. May they always remember the reasons they fell in love and never forget the laughter, the tears, and the dance parties that brought them here today. Cheers!”. That’s it.
I don’t understand how it turned into a 10 minute rambling speech where the best man, maid of honor, father of the bride, and maybe even mother of the groom all describe their relationship in minute detail while everyone stands are awkwardly holding their glass of champaign, hoping it would all just end.
Just give a quick toast, drink, then get to the festivities.
#52
My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn’t his strong suit. At my younger sister’s wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a “plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off.” He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn’t “blossom” until she met her husband, who’s the life of the party.
Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister’s speech. I was sure he’d put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, “but I don’t think she turned out to be.” I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone’s autism jokes. Thanks, Dad.
#53
It was me. I was the best man at my brother’s wedding. I said, “Here’s to hoping this straightens him out!” – Spoiler: It didn’t.
#54
Asked all the grooms family to stand up not realizing that there had been an issue a few days prior. Only one person stood up because there had been an argument a few days before between two sides of the family and all but one did not attend the wedding after that. The bridespeople were not involved in this argument and not to blame. It was a rather sad and uncomfortable moment.
#55
Two of my friends met doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. They got married and I’d say the majority of the people there knew them from either BJJ or MMA. The best man was the groom’s best friend from childhood, and clearly felt self conscious because he had no connection to either BJJ or MMA, but he was a black belt in aikido. His toast dragged on and on for what felt like half an hour, and almost all of it was talking about how aikido isn’t stupid and worthless, and how important it is to his life, and espousing the virtues of aikido to the whole wedding.
Nothing offensive, but it was sad and painful.
#56
Groom’s name was Richard, but a lot of people call him D**k.
Best Man was hammered and got up to give his speech and in front of kids, grandmas, etc. he busted out with “I ALWAYS KNEW THAT JEN LOVED D**K…”
Yikes.
#57
At my wedding (to a person of color, with her entire family there), someone handed the microphone to my grandfather during the toasts. He told a story about us driving to a Detroit Tigers game, getting lost on the way there, and finding ourselves in a part of town that was “Blacker than midnight”. (Cue the entire room getting deadly silent, broken only by the sound of a fork being dropped onto a plate).
#58
My cousin’s wedding had two bad toasts.
First the Maid of Honor got up to speak about the bride. She rambled on and on about how she was *very popular* with *so many* guys in high school and she could’ve taken her pick on men, but my cousin was the one, after *so many guys*, that managed to settle her down.
Next, the Mother of the Groom stood up and used her speech to issue thinly veiled insults at the bride, at one point mentioning “she’s a diamond in the rough,” yada yada but his “love and support will polish her until she shines” or some crazy s**t. It was bonkers.
The priest also took ten minutes in the middle of the ceremony to speak on God’s love and how you need to “turn on the Jesus faucet” and “let that love wash over you,”.
#59
I went to the wedding of a college friend who didn’t marry until his 40s. The best man’s speech was just a long ramble about the groom’s single years, how he was a “great bachelor” and how much fun he’d had traveling and partying for so many years. He made many not-so-subtle references to the groom having hooked up a lot(which was true), and the whole speech just felt like a funeral for his bachelorhood. I felt so bad for the bride, but they are still together and happy many years later so no harm was done I guess.
#60
I’ve been to several weddings where the maid of honor steps up to the mic with 4 printed pages to read through, starts blubbering uncontrollably three words in, and insists on reading through it all the way. Takes like 10 minutes and you can’t understand anything through the sobbing.
Specific speech: visibly drunk best man tells everyone the groom is a good guy because he can polish off a 12 pack without issue, but has a bad throwing motion in baseball or football. That was it.
#61
My cousin’s father in law gave a spectacular speech at her wedding. He spent a solid 10 minutes talking about how great his son was at baseball and how everyone thought he was going to go pro while he was playing in undergrad. Then he said “but unfortunately he was injured in that car accident. And now he’s marrying
#62
There was a post in one of the advice subs from a woman asking if she was wrong for leaving her sister’s wedding. When she was a teenager OP was sexually assaulted. Since then she had a lot of trauma to deal with, but therapy was helping and she was finally getting her life back together.
During her sister’s wedding the maid of honor (sister’s best friend) gave a speech, talking about how OP was a total screw up, but she finally did one thing right in helping with the wedding.
OP was so upset at the reference to her previous “screw ups” and trauma she left. Her sister stopped her outside the venue and defended her friend, saying OP had to learn to take a joke. After OP left, her sister’s new husband was upset with his new wife, because he felt the joke was completely inappropriate, insensitive and in poor taste.
The whole time I was reading the post, I kept thinking if I was one of the guests at that wedding I would be tempted to knock the maid of honor on her a*s.
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