In relationships, red flags are warning signs that point to unhealthy or toxic behavior that may indicate a potential partner isn’t right for you. However, they aren’t always obvious, as feelings can cloud our judgment, putting rose-colored glasses on us.

Luckily, people online have been sharing the red flags they think others should look out for in hopes of helping them avoid unhealthy relationships with the wrong people. While below you’ll find the ones men mostly attributed to women, they’re signs everyone should watch out for in their potential partners, no matter what gender they are.

#1

The mentality of “I’m never the problem, everyone else has issues”. 

Just let’s my brain know to move along. .

Image credits: KawaiiSlave

#2

If a woman has no other topic to talk about than other people (especially their exes or women they lost them to) it’s a flag so red you could calibrate colour pickers on it.

Image credits: HrabiaVulpes

#3

Not being interested in their date.. not asking questions and not caring about anything.

Image credits: Youre_your_wrong

“A red flag is behaviour that indicates that a (potential) partner may not be right for you. This could include anything from dishonesty to manipulative tendencies. For example, if someone constantly talks about an ex-partner on the first date, it might indicate that they’re not emotionally available,” said psychologist Judith Klenter to OpenUp.

Even though red flags aren’t the same for everyone, there are some universal ones that shouldn’t be ignored by anyone.

“There are some universal red flags—things like violent behaviour, excessive jealousy, controlling tendencies, or any actions that indicate manipulation or emotional abuse. These are behaviours that should always be taken seriously,” Klenter explained.

#4

I have a friend who ignores me all the time and says it’s because her phone doesn’t have charge. I went to visit her in the weekend, and her boyfriend was messaging her and she said ‘ugh can’t be bothered with him, going to tell him tomorrow that my phone was out of charge’, which I then instantly clocked that she probably does that with me. I just wish I confronted/called her out for it.

Is it spiteful for me to do the same thing back at her?

Image credits: pentacund

#5

Playing hard to get or other little games. If she’s interested too, she should be a mature person and pursue the mutual interest with equal effort.

Image credits: Golferdude456

#6

Cant put down their phones.

Image credits: DeltaT37

Red flags are quite fluid, as what one may consider a dealbreaker might not be an issue for someone else. Also, some warning signs can be present from the beginning, while others develop over time.

“Relationships are constantly changing, because people are constantly changing. In relationships that end in abuse, it is often the case that this only happens at a later stage in the relationship and not during the so-called honeymoon phase,” Klenter added.

#7

Having a million different problems with someone but not being able to talk through a single one of them.

After a certain point, you recognize that the “solution” that they are seeking is to try to dismiss the entire person by racking up the number of perceived flaws in the eyes of the audience that they’re performing for, rather than address or solve any actual problem itself.

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#8

When women make things beyond difficult for waiters and waitresses. This is a HUGE red flag, especially if the wait staff is doing everything right or to the best of their abilities.

Image credits: Outofmana1

#9

Attention seeking. Looking around constantly to see if other people notice them, talking louder than the environment to draw attention, this weird fake “notice me energy”, I don’t even know how to put it into words but I can feel it from a hundred feet away already. Really bad vibrations.

Image credits: Mo3

Spotting red flags is important, as they can help you avoid unhealthy relationships and protect your emotional well-being. If certain (potential) partners’ behaviors make you feel guilty, drained, or uncomfortable, they should be taken seriously and inspected further.

“If you notice a negative trait, it is good to reflect on whether or not this is a red flag,” said Klenter.

“Check whether this behaviour has happened more often without you noticing it. Discuss it with your friends or someone you trust to gain some more clarity on the situation.”

This can be especially useful, as someone outside the relationship can spot the red flag better than you can.

#10

Constantly talking about how “all their exes were crazy.”.

Image credits: paulid2003

#11

I’m happily married, but one thing that makes me cringe and throws up red flags even from a friend standpoint is when a woman says they “don’t get along with other women” or “always got along better with the guys”.

Image credits: UnderwaterB0i

#12

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

It’s not only a bad implication, its also a weirdly confrontational thing to say before anyone has even said “hello.”.

Image credits: ConsiderationTrue477

#13

Clear lacking of emotional regulation. Huge red flag IMO. For instance…

1) Seems to always externalize their own needs rather than self-soothe. It’s okay to need someone else to co-regulate…but _always_?

2) When a woman gets angry and acts in a very reactive or volatile way towards people, then complains or plays victim when hard boundaries get set or when they get similar behavior in return. When you’re treating people badly or actively disrespectful…what exactly kind of treatment are you expecting?

Image credits: simple_devils

#14

The whole being too good for a simple date. I never met the girl and suggested a coffee date. She felt I wasn’t putting in enough effort because she’s too good for that to be a first date. She wanted me to take her to a nice Italian restaurant. I would totally have taken her to a nice restaurant on a later date. First date needs to be casual and easy to escape.

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#15

This applies to any gender – gets instantly defensive when you try to bring up something that’s having a negative impact on you.

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#16

Low effort. When I feel like I’m always the one reaching out, I’m always the one starting conversations, I’m the one trying to keep things going, I’m the one making plans. I’ve chatted with women who insist they’re interested, but put in no effort, and when I start to ease up and give them space they rush back wondering why I’m no longer interested.

It would be nice to wake up to a good morning text, or have someone be the one to say “let’s do this”, or even if they feel the conversation is starting to hit a stale point to try and save it. Not place all of that solely on me.

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#17

When a woman will totally disregard their kids in order to completely focus on you.

Image credits: Roadsidemoe

#18

Cares too much about social media validation.

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#19

Having a conversation and constantly talking about male/exes etc. The girls never seem to get it.

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#20

There’s nothing wrong with talking about one’s past life and past relationships from time to time. I think it’s important to understand how your SO got to where they are today, how that affected them as a person, etc. That’s not really first date material, though, nor is it something that needs to be a frequent topic of conversation, especially when a couple is spending time with other friends. At a certain point it becomes clear that the person who keeps bringing it up is not at peace with their past relationships and is not ready for a new one.

Image credits: Capnmarvel76

#21

Married, but makes jokes about divorce.

Image credits: FauveSxMcW

#22

IGing everything. It screams projection and needing validation from people who don’t matter.

Image credits: 2ndSnack

#23

I’m a woman so I apologize for answering a question directed at men, but here’s one thing I notice that a lot of women do (and some men do) that is an instant red flag:

Talking smack about people behind their back, constantly, and in ways they’d never say to those people’s faces. You know the adage “if they do it with you, they’ll do it to you”? Same for this. Usually when someone engages in this behavior regularly, it’s out of jealousy, immaturity, unresolved issues, or a combination thereof.

Image credits: Lower_Song3694

#24

Trying to make the guy jealous.

Once I hit my early 30s, I could easily tell when a date/girlfriend was attempting to make me jealous….in my teens it would work, by 30 it just makes the woman look petty/malicious/immature.

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#25

Princess mentality.

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#26

Obsession with designer labels and material things in general..

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#27

Contempt.

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#28

Comparing to their exes.

Image credits: TacticalBongHit

#29

I’m 81 and have been a widow since I was 62, but when I first met my husband, we talked about ideas, current events, politics, etc. as well as books and movies. We listened to music and only watched a little TV. We went out to eat and to see movies… only occasionally a concert or play. Basically we spent our time falling in love and being besotted with each other. We stayed in love with each other until the day he died from glioblastoma. That diagnosis was an extremely hard one because it is a death sentence- in 95% of the cases the person receiving the diagnosis dies within 15 months of receiving it. I still really miss him, not that there weren’t a few bumps in the road, like when living with anyone. But we were sympatico. I had a good marriage with a husband who “let me be me” as one of my friends put it. If you can’t have that type of marriage then don’t bother because you will be unhappy.

Image credits: CarolJGR1944

#30

Complaining about everything then moving the goalposts once a situation changes to continue complaining.

Image credits: yeofkhd

#31

**-The use of therapy language to disguise lack of emotional depth**
Accurately and precisely discerning your emotions and thoughts is a good skill, cleverly embellishing behaviours and feelings with social-media-hip-psychology less so, and really just comes off as you not ‘actually’ doing personal work.

**-Bodyshaming**
Being obsessed with bringing other people down over how they look, especially when it’s things they can’t control. Seeing women do this to guys is low, seeing women do it to OTHER women? Even lower.

**-Berating/making fun of their partner in front of people**
No idea why this is so common. It’s not cute or funny, and just makes you look like you hate each other behind closed doors.

Image credits: ohnoequinox

#32

Entitlement.

Image credits: MajIssuesCaptObvious

#33

When they are being catty towards other women for no reason at all.

Image credits: Joe_Franks

#34

Not having a hobby or something like to do in their life XD.

Image credits: Ulstuguldur

#35

When she refers to every ex as ‘crazy’ but keeps a scrapbook of their texts.

Image credits: jasonclarke1902

#36

Not offering to pay for anything. I always expect to pay for dates and rarely would let a date pay for anything but the expectation that they’ll pay for nothing ever is a red flag.

One of my favorite memories of my wife and I while dating was when we wanted to go out on a date but I didn’t have any money as it was between pay days. She smiled and said she’d gladly take me out and pay.

That was the best pizza I had ever had.

That was 14 years ago and to this day she’s still a kind and sweet person that is always willing to
Meet you where you are and go together thru anything.

Image credits: KindaOkAccountant

#37

Entitlement. I dated a girl that insisted her parent’s and her grandparent’s money was, in her words, “money I’m entitled to…it’s my money”. For what? Being born. I don’t want a partner who thinks this way. I’ve been dumped many times but this is someone I actually dumped myself.

Image credits: Delicious-Help4187

#38

A circle of friends consisting almost exclusively of straight men. This is usually a sign that she’s insufferable, and that people only put up with her because they want to f**k her.

Image credits: only-a-marik

#39

One date, many years ago I spent a whole evening with a girl and payed for everything.

We talked for hours. Or, she did.

When she wanted another date I said sure, if you could tell me my name.

There was no other date.

Image credits: poetry404

#40

Too vain / Totally uninformed or interested in world events.

Image credits: Reasonable-Cut-9467

#41

That arrogant and condescending air that says “I can do whatever I want and treat people like s**t because I’m the prettiest”.
They often say that they want to meet someome kind, which I find hilarious.

#42

A constant need for attention or flattery.

#43

Telling them something in a private setting only to find out later they told all their stupid friends.

#44

Toxic positivity.

#45

Gigantic eyelashes.

#46

Turning every conversion into comparing the differences between genders.

#47

Being overly worried about appearances, not just their appearance, but how things look to other people. It just screams high maintenance and I know we’d never be able to relax and just have fun without caring that we’re making idiots out of ourselves.

#48

Lip fillers

Duck face.

#49

The lack of enthusiasm. It really applies to both genders but since I’m a dude I can only speak on my experience. I can tell when a woman isn’t interested. Like, at all. Small things that add up. Facial twitches. Hand movements. Body language.

#50

”Im the prize”-mentality.

#51

She gives you a choice between two things. Could be anything. Where to eat, what to do that day. Whatever. You choose one. Some time later, maybe days or even months, you find out you made the wrong choice.

#52

The whole “brat/little” subculture is annoying… their profile: “Im a b***h, so deal with it” i will… *swipes left*.

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