Parents are expected to love their children no matter what, accepting them for who they are, flaws and all.

But does that promise hold in every situation?

Redditors have shared the painful reasons they chose to disown or stop loving their children. Their experiences are complex and heartbreaking, forcing us to question whether love should truly have no limits.

Read on, but be prepared: some accounts are deeply upsetting.

#1

A little different, I was disowned, but I deserved it. I was an a****t and a mess for a long time, my mom couldn’t keep bailing me out of trouble and watch me self destruct anymore. I wasn’t living at home, she came to see me one last time to tell me she was done, not to contact her, she would no longer have anything to do with me. She was in pieces, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her. But it was the best thing she ever did for me, once she cut me off my rock bottom came hard and fast. After a little while of living on the streets and my a*******n consuming me, I made my way to a detox center, got a few days clean under my belt and never looked back. That was almost 15 years ago. After I was clean a little while I contacted my mom, and little by little we built a relationship again, and now we’re really close. I am forever grateful to my mom for letting me fall and letting me back into her life.

Image credits: pickmeacoolname

#2

My ex wife disowned my son.

We both married young when I was in the military (high school sweethearts). She became pregnant 6 months into our marriage. I don’t think she connected with him at all after he was born. The most she did with him was Instagram photo shoots where she painted herself as #1 mommy. When he turned 3, I left the military. A year after that, she ran for the hills. I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat down with her at a local restaurant to talk divorce plans. We split all of our financials and material items down the middle. We finally got to custody for my kiddo (something I dreaded to discuss because fathers never gain custody in my area) and she tells me “I want absolutely no responsibility”.

I was taken back and I asked if she was sure. She was. That one sentence hurt me more than anything else that happen during that time. My biological father wanted nothing to do with me and now I was seeing it happen with my own child but with his mother. I received full custody and she married within a year afterwards (she had another child too). Her parents try their best to be apart of his life but she still does her best to avoid him. He’s 7 now and used to it, but I know it weights heavily on him. S**t sucks a*s but it’s life I guess.

Image credits: Yardbird753

#3

As Jehovahs witnesses, my parents disowned my siblings and I several times since I was in my late teens. One of the JW “rules” is that you do not associate with others who know “the truth” but refuse to follow it, including family and Parents are encouraged to disown any children who have left the religion. The first time was when i was 19. It upset me, i was heartbroken and eventually they changed their minds only to do it again a couple years later and so on until i stopped caring and no longer attempt to be a part of their lives at all.

Image credits: Mizzscarlett2pt0

#4

I am not sure if this counts. I didn’t disown him, but I went through a dissociative episode after some really intense trauma, and I honestly couldn’t feel any attachment and parental love that I had for my son. I tried not to show it, and behave as normally as possible because he was a child at the time and couldn’t possibly understand what I was going through. It was pretty disturbing to not be able to feel any sense of bond with him. I eventually got better, but I definitely did not feel what I or most people would call love for him.

Image credits: jadepalmtree

#5

I have disowned my oldest son. He m*lested my daughter, has been diagnosed as a sociopath and we have restraining orders against him. It isn’t fun and I never thought I would be that parent.

Image credits: craftythrowaway126

#6

My parents disowned my oldest sister. She always struggled growing up more than us (she became a teen mom with a bad older dude, partied a lot, etc), but my parents helped her a lot. They do okay for themselves, but had a no-co-signing rule for all six of my siblings and I. Still, they co-signed for her house so she could get a head start.

She didn’t pay the mortgage for almost 3 years before my mom got served in front of all the other nurses at her work.

My parents worked tirelessly to try to work out deals where my sister and her family kept the house and got some leniency, but to no avail, because my sister never showed up for court dates. During this time, she paid $12k for IVF and got pregnant with her fifth kid.

When my mom demanded some of the money back, she accused my dad and my brother of beating her sons when my parents took them to Disney World (he didn’t) and said she’d file a police report if he asked for money again. They kept asking, cause it wasn’t true.

She awkwardly joined us for Christmas, and punched my brother in the face during the meal for “humiliating” her oldest son by asking him if he wanted to work at my brother’s company for good pay. Her oldest son is in and out of jail, and my brother was trying to help him after his release, but her son said he didn’t want a job and got mad. She then called the cops and told them the same brother had illegal guns in his truck, and they came on Christmas night and searched his truck (no guns found!)

Needless to say, she is not welcome anywhere near any of us and my mom still cries about it, but refuses to talk to her again.

Image credits: badjuju824

#7

I love my son, but he abused me. When he turned that violence on to his sister by choking her, I had to say “Good-bye”.

Image credits: 13Lilacs

#8

My biological father divorced my mom and also his 3 kids, basically bouncing out of our lives and making it clear he wanted next to nothing to do with any of us when he left.

Man years later, at my older sister’s funeral, that he had the f*****g gall to attend, I asked him why he did that he said, “I thought it would be easier for everyone.” He actually meant it was easier for him to run home to his wealthy family and enjoy a second adolescence while my single mother worked 2 jobs to feed 3 kids under 10 with zero child support from him.

Image credits: gambitgrl

#9

I have been legally disowned by my father. When I was 11, my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer (this was her second diagnosis in around 4 years, obviously she recovered the first time after intense surgery and a lot of chemo) and he did not want to look after her like he did before. He also had a new gf and her family to look after apparently and he had no issues leaving us. When my mum passed away when I was 14, my brother, grandmother, him and I met up to discuss who I was going to live with (the plan was my brother and his family, father was never considered) and he showed up and declared that he was in the process of going to court to legally emancipate himself from me. He went out of his way to legally declare that I was no longer his child. Just so that my brother (22yo with a wife and 2 young children already struggling on one paycheck) couldnt seek child support.

Needless to say it stung coming only days after my mother’s funeral..

Image credits: spankcheeks

#10

Not a parent, but my parents stopped loving me the moment I was disfellowshipped as a Jehovah Witness, and I was promptly Kicked out.

I knew nothing of how to live on my own at the time, but I had a decent job and survived.

My brother stopped associating with them 2 years later and lives with me, and they since moved away (1500 miles away to be exact).

Its easier to tell people I am orphan or that I do not have parents, cause its hard to explain how they would stop loving or want to associate with there own son over some stupid cult rules.

Image credits: JP_HACK

#11

My father said my mother’s issue was she had too many children and it gave her some kind of brain fever, much like a dog that loses it’s mind after having too many puppies.

My mother said my father felt trapped by me. He was planning to leave when it was just my two older brother and then my mother got pregnant with me and he felt obligated to stay.

Now that I’m am adult with two kids myself, I think I realized that both of my parents are are just extremely mentally ill and incapable of loving anyone, including themselves.

Image credits: FessJaulkner

#12

I spent 20 years trying to get pregnant, and my son is now 13. What nobody ever tells you about is that you might end up with a kid you 100% dislike.
My son and I have zero interest in common. I tried everything to find common ground to no avail. He’s been stealing from his now 86 granma, he stole from me, hacked my Google Play store account and my credit card twice to buy items in his games. I went to file a complaint before finding out he had done it. Went to 2 different therapists for that issue on the last 5 years and he totally manipulated them.
He damages things I like or care about. I now refuse to clean and tidy his bedroom because it’s like a grenade aftermath within an hour after I have finished. He hides garbage instead of putting it in the bin.
He lies for everything, even when confronted with proofs he’s lying, even crying on command.
He’s the kind of clown I always hated even when I was a kid, always mocking and making these not funny jokes.
Now he’s going to boarding school. First year was mandatory after another serie of thefts but he enjoyed it and chose to go back. I cannot really afford it but ANYTHING to get some relief, to be able to sleep with both eyes closed, to relax.
I feel like my heart is numb, if not dead. I have this constant nauseous feeling about my son. Sometimes, I feel the urge to drive away and never come back, just go, change name and forget about everyone. And I deeply hope that I won’t live too old because I don’t want to see him ruin everything.
This, they don’t tell you about.

Image credits: Doridar

#13

Since it seems to have widened a bit, a family torn apart. Based on an aunt and her niece.

Aunt starts signs of dementia at a relatively young age, is moved into an assisted living home. Niece (who bounces around jobs) gets hirex to go visit her about once a week, take her out to the mall or a walk in the park, whatever. Paid handsomely.

We get an alert that aunt has a check bounce from her account that should have $5k in it. Niece has drained the account. Proven beyond a doubt, with receipts. Niece would take aunt to aunt’s bank machine every friday and withdraw $200, then fill her car with gas (aunt can’t drive), and charge us hours when she clearly didn’t spend hours with aunt (charged us claiming she took aunt to appointments – there was no appointment. We can actually call the doctor fyi).

The family rift? For some bizarre reason niece’s family took her side.

Image credits: NiceSasquatch

#14

I’m not a parent, I’ve never disowned a child. My parents disowned my oldest sister. I’m the youngest of three girls. My oldest sister had a horrible relationship with my father, blames me for getting in the way of their relationship. She had her first baby (to spite him) when she was 16 years old. My father refused to give her money because she met a deadbeat child predator, and got pregnant again, the again, and again. She constantly put herself and deadbeat before kids. Dad would send money to girls for Christmas and birthdays and never heard a thing, he finally gave up… She’s 30, has six daughters, and lives in a mobile home in North Carolina.

We hadn’t seen or heard from my sister until June of this year. My oldest niece contacted me asking to come to Florida (where I live) for the summer to get her and her sisters out of the trailor. I agree, contact sister and she agrees, I set up plane tickets and organize the rooms they’ll stay in. When they got here, they were completely disheveled. Clothes visibly dirty, smelled foul, so covered in lice that my white towels stained gray from removing them. My niece informed me that they had been without water and electricity for 6 months. They live in a 2 bedroom mobile home, there are holes in the roof, bugs and rats everywhere. As a family, we decide the girls aren’t going back to North Carolina.

We tell my sister to come to my parents house in Florida to get her life together and get back on her feet. She refused because deadbeat is not invited. Ironically, she found out that deadbeat is cheating on her. She confronts him and he kicks her out of s**t hole trailer. Deadbeat said “I would rather be homeless than live with you”. Sister now works for the dollar store and doesn’t pull her weight with kids. At least the girls are safe now…

Edit: I never really finished my point with the story. My parents had disowned my oldest sister when she moved to North Carolina with deadbeat for six years until my niece reached out to me through Facebook. I had never even met my two youngest nieces until this event. I regret turning my back on my sister. I really hate her and what she put her babies through, but if we stayed in her life for those six years we maybe could have prevented this.

Image credits: Lettucelove185

#15

Not me, but my great grandma. This story is really sad but also interesting, so I thought I’d share it.
She was a young creole teenager- french creole was her first language, and she was a quarter-to-half black like me, with tan skin and loose brown curls. She was born in Florida, but when things started getting worse for black people in Florida, her family relocated to Texas. For those who don’t know, creole people tend to play heavily into colorism. Although they are definitely mixed race, they prioritize light skinned people. The looser your curl, the lighter your skin, the more white you look, the better. Her parents had high expectations for her to marry a wealthy, light skinned man who would take care of her.

Instead, she met my great grandfather. A poor, dark-skinned man jumping from job to job working for farmers and trying to make a living. The two of them fell in love. They were just teenagers. Her parents threatened to disown her if she continued seeing him, and like a rebellious teenager, she refused. They wanted her to do better. She wanted to be in love.

They might have broken up eventually, if she didn’t get pregnant. But she did, and that was the end of it. Her parents basically said “you’ve ruined your life” and disowned her right there. The whole family disowned her. No one would speak to her- aunts, uncles, cousins, not a single person stood up for her. So she had no choice. The two of them moved to California, so he could get a job picking oranges. He built a house. They had their first daughter. She was 16. She never saw her family again.

Image credits: zuzumotai

#16

##not me, but##

Friend wanted to move out and be independent, which was appropriate, because she was 22. Her parents wanted to keep her under their thumb, and told her she couldn’t move out. A huge argument ensued. She grabbed all her stuff and left. And was promptly disowned by both parents.

Makes sense, right?

Image credits: CockDaddyKaren

#17

Do adopted kids count? We adopted a 3 year old from foster care. Cutest, sweetest kid. He had a few issues, but we mostly figured it was because of his history. The issues escalated quickly. When he was 7 he hit our dog with a golf club. We had to keep him away from our dog and our cat. The cat disappeared – we assumed she got out and ran away. Found out years later that he k**led it and threw it in the woods. The last straw was when he burned our home down. We sent him to a residential treatment center where he stayed for 2 years. During that time, he molested a roommate and became extremely violent. The insurance company told us that they wouldn’t pay anymore and we’d either have to pay for him out of pocket ($40k a month) or bring him home. We have younger children and it wouldn’t be safe. We ended up telling the state we wouldn’t bring him home. So now we have a verified abuse report against us because we wouldn’t bring him back (even though the therapists agreed with our decision). I don’t love him. I wish the best for him, but I don’t feel anything toward him.

Image credits: Steph83

#18

My mother and her sister were both adopted into a great family.

Recently, my Grandfather fell ill and we were told to prepare to say goodbye. So the family gathered. My Grandmother has had a hard time with her memory since she had a brain hemorrhage, but she welcomed my aunt into her home during this tough time.

Whilst my Grandfather was in his final week, Wendy (aunt) took my Grandmother’s atm card and proceeded to spend well over a thousand dollars on herself and get herself a motel room. She alsp attempted to steal their car. When my uncles found out, she basically disappeared into the wind.

After my Grandfather passed and his funeral was all sorted. My Grandmother went to an attorney to write Wendy out of any inheritance she would get from their estate when she passes. She didnt press any formal charges, because the whole process would have been lengthy and more painful for her. She didn’t need the extra stress.

I’m pretty sure one of my uncles also threatened Wendy to make sure she stayed away from my Grandmother from now on too.

Image credits: icedlottie

#19

I disowned a family member, not a child though. We were very close, until he ended up being caught in a p**o sting. Then I turned my back and haven’t looked back. I have a sister the age of the girl he was supposed to meet. I can’t associate with scum like that.

FYI, according to my sister, nothing was ever done to her.

Image credits: anon

#20

I wouldn’t say I’ve disowned or stopped loving my son, but it’s real tough to find love for him. He’s almost 14 (next month) and he’s currently out of our home at a treatment facility. He’s averaged two arrests a year for the last two years, and he’s attacked my wife several times, our daughters several times, and the neighborhood kids several times. He’s run away from school, run away from home, and tried to push me off the roof of our house (after threatening to jump off and hurt himself). We have become “that family” in our town where the police are called to our home on a semi-regular basis. He’s been getting more violent as he gets older (not to mention bigger and stronger) and I honestly don’t see an end in sight.

The key fact I’m leaving out is that he’s been diagnosed as high functioning autistic and is also bipolar. That’s like putting walls around a tornado and expecting it to stay inside the walls. A lot of what has occurred he had little control over because of the way his mind is (where he’s constantly at war with himself, structure versus chaos), and my wife and I have tried desperately to give him the best life we can while keeping ourselves and our daughters safe, but **I’m tired.** It’s been 8 and a half years we’ve been going through this with him and I’ve been ready to throw in the towel on him for a while. But my wife refuses to let him go, so we wake up every morning trying to give him the best life for him and our girls.

Image credits: Veritech_

#21

I’ve disowned one of my siblings (still have 5 other siblings). My sister is just a horrible person. She’s the youngest of the seven, and she’s been rotten since she was a teenager. She is much younger than the rest of us, so while the other 6 grew up together, she was almost like an only child. She treats everybody in her life like they’re here to serve her needs. Some of the things she’s put our mother through are truly horrible. I wouldn’t give a s**t if she disappeared forever.

Image credits: jcpmojo

#22

My mother was disowned by her her parents for her interracial relationship.

Edit:
There’s been some discussion below so I’m going to put it up here along with a little more detail.

Yes, we are from the south (Arkansas). There are parts of this that are weird too. My mother initially lied to her parents and said she was dating an Arab man. This was fine but they found out she was lying leading to her being disowned. I guess in the early 70s Arabs were ok but blacks were no nos.

They disowned my mom but it was fine if we came over. My older sister was close with them but me and my younger sister always felt weird going over there. They adored my older sister though and she stayed over and went on vacation with them among other things. I remember asking my grandfather why he didn’t like my mother when I was about 8 or 9 years old at a cousin’s birthday party. He just walked away.

These same people who essentially pushed her out of their lives were the same ones she took care of and comforted in their darkest times. She sort of went back to them and they didn’t push her away for what I am assuming is they knew the end was near and they were trying to right their wrongs. I have no idea just an assumption. She was there with them until their ends though. My mom might not be perfect but d**n that made me look at her in a completely different light.

Image credits: el_monstruo

#23

Not the disowned child, but my older brother is. He has been a petty crook as long as I could remember, into hard d***s since his pre-teens, and pretty much a full-blown sociopath.

He treated every girl in his life like meat. I remember him as a teenager calling his girlfriend a s**t and because she didn’t want to blow him. When he knocked some chick up years later, he had a daughter, and one of the first things out of his mouth in the hospital after her birth was “she’s gonna grow up to be a w***e like her mom.” Let’s just say that child is better off not having him as a father figure (she’s been adopted since then and is living a happy childhood last time I checked).

He treated my parents like trash. He would be in and out of jail and they would take him in whenever he was out. Then he’d find a job, lose it, and go back to jail. Rinse and repeat. He would get in physical fights with my mom, dad, me, he’d kick our dogs, cats, etc. We’d have to get new drywall to replace the holes he punched through those walls. He’d have freakouts and smash things all around the house. Living with him was a nightmare.

The last straw was him walking out on his kid and her mother, and starting a gang fight at our house over a d**g deal gone wrong. Things got really violent and I’m pretty sure weapons were involved. He left the house, and on that very same night, he came back because he needed a place to stay. When my dad said no, he started fighting my dad. I stepped in at that point and almost beat the hell out of him (no one f***s with my dad, no one). It ended with my dad having to hold me down to stop me from k**ling him, and my brother walking away down the street yelling obscenities. Haven’t seen him since. This was 6 years ago.

At this point, he’s either in jail or dead. I may have every reason in the world to hate him for everything he’s done, but I don’t. He’s a tortured soul who has let his demons get the absolute best of him, plain and simple. I just hope that he finds some kind of peace, even if it takes death for him to do so.

Bill, if you’re reading this, you’re my brother and I still love you, and I hope you’re okay, wherever you are.

Image credits: anon

#24

Other way round. My father had this incredible stupid b***h as a wife. She is just terrible. She left him, owned me quite a bit of money, cheated on my father and on and on. After 3 years of marriage. She is around 36 and my father is 50. he did everything for her and she just made him miserable, but he kept going.
When she left my father he became really really depressed and I cared for him. Hoping that he would get over the whole situation etc. We even fought the whole divorce together. He got better and everything. I was really happy for him.
Then came the day, that she had no money left and she came back to my father. He told me about it and I was so angry that he didn’t learn from the story before. I told him that I don’t want to see her ever again and I won’t do anything with him if she there as well. The day came when my father and I wanted to meet for lunch. As I arrived I saw her sitting there with him. I went to the place and said that she had to leave or I’m gonna leave. He became mad at for that and I left. He tried to do the same move again. I told him to f**k off and never spoke to him again.

I never trusted this woman. It became better and then I found out about her cheating, lying and everything. She told me to f**k off when I wanted my money back. I won’t trust her ever again but I can’t help my dad. I told him everything and he is still blind through those love curtains.

Image credits: TheSteffChris

#25

My parents didn’t “disown” me… I was just a weird mistake. My mother never wanted a child. She bailed after a few months.

My father was a single parent and ended up in prison (life without parole) when I was 14. I finally met my mother. She was a police detective by the time I moved in with her. She threw me out after two months.

I am 30 now, and life is typically a little weird around the holidays, but I always get a good laugh when I tell people that my father is in prison for life and my mother is a cop. But then they get super awkward when I tell them that no… it’s not a joke.

It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, but I know now that none of it was my fault.

Image credits: The_Loudest_Fart

#26

>cliché not me but…

My mum got taken out of my grandparent’s will, and she only got to know so because of her sister. Her side of the family has always been very conservative and rather “communal”, so ‘til death do us apart’ is serious business with them.

When she ran away for over a week without giving any notice, leaving me an my sister alone, only to come back with some stranger we couldn’t tell anyone they were living with us, it was obvious things were about to get hairy.

She divorced, and remarried in the span of about 6 months trying to keep everyone in the family out of the loop. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone learned about it through the invitation to the party. Cries and drama ensured that day. She wasn’t invited to the Christmas family reunion, and she used me and my sister as bargaining chips.

They took away from her any thing that was still in their name. She moved away, and only recently has she been trying to connect back.

Image credits: Jack_Harmony

#27

My siblings and I have stopped interacting with my oldest brother. We found out that years earlier he had molested at least two boys. He was an adult at the time. He showed no remorse, and turned the story around to say that those boys were at fault. It was so disgusting to watch someone you grew up with treat people so poorly and show such a blatant disregard for others.
The good news is that the remaining four siblings have become closer and we now are able to appreciate the good we see in each other. It’s true when they say that if you could pick your family it would look much different than it is!

Image credits: HeidiU521

#28

Not my kid, but my sister I raised for several years. I was a senior in HS when my parents had my sister – completely unexpected. They were 58 and 55. I never really got to know her much as I went away to college when she was 5 months old, and was in the Air Force by the time she was 1 1/2. I saw her twice on leave, and got pics, but the way life was working out we never really got time together. Fast forward, our dad dies when she is 2, and my stepmother is raising her. She was a terrible parent, like the kind that saw one of her kids run away at 16 to halfway across the country, another runaway at 15 and get married, and one that is just a loon who spent his life bouncing around whatever hot MLM program was out there as a career. She also convinced my dad to send me to a pray away the gay camp in TN. when I was 15. So when my sister was 11 and begging for help, I took leave and went to her. Surprisingly, my stepmonster was happy to get attorneys to draw up the paperwork for me to become my sisters guardian, and even pay for it.

— So I’m raising my sister and things are okay until she is about 14. Then I caught her doing these videos online talking dirty trying to get guys to j*rk off. So that was a mess of trying to get those down and suing the people that hired her to do them.– Ran away for a week, hiding out at a friends house, found her when she was caught shoplifting.– A B&E charge at 14, trying to steal the phone of a boy she was dating to se if he was talking to other girls. It happened on base and I managed to talk it out of being a bigger thing.– A second B&E charge with friends breaking into the NCO club to try to steal beer. I was told I had to leave base housing at that point, my secuirty clearance was suspended to make sure she wasn’t putting me in a position I could be compromised.– still 14, arrested with a stolen military ID trying to get into a bar.– 15 escapes rehab.– 15 escapes rehab again-16 things seem good and she is taking school seriously.

At 18 she was accepted to RISD, graduated with honors, and had an actual decent paying job with a web company with benefits and everything. Started getting s****d a lot, lost her job. Sold her car to pay bills. Lost her apartment, still hadn’t bothered looking for work. Got her trust fund at 24, blew over $400k in two years, nothing to show for it. Had multiple cases against her for d***s. Was restricted to the state, but decided to go follow Phish around anyway and sell molly. Got picked up for hooking and possession out of state, was returned to RI where she was detained and somehow released pending trial yet again. While awaiting trial she was caught holding enough packaged for sale h****n to qualify as a distribution charge. By then, I hadn’t heard from her for almost 7 years, and only managed to keep up with her reading the police blotter or from the occasional attorney that she had contact me to verify I would pick up her legal tab – I wouldn’t. Against any logic, she was out of prison in under three years. I heard she dimed a bunch of people out to make it happen. She showed up at my house, asking for a place to stay. I said I couldn’t have her in my house, but I’d get her a place for the night and then help her locate a place of her own. That night she broke into my house, nearly got shot by me while doing it, and tried to spin some story that she was looking for something she dropped in my house earlier that day, despite never actually entering my house. I told her she had to go, she threatened she would call DCFS and tell them I was abusing my kids if I didn’t go with her to an ATM and give her all the money I could withdraw. Told her to GTFO before I exercised the castle defense law and dropped her.

took out a restraining order the next day, and in doing so found she once again left state when she wasn’t supposed to have and violated her parole, so back to the clink. Since then she’s been dead to me.

Image credits: gamrgrl

#29

I disowned my father. I don’t believe that it nearly as difficult a decision as disowning a child, but it was tough.

I grew up in an upper middle class perfect nuclear family. My parents were high school sweethearts. My dad was an operator at an oil refinery, my mom was an accountant turned stay at home mom. I am a middle child- I have a 3 year older brother and a 3 year younger brother.

When my older brother was about 10, my dad’s drinking got out of hand and be became extremely physically a*****e. A few years later, my mom divorced him after 23 years of marriage because she was afraid for our lives.

My dad went off the deep end. Started doing d***s, stealing, etc. Was involved in a few hit-and-runs. My older brother, who had received the brunt of the physical abuse, was manipulated into a relationship with my dad for a few years. To a lesser extent, so was I. He seemed to take an interest in us for the first time since we were little, but in hindsight it was just more manipulation and gaslighting.

Wont go into all of the details, but my brothers and I eventually got wind of just what kind of sketchy stuff he was involved in. My little brother and I, who both had aspirations to get into law enforcement, cut him out of our lives completely. My older brother took a while longer- he was a kid who always just wanted his dad to love him and so he was wearing blinders. He did eventually see the light, and cut my dad out as well.

A few years ago, my dad was living with his mom. My grandma had been manipulated by him for years, and they had a symbiotic co- dependent relationship… she was a prescription a****t and he was an “everything” a****t. My grandma had a reverse mortgage on her home. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6 months to live, and moved into a nursing home. My dad kept squatting at her house, despite the bank coming to (rightfully) claim the home. Cops got involved, and he was arrested.

My grandma slipped and fell 2 days after moving to the nursing home. She developed a brain bleed and died a few days later.

My dad had a seizure his first night in jail and was brought to the hospital, where it was determined he had a burst brain aneurysm. The doctors theorized that the aneurysm was the result of his d**g use, and when he was scuffling with the cops during the arrest, his increased blood pressure and/or jarring caused it to burst.

He’s now in a nursing home, and functioning at about a 6 year old’s level. He has some inkling that he’s f****d up royally and it is all his fault but he really doesn’t understand the specifics. He can kind of communicate, and hold conversations but they’re bizarre and wander all over and a lot of very strange words make their way in.

I visit him a few times per year. I only do it because the person he became with a*******n is dead. I believe that karma caught up to him, and he’s earned his hell. I truly would not shed a tear if he dropped dead tomorrow- he’s been dead to me for a decade. I do have some compassion for a sad, confused 58 year old man who is alone in a depressing nursing home with no visitors. He knows he has kids, and a wife (he doesn’t understand they’re divorced) and sometimes he even knows he has grandkids he has never been allowed to meet. So he doesn’t understand why nobody visits him. I’ve started occasional visits not because I have any interest in having a relationship with him, but because unfortunately the doctors saved him when his aneurysm burst and we’re left with a person who is paying for crimes he doesn’t know he committed, in a world he doesn’t understand. He sometimes cries when he asks to see pictures of “that little boy” (my nephew- his grandson) and I have to explain, yet again, why he isn’t allowed to meet him. He asks me questions about “that cop”- my little brother, whose name he can’t remember. He looks so proud when I tell him that his son is rising through the ranks and just became a K9 officer. It’s like a shard of the dad he was 25 years ago has surfaced, and everything in between only exists as a convoluted fever dream. It tears my heart open as a human to see his suffering, but in a really twisted, sick way gives me satisfaction that his actions caught up to him, which makes me hate myself even more than I already did.

I doubt anyone has read this- it wasn’t supposed to be a novel. But that’s how I disowned my dad, then kind of developed a minimal relationship with the ghost of his former humanity than now occupies his body. My heart goes out to people who have had to disown a child. I was extremely fortunate to have an incredible mom and extended family to support my brothers and me, yet I am still damaged from my time with him. Having to choose between compassion and love for a flawed person and your own or your other loved-ones’ physical and mental wellbeing rips something open inside of you and leaves you permanently scarred.

Image credits: Banger357

#30

Not the mom, just her 15 yo daughter.

Often my mom used to say that I didn’t love her. Each day it got worse and worse. The affirmations from her saying that started getting to me, and soon enough, I really did stop loving her.

She’s not an alcoholic, but there have been quite a few nights where she came home very intoxicated and said horrible things to my brother and me.

She lies often. I’ve caught her stealing my money for her gambling a*******n. She wastes 200-300 dollars weekly on lotto tickets. About 80% of the time she’s not even paying with her money.

She is so irresponsible that she’s been fired from around six jobs in the span of two years.

I get called many horrible names daily by her. One major things she does that bugs me is after her screaming session, she’ll try to “make it up to me” and when I don’t reciprocate her affection, she blames our horrible relationship on me.

Didn’t wanna make this super depressing but I guess that escalated quickly

Edit: Wow, I wasn’t expecting this to even get the slightest bit noticed, but thanks guys.

I don’t think this is bad enough to call CPS, since I’m actually living with my grandma, grandpa and mom (my brother is in college right now). My grandma is our main source of income and we do have a healthy relationship. No, I don’t have a dad to fall back on if you were confused about that as well.

Tl;dr: My mom steals my money, calls me horrible names and is irresponsible.

Image credits: speckkit

#31

Alright, so this is a family secret that I revealed and got my mother’s family to disown me. Which honestly is for the better.

When I was a kid, my uncle, molested me repeatedly over a summer I was with my grandparents. It really f****d with my sexuality and took me into my late teens, early 20s and years of therapy to accept that I’m gay. Still working on trying to even trust men as whole, in part because of this.

Anyway, when I was about 14 I told my mother because I just needed to get the secret out. I was in a situation I’d have to be alone with him again, and I was scared. Although looking back I was more scared trying to tell her, what her youngest brother did. When I did I learned that, this is a pretty common thing in her family and it happened to her by my grandmother’s second husband. Well it happened to her and her three other sisters. My mother apologized to me, telling me she was sorry for sending me away that summer and that the family curse caught me as well. Honestly I needed to hear this because I hated her for letting this happen, but she had no way of stopping it or even knowing it’d happen to her son. Always been something that happened to the girls but never the boys. Aren’t family traditions grand (sarcasm)?

We went to the cops, and because it had been so long and across state lines. There wasn’t much they could do, it was my word against his. My mother family acknowledged that stuff like this happens in their family, and that I should blame the devil for this happening to me and not the person. And really I should feel bad for him because all of this was hard on him as well, he took this time to officially come out of the closet, and they all, minus my mother, let him know how brave he is for admitting his illness. And subsequently blamed me for turning him gay, keep in mind I was still trying to process if I was gay at this time. I was then accused of wanting to get molested and that I needed to repent what I had done and for trying to destroy his life. My mother tried to argue back, but at this point it was my mother’s family versus my mother and I. My mother ended up giving slightly and told them we need time to process this. They let off and…

We got the hell out of there and never looked back. It’s been about ten years since I saw any of them. They blame my mother for raising a devil loving son, which didn’t get helped when I finally came out. The last thing they told us is that they’ll let both my mother and I back in, if and only if, I admit that a nine year old wanted to be molested and of course convert back to being straight.

I think they are still surprised I haven’t taken them up on their offer. Idk, and idc. My family is super small now, and I couldn’t be more pleased.

#32

D***s, violence, theft, repetitively trying to destroy his younger brother, becoming a danger to myself and others, mental health issues that he refuses to deal with any longer or take his meds for anymore. Just plain off the chain behavior that was too much for all of us. I wouldn’t call it disowning, as much as putting down boundaries and setting up fences to protect people who don’t deserve his treatment. He also tends to be very manipulative and leans toward narcissistic behavior, in that he will habitually lie about you to others and try to play the victim. This can be very damaging to relationships with people that don’t understand what’s going on, so I’d rather just not bring myself into the equation anymore, because it’s too costly and it’s not worth it. He lacks empathy and doesn’t know how to stop himself from his harmful behavior due to a developmental disability, although he will also admit that he knows what he’s doing and he knows that he is manipulative and playing games at times. When he was younger and was under the rules of being a minor, then he had all the help in the world and it was easier to deal with.

#33

My parents got divorced and my mother decided she didn’t want to be a mother any more so she neglected my sibling and I and kicked us out of her house. Because the court system favours the mother, she got custody despite nobody asking us or looking too far into it and my dad had to give her the house and child support.

Despite this, she didn’t do anything for us and we ended up living with him anyways and she spent our child support on world travels and wouldn’t ever buy us anything.

She met a guy, sponsored him, he had a son and that became her son. I was now nothing to her.

They divorced, he stole all her money and she ended up homeless until family took her in and it’s been shaky since.

She went off the deep end about a year ago and I tried to get involved to help her but she kept being demeaning and went crazy, got arrested and I cut off ties. She threatened to come shoot me and I called the police and even went to try and make a police report but nobody would listen to me and the guy at the counter at the police station laughed at me. It was very bizarre.

#34

My parents have disowned me to some degree. We still talk a few times a year but we are very low-contact. During college they had gestured that I was going to be ‘fully’ disowned after I graduated so I built a life away from them.

I figure they still love me but my “lifestyle choices” (transgender) are untenable with their own. My dad told me we weren’t related when it came to business and didn’t want others at his company finding out. My mom told me she didn’t like being around me in public. My siblings and relatives all have worked at my dad’s company, but nope, not me. One of my siblings bounces between being employed there and not, due to basically sucking at holding a job. I had to figure out everything myself while my siblings get chance after chance.

I am the only child who has a college degree, got their own job, stable relationship and support themselves. But I am the bad one.

I haven’t seen most of my grandparents for years. I haven’t seen my oldest grandpa in about 6 years. I am figuring one day I am going to be told he died and I am not allowed to go to his funeral. Or he will die and I just won’t be told.

I haven’t seen most of my cousins in years. My uncle threatened me as a teenager over being gay (I am in my late 20s) so when I officially came out (in my late teens) my parents stopped inviting both of us to the same events; score +1 for my parents I guess. I haven’t seen those cousins in maybe 3 years.

The closest collision with my uncle was 5 or 6 years ago. My dad was selling a car to him at the house, so my dad ordered me pizza then rushed me upstairs before my uncle got there.

One of my other uncles is dying apparently and I haven’t seen him in probably a decade despite growing up seeing him 2 – 3 times a year.

—

So I just have my siblings and my parents. I see them 2 – 3 times a year for a few days each over the holidays. They send me a text on my birthday, but otherwise we don’t really talk about life.

My parents have warmed up over the last 10 years, but when you go through your late teens and 20s thinking you have lost your family, you find another one. I would love to rekindle a good relationship, but I have no idea how or if they’re even interested.

#35

Since my mom doesnt have reddit and i dont care if my sister does I’ll speak for her. My sister is the worst person I know. Worst than my ex fiancee who cheated on me, lied to me, then tried to make it my fault because im in the Navy and across country.

Shes a d**g a****t, narcissistic, drunk, and a*****e. The worst traits of our a*****e ex stepfather. She may or may not be carrying on the tradition in my family of teenage pregnancy, no one in my famiy talks to her so i can’t confirm it but I dont doubt it. She blames my mother for everything bad that had happened to her, claims i molested when we were 9 or 10, claims i planned a sexual assualt that happened to her, etc etc etc. She cannot be anymore diffrent from me and my siblings, and cannot stand that me and my brother are no longer traumatized by our childhood. She has blocked 90% of my family and no one misses her.

#36

I can answer for my mother. I cut contact from her but from what I hear nowadays she hates me for ruining her life.

First awful thing I did: my mother purchased her first home when I was 12. She had always had this vision of me having a house and playing in the backyard as a child, and I think she felt like I was missing out by living in apartments all my life. Thing was, I had no desire to move out of where we were, and probably more importantly, she couldn’t really afford a house plus this was just around the housing crisis as well so the price was super inflated and dropped significantly a year later. We only lived there a year before moving in with her at the time boyfriend and renting it out. I apparently was the sole reason that she purchased that house, she did that for me. So it was my fault that she bought a house she couldn’t afford.

Second awful thing I did: She got pulled over while driving to a nearby city because she was swerving on the freeway. I was 13 at the time and had fallen asleep, but got woken up by the car shaking back and forth and almost hitting a semi, while she was asleep at the wheel. I woke her up and she insisted on pushing through, and not too long after she was pulled over by an undercover cop. I watched as she was failing the sobriety test hard, she fell a couple of times trying to walk in a straight line. I cooperated with police and gave over the prescriptions she had in the car with her. So basically that was an act of betrayal. She was in the medical field and was struggling to find/keep a job that would hire her with a record (charged with child endangerment). So she was driving while heavily medicated, but I took most of the blame because I wasn’t loyal to her and sold her out to the police.

So now her finances are in shambles and can’t keep a job in her field because of the awful things I did as a teenager. Her career is ruined because of me. A lot more happened to damage our relationship but I think she would identify these two things as the main reasons having me as a child ruined her life.

#37

My son was in college and not doing the work. I was paying for school. He started withdrawing from classes in the last month of the term, then just hanging around with friends instead of going to class. He kept just enough credits to sign up for the next term, so I was unaware of his lack of progress until he needed to sign up for a fifth, then a sixth year to complete his degree. He eventually graduated but looked for work so slowly it took almost two years to land any job at all. I was at my wits end what to do and friends, family and even some professional counselors I consulted told me he was in need of “tough love” and I should kick him out; with the expectation that faced with cold reality he would suddenly get a lot more responsible.

I demurred. While I was very unhappy with his attitude and progress in launching his life, I could also imagine a lot worse things could happen to him (such as d***s and criminality) if I withdrew the only stabilizing influence he seemed to have (living at home being supported by me). In the end, he hated his first job, worked hard to get a better one and then a few years later a really good one. He’s fully on his own, he’s got an active circle of professional friends, he’s financially responsible and may buy a house next year. I’m so glad I ignored all the well meaning but harsh advice and just let him mature on his own timeline. Sometimes a harsh limit may work for some kids, but sometimes it isn’t needed. Hard to know what’s right in the heat of the moment.

#38

My grandma disowned my father because of the way he acted towards the family. He used to tell my mother that his father once chained him in the basement when he was a teenager and his sister secretly brought him food. He also told my mother that his father used to beat him.

But around the time my parents seperated, he suddenly started arguing it was all his mothers doing. However his sister was a witness back then and saw everything that happened. Plus his father (my grandpa) was always very shady. Eventually my father disowned my grandma first, so his sister and my grandma disowned him as well.

My grandma keeps saying until today that if he gets help with his psychological problems, changes and comes back on his own will, she would acknowledge him again and accept him back into the family with open arms.

Just that my father will never do that because he keeps dwelling on the past that he made up with his own mind. It’s pretty obvious because he also keeps twisting things concerning my mother where I obviously trust my mother way more than him.

TL;DR My father disowned his mother (my grandma), so his sister and my grandma disowned him as well.

#39

My mother would never answer this.

At present, I am 32. Yes I am divorced but I do not see that as a failing. I make good money. I support myself. I live 2200 miles from my home town because it was a d**g infested s**t hole. In short, I see myself as a success.

My father passed several years ago. He did the best he could. He loved me and he was proud of me.

My mother. She abused me mentally and physically every day that I interacted with her. I stopped speaking to her in 2015. I was an accident. I was born only 10 months after my sister. My father was Catholic and my mother was spineless. No birth control. I was never wanted. I was a burden.

My parents divorced when I was 4 because of all this.

My father became a loving, good man. But he died. Several years ago. Factory work, lung cancer.

My mother is still alive. Damaging my brother. My sister. My nieces. I wish she would die.

#40

I really shouldn’t respond to this thread with anger at my ex-mother that may be reading this. Her a*****e manipulations include control, and being angry at her still is letting her control my emotions, control how I react, even possibly take a little bit of the light out of my day again with the reminder. Did enough of that to lead to this point.

I have to cast that last shackle off and move on to what’s now and what’s next. Maybe writing it out will help.

#41

My father disowned my older sister when she was in high school. She had been r***d while walking to a friend’s house and he blamed her. She later tried jumping out of a moving car because she was depressed and s******l. My dad never liked my sister and refused to go to any father-daughter dances. He was distant to her for seemingly no reason. He finally said he disowned her after she was taken to a mental hospital to help with her behavioral issues stemming from the r**e and literal daddy issues. He called her “broken goods” when he disowned her. Because she was disowned, she got pregnant at 17 to spite him, and it sealed the deal for my dad.
My sister is jealous of me because I was the younger, beloved child that my dad always wanted. But she doesn’t see that he treats me like a doll and makes degrading comments when my looks aren’t up to his standards. My sister grew up with a voice and a free will. My father hated that. The only reason he loves me is because he not only broke my free will and my ability to choose, but thinks of me as clay that he can “mold into the perfect daughter”.
Now I’m trying to break the mold and ignore him now that I’m an adult, but it’s hard accepting it’s okay not to be perfect. My sister still has mental issues from everything my father has put her through. She’s become literally crazy and she requires meds and a lot of therapy even now.

TL:DR
My dad disowned my sister because she was a free spirit, imperfect, and “damaged goods”.

#42

My son and I got into a heated argument recently. He went crazy and bit me and then took a p**s all over my floor. I told my wife that this was the last straw and I wanted him gone. But she told me that he was just a baby and didn’t know any better. The struggle continues, I guess.

#43

Not the parent, but my mom ceased all contact with my much older half-brother from a different dad. He was a violent, angry a****t; would steal from and beat up my grandparents and my mom. She finally had enough. He died this year and it’s the first time my mom had seen him since she cut him off 15ish years ago. I now have my own kids and I’ve always supported my mom’s decision. That said… I feel so, so sorry for her, moreso than when I was “just” her kid. I can’t imagine ever reaching that point with my kids and I’m sure she never did either.

#44

I try to be a safe space for people and kind, as such I’m a person others confess and open up to.

I’ve had mothers (I’m 35 so many peers have kids) admit to regretting having children way more than disliking their child. It’s always more they disliked motherhood itself, the demands that they didn’t know what they signed up for. The constantness of it. They wished they weren’t a parent or they disliked how their kid was being, they loved them but wished they didn’t go down this road they were now stuck on.

A lot of mothers seem depressed.

#45

Yes lol my mother has hated me my whole life, I can’t have a relationship with her because of it.

And I don’t love her either because I can’t love a person who despises me.

She should never have had kids – not everybody is made to be a parent and I think that’s okay.

Normalise not forcing everyone to have kids, some just shouldn’t do it, some people are born with no maternal instinct what so ever.

#46

Sometimes I don’t like my kids- but I always LOVE them and that’s the difference. My kids are all at awkward ages and are often impulsive, whiny and annoying. But I still love them. I remember this especially when I see them sleeping and peaceful and healthy.

#47

I don’t dislike my child. I love him. I hate being a mum. But now knowing what it is like to have a child I probably would have rather not had any children. I do wish women would talk about the downside more, so people can make more informed decisions about having kids. Every woman I talked to glorified it and then opened up later after having my kid about how bad it is.

#48

I feel a lot of _people_ dislike their children. Because it’s not specific to gender.

Especially people with unresolved trauma, emotional issues, or low self esteem.

Children can reflect the most challenging parts of yourself right back at you, acting like a mirror being held up to the parent. And so the parent projects their own self loathing onto their kid.

My parents are very narcissistic and very disconnected from themselves. My mother im convinced is a covert narcissist. My dad has anger issues and low self esteem. I was acutely aware they didn’t always like me and my siblings growing up, but I also understood on a level it was because they couldn’t fully connect. For example, my sister grew up with difficulties with managing her anger ( naturally, she didn’t have any healthy mechanisms modelled for her). My father often disliked her because she exhibited his own weaknesses back at him.

Specifically to gender, I think motherhood in patriarchal/former patriarchal societies is heavily romanticised. From the Virgin Mary to the Angel of the Home, women for hundreds of years have been told to content themselves with being mothers and wives. In reality, a lot of women simply don’t enjoy it, aren’t good at it and don’t have much aptitude for it. But they are told it’s the ultimate role for them to aspire to, so I can see why many won’t feel able to admit to not liking their children. Which is why I find it a positive that as a society, many women are finding fulfilment in roles outside of motherhood and sometimes even eschewing it altogether.

#49

I don’t think it’s ultimately good for the kids to know because they didn’t ask to be brought into this world. But do I think mothers should be allowed to complain and demand more? Yes. Absolutely. Ive seen too many women family and strangers alike suffering alone with motherhood because society doesn’t stand to support working mothers and neither do their husbands. Too many are left to carry the child caring responsibilities on their own.

Mother’s need to admit that the people around them are failing them leading to their burn-out and resentment and not the fact that they have kids. Of course there are exceptions, some women just don’t want children but ended up having them anyway. Which isn’t something anyone can change once it’s done. I just feel sorry for the kids.

#50

I have a few female friends who after a few glasses of wine will admit they have regrets about having children.
One said her son left deep scratches on her heart.

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