While insulting isn’t very nice and it’s meant to hurt someone’s feelings, sometimes you can’t help but admire the creativity of it. Especially if it’s not something banal like a slur or other profanity. 

They are actually quite fun to analyze and leave you wondering why such a comparison was made. Sometimes they are so out-of-the-box that you may not understand if it was even meant as an insult. 

Today we will look through such insults that are quite creative, subtle and are safe for work as Reddit user MeMyselfAndI24 specifically asked “What’s the best child friendly swear word/insult you’ve ever heard?”

More info: Reddit

#1

When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, “get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly kumquats!”
I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I’m pretty sure he made that up himself.

Image credits: ellahorn

Swear words are an interesting part of our language as they are taboo and very widely used at the same time. Friends and colleagues may swear while talking to each other all the time, but not when they are in a more formal setting, in public or in front of family. 

They help people relieve stress or blow off some steam if something is irritating them. Some research suggests that people who swear are more intelligent, more honest and creative. So the cause that makes us swear and the words themselves are more often negative, but the effect they have and the traits they indicate are usually positive.

#2

My niece called me “Walmart face” recently and it stung more than I’d like to admit.

Image credits: BIgTrey3

#3

My cousin called his brother a swamp donkey

Image credits: BergeronDestroyer

Even though adults swear in private all the time, they don’t want children hearing it. The Reddit thread in question is the perfect example of people searching ways of insulting others or swearing by using unusual words and phrases.

Bored Panda reached out to Timothy Jay, PhD who taught Introduction To Psychology and Cognitive Psychology in Massachusetts College Of Liberal Arts and who expertises in psycholinguistics and has a particular interest is swearing.

#4

When I was in high school someone called someone else a wet bag of chips in place of calling them a useless f**k.

Image credits: redditstolemyshoes

#5

My kid recently referred to a kid in her class as a “brathole.”

Image credits: TheJewMan87

We asked him what leads adults to protect children from swear words and search for euphemisms. Dr. Jay told us that “Americans have an age-old custom of protecting children from certain aspects of life, such as sexuality, menstruation, birth control, offensive language/music/videos/games.” 

The custom stems from the belief that swearing is harmful to children, “so most parents have rules about swearing in the home, although most of these parents break their own rules from time to time.”

However, the Professor Emeritus doesn’t agree that this is the best approach, “What parents need to do is teach their children that it is okay to have emotions. They have to teach children how to express their emotions in a manner that will not create personal or interpersonal problems.”

#6

My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say “I’ll pray for you,” but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.

Image credits: Caycepanda

#7

Growing up my dad randomly decided “Frankenstein” was a swear word and would pretend to get upset when we would “swear” at him. It still works 30+ years later ?

My dad’s the best, I can’t wait to go home and visit with him this weekend!

Image credits: tremendousdynamite

We may imagine that people who swear have a lower education, come from low-income families and lack social skills, but it truly doesn’t reflect reality. As mentioned, people who swear can possess positive traits such as intelligence and honesty more often than those who don’t swear.

Dr. Jay confirms it, “Swearing might indicate that the speaker is not holding anything back and gets to the emotional core of communication. People who have large, fluent vocabularies are also good at generating swear words.”

Not only swearing shows positive traits of a person, but it has positive outcomes and are used for positive purposes, “Swearing is used positively to: vent anger/frustration, substitute for physical violence, create peer bonding, create humor, allow for self-denigration.

#8

One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me “Mayor Humdinger”. For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.

Image credits: Mahovolich13

#9

My nephew called me a mashed potato once. I still don’t know what I did to deserve that.

Image credits: thweet_jethuth

It’s not to say that people who dont swear are bad or stupid people who don’t have a sense of humor. And people who use child-friendly swears are not inferior either. Actually, Dr. Jay thinks that these milder swears may have the same effect as the heavier ones, “Depends on the particular person. Mormons use euphemisms (sugar, darn, fudge) that seem to work for their emotional expressions. Each person has a history of what will work for relieving stress as a matter of habit…so, it depends.”

#10

Listen here you stick of unsalted butter

Image credits: kmarz02

#11

Get your poop in a group. = Get your s**t together.

Image credits: Drvanfalk

Do you express your emotions with swears? Do you think children should be protected from offensive language while they’re young? Do you know any other funny-sounding swears and insults that would fit this list? Leave us a comment below!

#12

You’re supposed to be dumpster diving for ham scraps, you six piece chicken mcnobody!

Image credits: Infammo

#13

Your mother uses cheap toilet paper

Image credits: Adron-the-survivor

#14

“first of all, brush your teeth”

Anything your say after that doesn’t matter. They will already be dead inside

Image credits: Holzy09

#15

Met a guy who recently had a child, he started replacing his curse words with PICKLES. He would cut his finger and just scream AHH PICKLES

Image credits: delux561

#16

Son of a motherless goat. Makes no sense but always makes me giggle when I say it.

Image credits: evilshenanigan

#17

“Why, You Stuck Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking, Nerf-Herder!”

_-Princess Leia_

Image credits: anon

#18

I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn’t go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. ( I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,”SUCK MY GAMEBOY!” Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.

Image credits: MyToesWantToEatYou

#19

I had a friend yell “what the peepeecake” while playing videogames with him while there were small children in voice chat. Everybody immediately cracked up. It’s perfect.

Image credits: blockboy9942

#20

“your face is a toaster”

I just looked at my nephew, eyebrows raised.
I was flabbergasted.

Image credits: Alec_de_Large

#21

Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker!

Image credits: Badfish691

#22

You total muppet!

Image credits: isaac_foxx1012

#23

Shisha pit … I’m randomly dyslexic when I talk quickly and I tried to call my friend a piece of s**t (jokingly) and thus became shisha pit..

Image credits: madeinboston

#24

Cotton-headed ninny muggins

Image credits: tru2chevy

#25

Gordon Ramsey taught his kids vegetable names to replace swears.
Shitaku for s**t was my favorite

Image credits: MurrayMan92

#26

You smell like hot dog water

Image credits: ricerock

#27

Your hairline looks like a MacDonald’s sign

Image credits: pillowclit

#28

We were at the base of Old Faithful and, as it was erupting, the wind shifted blowing a totally unexpected big drift of spray on our son who was about 4 at the time. He was soooo mad he started running and swinging his arms, stomping his feet and hollering “Dag Darn It!” at the top of his voice over and over like a miniature longshoreman who just smashed his thumb with a hammer and, brother, he MEANT EVERY WORD HE WAS SAYING! 24 years later, I’ll STILL say “Dag Darn It!” when I’m in a position where I feel the need to exclaim in a negative fashion but real swearing would be wholly inappropriate.

Image credits: WeAreLivinTheLife

#29

My nephew called me a “stanky rainbow.” Best insult ever.

Image credits: GodzillaPoppins

#30

“You’re… not a nice person!”
Which was then followed by a shocked gasp from their friend.

Image credits: randomly-cc

#31

You don’t know grits from granola!

#32

Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

Image credits: anon

#33

You’re an immature nugget!

Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that’s still our go to insult for each other

Image credits: WarriorOfTheWord

#34

I like to call people kartoffelkopf which means potato head in German.

#35

Sugar Honey Ice Tea (s**t)

Image credits: Heymrpreacherman

#36

When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, “Get out of my face, Face!”

It’s so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I’m in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.

Image credits: AgentSnipe8863

#37

My 10 year old calls people ‘bum crumb’ ??‍♀️

#38

My son (2.5 year old) will randomly scream in a shrill voice and smack your but and scream, “STIIIINKY BUTT!” he does this ANYWHERE and as loud as his tiny body can make the sound.

Image credits: M0th3r0f1

#39

Bite your thumb at someone

Image credits: IdoNotknow1212

#40

At church camp we’d say “Mother Father”

#41

Fork!

#42

Idiot bunky nematode. My brother was maybe 3 when he said this to me and my sister.

#43

Oh barnacles!

#44

Oh BOB SAGET!!

#45

Donut – idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier – f**k off

#46

“Shog off!” It’s from Shakespeare.

#47

Pickle smoocher

Image credits: pleaseluv

#48

Meaniebobeanie

#49

Nincompoop.

#50

Holy smokes! What the fudge! F***k! You’re a buttface!

I’m 31 years old and I use these on the regular.

#51

Shiitake (like the mushroom) instead of s**t.

Gordon Ramsey’s child said it at school and they got upset. Upon calling Mr. Ramsey and explaining the situation they were then set upon by Gordon Ramsey for them getting mad at his child for NOT cursing. He of course explained to them that shiitake is a type of mushroom.

By yelling at them about it.

Love that man.

#52

Donut – idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier – f**k off

#53

Donut – idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier – f**k off

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