Injuries are, generally, pretty easy to follow. A cut, a break or something similar can be quickly diagnosed and treatments applied. But mental health is a lot more complex, as it's often invisible to the naked eye. But that doesn’t mean that the things we go through don’t leave a mark.
Someone asked “What event in your life fucked you up mentally for the rest of your life?” and people shared the worst things they’ve gone through. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote the ones that made you feel something and be sure to share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. Be warned, some of these stories might be distressing.

#1

I was holding my dog as he was being put down (had growths in his chest). When I felt the life leave his body something from me left with it.

Image credits: w4rlok94

#2

Work stress induced burnout. My first job out of university I was the wonder kid. took it all on and did it all well. Worked ridiculous hours to impress higher-ups. Ended up depressed and unemployable alcoholic. Will never fully recover, unfortunately, the psychological damage is done.

Image credits: nandyboy

#3

The war in Ukraine. My friends and close people to me moved in different countries and all of them started new, interesting life with new people. And I’m still here and didn’t make new friends.

Image credits: Angelrlina

#4

My step dad catfished me for 5.5 years, from the time I was 16-21. F****d me up real good.

Image credits: Kitchen_Cranberry373

#5

*Heard* the impact of someone falling to their death. Can never unhear that noise and whenever i hear something similar i jump slightly.

Image credits: diyujian

#6

Seeing my Mother dead this morning, she passed in her sleep, still way too young.

Image credits: Personal_Use_9050

#7

Long story short, millitary trainning 60-80km long march in the mountain, dumb ahh wannabe survivalist instructor make us ration water, me and ma buddy got dehydration, 3 organ damaged, peeing blood, hallucinating, almost dead or be a cripple, and ma buddy that I thought was sleeping next to me while I was dying apparently wasn't sleeping-he was dead.

Image credits: PerspectiveNext5631

#8

Being a nurse during the pandemic in NYC. S**t was so crazy that everytime I told others, I didn’t feel they understood the magnitude of the situation. I also didn’t see my folks for 3 months. Family members couldn’t say good bye to their loved ones because no one could enter the hospital. Some people were fine and just dropped within hours. RIP to all those who lost their lives.

Image credits: sealion88

#9

Doing CPR on a Cambodian soldier when my interpreter tells me the soldiers brother (who’s behind me with an AK-47) said that if I don’t save his brothers life he will shoot me. I could feel the muzzle of his rifle bumping into the back of my head each time I did chest compressions. That kind of f****d me up.

Image credits: four_dollar_haircut

#10

I got shot in the leg when an active shooter stormed into king soopers and now i get paranoid whenever i go shopping.

Image credits: Basic-Dentist-432

#11

Being cheated on after being told im more than good enough. Hello alcoholism.

Image credits: Bloodllust

#12

The death of my baby twins.

Image credits: alucard1589

#13

I came home one day mind you my mother had been abusive to me my whole life. She had a grundig stereo and was playing Irish music very loud. After I called out a few times pretty loudly no one answered so I picked up the needle which scratch the record and she came out of her bedroom with my dad’s gun and shot at me twice. I was 13 at the time and never went back home.

Image credits: WolfThick

#14

Absolutely no one being there for me after I broke my back.

Image credits: TheGeoGod

#15

When cops came into my home, without knocking, grabbed me from behind and beat the tar outta me. Then they lied on the report and said they knocked, I meet them at the door then ran into the kitchen and came out swinging a knife at them.
I’m a highly decorated veteran with an honorable discharge. No I have a criminal record because of bad cops and my ex-wife.

Image credits: Denise6943

#16

Growing up as a Jehovah witness.

Image credits: HistoricalPlatypus65

#17

Seeing my dad decide to stop fighting his cancer and slowly starve to death was pretty shocking. He was always a vibrant, strong, healthy man. Watching him become a corpse was pretty horrendous. I smoke a lot of weed now.

Image credits: tonraqmc

#18

Having a stroke…literally messed me up mentally for the rest of my life.

Image credits: surveyor2004

#19

When I realized I was the weird kid in 2nd grade.

Image credits: King_in_a_castle_84

#20

My mother passed a year ago from a brain aneurysm. Longest 24 hours of my life and still can’t believe she’s gone, just like that.

Image credits: mangdalf

#21

Watching my wife after giving birth to our stillborn daughter try to wake her up by rubbing her cheek and hands scream crying for hours for her to just wake up.

You are young you can try again, probably the worst words said to us afterwards.

A year and some later a happy healthy rainbow baby.

But yeah that f****d me up good for a while and makes being the best parent I can be that much more rewarding.

(Edit)
Thank you everyone for the upvotes and comments I am truly sorry for everyone else that shared with the loss of a little and appreciate the openness this can be a very hard subject for a lot of people just know you don’t have to grieve alone or in silence and it’s okay to grieve and remember how you see fit.

#22

My whole childhood was an event that f****d me up mentally for the rest of my life but When I was 8 my little brother hung himself with his long sleeve on our bunk bed and I walked in while he was purple and limp with his eyes rolled back. I screamed and my mom got him down barely in time. I remember the paramedics holding me and calling me an angel as I was shaking so bad and crying. That’s the only day I have a clear picture of every single detail… Few years later at 16 we got adopted by separate families and he hung himself in his closet and this time no one saved him. That was 10 years ago and every single day I honestly feel apart of me is dead and I never been the same since the first time. I cant look at ropes or people hanging in movies or people talking about stuff like that or suffocation or anything related. Severe like ptsd from when I was 8 and the news at 16. I have so much anger no one saved him and so much anger we were separated and I couldn’t save him again.

#23

It wasn’t even that long ago.

My dad was always the idyllic standard of a strong person. At 6’5” and around 240lbs, he was hard to miss. But he was kind, charitable, memorable, and often unflappable.

Even after the one-in-a-million cancer diagnosis he continued to be the same old guy. In between hospital visits with mesh screens for MRIs and bouts of radiation he never seemed to weaken.

My parents had moved away from me and my home town years before, so I didn’t get to see dad too often. The last time he came to my coast I finally started to see the cracks forming; he couldn’t walk very well, and had bathroom issues (he was always way too free about telling me things like that. Classic dad).

The last time I saw him was back on his coast. I was able to have the joy of telling him that my now husband and I were engaged. But during that trip I saw one of my heroes look truly weak.

He insisted on trying to stand and walk as much as possible despite his prognosis and weakened state. One day several of us in the room helped him to stand, and he immediately fell backwards and said “I’m dying.” It truly broke my f*****g heart, and still does to this day.

Seeing someone you love and admire come to grips with mortality is almost indescribable. Dad’s been gone for just over three years now, but that is a moment that i wish i could scrub from my mind.

#24

My mom had this problem where she had to take daily pills otherwise she would not be able to keep ANYTHING down. I’m talking food, water, medicine, anything that she consumed she would vomit up. So, when she took the second Covid vaccine, it made her really sick and she was so nauseous she couldn’t take her meds. She went to the doctor, but they gave her nausea pills instead of taking her to the hospital. She can’t take pills. One day, I was eating chocolate chip pancakes, having a good time, until my dad said that my mom was dead. I was like “heh yeah sure she is” because my dad used to have a sense of humor where he would say stupid stuff that clearly isn’t true. But when the police got called and they confirmed her death I sobbed so hard. My mom was dead. She had so much time ahead of her. Her parents outlived her. All because of medical malpractice. I hate them. I’ll never forgive them.

#25

At 17 I refused to sign my mom’s “contract” of rules. She called the police on me and had me arrested in our front yard barefoot in the middle of a summer afternoon in front of all of our neighbors. Then I was taken to the county jail where I was held until juvenile services arrived around midnight to transport me 3 hours to the juvenile detention center. Upon arrival I was interrogated for being barefoot and treated like an extreme criminal. After what felt like hours of being “checked in” to the facility I was finally able to lay down and try to sleep…. But for only about 30 min. That next day was horrific. I was sleep deprived, scared, unsure of what was happening to me next. After 48 hours I needed to be seen by a judge so I was then transported back to my county, still barefoot btw, where I appeared in court. My parents were there and I was released to them. The judge placed me on house arrest for the remainder of the summer and formal probation for one year. My mother seemed remorseful for calling the police on me but told me that she requested house arrest for me. During my probation year I decided not to come home after school one day and hang out with friends instead. Welll my mom turned me in again for violating my probation and that landed me right back in the court room. By this time I was 18 and the family court judge was over my b******t case. My probation was revoked and I was sentenced to 5 days in county jail after school let out for summer. I’m 32 now and just processing this period of my life. Idk what to think of this.

#26

Two friends of mine that were dating approached me to tell me that another mutual friend thought I was cute and wanted us all to hang out. I was down. I had previously crushed on him years before and we even went to a high school dance together. So we were all hanging out for a few weeks. Me and him were hooking up and talking about being together. When we weren’t together for those 2 weeks we were talking on the phone or texting non stop.

Then he tells me he’s actually in a relationship and his gf had been out of the country and she was coming home so we needed to stop seeing each other. I was so upset but I really didn’t want any freaking drama so I agreed and promised like I would act like nothing happened.

A few months go by and I wake up to my phone being blown up by dudes gf. She’s freaking the f**k out on me calling me everything terrible and I was just letting her get it all out. I tried explaining to her how he lied to both of us but it didn’t matter. The two original friends that set us up were now on her side and everyone ended up hating me over it all.

#27

Watching my dad beat my mom and beating me for a period of time. hasn’t done it since then and it’s been 30 years.
watching my friends get killed in war.
watching people die throughout life.
this whole political s**t show since the early 2000s.

my brother putting a bullet in his head.

my girlfriend of 5 years verbally drunk abusing me.

I’m peachy.

#28

My mom had gotten married to her fourth husband by the time I was eleven. All pretty crummy. They had some rough fights where my mom would yell at me to call the cops.

My step-dad would always say, “If you call the cops, I’m going to make going to jail worth it.” It never stopped her from yelling “call the cops”, but my sibling and I never did, because they were both vicious when it came to fighting, so we were certain we would end up in the system after they both went to jail.

After about 6 years of these fights, I wake up one morning to the usual struggle with glass breaking and screaming, but then I noticed it wasn’t my mom screaming “Call the cops” it was my step-dad. The neighbors heard his screams and they called. He ended up leaving that day, with a police escort to the hospital. He has a metal plate in his face.

They’re still married over ten years later, and after years of therapy you would never know that they ever did such awful things to each other, but sometimes I look at him and that day plays in my head over and over.

They really love each other, and I don’t think she meant to hurt him so badly, but it’s crazy what we went through and what it had to take to get them to seek help. It’s crazy what my brain tried to convince me was normal and not abuse.

#29

I could write a book, so ima just go with one of the worst things

Me and my brother lived with our parents at the time, they were abusive as it was, towards us and each other, she was pregnant and one day they were just arguing, and the next thing I know he chokeslammed her on the ground and was strangling her, we freaked the f**k out I was maybe 10, we LUCKILY lived right next door to a family members house and went there and got them and they separated them

Cant remember a whole lot, they both ended up in jail for a bit, dont remember them getting arrested, after getting my family members next door the next thing I remember was my gma picking us up

And like I said she was pregnant, my brother was born but died from lack of oxygen I think it was which I dont even wanna get into how I found out about that I’m already crying

I have a memorial tattoo for him now.

#30

When I was in grade 11, it was the last day of school before summer, and I had some extra time so I went to the nearby mall with some friends. On the way back, I just stepped onto the sidewalk after crossing the street when I heard a blood curdling scream right behind me. I turned to see a woman had been run over by a flatbed truck, and was between the front and rear tires under the driveshaft.

She was still alive and calling for help. Blood leaked out of her and there was a visible tire tread mark over her mid back, which was squished flat as a pancake. She quickly faded and stopped moving or calling out just before the paramedics arrived. It was around then that I realized had I been at that crosswalk 5 seconds later, id have been run over too…

It was a a surreal moment going back to school. I didnt know where else to go, I was in shock and just kinda wandered there as it was a block away. Everyone else is cheering for the end of the school year and Im just white as a ghost wandering around aimlessly in total shock, probably had the thousand yard stare going too.

I will say, it for sure made me pay great attention when I cross any road. It has saved my life from stupid or crazy drivers more than a few times, so I guess I thank that poor lady for that intuition, or instinct or whatever you wanna call it. But Im pretty sure I have some ptsd over that event, I can see it very clearly in my mind when recalling this, right down to the wavy tread pattern on her back. Ill never forget that day. Im not superstituous, but it was a friday the 13th for whatever its worth.

#31

I would occasionally help my dad at his office if his secretary wasn’t going to be there because I knew how to do everything and it is a very specialized field. He and my grandpa had the business and gramps was older and not in the office much. Dad had the only computer with a good internet connection so I was in there when I decided to check the browser history, which was a big mistake. Found out my dad was bi and had been cheating on my mom for years. Found a box of sex toys too but decided I would just shut the heck up and act like I saw nothing.

Came home a few weeks later to my mom crying. Apparently my dad had gone to an AA convention but when mom called she heard a woman and kids in the car and when she called back he didn’t answer. So he came back when everyone was gone and got his stuff and moved 2 hours away with his AP. I wound up showing my mom what I had found.

I was so pissed at my dad. So mad. I had matched dates on the computer with big life milestones of mine. Saw he was hooking up with a married couple while we were on a recruiting trip back east. He had left their hotel for a few hours to get food. I remember my mom calling to see if he had come by the school to bring me something. It just made me more angry.

So I refused to speak to him. Then I heard a while later he was saying he had some medical condition and wanted to talk as my bros were still in contact. I just thought it was b******t to get sympathy.

Then I got the call that he died. At 52. It was so sudden I didn’t really process it right away. I didn’t know how until it dawned on me how good of a dad he was. This man quite literally devoted his entire life to us apart from his exploits the last few years. He would work 8-5 and then would come home long enough to grab the basketballs or cones and would take myself and my brothers to our sports practice, where he would coach one of our teams. He even helped bring a new basketball league that was much better than the s****y city program where you could pay extra to be on the team of your choice. Weekends were always someone’s tournament out of town that required team drinks and hotel rooms. Never once complained or took a day off. Didn’t hold it over our heads or make a fuss. For years and years he sacrificed his entire life to our family and making us happy. And I couldn’t see past what he had done. He put up with all my failures and shortcomings and never put me down or backed out. And he made one f*****g mistake and I could not see past my anger to even speak with him.

He passed from a blood clot going to his lungs for the third time. And we found out that he had stopped taking his blood thinners. That he wanted to die.

So anyone who may be going through something similar, do not follow my lead. Look at the macro and take in the big picture. Find a way to forgive, if there is one. I have taken that situation and learned from it. Became better because of it. But I haven’t forgiven myself, nor will I… because there are some things you can not undo. You can not take back. There is no way to earn forgiveness when there is no one to ask it from. The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability.

#32

Being attacked by 4 pitbulls while holding my 5 year old daughter above my head. Both of us were bit and brought to the hospital by ambulance. The neighbors heard the commotion and stepped in to help and I don’t think my daughter or I would be here if they didn’t. God was looking out for us that day. No doubt.

#33

The death of my dad. When I was 6 he got in a motorcycle crash when an old man ran a stop sign and sent my dad flying head-first into a telephone pole. My dad was considered to be a vegetable (which my mom denies to this day) until he died 3 years later, when I was 9.

I was a pretty normal kid until then. After that, I shut down and became painfully shy and backward, which I still am, to a degree. Making friends was very difficult, and trying to date girls was nearly impossible.

Pharmaceuticals has helped some, and I’ve learned a “public face” which helps with jobs. I still have anxiety and paralyzing shyness with romantic-type situations or crowds.

#34

A lot worse has happened to me, but my acquaintances notice I don’t smile as much anymore ever since a random stranger pulled and pointed a gun at me. Now, they’re always asking why I’m “always mad”. I have RBF and can’t help it and I’m not usually mad. But I guess that event changed me. I use to smile all the time, but now I draw less attention to myself as possible. I don’t know what else to tell them because they don’t believe me when I say I’m not mad.

#35

Mom met a dude from Egypt on Facebook, moved us there and married him when I was 11. He turned out to be abusive and wouldn’t let us leave the apartment. Mom gave me our passports to hide and I stuffed them underneath my mattress. He ripped apart the wardrobe in my room while searching for them. Luckily he never found the passports. He would come in my room and rip out the dial-up router from my laptop (all I did at the time was play online since I had nothing else) when they’d have bad fights so my mom wouldn’t be able to purchase tickets back home. We packed up everything one afternoon while he was at work and went back to America.

I basically spent six months stuck in a room in Egypt with nothing to do other than play on my laptop and listen to them beat the s**t out of each other. After we got back to America, I became a depressed recluse with social anxiety when I was a carefree, outgoing child beforehand. S**t sucked.

#36

I just started high school and was a very shy kid. I decided to try and participate in school sport events during lunch and the first time I went, a kid came to me and said « we’re full you can’t come and play with the others, just go do some other s**t ». It was one of the cool kids and they were already in a group full of friends from their previous school, while I was the only one from my school who made it in this program (for smart kids I don’t know what it’s called in English). This is what triggered my social anxiety and I still struggle socially 30 years later.

#37

Giving birth to a full term baby after not knowing I was pregnant. She’s 6 and autistic. Her father (my husband) blames her autism on me.

#38

I was predisposed to not dealing with trauma in a functional manner because my mum had terrible mental health and narcissistic personality disorder.

The event that broke me completely was when I worked in healthcare. I cared for a person who asked for his ventilator to be disconnected (he had a very high spinal injury but was completely lucid and psychologically intact). I cared for him consistently for 6 months as other nurses were basically f*****g awful to him. I read him the newspaper, we talked about music and often ate lunch together. We became friends which was my fault and I should have seen it happening.

He asked to donate his organs after death (non heart beating donation). The day of his death he asked me to not leave him alone when he went down to donate. I thought at the time that this was the right thing to do. I watched the surgeons basically cut up the dead body of one of my friends.

Within 3 weeks I was using opiates daily and became addicted. The nursing profession turned their back on me and forced me out of a 13 year career because I, in their words, “was a person unbecoming to hold the title of nurse”.

I eventually became homeless after my partner left me with our 2 year old. I lost everything.

I’m doing better today. I went to rehab, started in a different job supporting people through homelessness and addiction. I see my daughter all the time and have an amazing partner who knows everything.

#39

24 M – for the last 3-4 years I’ve been taking care of my parents health, financially, and aunt that lived with us all my life who has stage 4 lung cancer. I’ve had to stop my education to come home and help my family in different ways, which was hard in itself b/c I did want to pursue my education and pay them back for the effort they put in as a loving family. Very blessed and I easily acknowledged that.

Last July in my kitchen, my father fell over as I was about to sleep for work. I’ll never forget my mother yelling for me and me sprinting to the room to find him on the floor with his eyes curling over and body turning cold. I called 911 and was doing CPR until the cops arrived. I was CPR certified and did everything I was trained i I o was looking right at him while he was passing. He passed before the cops arrived, and when they did they shocked him and I didn’t leave the room bc I was convinced I did enough to help save him. I watched his body that I already tried to save jerk several times bc of the shock but no sign of life after.

These last years changed my outlook on life. I know I’m young and should try to work toward my future but I’ve been so focused on helping elsewhere that I gave up on myself. And the events of the death are burned into my mind.

It’s been brut all to move on. I work full time and have been working towards becoming a nurse at my community college which is known to be a good program in my state. But nothing takes me away from that event, and the general last few years.

#40

Years ago, when I was about 19, I threw a huge Halloween party. I lived on a large enough piece of land to host well over 100+ people. Multiple bonfires, kegs, the whole deal. Had acres of land to have fun with, but towards the back of the property was an old decrepit treehouse that was just an accident waiting to happen. Nails sticking out of uneven and rotted wood. Made it a point to everyone there to stay away from it. Towards the end of the night/early morning I was gathering stragglers and my girlfriend wanted to watch the sunrise. I told her I’d meet her on the east side of the property after I got a friend settled. 5 minutes later, I find her asleep on the south end of the property. It had been a long day so I assumed she just dozed off waiting for the sun. With the help of a friend I move her inside to the couch and we all go to sleep.

When I woke in the morning she was dead next me. It became clear that she had fell from the treehouse, about 30 feet. Lacerated her liver and was bleeding in the brain. I have never forgiven myself for carrying her internally bleeding body and sleeping next to it when I should have gotten her help. We didn’t know what had happened until we found her phone at the top edge of the treehouse. I was later told that even if I had seen her fall, her injuries would’ve likely been fatal anyways. Still, I’m a shell since then and have a fear of getting close to anyone intimately.

#41

Parents divorce. They were together 17 years of my life, now split for 4. I grew up a daddy’s girl, my dad could do no wrong. But then I found the real dad that my judgement was clouding. Dad cheated, lied to my face when I was asked if it was because of her and told me that it was a mutual agreement (next day my mom subtly told me I was correct), he’d get upset with me for littlest things (for example he’d get upset if I was busy doing my homework instead of hanging out with him, if I wanted nothing to do with his gf, that kind of stuff). I learned of the names he’d call my mom when they got into an argument. I didn’t want them in the same room together because they couldn’t be civil unless I asked them to be. I went from “oh I wanna tell dad every little thing that happens in my life” to “ugh dads calling” within a matter of around 3 months. It’s gotten better I will admit, but seeing him goof around and stuff with his now fiancé the way he would with my mom definitely hurts.

#42

Back in January, my girlfriend had an aortic dissection while we were [making love] and needed emergency life-saving surgery. 6 stents and a bypass. Her aorta artery literally collapsed and she was losing blood flow to her brain, kidneys, and legs. The ER doctor told me that she would have died if I hadn’t taken her to the hospital when I did.
She was only 26 when it happened, which is insanely young.
Doctors kept asking me if she [used illegal substances] because this only happens to young people who OD, but I said we only had a couple drinks and were [making love]. They told me it wasn’t my fault and it was going to happen regardless. We later found out she has a genetic disorder that causes thin and fragile veins; combined with her high stress, she was constantly at risk of this happening.

It was the worst night/day of my life. Seeing my love, my high school sweetheart, laying in a hospital bed crying and saying “I’m not ready to leave you”. It broke my heart.
I’ll spare the details of transferring hospitals and waiting around for the surgery.

After a week of recovering in the hospital, she got to go home. She had her family and best friend who flew out to help take care of her.
My dad came back in state to visit her and coincidentally had an episode the first week she got home and was rushed to the ER. He had a hernia that was about to rupture. This had happened before and the doctors encouraged him to lose weight before the surgery to prevent the risk of going septic.
This time, though, they said it was urgent and they should probably operate. My dad refused and insisted on returning to work and was convinced he would shave off a couple pounds. I was so frustrated.

All while this is happening, my grandmother (who I grew up with and am very close to) was not doing good, and my mom, who lives with her on the other side of the country, had been encouraging me to visit because she doesn’t know how long she has left.

What the f**k else, right?

I juggled being with my girlfriend who was staying at her parents, and then my dad before he left back to work out of state, but my girlfriend’s family and best friend gave me so much flack when I wasn’t with her constantly. It was intensely stressful trying to balance everything.
I was with her when I could be. I changed bandages, I comforted her in really difficult nights. It was a rough recovery for her.

Two months after the surgery, when she seemed to be stable, I decided it was time to visit my grandmother.
My girlfriend couldn’t really travel from Georgia to California, due to appointments and just needing to be close to her doctors. She gave me so much s**t for leaving her. I was torn. I just wanted to go to my childhood home and see my grandmother and now my girlfriend is acting like I’m betraying her. She had been so cold to me on the phone the entire two weeks I was gone. Then I came back, and everything went back to seemingly normal. I thought about leaving her because I just feel like I am maxed out. I know she went through a lot, but I felt like she wasn’t understanding that I was also going through it.
We talked it out and have been all right since.

She is healthy and progressively getting back on track now, it’s a process. I am so incredibly grateful that she is strong and has worked through so much pain; emotionally and physically. Also, my dad is fine now. He eventually got the surgery, urgently, a month later after a similar episode. Grandma is also still hanging in there.

I have been in a pit of depression since, though, even when everything seems fine now. I can’t think straight, and I feel guilty when I don’t spend every minute with my girlfriend. I just don’t feel good about much anymore. I’ve lost drive in my passions. And I get so anxious during [intercourse] with her. I had secretly bought blue chews, and she found out without telling me and thought I was cheating on her? It eventually came up and I embarrassingly had to tell her how depressed and recently dysfunctional I was, but until then, she treated me without trust and it broke me down. Again, we talked it out and now we’re fine and reassured.. I just feel like she has always had trust issues and it really puts me on edge now. It’s hard to snap out of a 12 year relationship, no matter how unfairly treated I feel. She is seriously my other half. Everything is seemingly all right now though.

I just feel like nothing feels real anymore? My life has changed so drastically this year and I can’t snap out of it. I don’t feel present. I used to love being around anyone and everyone, but now I feel like a buzzkill deep down. Just a domino of depressing events. I have never let loose about all of this to anyone but my mom. I often dream of running away and being a beach bum or something

Thanks to whoever read this messy rant.

#43

I got assaulted while asleep in my tent
Then lost my house in a flood
Had my car broken into while i was sleeping in it
Bad break up
Sprained my ankle
Then had my car stolen

All within the time of 5 months. I still have a lot of problems with sleeping and general anxiety.

#44

Physically disciplining your kids is a pretty common phenomenon in India. Unfortunately, it has been normalised and doesn’t come across as a “big deal” because almost everyone you know has gotten spanked/slapped/beaten by their parents in the name of “teaching them right from wrong” or “disciplining”.

Just recently I came to the realisation in my late 20s that I must’ve been only 6/7 years old in the peak of my “getting physically disciplined” era. And recognising how little I was makes me sad. In the first and second grade, my mom would sit me down for hours trying to get me to do school work (homework/memorising whatever was taught/prep tests/etc.) and if I messed up, I would get slapped on my face/arm/back/basically the first place she could access. I have a vivid memory of being smacked by a long wooden ruler once so hard that it broke into two halves.

And if I started to cry at any point? She would hit me more and yell at me to stop crying. “QUIET! Absolutely quiet!” So I had to learn to hold my tears back and harden myself to not show those emotions of being hurt. And 20 years down the line, I find it hard to cry in front of people I love. It’s weird because I can cry in front of strangers easily compared to someone I know who loves me and cares for me.

Another weird/complex aspect of it was that I knew she loved me. Because outside of this, she was a doting, extremely caring and involved mother. In fact, she would feel so bad after hitting me, she would also tend to my bruises/hand imprints from slaps with ointments/etc after she was done disciplining me. Also, here’s an example of the complex behaviour— if I were to fall and get hurt, she would yell at me or smack me first for not being careful and THEN proceed to nurse my wound.

My mom finally realised that her ways were wrong and stopped any physical form of disciplining by the time I went to fourth grade. But I realise those two-ish years of getting beaten up have messed me up in many ways.

She feels extremely guilty and still apologies for it from time to time. And we have a great relationship now. But some days I think about it and have a hard time shaking the not-so-good feelings off.

TL;DR: I got physically disciplined BIG TIME by Indian mom around the age of 6/7.

#45

I was driving down the highway about 10pm and about 2 miles from home. There was hardly any traffic. 2 cars about 1/2 – 3/4 mile ahead and through all the traffic lights. There were 2 lights until my turn to home.

I was trying to find the air vent slider from hot to cold with my right hand. I wasn’t looking and kept feeling and for 30 seconds I fumbled not knowing why I couldn’t find it. I glanced with my eyes for 1 second to see where it was and then back to the road. In sheer terror, I slammed on the brakes as there were about 3-4 cars stopped at the light in front of me that were not there a second ago. The road was clear for almost 2 miles and both lights were green. Now, the light was red and cars from nowhere were stopped still.

As I looked back up and saw the cars there was no reaction time. Beas seeing the hood of my vehicle hitting the trunk of the stopped car. I closed my eyes, gripped the steering wheel and said “God, please don’t let me kill anyone else” and waited for the impact that never came.

Everything was silent and I wondered if this is what death was like, black and silent. I began to hear a noise and as it faded in to my hearing, I could tell it was the sound of traffic. I slowly opened my eyes, still gripping the steering wheel with white hands from no blood, I saw I had teleported into the median of the road and was just sitting there with a couple cars passing by.

I was stunned, disoriented and confused as to what happened. I did not fall asleep, I don’t drink or do d***s and have perfect recall of everything until my eyes closed. The cars appeared from nowhere, I saw me hitting a car but no impact, seconds later I’m 1/2 mile down the road in the median. I was a mess for a while. Then often over the years and still shaking recalling it now. I pass that spot almost daily and if I think about it I become bedridden and useless. I’ve finally considered moving after 10 years of this so I don’t have to see that spot and relive it every day.

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