We are quick to call out the bad guys for their toxic masculinity. But sometimes we overlook the women who are adding to the discourse. And dampening the spirits of other girls in their tribe…

Ladies who judge ladies for deciding to be child-free. Girls who criticize girls for wearing too much make-up, or not enough… Mothers that call out moms who opted for a C-section, or didn’t breastfeed. Often, women don’t even realise how harmful their remarks or actions are.

But thankfully there’s a whole movement of women standing up, and calling out, toxic femininity. They’re shouting loud, for those at the back. Naming the behaviors and traits that need to go down the drain, along with the likes of the Andrew Taits of the world.

Someone recently asked, “We know what toxic masculinity looks like — what does toxic femininity look like to you?” and netizens didn’t hold back. Bored Panda has put together a list of the best replies, and some might surprise you. Upvote the ones you agree with, and feel free to add your own views in the comments section below.

#1

Discrediting mothers who gave birth via c-section.

Image credits: blackberry-slushie

If you’re a woman, there’s a good chance you might agree that it’s not an easy road to walk. Or run. We carry a lot on our shoulders, and in our wombs, and get little thanks in return. So why then do we make life even harder for our fellow women?

Toxic femininity refers to a “rigid and repressive definition of womanhood, including pressures women face to restrict themselves to stereotypically feminine traits and characteristics.” That’s according to VeryWellMind. The site adds that toxic femininity is also the “adherence to the gender binary to receive conditional value in patriarchal societies.”

Basically, women feel they must behave in very traditional, “feminine” ways in order to hold a place in society, or be valued in a male-dominated world.

#2

Women should know how to cook, clean and care for kids just because they are women. As if we were born with a broom in one hand and a pot in the other.

Image credits: onlytexts

#3

Judging other women for their appearance. Being agist. Judging women for what they wear.

Image credits: PrincessTiaraLove

Us ladies are told we must be gentle, quiet, and self-sacrificing. We have to have empathy, sensitivity, and gracefulness. Be a good girl… Put up with sh*t at the expense of our happiness. All of these beliefs limit women from being their true selves. Or living their best (authentic) lives.

“If toxic masculinity encourages violence and domination in order to uphold an unequal power dynamic, then toxic femininity supports silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive,” explains VeryWellMind.

#4

Ignoring women’s childfree choices…’you might change your mind’ or ‘you never know…’.

Image credits: Nopenotme77

#5

I’m going to add to this in a very specific way. BOY MOM S**T.
When mother in laws side with their sons rather than their daughter in law even though the son is very obviously in the wrong or equally at fault. Mothers should be able to view their children, male or female, with a clear lens. You are not being a protective mother, you are being toxic. You are failing yourself, your son and their relationship because you are incapable of seeing that your son has flaws and is capable of making bad decisions like everyone else on earth. Now, other family members shouldn’t even be involved in most disagreements or arguments, but IF they happen to be, they either need to stay out of it or treat each side with understanding.
Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be an argument between the couple. It could even be something that just happens to upset/bother the mother.
My own mom has blamed my sister in laws for joint marriage decisions. They spent too much money? Automatically the woman’s fault. They eat out too much? Daughter in law should be cooking more. Kid has a cavity? Why isn’t daughter in law brushing their teeth better?!
Somehow, it falls on women. I’ve seen it within my own family and many others.
Toxic s**t.

Image credits: mooiee

#6

Pick-me behavior; “I’m not like other girls because I like (insert stereotypically male hobby here), and that alone makes me better than other women”.

Image credits: coccopuffs606

Toxic masculinity states that men are tough. There’s no time for tears or softness. And certainly no place for “girly” emotions, or anything considered feminine…

But toxic femininity isn’t so far from it. It pressures women to be “quiet, nurturing, submissive, and attractive,” notes the site, adding that ‘womanhood’ in this instance is defined in a “very shallow manner that objectifies and harms women.”

#7

Tearing other women down out of jealousy.

Image credits: fieryroe

#8

The whole “divine femininity” b******t that I see all over TikTok. I’m sick of seeing these videos of “empowered” women talking about how to find a man in his “masculinity” so you can reach your “divine feminine.” And then it’s being touted as feminism. Give me a break.

Image credits: PlentyNectarine

#9

Helpless princess – in need of rescue all the time.

Image credits: Why_So_Slow

Toxic femininity seems to be ever-changing… One minute, women are lauded for the being child-free, the next they are chastized. Today, women must wear make-up to work, tomorrow, they’re criticized for wearing too much.

“Women who adhere to toxic femininity may be rewarded in society, and those who do not may be punished, which is a dynamic enforced by those with power to maintain their power,” notes VeryWellMind.

#10

“Women weren’t meant to…”, generally followed by nonsense designed to make us weak, dependent and without societal power. I really, really worry about a lot of “soft life” content geared towards women because of this. Like, yes, hustle culture is toxic and folks should be ok not constantly running the corporate rat race, but the problem is capitalism, not your menstrual cycle.

Do you REALLY think your homemaker foremothers weren’t working hard even during their luteal phase? My grandmother was a grown a*s adult before she had a washing machine and I assure you, keeping a home was hard a*s physical work. My grandparents and parents were bound and determined that I get an education BECAUSE they realized that office work was so much easier. Unless your ancestors were wealthy, they ALWAYS worked very hard.

Image credits: bookgirl9878

#11

Smother Mothers. Moms who keep their kids dependent to them so they are always needed. Classic cause of failure to launch.

/justnomil is just full of them.

Image credits: anillop

#12

-Judging women for wearing makeup and also in turn judging women for not wearing makeup.
-Other women enforcing and judging for not fitting into societal beauty standards, I have a coworker who dresses more on the casual side for work and gets judged for it even though it’s not an issue for any authority figures at my job
-judging other women for choosing to be childless
-judging other women for choosing to be housewives
-writing off other women’s struggles and emotions that involve a toxic spouse, siding with the man because “girls are crazy”
-mothers of adult women treating them like they have no worth if they aren’t married and catering to their husbands
-expectations of weight and overall appearances that are enforced by other women

Internalized misogyny makes me so sad when I witness it in real time from the women in my life. There’s so much pressure from every angle to be a certain way, act a certain way. You’re either too much or not enough as a woman.

Image credits: atinypeach

“Rather than encouraging, supporting, and celebrating women to be fully expressed as they are, toxic femininity pressures women to feel apologetic, confused, and ashamed for their non-gender stereotype-confirming thoughts, ideas, and beliefs,” cautions the site.

And what happens? Some women don’t do perfectly normal things, like speaking up for themselves or showing confidence, because they’re scared of being judged.

#13

The constant man-hating. The women who in every single situation just suddenly go off and start yelling about how terrible all men are ever, when the situation doesn’t actually have anything to do with it.

Image credits: xxxSnowLillyxxx

#14

Skinny women not able to talk about their issues because “they have none if they are skinny”

Im sorry? Yes we do. Ive had eating disorders my whole life and been underweight but ya know who cares bc its related to being skinny.

Also the whole “housewife” thing, just because im a woman does not mean i should stay home and cook, take care of a child and clean. I want to work.

Image credits: Chezm2beme2

#15

Women who pretend to be dumb or believe that being smart is an option.

Image credits: skyepark

#16

Toxic femininity….being overly passive and people pleasing. Petty, gossipy and backstabbing.

Helpless damsel in distress who can’t do anything without a “big strong man.”

Disempowers herself. Manipulative, especially with emotions. Judgmental. Mean girl energy.

Image credits: Amrick

#17

Cattiness to women who don’t conform to the in-group.

Image credits: Trouvette

#18

Im gonna say it, but transphobia. A lot of ciswomen don’t accept trans women because “they can’t give birth” or “have periods” or havent “suffered the way real women do” but I think attributing the experience of being a “real” woman only to the fact that we suffer discredits the beautiful things about womanhood and the way we experience the world. We don’t have to suffer to be considered a woman, we just have to live as truly as we can in any way that feels true!! And i think toxic femininity is attributing our experience to the harm we face.

Image credits: Imagination_factory

#19

The first thing that comes to mind is the whole “I’m just a girl” thing. It’s toxic because the repetition and ubiquity of the “tee-hee, women aren’t people!” nonsense can normalize “women aren’t people” in people at large. F**k off. That’s not the point of the song and that’s also not cute.

Edit: Also! This has already been said elsewhere in this thread but I want to echo it: Toxic femininity is also excluding trans women, or insisting that being assigned female at birth is the be-all and end-all of being a woman. Trans women are women. Trans men are men.

**Second Edit:** Idgaf why you, personally, use the phrase “I’m just a girl” and why your own personal use is *totally* not toxic femininity and *totally* doesn’t contribute to other people accepting the idea that women aren’t people. I answered the OP’s question. Move along.

Image credits: kaeorin

#20

What a “real woman” looks like. A real woman has curves, a real woman has b***s, a real woman has an a*s.

If you’re rail thin, zero chest, no a*s, you’re looked at like a child. Most clothes are made for bigger b***s (C cup and up) or made for women that actually have an a*s. So finding a top and pants that fit and don’t sag is awful. Its demoralizing and makes you feel sub human in a way. But then you’re skinny, so you’re not allowed to talk about it and you’re not allowed to have those issues.

You people who are replying that “well I have X size b***s or I have an a*s and clothes still don’t fit!” that’s not my point. You still have a womanly body. You still look like a woman. You actually have b***s to talk about and an a*s to talk about. When you have a body that again, rail thin, no chest, no a*s, no curves, nothing; you do not feel womanly or feminine. It f***s with your head. You people are literally proving my point of those of us who are rail thin and skinny, you cannot talk about it because we will be invalided every single time. This particular issue; is hardly ever talked about. You hardly see any representation for our body type either simply because; its not a womanly or feminine body type.

Image credits: Cautious_Ice_884

#21

The sense of superiority some women have for performing “femininity” better. The gender roles are what makes it so toxic on both ends. “You’re not a real woman unless/until _____” (had kids, got married, whatever).

Image credits: zahhakk

#22

Ironically, a lot of the women who talk about toxic masculinity. The ones who call anything a man says “mansplaining” or make broad, sweeping statements about what men are or are not capable of. It’s mind blowing that they don’t see the issue in this line of thinking.

Image credits: mizmaclean

#23

“Divine femininity” as a thing to attract “high value” men. The idea that being assertive or independent means you are acting “masculine,” which will make you unattractive to men. This also ties into the trad wife and SAHgf trends on social media these days.

Image credits: 5leeplessinvancouver

#24

If toxic masculinity is men shaming men for being not stereotypically masculine enough, toxic femininity is shaming other women for not being stereotypically feminine enough examples:

S**t shaming other women for not being stereotypically demure and also shaming partners who have a higher s*x than they do for wanting to sleep with them, because women aren’t supposed to want s*x.

Being miserable as a parent but trying to get child-free women to have babies too, and having children to avoid getting a job.

Being rude to people in public, safe in the knowledge they won’t get assaulted for it,becayse they’re a weak and feeble woman.

Being critical of other women’s looks, for not being feminine enough (or of men, for being too feminine).

Image credits: MsAndrea

#25

Mormon trad wives influencers who think their performative homesteading and raising 10+ children is peak feminism. When really the patriarchal and deeply oppressive systems they were born into and brainwashed by their entire lives = they never had any other choice.

Image credits: Fancy_Documents

#26

Thinking being a woman makes you innately anything and every woman has to nurture/be even tempered/love kids/sacrifice/want to be pretty/be sweet etc. etc. to be worthy. In the same way, they think men also are innately anything, making it a toxic environment for everybody that doesn’t naturally fit the mold. .

Image credits: SnookerandWhiskey

#27

“Mean Girl” behavior, such as being catty, making backhanded remarks, talking behind people’s backs… Also that whole “I’m not like other girls” mindset.

Image credits: PDXFaeriePrincess

#28

Women who weaponize their anger, entitlement and tears.

Image credits: BeccaSez

#29

Any form of “you can’t be a woman if X” type s**t. Anything that says womanhood and feminity has to be expressed/experienced a specific way.

This can be anything from discriminating against trans women to enforcing toxic beauty standards that are incompatible with the human body.

Its hard enough to be a woman as it is, toxic feminity just makes it harder by trying to cut down other women to feel a sense of superiority.

Image credits: interstellersjay

#30

Expecting people to make babies like it’s the only option. .

#31

Tomi Lahren, Laura Loomer, and all the trad wife influencers. Internalized misogyny and denial.

#32

Women who purposely act dumb or less than to be liked, usually by men. Aka the pick me’s.

#33

I once had a stranger (woman) in a restaurant compliment my shirt and tell me the color looked good on me. I immediately thought she was making fun of me somehow and being a “mean girl”. Because that’s how other girls/women treated me my whole life. She was just being nice. The mean girl mentality is toxic and definitely scarred me. I’ve since made friends with women who lift me up as friends should. We need to stop being judgy a******s to each other.

#34

I think both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity would stem from following classical patriarchal values. Men can’t show emotions, women should be submissive and in the kitchen, etc etc.

#35

Insisting certain characteristics make you a “real woman” (having a uterus, having kids, being married, etc.).

#36

Assuming there is only one way to be a woman like having children, wearing makeup, wearing dresses, tearing other women down for not wanting to do the incredible amount of grooming (shaving, eyebrows covering your greys etc) we are expected to do.

#37

Wizard Liz.

Also men hating and how men are always wrong, have to pay for everything when.. we are fighting for equality.

#38

Judging women for being traditionally feminine.

#39

Looking down upon women in their 30s and 40s who choose to be childless.

#40

Trad wives, boy moms, dissing women who don’t have kids for whatever reason, body shaming, dissing mothers who have c sections, dissing mothers who can’t breastfeed, gatekeeping trans women,.

#41

I think that would be women who try to control other women’s choices. Ones who say everyone should have a big family and ones who say all women should reject traditional lives.

Also women who use feminism as an excuse to hate men and women who use things like false (TW) >!r**e!< accusations to control men.

#42

Supporting women’s wrongdoings.
Being held accountable should be an equal matter.

#43

– The attitude that motherhood is some sort of higher calling that all women should aspire to and be honored to participate in, and that any women who doesn’t want to be a mother, or doesn’t want to be pregnant, or “takes the easy way out” (by having a C-section or using formula or having medical care at all, etc.) is *less than*; that pregnancy and motherhood are supposed to be painful and unpleasant and we shouldn’t expect our partners to help or share any of the burden, because it’s just our lot in life to suffer and sacrifice in silence.

– That women are a monolith and all have the same stereotypical interests: pink and sparkly things, shopping, beauty, skincare, getting their nails done, fashion, expensive jewelry and handbags and shoes. Women who don’t share these are seen as “unusual” or “tomboys”.

– That women should all aspire to the physical “feminine ideals” of being thin (but not too thin) with developed breasts, hips, and butt, long hair, tasteful makeup, little to no body hair, small hands and feet, modest dress, etc. Putting down other women for being “trashy” or “masculine”, etc.

– That you should like/enjoy s*x a little, but not *too* much; that you’re mostly just doing it to keep men happy – and therefore should not experience arousal or desire in the absence of a man. That your sexual satisfaction should be derived entirely from vaginal penetration and should not require any additional stimulation.

– That certain things are either primarily or entirely a woman’s job in a (heterosexual) relationship: cooking, cleaning, decorating, childcare, the mental load of remembering appointments and birthdays and such.

– Many other aspects that boil down to internalized misogyny. That “boys will be boys” and women should keep to themselves and ignore or tolerate them, and/or take care of them and clean up after them.

– Honorable Mention: Girl Dinner. This one always bothered me because I feel like it’s making light of the fact that many women are so burnt out by having the sole responsibility of preparing 1 – 3 meals per day for themselves and others that at the first opportunity they just grab a handful of snacks to sustain themselves. I’ve heard from many women that when they were single they ate really simple meals, but once they got into a relationship, there was this unspoken (or sometimes explicit) pressure that every meal should be home-cooked and balanced, with a protein and sides.

Image credits: Charloxaphian

#44

I see so many women treat men like utter garbage now. Women are angry and thats understandable, but omg some of the man hating posts I see are insane. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

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