Nobody’s ‘perfect’ and everyone makes mistakes from time to time—especially when it comes to something as sensitive as dating. But some behaviors are so bad that they destroy any chance at romance. While some things sound like common-sense stuff to avoid doing, unfortunately, common sense is in fairly short supply these days.
In a brutally honest and insightful AskReddit thread, the women of the internet shared the things that—in their opinion—are the biggest mistakes that single men make when they’re trying to show they’re romantically interested in you. Clinginess, negging, jealousy, lying, and thinking that being nice is a personality trait are just the tip of the iceberg. Keep scrolling to find out what to focus your personal growth on and what to avoid doing if you want to leave a decent impression.
#1
Lying that you like the same things we do.
Image credits: Fluid-Vacation-3172
#2
Acting like being nice is a personality, then getting mad when you don’t fall for them immediately.
Image credits: That_Purple288
#3
Talking constant smack about their ex. Comparing us to their ex.
Like if it comes up in conversation, say what you need to say and move on. Don’t punish us for what your ex did, bro. Heal up.
Bragging about how many other women are interested in you how ✨lucky ✨I am to have been at the top of the list.
Image credits: Salt_Specialist_3206
Broadly speaking, in dating and all the other areas of your life, you want to be as authentic and deeply ‘you’ as possible. If you feel like you have to pretend to be another person just to be liked, then something’s gone terribly wrong. That being said, you should aim to be the best version of yourself that you can. Everyone has flaws they can work on. While you shouldn’t waste your time chasing ‘perfection’ (some personality quirks can be quite attractive), you should still aim to grow as an individual.
That might mean different things for different folks. For example, working on your emotional intelligence, taking better care of your health, educating yourself more, working on your confidence and self-esteem, developing your personal style, being more respectful, living with courage and curiosity, sanding down some of the rougher edges of your personality, etc. Your goal should be to become a better person, not just someone that you think others will want to date.
#4
I think a lot of men would do well to remember that they can easily overpower us, and we are always aware of that. So, fear is often present, and for good reason. Giving a woman some time to get to know you, and to see that you will be safe for her, is crucial for many women.
Image credits: Mountain_Jury_8335
#5
Showing extreme jealousy over a girl you aren’t even dating. My best friend had a small bday party, and there were mostly people I knew, and some I didn’t. A guy came up and told me I was very pretty and he liked my outfit. I said thank you and continued to see my friend. I started playing pool with her brother, and I looked up to see that same guy fuming and staring daggers at me. Bro, I don’t know you? Why tf are you grilling me like that. It came off seriously unhinged because he did it the whole party every time I socialized with any of the guys.
Image credits: Glittering-Relief402
#6
-Being clingy/desperate. Clinginess k**ls attraction. It’s not about putting on act, or being hot and cold. Just be yourself, be secure and don’t make a woman you just met the center of your universe.
-Constant low effort texts. “How’s it going” or “How is your day going” (this one especially when you barely know someone) get boring and basically require the recipient to do all the work in their reply
-Negging
-On a date, talking about yourself nonstop and not asking her any questions about herself or genuinely trying to get to know her as a person.
Image credits: Meenakshi108
According to The Guardian, some of the most common mistakes that people make at the start of their relationships include:
- Coming on too strong right away
- Being too stubborn about getting exactly what you want
- Pretending to be someone you’re not
- Not learning from your mistakes in past relationships
- Moving way too fast
- Ignoring red flags during the first dates
- Posting too much about your new relationship too fast on social media
- Ignoring the need for healthy boundaries
- Pretending there aren’t any compatibility issues in terms of intimacy
- Being far too available
#7
Ghosting or suddenly starting to mistreat her once you’ve lost interest instead of just saying it outright. The fact that you rejected me already hurts, don’t make it worse by making me feel like it’s something I did wrong that made you lose interest, you just didn’t like me for whatever reason. I’ve seen perfectly kind people be rejected in the most brutal ways because the guy felt guilty about rejecting her and couldn’t deal with those emotions, so they just started mistreating her, making her think she did something wrong.
Image credits: Overthemoon-624
#8
Trying to impress with a monologue of achievements instead of asking real questions. Listening beats bragging every time.
Image credits: Live-Scratch-2939
#9
Acting completely uninterested in women as a whole. Its not a flex that u “only find me attractive”. Like ive known u for one day and ur lying.
Image credits: CreamCheeseSandwhich
“Don’t set out your 20-year plan on the first few dates. It can be intimidating. It also means that you’ve negated the opportunity to see how things would develop naturally with that person,” psychologist and relationship expert Emma Kenny told The Guardian.
“A lot of my clients make the mistake of moving too fast in general. Telling someone you think they’re the one and you’re deeply connected to them after date one or two is not great for everybody involved.”
For instance, you shouldn’t rush to meet each other’s family and best friends for at least a few months.
#10
Making sexual innuendos to test boundaries when I don’t know you.
Image credits: Medusa17251
#11
Don’t go overboard on the talking about s*x… be able to talk about other things.
Image credits: aurora_ethereallight
#12
Not asking any questions and actually keeping the conversation going… Ridiculously basic but shocking how many men don’t understand this, including the ones that show strong interest.
Image credits: ChemistryMean3876
Dating coach Persia Lawson told The Guardian that some people tend to “put on a bit of a show” when they first start dating someone. This can be utterly exhausting! “I try to encourage people to realise it’s cooler to just be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to perform around someone, they’re probably not the right person for you anyway,” the expert said.
Furthermore, Lawson warns that everyone should respect themselves enough to have clear boundaries when it comes to dating someone.
“Be brave enough to put your boundaries up and say: ‘This is what I need and what I desire.’ A lot of people are scared to express how they want to be treated for fear of being rejected. But it’s better to know now than later. Besides, people are attracted to people who know their own worth, rather than accepting the crumbs and scraps of poor behaviour, because they think it’s all they can get.”
#13
Making it about looks, in a way that makes it obvious they’re not really looking past that. you can usually tell because they’re not complimenting your personality, taking interest in your hobbies, etc. it’s just “you’re so pretty” “your body is so hot” it can actually feel quite sad.
Image credits: highuptop
#14
Making sexist comments.
A lot of guys think variations of the comment ‘Most women are so dumb but you’re so smart!’ is a compliment. It’s not. Especially if you’re complimenting me for knowing something basic. It suggests you don’t engage many women in conversation.
Image credits: mauvebirdie
#15
Making it sexual. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you make it sexual before we meet, I’m immediately disappointed. Most of my experience post-divorce is dating online and I cringe every time a guy has ‘I love to cuddle’ on his profile. Or we start talking and within a paragraph, he’s asking to give me a massage. Just talk to women like we’re people, not sexual objects.
Adding onto this that I am very sexual and in no way avoid s*x. But if I don’t know you, I don’t want to talk s*x with you. Period.
Image credits: darksideofthesuburbs
According to dating coach Blaine Anderson, some of the creepiest behaviors that women find off-putting include things like staring, inappropriate comments, controlling behavior, unwanted social media contact, and not accepting ‘no’ for an answer.
Other major red flags, according to a post by Anderson, include unwanted physical contact, clinginess, physical stalking, and pressuring someone to be intimate.
#16
I remember when I first met my wife we had an amazing date that lasted way longer than expected. A couple hours later she texted me asking if she’d scared me off. I was super interested but didn’t want to seem too interested and she straightened me up real quick! Don’t try to play it cool by not communicating.
Image credits: SgtGo
#17
Not understanding the constraints that women face around safety. I was listening to a man talk about how frustrated he was that he wanted to pick up a first date in his car and she wanted to meet him at the restaurant.
It’s because she doesn’t want to be trapped with you if you end up wanting to hurt her. She wants to have an escape. Some guys literally try to m**der their dates. Dating can be very scary/dark for women.
Image credits: koolaid-girl-40
#18
I’ve noticed a lot of men try to “sell” themselves– make a big deal about their accomplishments, basically finding any reason to brag or bring up nice or helpful things they’ve done for others, etc. Trying to impress their date.
But in reality, it just makes you look a bit narcissistic. Its off-putting. Let your personality show for itself! If a woman is on a date with you (especially if it’s your second+ date), she has some interest in you already, you don’t have to force it.
Image credits: bingocatswithhats
What do you think, Pandas? What are the biggest mistakes that someone can make when they’re trying to show you that they’re romantically interested?
What are the creepiest, most bizarre, and disturbing ways that someone has actually tried showing their interest in you? How did you react?
What are your biggest dating red flags? We’d like to hear your thoughts on all of this. If you feel like you’d like to share your perspective, feel free to do so in the comments at the very bottom of this post.
#19
I don’t want a show, I don’t want bravado. I not a damsel in distress, I don’t need to be fixed.
Accept me for who I am, and don’t try to change me to fit your narrative.
Be genuine, listen. Your efforts do not have to be grand, maybe you heard her say that her favorite color is X and you’ll bring her something that color.
Image credits: DreadPriratesBooty
#20
Never disagreeing with me.
It’s suspicious and it’s a red flag that you’re not being honest.
Image credits: LizardPossum
#21
Failing to show basic politeness/respect during the interaction. For some reason so many don’t even do *that,* which is sad because it’s already the bare minimum…
Image credits: BatScribeofDoom
#22
Trauma dumping on the first date.
Image credits: everlylennonn
#23
I hear/ see a lot of guys think dating is some sort of formula or game. They think if they check boxes like having a job or being in shape then women will automatically be interested. And that if they “say the right things” or make them seem a certain type of way, that will result in a relationship/ s*x/ attention.
In reality that’s manipulation. Women want to date someone you have an actual connection with. Not someone who just says what they think women want to hear.
Image credits: shaylaa30
#24
“Oh I’d love to hang out sometime”
“Yeah that sounds fun ☺️”
And then he never tries to even attempt to make a plan.
Image credits: Living-Living-4211
#25
Not the “biggest” mistake, but if he won’t let me pay for my own coffee or meal on the first date, there will not be a second.
I don’t like feeling like I “owe” people things, and I don’t like it when a guy is more interested in Correctly Performing Manliness than he is in listening to a simple “no thank you.”.
Image credits: ThatInAHat
#26
Faking a friendship. So many men treat friendships with women as stepping stones for a sexual/romantic relationship and it’s gross for two reasons: it shows that they value us only in those terms, and it shows a very deep-rooted dishonesty. If you want to pursue something sexual, say it, and if the woman isn’t interested in that and you aren’t interested in a genuine friendship, move the f**k along.
Image credits: eleanorlikesvodka
#27
Just talking about themselves the whole date and not taking any interest in anything you have to say. No follow questions. And yes making lame sexual innuendos too.
Image credits: Weekly-Psychology137
#28
Trying to impress me with achievements of his parents. He might be a Mama’s boy.
Image credits: softheartlilia
#29
Pretending you want a relationship when you just want s*x.
Be honest, sometimes that is all women want too and you’re more likely to
a) find the women who want the same faster…. And tbh sometimes FWB will be more likely because it still needs to be based on respect and attraction to last, even when casual
b) stop wasting EVERYONE’S time by revealing that, after leading someone on… then turning them off by going overtly sexual and thinking that will work.
Image credits: and12345go
#30
I’ve had several men ask me when I am going to get a “real job” (I am a musician, and a pretty successful one at that) and then go on to tell me everything about their wonderful and important banking/computer jobs.
As an artist I am used to the general society thinking I am leeching off of honest taxpayers’ work and being stupid and/or lazy and all that jazz, but I would like it if the man I am dating was not one of those people.
Image credits: ingenbrunernavnigjen
#31
I’ve been told by multiple women that when a guy comments on her looks out of the gate it’s turnoff.
In other news, hot women know their hot.
#32
Being too intense about it.
#33
Expecting that paying for dinner entitles them to s*x.
#34
The speed at which they introduce sexual innuendo and s*x topics. It’s weird when people you aren’t comfortable yet start leaning in that direction,
Even when they’re “just joking,” you know it is actually probing in disguise and very transparently, at that.
#35
Trying too hard to impress instead of just being real. It comes off as fake fast.
#36
A lot of guys will either only want to talk once a week but want the women to stay committed to the concept of them, or they’ll cuss out a women they’re talking to because she didn’t answer them for 45 minutes when she was busy.
Don’t be either of those dudes. In-between is good.
#37
Brag about themselves to impress you. Sometimes even exaggerating or lying.
Don’t get me wrong, if a woman is superficial it will probably work, but then you can’t really complain when you end up in a shallow relationship and she doesn’t actually give a f**k about you.
The truth is that apart from social media, which by definition is full of shallow people, and excluding younger people who also tend to be more easily impressed by the superficial, most women are not often impressed by the same things that men find impressive. And most people don’t find bragging attractive, regardless of gender.
See: men whose dating profiles feature large fish they have caught, photos of their vehicle, photos of their boat, photos of them with attractive women. Those are all things that are more likely to impress other men than women.
#38
Texting too much too soon and not being able to pick up on how your date prefers to use texting. I use texts to make plans. I want to go out with you and get to know you face to face, not text all day.
#39
Making weird jokes too soon. Could a serial k***er joke be funny after we’ve been dating and watched the documentary together? Sure. Is it funny on the first date when you’re driving me somewhere in the dark on our first date? F**K no.
#40
Treating it like a transaction and not taking no for an answer.
You’re not going to earn my interest and you’re not going to convince me I’m wrong for not being interested. Be yourself, be a decent person, show that *you* are actually interested and the attraction will either be there or it won’t.
#41
Getting too close to you and keep touching you on the first date. And cannot sense you are feeling uncomfortable, even though you keep moving further away….
#42
Talking more than they listen. If you don’t show interest in a potential partner, she’s going to feel like you’re performing a monologue.
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