While most of us don’t have to be defined by our name, the fact of the matter is that bullying can and will happen. Similarly, and perhaps just as importantly, other adults might have some questions if a parent is getting too creative with picking a name for their offspring.

Someone asked “What baby name immediately makes you lose all respect for the parents and why?” and people shared the most atrocious examples out there. So get comfortable as you read through, prepare to raise an eyebrow or two, upvote the worst ones and add your own thoughts to the comments below.

#1

There’s a lot of controversial baby names out there. Nevaeh (which I personally don’t have a problem with), any color name, any food name, Katelyn/Caitlin/Catelyn/any other variant of this overused name, etc. But there’s one that stands out. Abcde (pronounced absidy). When I first heard of the name, I was just so disappointed. It’s a name that (no offense) seems like something a young white mother would name their kid in an attempt to be quirky.

Image credits: Lea Adler

#2

I have an issue with parents who give their kids names they think are cute and clever, without considering the impact having such a name will have on their kids. Like “Chanda Lear”, for instance. My personal brush with this was a guy I worked with named Huckleberry Finn. Nice guy, and really cute, too, but not as amused by his name as his parents apparently were. He went by Huck, and literally wouldn’t respond if you called him Huckleberry; one of the managers would page him on the walkie (we worked at Target) and liked to call him “Huckleberry”, but he would straight-up ignore her until she called him Huck. I asked him once if his parents were Mark Twain fans. He said, “no, they were just cruel.” Parents need to remember that their kids, not they, are the ones who have to go through life with the “clever” names they’re given.

Image credits: Amy Christa Ernano

#3

“Actually, it’s pronounced…” Actually, it’s probably not. Any name where they made up a pronunciation out of nothing. I’m not talking about names from different countries or cultures, I can respect that. But names where they just decided that “the B is silent” when there’s no phonological rule in their language for Bs to be silent. Or where they just in other ways decided to make up their own rules and have the rest of the world follow it. La-a. That would be pronounced La ah, right? Oh no no. I’ve heard some say it should be pronounced LaDasha. Because it’s a dash, you know. But by that same logic, it could be LaHyphena or LaMinusAh. And actually, LaDasha is the only thing it wouldn’t be pronounced as, because it’s not a dash, it’s a hyphen. A dash is longer (—). X Æ A-12. Okay, in Denmark where I’m from, we use the Æ, and I could pronounce the letters Ek-say-ah. That’s kinda pretty. But Elon Musk (who created this name) said it was supposed to be X Ash Archangel. I’m sorry, what? Æ is supposed to be Ash, because it’s elvish spelling. As a Danish person, I’m kinda offended that you use a made up language’s pronunciation over ours. And a-12 is “pronounced like archangel”? No it’s not. It may be short for archangel. But it’s not pronounced like it.

Image credits: Hope Switon

#4

Obviously inappropriate names. Once upon a time, it was acceptable to name your child ‘Gay’, or ‘D**k’. In this day and age though, things like that are totally inappropriate. Initials that spell out other words. If you want to name your child ‘Betty Emily Aimes’, go ahead. Don’t name your child something like ‘ F red A ntonio R ichard T urner’, or ‘ P oppy O phelia O livia P earson’. Yoo-neeque (Pronounced unique) Names I’ve actually met several people with regular names spelled in awful ways. I know a girl named ‘La-a’, pronounced ‘LaDasha’. I know another girl called ‘JLove’; and another girl with the incredibly unfortunate name ‘Airplane’. Yes, her name is actually ‘Airplane’. Names that are spelled strangely. If you want to name your child ‘Christina’ but don’t like how common that spelling is, don’t make up some strange new way to spell the name. ‘Kry$$teenuh’ is not going to earn that child any popularity points. Common names. There are enough names out there that you don’t need to call your child “Bob” or “Jim”. Even things like ‘John’ and ‘Harry’ are super common. Your child will constantly be turning around when someone says ‘John’, because fifteen other kids in his class are coincidentally named ‘John’ as well. Celebrity names. If you call your child ‘Donald Trump’, they’re going to be made fun of their entire life. No doubt about it. Don’t call your child ‘Ted Bundy’, either. Names that are the same as/close to their siblings’ names. I know a girl who is named ‘Maria’ who has fourteen sisters named ‘Maria’ as well. She never knows what ‘Maria’ her parents are talking to/about. If you name one child ‘Emily’, don’t call the other child ‘Emilee’. Really, all it takes to name a child is a tiny bit of common sense. Shine Bright, Jackson

Image credits: Jack Brownlee

#5

Me an my mum ran into a girl, around 6 years old. She said, my name is a-b-c-d-e! My mum laughed and told her good job on the alphabet. The parents, one of which was defiantly drunk, said that’s her name. Abcde. I could help but turn around to hide my laughter. Poor girl. This was last year oh, and Kristen, only spelled Kris-10. Like at least spell it. I like the name, if you don’t spell it like that. Also, those kinds of names makes the programming system in my dads company not work for that client, so it makes life complicated. And, I have to assume, we kids aren’t the nicest, so there’s that.

Image credits: Amber Rose

#6

Taking foreign names and butchering them because “they’re too hard to spell or say”. Yeah, it’s not English or Latin based, so it does not look familiar, if you don’t like that it is foreign, then why choose it? Aidan is not aydynn, Síobhan is not Shivaughn (wtf is that) and I will laugh in your face if your “source” is an American website with no actual credit to it when the name is Irish, check Irish websites, Gaeilge (not Gaelic) is our language, so we sort of do know what we’re talking about. Don’t take a name from elsewhere and butcher it, just don’t, and don’t give Irish surnames to your kid without checking their meaning first. Kennedy actually means “The chieftain’s helmet”, does that sound like a name for your daughter? Really? Dylan is Welsh and means “son of the sea”, Brannagh is Irish and means “Welshman”. By their very definitions, they’re not female. Cailin is pronounced “Cah-leen”, not Kay-lynn so don’t get annoyed if Irish people call you the former, thankfully, that is a feminine word and means “Girl” in Gaeilge. If you want to call your daughter these names, no one can stop you, but I will not understand why you would and if you are going to do it, learn the meaning, for the love of whatever you believe in, learn it.

Image credits: Natalie Hughes

#7

As a teacher, I regularly see names that make me cringe, though not necessarily ready to commit violence. I once had a girl named Bo-peep. Her sister Bambi was in my class the following year. I also had a girl whose first name was Rice — and her middle name was Aroni. Yes, like the ‘San Francisco treat!’ Another young lady was named Summer, which sounded great — until I saw her middle name was Eve. Yep, like the disposable feminine hygiene products. One girl was named Marriott — born nine months to the day after her parents’ wedding because ‘that’s where she was made’ (a direct quote from her dad).

Image credits: Greg Aydt

#8

“I PROMISE, I AM NOT FABRICATING THIS ANSWER… My cousin was at a general check-up at her pediatrician’s office — she was 17 and was waiting her turn to be called back. A nurse with a clipboard stepped into the waiting room and, with a VERY guilty look on her face, said, ‘I’m sorry. Is there a Sh*t Head?’ Everyone sat up and looked around, shocked. A rather disgruntled mom stood up with her newborn in her arms and said, in an annoyed and condescending tone, ‘It’s Sh-thed.’ My cousin later asked and was told it was spelled S-H-I-T-H-E-D.

Image credits: Kirsten Carlson

#9

My friends named one of their kids ‘Nissan Sentra’ (wish I was joking here) and, for their youngest, they couldn’t come up with a name that they both agreed on. They finally settled on (wait for it) ‘TEMPO ARIE’ pronounced ‘Temporary.’ The hope was the child would be able to choose her own name when she was old enough (hence the name “Temporary’). That was 18 years ago, and she’s changed her name to something far more conventional.

Image credits: Lady Jigglyhips

#10

My friend recently gave birth and heard from the nurses that someone gave birth to twins who they named ‘Sausage’ and ‘Peanut’ 💀💀💀.

Image credits: Spaghetti Hoop

#11

My cousin is one of those parents who seems to think a name should have as many unnecessary letters stuffed into it as possible. She named her first child Jhaydynn because apparently ‘Jaden’ wasn’t enough letters. Then she named her second child ‘Chelleseigh.’ That’s already absolutely terrible, but the worst part is that she pronounces it ‘Kelsey.’ We all tried to tell her that everyone would assume it was pronounced ‘Chelsea’ but she insisted that since Christina is pronounced with a ‘k’ sound, Chelleseigh can be too. Needless to say, everyone who saw the name written down pronounced it ‘Chelsea’ and when she started school, she eventually stopped correcting people and just let them call her that. When she turned 18, she had her name legally changed to Chelsea because that’s what everyone called her anyway, and she wanted a normally spelled name.

Image credits: Nicole Kos

#12

Anything that’s named after a medical condition or a medication. I’ve met a baby named Salexa. Sounds pretty right? However, Celexa is an SSRI used to treat anxiety disorders and clinical depression. The worst one I can ever recall hearing was this poor little boy named Harry-D*ck. No joke. The kid’s name was hyphenated to honor both of his grandpas (good intentions), but holy macadandy doodle, that is NOT a good name combination for a little boy to have all through his life. I’m sorry. He is going to be so badly teased.

Image credits: Meaghan Louise

#13

I was helping my cousin run a field trip. I really liked to try to address each child by their name, but this one had me stumped. It was written down as ‘L-a’ and so I’m like, ‘La?’ Nope. It was pronounced ‘Ladasha.’ That poor girl is going to spend her life correcting people.

Image credits: Katja Young

#14

There was a high school girl working at my local grocery store. I did a double-take at her name tag but decided to give it a shot. I said it as it was spelled: ‘Thank you Serria.’ She said, ‘Why does everyone call me that? My name is Sierra, just spelled differently.’ Honestly, if you are going for a different spelling, what’s wrong with Ciara or Cierra? Why would her parents do this to her? I think she is going to be annoyed for the rest of her life.

Image credits: Bob Wilson

#15

Oh, lord. I consider myself a relatively nice person but for some reason, I cannot get over the fact that people name their kids the absolute stupidest nonsense. Princess. Madam. Mister. Diarrhea. Black. Apple. Sir. Lochabeth. Any version of Caedan, Rayden, Haedaaan, whatever. Once, a person named ‘Shanie’ told me angrily, ‘It’s pronounced – SHAH-NAY.’ I’ve met a ‘Breaden’ who goes by ‘Brayden’ and a ‘Cayenne’ who goes by ‘Cheyenne.’ For the love of all things good, please learn phonics. Are people just throwing darts at the alphabet when it comes to child naming? Unique is one thing, but stupidity is another. Irrespective of what you name your child, there will likely be another person named that, there are billions of people in the world. Culturally relevant and different is one thing, but stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance are another.

Image credits: Brienne Zamora

#16

I once met a woman who had a very cute little girl in a stroller. I complimented the woman on such a pretty child and asked for her name. Mother: “Her name is See-ann.”
Me: “What an interesting name. How do you spell that?”
Mother: replied, “ S E A N”
Me: “Isn’t that Sean?”
Mother: “AUUUUGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Why do people keep saying that!? So many ignorant people in this world!!!!!!” And she storms off in a huff.

Image credits: Mathew HeathVanHorn

#17

The only people who would name their baby something stupid or bad or inappropriate are people who hate their child. I don’t care if you think it’s unique or special, it’s not cute. No one thinks it’s cute. Especially their classmates. One couple, I’m sure everyone know, Elon Musk and his girlfriend “Grimes” A.K.A Claire Boucher, had a baby recently. I mean everyone knows this baby. I can’t even with the name. If you haven’t already known that, we’ll then they had a baby, X Æ A-12. Yeah. I’m not joking. How the hell do you even pronounce that? I feel bad. X Æ A-12 is going to be bullied… a lot. I mean his girlfriend has always been “Unique” but this is just too much.

Image credits: Mary Berry

#18

When I was around 6 or 7…my dad took me to the doctors. It was a normal day like any other, but I noticed a girl sitting across from me. She looked about my age and had the biggest smile on her face. I then heard the nurse call her name… Precious… Butts? Yes… that was her name. Precious Butts. I was so shocked when I heard that and I tried so hard not to laugh. A couple years later, my dad and I went to Home Depot to pick up paint and who were we checked out by… none other than Princess, Precious Butts’s SISTER, It was great lol

Image credits: Kelsey Whiteman

#19

If you are a mother who just gave birth to twins, would you fall off the bed knowing that your husband wants to name your twins: CORONA and COVID ?…Some mother may put her foot down, “Over my dead body.” While others may be ecstatic and jubilant. Yes, I am talking about the latter. An Indian couple in India’s central state of Chhattisgarh has named their newborn twins Corona and Covid amid the coronavirus pandemic. The twins, a boy and a girl, were born at a government hospital in the state capital Raipur on March 27, two days after the lockdown came into force disrupting daily lives… In the interview:- The parents who insist they are hoping to ‘ease the anxiety and fear associated with these words’… Can you beat that?

Image credits: Arkaneh Urairat

#20

When my wife was giving birth to our first child, it was in an OB room with another woman who was giving birth as well. I haven’t seen that in years, but it was definitely a thing in 1992. Anyway, the girl in the next bed next to us named her baby ‘V*gina.’ Yup, you read it correctly. Her family argued and pleaded with her not to for over an hour. Her stance was that it was the most beautiful word she could think of, and she would NOT be swayed. Obviously, we aren’t 100% sure what happened, but when we were finally moved to a single room, she was still standing her ground, and they definitely had paperwork being filled out around them. So, to our knowledge, that baby’s name is, in fact, V*gina.

Image credits: Dennis D

#21

A lady in my hometown gave birth to a little girl and named her: F E M A L E. Pronounced ‘Femahly.’

Image credits: Becky Wilder

#22

I had a classmate in school called Wayne, surname Kerr, making him a ‘Wayne Kerr.’ Then, I had another mate called ‘Paul Meacock’ but, as he said, it could have been worse, he could have been Russian and named Paul Meacockov!!

Image credits: Jon Wisbey

#23

I have spent years in government work, as a probation and parole officer, as a DSS investigator, and as an educator. The names I have seen are: ‘Female’ (pronounced Fe-maul-e). ‘Debris.’ Yes, like trash. Twins named ‘C*caine’ and ‘M*rijuana.’ (Feel free to look them up in the South Carolina Department of Corrections. This may come as a shock, but they were convicted on drug charges). Twins ‘Orangejello’ and ‘Lemonjello’ (pronounced Or-ang-elo and Lem-on-jelo). ‘UrMajesty,’ ‘UrHighnessV*gina (pronounced Fa-gi-nuh),’ Abcde (pronounced Ab-suh-day).

Image credits: Stuart Stevenson

#24

I used to be a school bus driver. One day, doing an unfamiliar route, I stopped at my next kid’s house to pick them up for school. I did a double-take at the girl’s name on my clipboard. Her first name read: BikiniWanna! I’m like, ‘Who on earth would name their child that?!’

Image credits: YaNayNay

#25

‘Tequila.’ ‘C*caine.’ Both are actual names. My friend’s sister was a neonatal nurse. They weren’t supposed to criticize whatever name parents had chosen. One mom wanted to name her daughter ‘Chlamydia.’ She had no idea what it was. She just thought it was pretty. My friend’s sister felt obligated to tell the new mom what it meant. The new mom had no idea what it meant. She just thought it was pretty. She thanked the nurse for letting her know what it meant.

Image credits: Cmm21

#26

I once went to school with a kid named ‘Suburban’ and his brothers were named ‘Service,’ ‘Sation,’ and ‘Shulasses’ (pronounced Shoelaces). One of my client’s also told me that she knew a child named ‘Pain.’ Please, parents, choose better. I can’t stand the kid possibly paying so much to change their name because of something dumb the parents chose. Smh.

Image credits: Ashanti Harris

#27

My grandmother’s mother’s name was Rhoda so my grandmother named her fourth child after her mother. She did not stop to consider how it would pair with our last name. Our last name is ‘Rockett.’ So her named was ‘Rhoda Rockett.’ Just effin’ mean, man.

Image credits: Delores Rockett Hall

#28

Ok, not loss of respect, but maybe lack of wisdom A long time ago (1996), in a place far away (Los Angeles), Alex, a buddy of mine, a really righteous man was debating names for his soon-to-be-born son. His favorite literary character also a righteous man. Atticus Finch from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird Yes, that Atticus Finch. For those of you who didn’t pay attention in school, To Kill A Mockingbird is a work of fiction about Tom Robinson, a black man who has been falsely accused of raping a young white woman. Atticus Finch is the attorney appointed to defend Robinson and he and his family pay a heavy price. Alex wanted to name his son Atticus after Atticus Finch. I get it. It’s not uncommon to name your kid after someone who you respect. After Obama was elected, The name “Malia” moved up 153 spots to No. 192 as popular daughter’s names. Maliyah? More Americans are Naming their Daughters After Malia and Sasha Obama . Or think of all the Marias, Jesus’ and Jose’s in Latino culture. But, you have to be careful about naming your kid something very unusual. Children are cruel. I told him, look, let’s be real. You’re 5′7″ and skinny, your son not likely to be a big guy. Do you really want to give him a name that’s gonna get him into fights? Addendum Here’s one that made me lose respect for a complete stranger A couple in the Indian state of Chhattisgarh have named their newborn twins Corona and Covid.

Image credits: Carver Farrow

#29

Any extremely unconventional name that attempts to force an unwitting child to endure humiliation to make their parents feel creative. Fun fact: no amount of misplaced creativity will make little Apple or LaTreena or Cloud or Kal-El someone cool or smart or respectable one day. That will take the thing you won’t do: amazing parenting.

Image credits: Dan Bradbury

#30

“Ghetto” or “hood” names. As a black woman, I find it extremely repulsive when people in the black community give their children names like “daquan,” “shaniquah,” “unique,” “Antwon,” etc. My name is Elizabeth, and my children are Elise, Joseph, and Walter. I have, what some may call, a “white” name, but I wouldn’t say so. “Names are a symbol of class,” my mother used to say, and I can’t exactly say she was wrong. In my opinion, naming your child with a “ghetto” name is the same as white rednecks naming their child Cletus or Boomer. When you give your child a low class name, they may be fine with it if they stay fine with being low class, but names like “Laqisha” will quite possibly cause problems with landing jobs and being taken seriously. Have you ever met a doctor named Laqisha?

Image credits: Annalise Cameron

#31

My English teacher, when I was in the 8th grade, took a really long break of almost 4 months and returned back with chocolates in hand and we were beyond happy. Free s**t, happy Keerthana. However, it was kinda sus because why would she give us anything when she looks at us like we’re pests? She told us that she delivered her babygirl and I obviously congratulated her and all. The kid was 15 days old and during the 10th day, in the Indian culture, we name the child. We were obviously excited to know what the name was going to be and do you know what it was? ‘Puropara Hanada’. What. The. F***k. Frack. Fuckity. Frack. S**t. Is. This? We were literally judging her so much and I wanted to talk to her last remaining braincells and ask them, “Oh, I’m sorry, what were you thinking? Did she hire you from God after bargaining or something? Did she not pay the advance? Is the interest rate too low? Why is you no working?????” Ing. Ing. Ing. #Rhymeby. The name has no meaning, no backstory and it was chosen cause it apparently sounds ‘cool’. I’ll disown my husband/family members if they even think o f such a stupid name. There. Stoopid.

#32

Moe Lester. I have literally nothing to say. How careless were his parents!? 2. Airwrecka Mcbride. Was her name supposed to be a “cool” variant of Erica? Because it’s not cool. At all. Also it sounds an “airplane wreck,” which is never cool, you know. It reminds me of 9/11. 3. Jesus Condom. Think about the shame this kid must have went through in his life. I get it, the “Condom” part was his surname. But any normal parent must have surely changed his surname! 4. Ben Dover. I don’t know. Does this sound somewhat inappropriate? I could see his parents being exempt from my list, but I don’t know. I really don’t know…. These pictures were all from the internet. Which means, they could be fake. But in this huge world of seven billion people, there must surely be some parents who intentionally or unintentionally name their children inappropriate names. Even if they were unintentional, this shows that they take their duties to raise their children not very seriously. They were either too careless to think about their children’s names, or they intentionally named their kids a joke.

#33

People ask me ALL the time where I got my name. I was born in North Central Germany. My name, Silke is pronounced more like Zilkeh. When I was born, my parents were planning to emigrate and wanted me to have a name that reflected my heritage instead of one that blends. When I was in grade school and high school,, some tried to pronounce it correctly. Others turned it into a joke. When I reached university, one professor, teaching a class of three hundred gave it the old college try. It came out as Silky. And that stuck. By that time, I could take it with better humour and have lived with it since. It did get a bit funnier when I got married and had my family name changed to Force. Most of the jokes quickly got old after that. No, I have never danced on tables, or performed as a stripper. Yes, the Force is with you. No, I’d rather not be called Cotton, and I would so much prefer not to be Felt. I am not related to the Selkies of the British Isles, and therefore am not entitled to drown my lovers in the morning. Though I can always make an exception. But there was one team that came up with the absolute best reaction. The CBC crew of a lovely interviewer had a silent bet going that Silkie Force was a pseudonym because I was calling in a freelance report from a Middle Eastern country. They thought it would be a fabulous name for a James Bond bad girl. My parents meant no ill when they gave me a non-Canadian but traditional name. My parents deserve respect for doing the best they could. They didn’t know that it would lead to mockery. I am not so sure that I can respect the parents of Sterling Silver, Jack Pine, Mike Hunt or Gayle Force, simply because they’re setting their children up for a lifetime of being teased

#34

A friend of a friend had a baby named Yvonne. I LOVE that name (it is my daughter’s middle name) but this poor child wasn’t going to be called Eee-Von or Eh-von. She was going to be called Why-von-eee – spelt Y.V.O.N.N.E. **insert eye roll emoji** Another thing that immediately makes me lose respect for parents and make all kinds of assumptions about their intelligence etc is the appearance around a child’s neck of those God-awful, pseudoscientific amber necklaces. The sight of them around a baby’s neck screams to me “I ha…

#35

I knew someone else who named their child Danica, which I liked, but called them Dinky. When I asked why they called her Dinky, I was told they thought she was going to be a boy, but when they saw the ultra sound they said if she had a p*nis it was dinky, and it stuck so they found a name they could make “Dinky a nickname for. I considered naming my daughter Danica when I was pregnant, but as we had already chosen to give her a family name in the middle and it would have made her initials DAM, we chose not to. Gag names are what I tell children are a funny once. They can be cute at first, but get old fast. Christopher, Red, Blu, Dooble, Holly and Bo should be off the table if your last name is Cross. No Theodore, Karen, Griz, Honey, Dawn, or Grinan, (yes, I met her), if your last name Bear. No Liberty, Clara, Catherine, Kathleen or any other name that can be turned into “Cat”, if your name is Bell. No Sage, Leaf, Sea, Forrest, or Lincoln if you are a Green. You may think it is a witty play on words, but it will stop being funny before they are out of grade school. By the time they are adults, they will most likely hate it. But the worst one was when someone proudly told me, (in the early 1990s), that she was naming her son Sauron, because her ex-boyfriend said that was the name of the hero in the Lord of the Rings books. I told her to read the books before she gave birth, because Sauron is NOT the hero.

#36

Too unique Disclaimer, this is just my opinion. No shame for people who actually have these names. Some unique names are cute, like Nevaeh, Loki, Miracle, Jubilee, Sky, Rain, River, etc. But names like Apple, Airwrecka, airplane? No. 2. Beware spelling Mary Anne is a very nice name. But it can also be spelled Maryanne, Marianne, Mariann, Marie Ann, etc. Same goes for Catherine, Sarah, and Riley. Lovely names, but can be easily butchered. 3. Too common Leah, Sarah, Matthew, and Bella are lovely names. But there will likely be a million more of those names at the child’s school. 4. Too old Some older names work. Like George, Mary, Elizabeth. Constance and Watson are pushing it. Gardner, Cordelia, Ethelfritha, Gertrude? Nope. 5. Butchering Names Madison, Haley, Frederick, Sarah. Good. Madyson, Frederic , Sara. Also good. Madysiin, Frydyriq, Saraa. No. Don’t butcher perfectly good names for no reason. 6. Places Virginia, Asia, America, Holland, Canada China. Fine. But Saskatchewan? Syria? Seychelles? No!!!!! It depends on the name of the place. 7. Fictional Characters Percy, Annabeth, Steven, Angella. Okay. Hermoine, Cullen, Katniss, Severus. No. 8.

#37

Giving girls names traditionally associated with boys. Obviously I’m a recipient of same. I like that my name sounds good with my maiden name. Beyond that, it’s been a huhYOOGE pain in any number of ways. Then there are the bo cutesy versions: Charlie, Charlie, Charli, Charlee Tommi, Tomi Bobbi, Bobbie, Billie – these are not recent vintage. I know a Bobbie who’s over 60, and new someone whose grandmother was named Billie. Or Billy. Michael. Really I also can’t stand it when people give their kids names that are more commonly seen as surnames. I’ve met people whose first names were Page, Sloan, Watson, Walker, Sutherland, and Cunningham. And the currently popular Madison. Or Madysyn. (Yes, I’ve actually seen this). I guess they think it makes their kids sound ‘classy,’ in a Masterpiece Theatre-ey kind of way. Oddly, you never see a kid whose first name is Kowalewski or Weinstein, or Alafouzos or Schimmelschmidt. Then there…

#38

This reminded me of three names that made me cringe for the poor girls that had them. The first was a 16 year old girl named Heaven. She was a cashier at a gas station I used to stop at a lot and she heard almost every variation of “how do I get into Heaven?” by every creeper that she rang up. She handled herself well, but she told me how old it got and how much she hated her name. The station would not allow her to remove her name tag or use one with anything other than her legal name (so no middle name or anything). The second was my neighbors’ firstborn- a little girl named Desire. Her name was given in such a heartfelt way. They had tried for many years to have a child with many miscarriages and a stillbirth. She was their heart’s desire more than anything. But still, I know that name will be difficult to live with. The last was a young woman that was in some of my university classes with me. Her name was Princess. Her parents gave her that name when she was born right after they arrived in the US. She said they chose it because they wanted her to have a name in English for their new life in America, and picked what they found to be pretty and feminine even though they didn’t speak any English. She said she would never change it out of respect for her parents and how much they sacrificed for her to be born in the US, but she wished they picked something else pretty much daily. Another name with a sweet meaningful story that had unfortunate consequences for the child.

#39

I am not sure if the parents knew what they were doing when they did this to their little girl but this is a real story because I knew this person myself – I worked with her. She was married but had chosen to keep her maiden/birth name. Her name was Brenda Jean but went by BJ and her last name was D**k. She was BJ D**k, and into adulthood endured the jokes, calls and proposals she received! The other name I read in a wedding announcement in our local paper. The gentleman’s last name was Register and his parents named him Cash. It may have seemed cute to the parents of Cash to name him Cash Register but I’ll bet he didn’t appreciate it…and for BJ, I never understood if she hated it so much why she didn’t take her husband’s last name or just go by her first name. I think she may have enjoyed the attention she received from it. She was an older lady and it is possible her parents had no idea what they did or what it meant. I can’t say the same for Mr. and Mrs. Register’s naming of their son.

#40

I didn’t lose respect for my parents over this, but I was rather frustrated about it.
When I started school, first day of first grade, my mom took me to my classroom and introduced herself to my teacher. While they were talking, my teacher asked me to find my desk. She had written all the students names on a card taped to their desk. I assume it was to see which children knew how to spell their names. I knew how to spell my name, “Jan”, but after looking for but not finding my name, I went to her and said I couldn’t find my desk. She concluded that I didn’t know how to spell my name, so she took me to my desk. The card taped to my desk said “Janice”. My parents had named me Janice Ann, but I was always called Jan. I told her that wasn’t my name. She was a wonderful, understanding teacher and she changed my card to read “Jan”. It was also frustrating when my school mates asked me what my middle name was. When I answered “Ann”, I was teased because Jan Ann sounds funny together. I would have to go through the whole explanation that my real first name is Janice and Jan is my nickname. I wish my parents had either called me Janice or had given me just the name Jan, with a different middle name of course.

#41

I’m actually all for unusual names. I follow a trans guy on TikTok who chose the name Buckle. He seems super rad, and Buckle fits him well. I’ve seen people who name themselves Frog (said trans guy also goes by Frog), Rat, Socks, Fish, Moth, heck I saw someone on Quora name themselves Soda once. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that unusual names aren’t inherently bad. In fact, most of the time they’re pretty cool. However, if there is one name I highly suggest not naming your child, or you naming yourself, that is: Adolf. Anyways, thank you for coming to my TED talk! -Nick

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