Many years ago, the great Dutch philosopher Erasmus of Rotterdam wrote his famous treatise called “The Praise of Stupidity”. A lot of time has passed since then, and people continue to do incredibly stupid things and, moreover, willingly talk about how they did them, and how they felt doing them.
On the other hand, if a person realizes that what they once did was really stupid, this means at least they have realized their own mistake and will try not to make it in the future. Well, or at least they will do new silly things… But then, many years later, there will be something to remember and tell friends and relatives about!
There is an incredible thread in the AskReddit community whose topic starter asked just one question many years ago: “What is the stupidest thing you’ve done?” The result was around 17.2K upvotes, over 16.3K different comments – and such deposits of human stupidity of various levels that Erasmus of Rotterdam, if he had read this thread, would have continued his treatise in at least three more new books.
But the great philosopher died in 1536, and we at Bored Panda are here, alive and well, and have collected for you a selection of the best comments from this epic thread. So now feel free to scroll to the very end, enjoy these amazing examples of stupid deeds – and please solemnly swear not to do them like the authors!
More info: Reddit
#1 Thinking That One’s Own Hand Is Somebody Else’s
I woke up one night. Saw a hand on my pillow. Started to freak out, froze. Waited. Decided I’d move. Screamed and jumped when the hand moved.
It was my hand.
Image credits: Empty_Allocution
#2 Killing A Pint Of Vodka, Straight, On A Dare
Let’s see, where to start.
I once killed a pint of vodka, straight, on a dare. Spent the rest of the night ralphing.
I fell for a prank of laying a stick across a shovel handle and then stomping the shovel spade to see how high the stick would go.
I had my windshield tinted to 5% on my car.
I sent a Nairobi prince some cash so I’d get a big return. I really did.
I voted for Ross Perot in ’92.
I volunteered for several things in boot camp without knowing what they were.
I rear ended a cop car. During the questioning, I got the involuntary giggles and when the cop asked if I thought it was funny, I said “Yes.”
In little league, I chased a ball under the bleachers from the back side. Imagine running fast as the bleacher seats get lower and lower. Cracked my head open.
Hit on a starting linebacker’s girlfriend at a frat party. I even knew it was his girlfriend.
Noticed my “low oil pressure” light on in the car; decided I could make it to the next exit 10 miles away.
Took bowling as a HYPERS class in college. Cheated on the final exam and got caught.
Decided to jump in the water to p**s; left the boat in gear.
Spent a half hour trying to pick up a quarter someone had super glued to a sidewalk.
I’m really not as dumb as all this sounds. I’m just…impulsive.
Image credits: No-Mas-Pantalones
#3 Taking An Hour Ride In The City Instead Of A 10 Minute Walk
One of my ex’s and I met in the city. We always went on dates in the city and never close to where we lived. I had just moved to the area, I had heard of the place he lived in but didn’t think it was close to where I lived, and never really thought about it. Then I started staying over at his place, and when I was going home the following afternoons I would take the tram into city centre (~20 minutes) and then get the bus to my house (another ~40 minutes). I honestly thought the village he lived in was far from my house so I took the route I knew. Turns out he lives a 10 minute walk away. I did this like 8 times. 
Image credits: yikesididitagain
#4 Talking Something Bad About A Guy Sitting At The Backseat Of One’s Car
I once started talking s**t about a friend who I’d forgotten we had just picked up and was sitting in the backseat of the car. This one still keeps me up at night. 
Image credits: Mutt1223
#5 Not Taking The Keys After Finally Finding Them In The Flat
Late for work, running around the house looking for my keys. Ran upstairs, saw them on the desk, pointed at them and said to the air, “There they are.” I was nearly to the front door before I realized I didn’t actually pick them up.
Image credits: joshuastronomy
#6 Putting An Umbrella Handle In One’s Mouth And Pushing The Button To Release The Umbrella
I put an umbrella handle in my mouth and pushed the button to release the umbrella.
I thought the umbrella would shoot out the front of my mouth and open. Instead the handle extended back into my mouth and broke my front teeth.
No idea why I thought that.
Image credits: pentarou
#7 Stapling A Finger To See If Stapling A Finger Was Possible
I stapled my finger to see if stapling my finger was possible. can confirm, it is. 
Image credits: nourryburrito
#8 Losing An Opportunity With A Girl Of One’s Dream
The girl of my dreams came back to my place after dinner and drinks, we had been friends for a long time but never a hint of anything more.
I was in a sleeping bag, on the floor. She told me “Hey, you can jump up under the quilt to get warm” and my response was “Oh, this sleeping bag is really warm!”
It wasn’t until the next day that I realized what I had done.
…Wow. Thinking about this makes me really depressed đ 
Image credits: anon
#9 Accidentally Calling A Student That Just Passed Away
I work as a substitute middle school teacher. At the beginning of each day the kids listen to the announcements. One time they announced that one of the students who had been battling cancer passed away the night before.
So me, being the great guy I am, give the students five minutes of time to sit quietly and reflect. Then I decide to lighten the mood by calling attendance, so I use a bizarre inflection to entertain the students.
Called out “Tyler?”, no response. Call it out again, no response. Finally one student piped up and said that was the kid that died the day before.
This was after I called his name out several times with differing tones of voice to be comical, while all the students saw was me bashing the dead kid. F**k.
Image credits: iKNOWpeoples
#10 Asking A Barber What He Does For A Living
Barber while cutting my hair asks ”what do you do for a living?”. I replied “I’m an accountant. You?”
Image credits: anon
#11 Shaking An Open Juice Pack As The Label Said ‘Shake Well Before Use’
Opened up a carton of orange juice and noticed it said shake well before use. Proceeded to violently shake the holy hell out of the carton as it rained vitamin C goodness over the kitchen and me. Housemate walked in and asked “what the f**k is wrong with you?” as if I’d done it on purpose and was thorougly enjoying my OJ shower
Image credits: Lridm
#12 Mixing Up The Trash Bin And The Speaker
One time I went through the drive thru at Dunkin donuts and stopped at the trash can instead of the speaker for about 5-8 minutes repeatedly saying “hello?”
Image credits: Johngdetti
#13 Calling A Girlfriend A “Big Girl” For Finishing Her Dinner
Called my girlfriend a “big girl” for finishing her dinner.
Image credits: Jenkins92
#14 Greeting “Hey Are You Home?” As The Home Owner Was Inside
Friend came to my house. Knocked on my door. When I answered it I was greeted with “Hey are you home?”
Image credits: anon
#15 Asking A Friend If He Had Got His Car Back From The Garage While Sitting In It
I asked my friend if he had got his car back from the garage while we were sitting in it…I am not a smart man.
Image credits: MGutty94
#16 Asking Why Don’t Wheelchairs Have Pedals For When Your Arms Get Tired
Not me, but a friend of mine was dead serious and asked why don’t wheelchairs have pedals for when your arms get tired.
Image credits: 5up7
#17 Understanding A Girl’s Words Literally During A Heated Moment
Back to girls house after dinner. She has early class the next day so gets ready for bed, but says I can stay and keep her company for a while.
Laying in her bed, she’s in silk pajamas, I’m fully clothed. We’re just talking. I start running my hand up and down her back. She says “mmmm…. you’d better stop that, I’m getting turned on”
So I stopped.
Like a F*****g idiot.
Image credits: rayzerdayzhan
#18 Mishearing One’s Friend In A Very Stupid Way
Last weekend my friend asked for a ride across town since he left his phone at a bar the previous night. Somehow I heard “car” instead of “phone” so dropped him off and drove home. I don’t answer calls while I’m driving since I’m a bad driver too, so didn’t realize I missed three of his calls til I got home. I’m sure there’s others but my memories going pretty fast as well.
Image credits: Fiddlesticks2468
#19 Thinking That One Had Lost Their Phone, Although It Was In Their Hands
Unable to find my phone, in a complete state of panic, sending my friend a text asking
“Dude, did I leave my phone at your place? I can’t find it anywhere!”.
He replied “… what are you using to send this text, genius?”
I have never, in my life, been so ashamed.
*EDIT :* To clarify, this was quite a few years ago, before smartphones and Google Voice. We’re talking some of the first color-screen Nokias here.
Image credits: CreepyPancakes
#20 Deliberately Stucking One’s Feet In The Spokes Of The Bike’s Front Tire
I was riding my bike and wondered what would happen if I stuck my feet in the spokes of my front tire.
Answer: Flipped over the handle bars, broke my two front teeth and road rash on half my face.
Image credits: jingle_hore
#21 Searching For A Backpack, Eventually Realizing It Was On Their Back
Missed the school bus and potential rides to school one morning because I couldn’t find my backpack, eventually realized it was on my back.
Image credits: tmntnut
#22 Smashing One’s Nose In An Attempt To Seduce A Boyfriend
After a night of drinking, we went back to my then-boyfriend’s place to chill. He turned on the tv, but I had other ideas. I pulled the rolling chair away from his computer desk, placing myself between him & the tv. I turned the chair backward threw my leg over in what I thought was going to be a seductive manner, whipping my hair a little. Ended up putting my foot down on the edge of the wheelie part on the other side, rolled my ankle, and my momentum carried me all the way over to the floor. I hit the ground, the chair back smashed my face, and my nose started bleeding. Not my brightest moment. 
Image credits: Shut_the
#23 Offending One’s Girlfriend With Some Misplaced Wit
When my girlfriend asked why I am always late when going to her place, my response was “Im only late for things that aren’t important”.
Image credits: pm_me_ur_vajj
#24 Running Into The Mirrors Thinking They Were Open Windows Or Like Portals To Another World Or Something
When I was younger I got kicked out of ballet class because I kept running into the mirrors thinking they were open windows or like portals to another world or something.
Image credits: JuniperLeaf
#25 Mistakenly Thinking That That “Eth” Is A Letter
In a spelling bee I spelled the word python:
“pee” “why” “eth” “oh” “en”
I was quickly reminded that “eth” is not a letter, though to this day I think that maybe it should be.
Image credits: _Scarecrow_
#26 Constantly Thinking “I Can Probably Make This Jump”
“I can probably make this jump”. Every. Single. Time. 
Image credits: Rap15t
#27 Trying To Catch A Falling Phone With One Finger
I asked my wife who was upstairs to drop my phone down to me. As it was falling I thought it would be cool to catch a phone with one finger. It wasn’t.
Image credits: PM_ME_ROBOTS
#28 Wrongly Turning To Two One-Way Streets In Sequence
I turned left onto a one way street (where I should’ve went right), not SO bad until I panicked and then did U-Turn around the median onto yet another one way street… still going the wrong way.
Enter my first (and only) car accident.
Image credits: amy1651
#29 Not Recalling Right And Left Off The Top Of One’s Head
I like to think I am not stupid, but I have one memory gap that leads people to believe I am dumb as soup.
I cant f*****g recall right and left off the top of my head!
It is so f*****g frustrating! 
Image credits: iwannabefreddieHg
#30 Drilling Into The Side Of One’s Thigh With A 10mm Drill Bit While Drilling Holes In A Flower Pot
I drilled into the side of my thigh with a 10mm drill bit while drilling holes through the bottom of one of my girlfriends flower pots.
Edit: This was just a few seconds after it happened before it started bleeding. The bruising is from my skin wrapping around the drill and pulling away from my flesh.
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Image credits: Sy27
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