We at Bored Panda recently discovered a discussion on Reddit, started by user Hiircine, who asked: “Parents who regret having kids: why?”
After going through the 5,000 comments it has received so far, we started digging around the internet, to see if the popularity of this thread was a result of the platform’s algorithm or if it’s a topic that people find really important.
Now that we’ve done our research, we can confidently say that the latter is true. So we compiled some of the honest confessions and made this list in an attempt to give voice to those who often don’t get the chance to explain their opinions
Just remember, you don’t need to agree with them to empathize. These are just people who want to tell others how they feel.
#1
Some days it’s hard not to regret it. I have a 6 year old with severe ADHD (brain trauma at birth), and an autistic 4 year old still in diapers. My wife is active military and I had to leave a very lucrative job to take care of them. I love them, but occasionally I have to chant that to remind myself that I do.
Image credits: Veloreyn
#2
All you need is a special needs kid to think something along the lines of “I wouldn’t want him to die or anything, but if I could go back to before he was conceived I’d do things differently.”
Image credits: meoka2368
#3
Because kids aren’t the life completer we believe they are. Actually they take away from your quality of life daily. My kids are 13 and 11 and they STILL mess up my daily life. Worst of all is I love them so much I couldn’t do without them even though they disturb my peace all the time. I do not reccomend having children. Maybe one but not necessary. We perpetuate the species needlessly.
Image credits: Uniqueusername121
#4
Losing so much of yourself, your partner, and your freedom is what’s worst in the beginning, but as my children get older, I’m realizing how fatherhood has revealed the worst parts of my character. Petty, angry, short-tempered, remote…I don’t recognize the person I have become; I’m afraid I’ve been unequal to the task of parenthood, and in the process it turned me into less of a person.
Image credits: eyesopenarmscrossed
#5
When my kids were young, Columbine happened. I realized that I had brought kids into a terrible world. I regretted it for a long time.
Then they had heartbreak from young love, and I regretted it again.
I hated that me wanting kids of my own caused those kids to hurt in a way I couldn’t protect them from.
But they’ve grown up to be happy, healthy independent adults and I’m very proud of who they have become.
Image credits: lcotemi
#6
My life turned into a living hell when my oldest son was a teenager.
He started using drugs at 14, he was arrested for breaking into cars at around the same age. Things continued to escalate and we had no control of him, we tried everything. He continued to use drugs, he sold drugs. The state of Florida has a law that the parents are responsible for the minor until the age of 18. He could not be emancipated because he was not financially independent and we couldn’t afford to support him outside of our home. So we were forced to keep him in our home. It was 4 years of living hell, I had 2 breakdowns and our marriage was torn apart. He was a good kid until age 14, smart in school, and neither my husband nor I used drugs. There’s no guarantee how your kid will turn out.
Image credits: itsmejuli
#7
It fills me with fear and worry about their future. It’s like having your heart outside of your body. I don’t want to live but I have to for their sake, and I know there’s so much out there I can’t protect them from.
Image credits: MarkHirsbrunner
#8
I can’t say I “regret” having had kids, but I often think my life would be better had I not. Parenting is difficult under the best circumstances, but it’s a roll of the dice. If you have a child with medical or developmental problems it is a tremendous drain. I feel like I’ve aged about 20 years in the last 5, like I’m just a ghost of my former self.
Image credits: level 1 Noctudeit
#9
I wasn’t ready to stop being selfish. I’m only two years in so it’s still the intense stage, but parenting so far has just been relentlessly exhausting. I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me, definitely [took out] any semblance of spontaneity in my life.
Image credits: camelican
#10
I love both my sons but if I could do it all again I wouldn’t. I got pregnant young and did not know that I would pass my bipolar onto them. They both suffer from really bad depression. Trying to raise them when I was in and out of hospitals was hard and did them a disservice.
Now they are grown and they rarely make time for me. Mother’s Day and my birthday is a quick text or mention on Facebook. My youngest tells me I’m the only family member that accepts him when he has mental issues but that’s the only time I ever hear from him. The oldest is even worse. I cry on a regular basis that I wish they would be closer to me.
Long story short I did my best but it didn’t matter.
Image credits: tammage
#11
I love my children more than anything else in this world. Words can not describe the type of love I feel for them. But at the same time, I do regret having them. I regret being the person that I have become as a parent. I was always carefree and spur of the moment.. now I’m careful and if plans aren’t set in stone, they likely won’t happen.
I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile.
I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they’re pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it’s exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to “check out” of reality from time to time.
With all that being said, there is not a thing I wouldn’t do for my children. They will always be my babies. They are amazing little creatures. My boys play travel baseball and I wouldn’t trade long nights at the ball fields for anything. Watching them play is one of the greatest joys in my life. Still, I often find myself wondering what life would be like without them.
Image credits: vixiecat
#12
I didn’t realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. Honestly, I could have left them at the hospital and it wouldn’t have bothered me. I usually have no desire to spend time with them at all. I love them and have a strong sense of duty I just don’t enjoy them or want to do any of the things they do. However I spent their whole lives going out of my way to care for them in every way a good mother should. My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you don’t like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I don’t get to leave this job, though. The worst is how I’m demonized for it. I’ve done eveverything I can for them for 16 years including all the extra curriculars (kids baseball is agonizing to fake enjoy I swear) and it has never been easy. Shouldn’t I get more credit than those moms who love nothing more than spending time with their kids? That doesn’t sound hard to me. Nope..I fail because I want my own life.
Image credits: Alien_Nicole
#13
Although I’ve always loved being around kids (I was the guy playing with all the kids at any party) and they seemed to take to me, I knew I never wanted to have any of my own. Fortunately, my wife felt similarly… until she neared 40, and then went kind of crazy with this newfound unquenchable desire for motherhood. We had trouble getting pregnant at that age, and rounds of IVF ensued; following several, one was successful, after huge time, financial, and emotional costs. Our son came along, and was healthy and quite adorable. Major success story from the outside, right?
I was immediately plunged into a seemingly endless spiral of resentment and depression (the real kind, clinical, requiring seeing a psychiatrist and going on medication). I knew at a profound level that I Did Not Want This. It completely destroyed spontaneity and flexibility; everything needed planning, and our son like all very small children needed to be watched pretty much 24/7. All our friendships were put on hold, since getting out of the house even for planned things was difficult. Work and other obligations were missed whenever he got the sniffles. As he grew, things got better, somewhat. There were all manner of pointless activities that he didn’t care much about (karate, swimming, 20 other things), constant trips to school, play date planning, things that, as far as I can tell, nearly every parent dislikes, and only few are vocally honest about.
The therapist told me that this was much more common than I’d guess, but there was a huge taboo about saying you simply hated being a parent. So, I googled “I hate being a parent” and, Lo: it was all over the place. People overcome by tedium and regret.
Image credits: XpertThugGaming
#14
My daughter was born mentally disabled. I alway tell myself it could be worse, that there are kids who just shake back and forth in wheelchairs… thing is she is happy now but has no concept of death and I can only imagine what it will be like when her mother and I are gone. She will be institutialized and abused probably.
Image credits: Habanero10
#15
It’s like having a pet.
Except you have to feed, cloth, nurture, medicate, educate, enlighten, entertain, and always be there for them.
In short, it’s a full time job that requires zero qualifications, the pay is potentially amazing and potencially horrible, and if you mess up badly enough you’re going to jail.
Image credits: grim698
#16
Definitely don’t regret having mine, they’re awesome and they make my life wonderful.
That said, I sometimes feel guilty about the world I have brought them into, and wonder about whether having kids in general (bringing innocents into a world where they will definitely suffer) isn’t immoral.
Image credits: screaming__argonaut
#17
I don’t regret it completely. But it is not the glowing contentment some would lead you to believe. I don’t look forward to tucking her in night cause by then I’m beyond exhausted and have already read her her favorite book 20 x today. Shes 2 now and it’s more like wrangling a monkey 24-7. Even the happiest monkey wranglers need a day off. Dont get me wrong: I love and respect her. But kids are not rational and reasonable.
I might feel better about it if our society recognized raising a child as worthwhile use of time. I choose to stay at home rather than let a daycare raise my child. I’m frequently asked when I’m going to “look for work”. I know some of my friends look down on me because I’m putting family ahead of a slightly higher income. Some people think it’s funny to joke with me how I don’t have to “go to work” and how I enjoy “so much free time”.
if you go out in public, expect someone to have a rude comment or sneer no matter what parenting style you use to solve a problem. Be prepared to hear that no matter what you do, you’re not parenting right.
expect not to be promoted or hired if you’re female with a pregnancy or young children. Maybe it’s not legal but labor laws being what they are, employers don’t care. Miss too many of work due to a sick child and you may end up unemployed.
We are a lot worse off financially than some would have you believe. And this is a planned healthy pregnancy and us having money in the bank first. I wish the stupid parenting blogs would stop saying kids aren’t that expensive. Do you know that daycare costs more than state college tuition in many parts of the country?
So, having kids is great — if you want to work 7 days a week, be short on sleep, not be appreciated, be BROKE, and have strangers making judgments.
Image credits: funchy
#18
As a parent, i feel the urgency to get drunk much more often.
Image credits: anon
#19
Late to the party but hey ho.
I was a mother of three. The things that are often mentioned about lack of sleep, autonomy, money etc. are all valid. And they last much, much longer than you expect and they can drive you to near suicide at times. Especially when the second comes along and you’re still not getting nearly enough sleep but now you have two on completely different schedules. But they do end, eventually.
But, and this is a big but, my biggest regret is my youngest, because she died at age 6. She had a brain tumour which made her blind and adversely affected her behaviour and she consumed my time and energy completely. Her loss nearly destroyed our family. I would not know the pain that I still feel if she had not been born, and I would not experience the guilt of feeling that things, on a practical level anyway, are now easier without her.
Image credits: rollouttheredcarpet
#20
I love my son, but I’m just not cut out for the single mom life. I had kind of a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago and now my family is finally helping out with him. Before that it was 10 months with him, by myself, for 24 hours a day. I begged my family for help. Got nothing. So I lost it and tried to off myself. I just barely lived, and now they help with my son.
I hate myself for all this. I just hate myself so much.
Image credits: baconnmeggs
#21
I don’t regret it per se, however I was pregnant with my first child when I was 19 (36 now) so I’ve lived my entire adult life being a parent. I’ve missed out on a lot and they’ve missed out on a lot with me not being ready and wise enough to be a good parent. It’s very exhausting and tiring. I used to spend a lot of time regretting having children, but I feel like I’m on the home stretch now. Almost. Having said all of this, I adore my kids with my all my heart and I have a super special relationship with my youngest. All in all I say parenting is like an elevator. It has its ups and downs.
Image credits: whatthetaco
#22
It’s not that I regret having her, but if I could wrap her in cotton wool and bubble wrap, put her in a cupboard for ten years with the guarantee that I’ll get the same child then I without a doubt would.
Parenthood is just not what I expected it to be. I mean people told me that you have to make sacrifices when you become a parent but because I had never really made any sacrifices before having her, I had no idea what that might entail or feel like. I also thought I wouldn’t mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child but I have found that also to be untrue. I do mind missing out on the partying and holidays, and therefore I try to cram as much as that in as I can still, which makes my quality time with my child few and far between. Yes I have her 5 nights a week, I feed her, bathe her, teach her, discipline her, put her to bed but I mean proper quality time I feel she misses out on because sometimes I have no desire as I’d rather be elsewhere.
I feel constantly guilty because I’m not putting my all in to be the best Mummy I could be, how I imagined myself to be and I feel she is missing out. Before I had her I always wanted 3 children, now 1 is enough for me, I don’t want anymore.
Like I said I wouldn’t use the word regret but if I could have taken a glimpse into what parenthood really, really is like before I fell pregnant, I would have been a lot more careful. People can tell you but nothing can really prepare you for what it is really like. It is a 24/7 hands down the toughest most exhausting job ever.
Image credits: anon
#23
I did, when they were little, it’s just soooo hard. I had prolonged post-partum depression; I don’t know how relevant that is. Now that they are school-age, things are infinitely better and I am glad to be a parent.
Image credits: trytryagainn
#24
My kids are grown; our son won’t talk to us (not even to say why), our older daughter has psychotic rages and will call us just to scream, and our younger daughter is an alcoholic in an abusive relationship with a schizophrenic who won’t take his meds.
But do I regret them? No. I’ve had more love from them then any regrets they may have given us, and without having them I wouldn’t have my Gran’daughter.
Image credits: FreddieFreelance
#25
Well, I mainly regret having kids because I’m in a relationship with someone I care very little for. I don’t leave because I don’t want my kids to be a burden on society. I don’t want two little maladjusted devils let loose on society, I made the mistake so its my responsibility to deal with it.
I also don’t leave because I know that if I do, then their quality of life will go down greatly. My wench of a mrs comes from a fairly whitetrash / chav / bogan family. Yes, Uncle dad and Aunty mom are in there, the father married the sister of her mother, so she’s got brother/sister-cousins as well. Anyway, I know if I leave the old habits will return and the kids will end up suffering.
So I wait. I deal with the endless screeching from her, the illogical arguments (“I don’t want you to waste money for a root canal! but I’m fine with you going on a holiday by yourself”) the filthy house (throws rubbish on the floors, drives me up the wall.) and the disgusting weight gain. I sit and study, I study my university subjects, I keep going with my language lessons, I plan my escape for when I feel the time is right and it won’t be costly to the children.
Oh and I did discuss with my parents quite a while ago that I wanted to leave her. Did I get support? Oh no, I figuratively got thrown under a bus. They rang her and repeated what I told them while saying they’d support her over any decision that I made. I felt such a betrayal over that.
Edit: No, she doesn’t work. Quoteth the jabba, “Too much hassle”
Image credits: FOTBWN
#26
I became a father when I was 19. The kid ruined my profesional life. I am now 25, stuck in a dead end job, live in a small appartment with her mother, who is now my wife.
I had a plan, I was in the army when my girlfriend got pregnant, after that I got a job with a travel agent as a guide, I was going to take a few years off school to travel the world, then I was going to get back to study.
I still love the child, and I have made two more. Figured when I started so early I should just go with it and get finnished early.
Image credits: deleted
#27
I don’t regret having my kids but they sure make it difficult to leave my wife.
If it wasn’t for them I would have left a long time ago…
Image credits: noxparadox1
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