“You’re so mature for your age.”
I remember being told this so many times when I was a teenager. I took it as a compliment from older coworkers who meant that I fit in with the adults, but from my peers, this sentence stung. I knew coming from them it meant, “Lighten up, have some fun.”
While we all aim to be mature, we don’t all fully understand what that means. To a teenager frustrated with the rules and regulations of living with their parents, maturity might mean going to parties, using curse words and beginning to experiment with alcohol. To others, it might mean landing a job with a steady income, so they can fully support themselves and invest in a home. But the thing about maturity is that it does not magically appear with age or children or financial stability.
Recently, Reddit user CrispP_bacon started a conversation asking people to share things that are often perceived as false signs of maturity, and many readers shared their opinions in the replies. We’ve gathered some of the most honest and thought-provoking responses down below, so you can read them and decide if your idea of “maturity” has shifted. Be sure to upvote the replies you agree with, and feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments below. Keep reading to also find interviews we were lucky enough to receive from Vanessa Frazer, LCSW, of Modern Therapy, and Hanan Parvez, the man behind PsychMechanics, to hear his thoughts on the topic. Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article examining what it’s really like to be an adult, check out this story next.
#1
As someone who was tormented by parents and bullied at school.
People think that i ‘built character ‘ and got matured due to my sufferings..
All that happened that i lost my childhood and i gained nothing other than PTSD, anxiety, lack of recognising character, being friendless..
No ,you can’t become mature just because you had a tough childhood
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#2
When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.’ – C S Lewis
“True adults are secure in their love for whatever they love – be it action figures , fairy tales , video games .Those who ridicule these people for their interests are actually the childish ones
Image credits: chriscrossnathaniel
#3
I was dating a girl recently, and I showed her my PSP. I have it since 2007, original battery and everything, and I play PSX games from time to time. When I showed it to her she said ‘What are you, 12?'”
“I felt very small and childish. But maybe I shouldn’t have. Thank fully we are not dating anymore.”
Image credits: gin-o-cide
#4
Being too old for something you consider “juvenile”. Games, cartoons, toys, whatever. Nothing screams immature to me like ignoring something you love or putting someone else down for what they love because you think it’s for kids.
Image credits: Asmor
#5
Girls getting their period. A lot of people think girls “become women” when they start their period. I was 10 when I started mine and still a literal child.
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#6
Having a spouse and kids.
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#7
The whole “men don’t cry” thing is pretty immature as a concept
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#8
Putting others down. Acting like you’re above it all.
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#9
Not snickering when someone says 69.
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#10
I have seen many examples of people mistaking arrogance with confidence. Confidence, of course being a sign of maturity. I have been there myself when I was younger. Incredibly arrogant and I thought I was being confident. But confidence is someone who is secure in themselves and who don’t feel the need to prove themselves to others all the time. Arrogance is the opposite of that.
Image credits: CaptainTryk
#11
Conversely, telling someone they’re a stick in the mud because they aren’t comfortable acting a certain way. I’m a naturally reserved person. I like quiet music, peaceful settings, and spend a lot of time in quiet contemplation. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me.”
“Not feeling required to ‘be a certain way’ is probably the best all around for this
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#12
My dad in a nutshell. ‘Stop being happy with your steady job that pays enough so you can afford whatever you want and leaves you with tons of free time, life and work need to be a grind and a fight or you’re not doing it right!.’ I guess that’s my gift to him, so he can have something to be angry about, the only thing that makes him happy.
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#13
Having a career requiring very specialised expertise.
I know doctors and lawyers who are incredibly emotionally immature.
Their kids are usually good evidence of this “hidden” secret.
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#14
Protestant work ethic and its idea that you need to be constantly working, even in your free time, has always been a huge mystery to me, specifically why a lot of people are so stuck up with it
Image credits: h3X_T
#15
Taking yourself too seriously.
Image credits: allroadsendindeath
#16
It’s more responsible to choose not to take on a responsibility that you don’t want.
Image credits: Lifeboatb
#17
Trauma.
Too many teenagers think because they had a hard childhood that they’re somehow more mature than every other 18 year old. You aren’t. You’re traumatized and was forced to act like an adult for survival and was never given a chance to actually mature normally.
#18
Dating older men in high school and middle school.
In highschool (late 2010s) we used to think that these girls that bragged about having boyfriends in their early 20s-30s were so much more mature than us. I remember being jealous since we had to deal with idiot hs boys instead of older men that seemed like the ideal men for us.
In reality those girls were being manipulated and groomed into thinking that they wanted these relationships. It breaks my heart knowing that so many young women will have to heal from the damage done to them by men that they think love them when really they are just attracted to the control and power they have over these girls who don’t know better.
I recently looked up one of the girls and it turns out that she had got married to the same man that had groomed her all those years ago. They met when she was 14 and he was 26. It made me feel phsically ill.
Editited for clarity
Image credits: Dariisu
#19
My family thinks I am skirting responsibility by not having kids. I know a lot of people who had them thinking they were obligated to, and neglect them.”
“I remember telling somebody I know from college I don’t want them ever, and she said, ‘My boyfriend’s not afraid to take responsibility and have kids,’ as if I wasn’t a real man for not having them lol.”
“For some, it’s a sign of virility and maturity.
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#20
Not partying. You can still be an adult and have fun.
Image credits: RevolutionaryYouth51
#21
Silence. There is a good difference between listening to process and listening mindlessly.
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